The Holding Space - Hobart Counselling

Coping with Unexpected News at Your Ultrasound Support and advice.

Seeking insights from Tasmanian parents PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia) has been invited to make a submission to the House of Assembly Select Committee on Reproductive, Maternal and Paediatric Health Services in Tasmania. As a perinatal mental health and wellbeing organisation that values and champions the expertis...

Join us in 2024 💕

Our wonderful 12 month program is back. Get in touch if you’re interested 💕💕

Fantastic idea!!!

Being a new mum can be a lonely time so we’re introducing Mums Club. Every Wednesday from 1.30-3.30 you’re welcome to come along for a casual drink or bite to eat to meet other like-minded mums (at least you know you have good food & coffee in common 😉).

Starting from 16 August, Mums Club is suitable for all mums of newborns to pre-walkers 👶🏻👧🏼

Book here 🥰 https://sisterhoodhobart.com/book-now-1

Parenting gently is both hard and counter cultural. But it is so worth it. Often the key to doing it well is learning to reparent the tricky parts of ourselves with that same gentleness.

Therapy can help. Reach out if your inner child is longing for a gentle hug from you💕🌿

There are lots of ways in which the way I parent is atypical. But the only one that consistently gets me blowback from others is my decision to parent gently. When I was pregnant with my first child, I thought that people would give me grief about breastfeeding or not using screens or avoiding gendered indoctrination or splitting household labor equally with my spouse.

Nope. What gets me the most judgment as a parent is my decision to treat my children as human beings with emotions, and to honor those emotions as if they matter.

Imagine a world in which we thought it was normal to leave our bereaved spouses alone in a bedroom to cry. Or where we punished our friends for expressing frustration. Children have less experience in the world, less understanding of emotions, and yet we expect them to show more awareness of both than we would ever demand from adults. In situations where we give adults support and nurturing, we give children abandonment and shame.

If you're trying to practice gentle parenting in a society that values neither gentleness nor parenting, solidarity.

And if you occasionally slip up under the immense weight of the burden, if you sometimes find you're not up to the monumental task of controlling your own emotions so you can help your child with theirs, I want you to know that you're not alone. All the social media content on gentle parenting makes it look like it's easy, and anyone without an abusive disposition can do it.

The reality is it's the hardest thing I've ever done. If it's hard for you, too, it's not because you're failing.

Controlling your own emotions after a day of struggling to do everything right, only to be met with a massive meltdown, is exhausting. It requires incredible emotional intelligence and self-control. On the days where you pull this off, pat yourself on the back.

And on the days where you don't? Remind yourself that our children do not need us to be perfect. One of the best things we can do for them is to show them how to behave after we mess up. Teach them how to apologize and take accountability; then show them they are worthy of receiving both from the people in their lives.

Relationships cannot, and should not, be perfect. Show them what to do when the imperfections bubble up and you'll prepare them well for the many times they have to apologize in their own lives--as well as the many times they must assess whether an apologetic person really means it, or is just manipulating them.

Photo by Prchi Palwe on Unsplash

This is so important! Unfortunately a lot of us parents struggle to implement structure because we are not practiced in setting and holding boundaries. This is something we can work on in counselling!

Proud of you. You’re still here. You did it 🥰

I will never not share this striking image.

The Christmas story, for me, is first and foremost a birth story. It's about a woman giving birth without adequate support, in a society that didn't care about her needs, at a violent and scary time. Like so many millions of women today.

It's about a woman choosing to take on this terror as an act of pure and unselfish love.

And key to the story is the fact that we forget about the woman as central to this story, as the only necessary element. As we talk about Jesus and camels and wise men and drummer boys, we forget about the woman in agony at the center of the narrative.

To be a mother is to suffer. Three babies have taught me this. This suffering has value and meaning. It is real. But we sweep it under the rug in favor of the trivial narratives about men on the outskirts of the suffering--the presents they brought, the entertainment they provided, what they thought of the woman's suffering.

