Cool cool cool

No one tampered with our bagel order today, which means we have bagels. Which means we have pizza bagels. Which means the best coffee in South Geelong and a mouthful of cheezy goodness. Which means dopamine. Which means not having the worst hump day of your life. Which means possibly having the BEST hump day of your life. Which means Wednesday.
2 LIL PIZZAS FOR $15 OK LOVE YOU BYE 🍕🥯

Today, on the never-ending adventure of 'wtf is going on with that little cafe off Verner Street' 😌

Here's another photo of a bagel. Andy Hamberg, iykyk. The OG. The Godfather. Plant-based ham, tomato, red onion, rocket, with a drizzlin' of cashew crema and dijonnaise 👏
The whole line-up is also available on DoorDash/Ubereats, plus maybe Menulog again this week. They promise they've changed. If I decide I believe them, I'll have to go through storage and find their stupid tablet. Which is a whole thing. Manage your expectations, please.

This hot little mess is back on the daily menu.
All bagels are back.
And, from tomorrow, they'll also be available on DoorDash and Ubereats.
Pick one up, spill it on your shirt, then wear it with pride because you're a spicy little biscuit who ain't afraid to show that you know how to enjoy cruelty-free BBQ goodness 😘

Birthday post ❤️
You're a special lil nugget. Party yourself into a coma tonight 🥳

You might’ve heard of Liquid Death, who have one of the best marketing departments in the game, but have you tried our local ? It's everything you love about water, wrapped in fully recyclable aluminium packaging. Pick up a can from CCC and put it in your mouth 💦💦💦

Also, we're back opening from 7-2 until the train station redevelopment is finished. Just thought I'd throw that in here without making an extra post.

Probably a whacky time to advertise this, seeing as it's Christmas tomorrow and we can't buy more beans for a couple weeks, but did you know that cool cool cool is an official seller of Campos retail beans? 100% legitimate no 🧢 And coffee beans are multi-purpose! Use them to adorn espresso martinis, to throw at the neighbourhood kids who keep trying to come in through the catflap at night, or just to give your home an 'ooh is that fresh coffee I smell?' ambience.

Current prices:
250g - $16
500g - $30
1kg - $49

Please note: you aren't permitted to use these for the purpose of producing caffeinated beverages, espresso or otherwise. You must buy those from the shop. Each bag features a discreet Game Boy Camera, installed to ensure no foul play on your part.

Look at this photograph.
Hana came in wearing a Nickelback tee, unironically, and this is how she needs to be introduced to the socials. Everybody say 'hi, Hana!' 👋

ALRIGHTY! Back open this week, unless a crisis strikes once again. 6.30-2 Monday-Friday 💖

Letty is sick today.
This was supposed to be day 2. We started things off in maybe the worst weather possible, so today was the day to get things cooking. But we will not get things cooking. Sorry, I know how annoying this is after the shop literally just reopened.
I'll keep y'all posted ☕️

See you soon, Geetroit. Maybe.
Follow me, dorks:

Guess who's open for the big grand final holiday tomorrow? No, silly, it's this guy! Come by the office, ask for a latte, and talk sports with me. I know all the big names from 2001 aaall the way through to 2003. Big footy buff. Very excited for Justin Leppitsch to score his hat-trick.

RIDDLE 🐧
What do you do when you have eighteen jobs and a kid and a social life and you need to juggle them all on school holidays? Answer: you p**s people off by totally changing your cafe hours for a couple weeks.
Let's not act like you aren't used to wondering if my hours have changed since the last time you checked. Treat this place like seeing a paddock of horses on a country drive. You usually expect bored sheep, maybe a few cows, but there's something a little magical about catching glimpse of a stallion in the middle of nowhere.
Cool cool cool is a stallion.
I am a stallion.

