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Tip 4: How can I get a better night’s sleep?
Did you know that what you eat can affect how you sleep at night?
Drinking too much liquids before bed: This may be an obvious idea but we forget sometimes and we relax before bed and perhaps try to catch up on our water intake. Prior to bedtime may not be the best time for this. So have your drinks earlier in the evening so avoid those pesky middle of the night bathroom breaks.

Two stimulants that can affect your nightly sleep are caffeine and ni****ne. Did you know that caffeine may affect you for as long as 10 to 12 hours after? If a person smokes near his or her bedtime, it can also make it more difficult to fall asleep.

Alcohol: most of us think that alcohol relaxes us, so we drink before bed. Actually, that is not the case. Surprised? Alcohol can also affect our ability to remain asleep – it may affect our sleep cycle.
Big meals at night: Try not to eat heavy meals close to bedtime.

Spicy foods may interfere with restful sleep. Some people suffer from heartburn due to spicy foods. To improve your sleep, have you supper earlier to give you digestive system time to go through its cycle before bedtime.

Sugary foods and refined carbs: This can surprise many folks. Surprisingly eating a large quantity of white bread, white rice and pasta in the daytime can also affect the quality of your sleep. It can actually interrupt the restorative stages of sleep.

So you ask, what can you actually eat that would be helpful for sleep? Some snack ideas before bed are ideally low sugar, low fat snacks such as, half a turkey sandwich (use any low fat meat substitute), a small bowl of low sugar cereal, milk or yogurt, or a banana.

Conversational Boundaries without Stonewalling
Difficult conversations can lead to flooding. Learn how to set conversational boundaries without stonewalling. During stressful times, it can be challenging to have conversations with friends and family about sensitive topics without getting uncomfortable.

Think about the last time you had a difficult conversation that upset you. Did you want to just leave? Did you feel that you needed to control yourself from saying what you truly felt? Did you choose not to respond? To shut down? Did you want to avoid a fight, but then felt resentful? Did you blow up and say things that you later wished you could take back?

Flooding leads to Stonewalling
Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that in relationships with conflict there is heightened physiological arousal during conflict discussions called “flooding.” Flooding happens in any relationships where you may have unresolved differences of opinion. They include differences with friends, coworkers, parents, siblings, in-laws, etc. In these situations, you may feel overwhelmed, leading to flooding; at this time people's heart rate rises to over 100 beats per minute. You feel overwhelmed and intensely stressed. Your capacity to hear and understand someone else is limited. In this state of mind, you are more likely to say or do something you will later regret.

In addition, flooding isn’t good for your health. It suppresses your immune system, which makes you more susceptible to infectious illnesses.
What can you do when you feel flooded? Take a break and self-soothe (i.e., engaging in an activity like deep breathing that takes you away from the upsetting thoughts and calms your nervous system). If you don’t do this, most likely you will end up Stonewalling—disengaging and emotionally withdrawing from the interaction.
When you are flooded, you cannot have a conversation that validates and creates harmony. It is also upsetting for your loved one to speak to a Stonewalling listener. Your stony silence is not neutrality or setting a boundary. It communicates disapproval and emotional distance.

How can you manage stressful conversations without Stonewalling?
Self-soothing - This is a helpful coping method - self-soothing. This is the antidote to Stonewalling.
First make sure you are not holding your breath. Make sure you’re breathing.
Check-in with yourself and validate your feelings.
Ask yourself what you need to feel centered. Give yourself permission to go in another room to cool down or out for a walk outside.
Let your physical senses ground you. Touch something and focus on how it feels. Sip and truly taste some tea. Listen to a calming song. Notice items in the room that you may have never observed before. Inhale through your nose and note any smells.
It takes at least 20 minutes for your physiology to return to a calm baseline state. Try not to continue thinking about the upsetting situation (especially coming up with better responses you wish you could say). This puts gasoline on your upset feelings. Breathe. Focus. Relax your tensed muscles.

