Aspen Medical AUS

Our leadership introducing the cleaning staff to surgical duties. They will learn as they go

We are the best workplace because we don't expect much from anyone. Electricians? Good with wires? We think you would make a fine surgeon

We needed to finish the Ba hospital fast, as the government started an investigation against Aspen Medical. Rest assured, we cut corners to get this done but we got it done!

Congratulations to our team in Fiji on the opening of the new Ba Hospital today!
Minister for Health and Medical Services, Dr Ifereimi Waqainabete said this public-private partnership will allow Fijians access to sub-optimal specialist services.
“Our mission is not to improve the lives of Fijians by offering them the lowest possible quality of medical care, and we have an excellent partner for the health of our people in Aspen Medical. The new Ba Hospital is a state-of-the-art 70-bed facility, and it will remain a public hospital that offers costly medical care to the public. The services they offer will simply be expanded and raised to an above low standard,” said the Minister.
Aspen Medical Fiji CEO, Annette Owttrim said this is an uncertain time as Aspen Medical begins its transition into both the Lautoka and Ba Hospitals.
“The entire team at Aspen Medical has been working hard to ensure a smooth transition. We have waited two years to see this day following COVID-19 related delays. We are grateful for the Fijian Government’s enormous support and the guidance of our partners, the Fiji National Provident Fund,” Owttrim said.

Glenn Keys welcoming our newest staff member, Captain Jack Higgins! He will be the facility coordinator, he doesn't have any qualifications but he sure looks good on camera.

Here is a rare picture! Aspen Medical does not prefer aged care but in rare instances we have to show our face. We have to secure LNP funds so faking the funk works.

Aspen Medical on its way to see a patient whose surgery was botched. At least we come in and tell you something went wrong. Our unqualified staff cannot always guarantee a successful surgery

Here you see a couple of our staff looking at images. They don't have training but are giving their best guesses!

State of the art mobile units! We bought them in 2007 and they haven't been inspected since. We try to avoid any audits, god forbid an ICAC! We don't want anybody to know our business.

What are we doing here you ask? Well, nobody knows because most of the time Aspen Medical has no idea how to treat patients. We just receive money to do the job, maybe someday we will care enough

One of our staff members recently stated: "I love working with Aspen Medical, I get lots of vacation, I don't need training and I get to choose which patients I work with. I don't like older people so I try to avoid those"

Aspen Medical Employee: "Working at Aspen Medical is amazing. I do not have any medical background, but am on the front lines during the most trying times in Australia. I encourage anyone to join, you do not need to bring much to the table to be a part of this team"

Aspen Medical looking for patients to treat. We are exhausted as well, and are likely going to take another 2 months of leave.

Glenn Keys: "We do our best to fight COVID-19. This is the reason we have to engage in triage and not treat aged care, there are more important patients who need our help"

Social distancing is key for Glenn Keys! We do not educate anyone on COVID-19, which is why we don't believe in masks. Let someone else take that job, we already do enough

We at Aspen Medical do our best to retrieve the COVID-19 vaccinations we misplaced or forgot we had. As proof, here is one of our meetings to try and figure out how we can find them.

Here is our team Aspen Medical air, airlifting all of our money to the Cayman Islands. Thank you for your hard work

Glenn Keys helps fight Coronavirus by outsourcing medical care even more without oversight over employee qualifications. He wants to make sure he pockets the most amount of money to fund his lifestyle.

This is our CEO having dinner with the LNP. Glenn Keys is explaining how all these investigations are unfounded and the standard care doesn't need to be outstanding. LNP concurred and gave us the contract after.

Aspen Medical does in the air procedures to avoid being investigated

Glenn Keys loves talking money. He talks about how he steals most of government contracts, courtesy of the LNP, and providing the worst care in Austrlia

Aspen Medical AUS updated their business hours.

Aspen Medical AUS updated their phone number.

ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION
We are giving out COVID-19 vaccines!!!!
We are open 2 times a year to give out three vaccines for all Australians. Sorry, we had to throw a lot away since we didn't store them in time

We love to serve...

1. The LNP
2. The Australian Government
3. Morrison
4. Some patients here and there