(Post designed by Evelyn)

I whipped this up a little too quickly but it'll do the jobs.
Said I'd remind you in my story so here's the reminder ok love y'all ❤️

🤠 My new sandwich press is doing this thing where it's like 'hey wanna see a trick?' and then it becomes THE HOTTEST METAL IN THE UNIVERSE and chars anything it touches. I'm not entirely sure how to handle this, but this was still pretty lovely. It's the other August bagel special - schnitzel with a chilli mayo slaw, onion, cheddar, and smokey BBQ sauce. Put it in your mouth until mid-September (because I can't be bothered uploading new specials in a week). Don't be a stranger, the sun's out on Verner. As are some big-ass trucks. Can somebody please finish this damn station upgrade so I can feel pretty again ok thank you 😘

BAGEL SPOTLIGHT 🥯✨️
Let's try this insta thing again. We've two bagel specials for August, available from 10.30 Mon-Sat. The first is this bad boi.
Lemme paint a picture. Chick'n pieces smothered in pesto, fresh tomato, red onion, rocket, a touch of mayo, and a fair shake of housemade cashew crema all neatly (no promises) tucked within a classic or everything NY bagel. It's good. I know, because I ate this one.
And it was good.

Anyone found being inappropriate about the mouth comment will be blocked, reported to Mr Zuckerberg, and forced to attend weekly confessionals at my new church. It's called 'vibe town', we're all about spreading the good name of love and the lord through hip-hop music and the partaking of recreational Virgin Mary Jane, as cultivated by the most high himself.
Sorry that this instagram page has been so boring lately.

So.
I recently learned the term 'time blindness' and have accepted that it's not my fault that I can't stick to set hours.
But this 'coffee shop' will probably go down the toilet if I don't start opening at 6am for real because I'M OUTSIDE A DAMN TRAIN STATION. So let's do it three days a week. It'll be real dark and real fun. Might hook-up a strobe light, start serving espresso martinis, maybe kiss a little, idk whatever we need to do to feel alive before dawn.

Flava Flav - if you see this, I know you love to sue people, but no one actually thinks you're endorsing this place. Your image is relevant because you're a big clock guy. It's not that serious. Love you, buddy.

(PS. get on instagram, you're missing things)

I wrote a super heartfelt and informative caption filled with hilarity, but it disappeared when I checked a message so this is the new caption which kinda sucks but COME HAVE DINNER TONIGHT?! Or else ...
Or else this place will just be a boring coffee shop again lol.
But I know that's what you people want. Absolute savages. Bagels and brews 🤢 how positively BEIGE. Whatever, I'm cooking tonight, come do lines off the counter or something. Life's too short and it's a Tuesday night. Hahaha I'm sorry, this page is chaotic. Shout-out to a few recent visitors who saw me in person for the first time and had fangirl moments. Very cute ❤️

SWIPE

THIS. IS. TORTA!
Haha do you remember that scene in the movie where the dude in the loincloth is sitting down to lunch after his nephew's baptism, and he just knew that his sister would put on a rubbish spread, so he pulls a Mexican sandwich out of his sheath and everyone's like 'what is that? A sub?' and he's all like 'no! This is torta!' lmao what a classic gag. Went a bit heavy on the green screen though. Those are the only two things I know about that film.

Here's an extra visual accompaniment to pair with that last post. I need to re-ink the stamp. Oh! Wait I forgot what I was about to say. Maybe something about selling retail beans? I never announced that. It's covered up, but the champion roaster title was awarded by an actual body. It's too long to type out but you'll just have to trust me. Campos still out here kicking dick ALRIGHTY HAPPY SUNDAY.

Still here Sunday mornings. Still have no marketing budget or foot traffic. Still the greatest designer in the world.

FYI this is also still a coffee shop and this kid still believes she's the country's flyest little spokesmodel.

Taco Tuesday? 🙅‍♀️
Martes de Tortas 🧏
Usually 5.30-7.30pm, ending a little earlier tomorrow because it's Mummy's birthday. Come discover what, like, 5 people are raving about.