Practice acceptance
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT, a modality developed by Steven Hayes, Ph.D.) explains the concept of “acceptance” beautifully. Acceptance means the willingness to open up and make space for uncomfortable feelings, sensations, urges, and emotions. You try not to control your inner experience or someone else’s perspective. Instead of fighting the feelings you experience internally, try to accept them without judgment as appropriate responses to these situations.

You may think that acceptance sounds like “giving up,” but it’s not. It’s merely dropping the internal struggle that causes anxiety and stress. You can still have opinions and beliefs and communicate in a way that respects your values and sets healthy boundaries.

Another concept in ACT is “committed action,” meaning you take effective action based on your values. What can you do to advocate for what you believe in? How can you communicate what’s important to you without jeopardizing your emotional wellbeing?

Be an example of what you stand for. Others are more likely to change by your example than by the arguments you “win.” By practicing acceptance before you start the conversation, you also create space where you can truly listen to someone else’s feelings and points of view.

Setting boundaries
Learn how to set conversational boundaries without stonewalling. Setting boundaries is an important aspect of establishing who you are as a person and how others are allowed to treat you. As a crucial part of mental health, it also includes learning to be kind towards yourself. As a result, you can be less reactive, since you set the rules you live by and let others know of them as well. One example is letting someone know that if they have discussions with you where they are being disrespectful, you will end the conversation because it takes a toll on you. An example of how to say this could look like:

“I’ve noticed that when we have discussions about this topic, I feel drained. I’d like to have this conversation with you, but only if you are willing not to make personal attacks. So if our discussion overwhelms me, we need to take a break and return to it at a later time."

Boundary setting informs the other person what your limits are and then enforces them. This is an act of kindness towards yourself and someone else.

Life can be difficult. Let’s be compassionate towards ourselves and others. Let’s see the cup half full, not half empty. Even better, let’s self-soothe, practice acceptance, and communicate healthy boundaries so that our cups are full.

Tip 3: Exercise during the day
People who exercise regularly sleep better at night and feel less sleepy during the day. Regular exercise also improves the symptoms of insomnia and sleep apnea and increases the amount of time you spend in the deep, restorative stages of sleep.

The more vigorously you exercise, the more powerful the sleep benefits. But even light exercise—such as walking for just 10 minutes a day—improves sleep quality.
It can take several months of regular activity before you experience the full sleep-promoting effects. So be patient and focus on building an exercise habit that sticks.
For better sleep, time your exercise right - best times for exercise are in morning or afternoon; exercising too close to bedtime can interfere with sleep. This is because exercise speeds up your metabolism, elevates body temperature, and stimulates hormones such as cortisol. Cortisol in large amounts can overstimulate our systems and activate our limbic system in fight flight freeze response to stress and trauma. However in the right quantities in our bodies, our body secretes cortisol to create alertness and stimulation which counteracts the sleepiness of melatonin

Timing of exercise: try to finish moderate to vigorous workouts at least three hours before bedtime. This can also include phone/text or zoom calls to your family or friends that continue past your bedtime - you may have difficulty winding down for the night - as you body could remain energized for several hours. If you’re still experiencing sleep difficulties, move your workouts even earlier. Have you noticed getting into bed after conversations/texts/watching a thriller movie and staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep? This is because your body and mind needs the winding down or soothing activity/time to prepare for the slow down. The slow drainage of cortisol and increase in melatonin, creating drowsiness.
Relaxing, low-impact exercises such as yoga or gentle stretching in the evening can help promote sleep.
Check these out and see how they work. Drop me a line if this works for you! 💛 I would love to hear about your results! 😴