So I think we should put Mary back at the center of the Christmas story, whether we believe the story to be literally true, an interesting allegory, or a useless cultural artifact.

Birth, no matter how it goes or what it looks like, connects us to something eternal--to an unbroken chain between the birthing people of now, the birthing people of then, and the birthing people of the future. It connects us to our ancestors. It is the only way we can become ancestors.

It's difficult for me to take seriously the claims of male religious leaders who insist they have a unique connection to God that the literal givers of human life lack. But I suppose that, when you can't give life, when your body can't sustain life, controlling women is a consolation prize. False narratives about male and female roles might compensate for a power you lack.

As we talk about powerful men and gods and angels this Christmas, don't forget about what really happened: A woman gave birth. A woman did the work. And men became the story's stars.

Put the birth story back in Christmas. And stop hiding from the power of making human life.

Image from: https://www.birthundisturbed.com/the-creation-of-man
Words my own (reshared from last year).

🌿🌿

An important reminder ♥️

Navigating Christmas can be particularly difficult with a new baby or if you’re struggling with perinatal mental illness.

You’re not alone.
Go gently where you can x

Obstetric violence is the new feminist frontier. This is not ok.

Dehumanised and violated: Women tell of ‘obstetric violence’ during childbirth One in 10 women who gave birth in the last five years say they were made to feel “violated, powerless or dehumanised” by health providers, a study found.

Just because she carries it well, doesn’t mean she isn’t struggling 💕💕

Mothers, I see the invisible weight you carry.

Come sit by me and let me hold it for you for a while 🌿💕

Artist credit: Noelle Mirabella Photography

The conversations I had vs the conversations I should have had! 🌿

Mother burnout is real! Be gentle with yourself - your rest is important too 💕🌿

Yes, you are 🖤

If you are in Hobart, come and join us tomorrow at the Resilience Fair! I am on a panel at 11.45 discussing the topic of personal resilience and wellbeing and there are lots of fun things for kids and families 🌿🌿

Perinatal mental health week launches this Sunday!

Did you know 100,000 parents each year are affected by perinatal depression and anxiety?

Sending love to anyone struggling with pregnancy and infant loss. Please reach out if you are needing support as you move through your grief and pain - appointments are available 💕🌿

It’s ok to grieve the birth you didn’t have and still feel good about the decisions you made and the birth you did have.
It’s also ok to acknowledge the birth you wanted, and had, was hard, and not what you expected. But also feel good about your self-advocacy and the outcome.

Birth is complex and our feelings about it are often uncomfortably paradoxical. It’s good to sit with those feelings, acknowledge and honour them.

I supported two amazing families last month. Two very different births. Two amazing, beautiful, powerful and empowering experiences. 😍💪
How we birth matters. And how we feel about it matters.

Today, post birth, is a day of relaxation and reflection for me. A sleep in, breakfast in bed, a ride to Park Beach Cafe with the doggo and back home along the beach.

I hope you’re having a fabulous Saturday too. ❤️

Because so many of us were raised in control focused parenting cultures/environments/family systems, it can be a challenge to remember that the process of learning is exactly that.....a process.

Kids learn different parts of maturity at different times and in different ways. Be gentle with them and yourself as they figure it out.

A weekend away with my husband, a bath, a bottle of wine and a good book. It may seem like an impossible dream when your kids are little, but any moments invested in your relationship comes back to your family multiplied.

Even a quiet cup of tea when the kids are in bed can be the difference between staying connected and drifting apart.

So true. Self care IS family care 🌿💕

1. Drink a glass of water
2. Put on a tune and DANCE
3. Step outside and drink a cup of tea alone
4. Do a 5 min body scan
5. Sing along to your favourite artist
6. Open a poetry book and read one poem
7. Journal
8. Wash your face
9. Pick a flower and stare at it
10. Lock yourself in the pantry with chocolate 🍫

Ok, I’ll be honest. Number 10 is usually my number 1 😜