How can I get a better night’s sleep, (continued)?
Napping: While having a nap can help make you feel rested during the day, it may get in the way of sleeping at night, so limit napes to 15 to 20 mins in afternoon.
After-dinner drowsiness: if you get sleepy after supper, before bedtime, do something midly stimulating: calling a friend, doing dishes, getting clothes ready for the next day. If you sleep too early, you may wake up later in night and have trouble getting back to sleep.
Tip #2: Control your exposure to light
Melatonin is a hormone that our bodies create when it is dark. Melatonin makes us feel sleepy. In the presence of light, our body responds with alertness, caused by other hormones.
During the day:
exposure to bright sunlight in the morning while having your coffe can help you wake up.
Spending more time outside during daylight by exercising, walking your dog outside during the day instead of night.
Let as much natural light into your home during the day as possible
Using a light therapy box, if needed can be useful during short winter days.
At Night: Avoid bright screens 1-2hrs before bedtime - such as light from cell phones, tablet, computer, or TV can disrupt our sleep. You can help by turning the brightness down.
Wind down routine helps: avoid activities that are activating such as late night TV. Try listening to ;ow key music or audio books instead.
Don’t read with backlit devices. Tablets that are backlit are more disruptive than e-readers that don’t have their own light source.
When it’s time to sleep, make sure the room is dark. Use heavy curtains or shades to block light from windows, or try a sleep mask. Also consider covering up electronics that emit light.
Tip #3 will be posted tomorrow! Hope this helps in the meantime!
Sleep well!

Summers Counselling updated their website address.

How can I get a better night’s sleep?
Sleeping well directly affects your mental and physical health. Not getting enough sleep can affect your daytime energy, productivity, emotional balance, and even your weight. Yet many of us regularly toss and turn at night, struggling to sleep well.

It sounds easy right? It probably doesn't sound easy when you’re wide awake at 3 a.m. There are ways to help improve our sleep - you may have much more control over the quality of your sleep than you realize. Some of these improvements may be found in your daily routine.

Unhealthy daytime habits and lifestyle choices can leave you tossing and turning at night. These may negatively affect your mood, weight, brain and heart health and many more. Try these tips to boost your health, and improve how you think and feel the next day.

Tip 1: Get in sync with your body’s natural sleep-wake cycle, or circadian rhythm. This is one of the most important strategies for sleeping better. If you keep a regular sleep-wake schedule, you’ll feel much more refreshed rather than if you sleep the same number of hours at different times. Your sleep gets affected even if you only alter your sleep schedule by an hour or two.

Try: Choose a bedtime when you usually feel tired. Go to sleep at same time every day and get up at the same time every day. This helps set your body’s internal clock and optimize the quality of your sleep. If you’re getting enough sleep, you should wake up naturally without an alarm. If you need an alarm clock, you may need an earlier bedtime.

Try not to sleep in, even on weekends. The more your weekday and weekend sleep schedules differ, the worse tired symptoms you’ll experience. If you need to make up for a late night, opt for a daytime nap rather than sleeping in. This allows you to pay off your sleep debt without disturbing your natural sleep-wake rhythm.

To keep posts short, I'll add another tip each day... Stay well. 😀

Are you feeling discouraged by arguments with your partner? Do you feel that things do not change no matter what you do? Do you feel like you just cannot improve your mood; do you feel hopeless? Do you feel hurt by too many things to count, like you can't understand your partner & the reverse? With therapy, it is possible to improve these areas. Counselling can help you to feel closer to each other by strengthening trust & deepening relationship bonds. You will learn deepen your attachment bonds & your interpersonal skills. I work with people in a collaborative, compassionate and authentic approach to find connection and healing. Learn how to improve your intimacy by learning how to communicate your needs and listen to your partner. There is no need to feel lonely and isolated. Call or email me. I help people to become connected to their authentic selves, to create wholeness and health. I am a registered psychologist with a focus on marriage and family therapy. I work with individuals & families, using a variety of domains to empower clients to regain their emotional balance, understand each other, improve trust & cooperation with the other person. You are worth it !

Are you feeling discouraged by arguments with your partner? Do you feel that things do not change no matter what you do? Do you feel like you just cannot improve your mood; do you feel hopeles? Do you feel hurt by too many things to count, like you can't understand your partner & the reverse? With therapy, it is possible to improve these areas. Counselling can help you to feel closer to each other by strengthening trust & deepening relationship bonds. You will learn deepen your attachment bonds & your interpersonal skills. I work with people in a collaborative, compassionate and authentic approach to find connection and healing. Call me or email me. I can work with you and your partner to improve your connection and learn how to argue in healthy ways. Phone # 780-695-7060, email: [email protected]

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