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Do your actions match your values?

Most people would claim they value their mental and physical health, their relationships with their family, and quality time with their kids. However, despite positive intentions, our behavior sometimes doesn’t match our intent.

One night, after dinner, I was playing games with my kids. I had a lot on my mind and was in a bit of a down mood. I was trying to plan out the week, juggling kids’ activities and work, and feeling anxious about everything that needed doing. As a result, I was distracted and disengaged from the game we were playing.

As I watched my kids laughing and joking with each other, I noticed a stark contrast between their level of fun and my being glum and quiet. I realized I was being a wet blanket, and my behavior wasn’t matching my values. Despite my “playing games” with them, I wasn’t present. I could have been in another room, and they probably wouldn’t have even noticed—given my level of engagement.

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Fostering a Growth Mindset:

A growth mindset is central to embracing challenges, overcoming hardship, and growing through adversity. It’s recognizing that you can become more than your hardships – and taking action toward your growth.

A fixed mindset approach to adversity involves rejecting ownership and placing blame outside yourself. It gives your power away and makes you a victim of your circumstances. “I can’t help feeling this way – life dealt me a bad hand. It’s not my fault. There’s nothing I can do about it. I’m stuck, and I can’t get better.”

Although there are times in life when we must be patient with ourselves, there comes a point when we must take ownership to finally overcome our obstacles. What happened to you might not be your fault, but what will you do about it? That’s where a growth mindset comes into play.

People with a growth mindset recognize that they have the power to change their circumstances. They embrace challenges as opportunities for growth. They know their limitations are created internally, and the key to their success and well-being lies in focusing on what they can control.

Here are five ways you can help foster a growth mindset to increase your resilience and ability to overcome hardship:

1. Embrace Challenges: View obstacles as opportunities to learn and grow, not as threats to avoid. Avoidance prevents healing, whereas embracing struggle promotes growth.
2. Learn from Feedback: Feedback can come in many forms, both internally and externally. Instead of feeling defensive about criticism, see it as a valuable resource. What can you learn from it that will help you improve?
3. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results: Focus on the progress you make and the effort you put in rather than just the outcome. The process is more important than the goal.
4. Change Your Inner Dialogue: Shift your self-talk from "I can't do this" to "I am working on this." This slight shift acknowledges that improvement is possible with time and practice.
5. Seek Inspiration: Surround yourself with stories and people that inspire you. Learn from their journeys and let them encourage you to keep pushing forward.

External events will always affect your life, and there will always be adversity. However, your mindset dictates how you handle those situations. Choosing to adopt a growth mindset will aid in performance, growth, and healing.

Create a "Win List" to Boost Your Confidence and Feelings of Well-being:

When it comes to mental health and resilience, it’s easy to focus on what’s “wrong” with you. We see all the negatives, the times when we stumbled, or the challenges we faced. This can lead to a negative spiral where we become fixated on our issues.

Instead, create a “Win List” of your successes and strengths to give yourself a balanced perspective. Spend a few minutes writing down personal achievements, positive feedback from others, or small victories you’ve accomplished recently.

You can review this list regularly and add new items as they come up. If you are feeling down, this Win List can remind you what’s also going “right” in your life.

A version of this Win List is part of my daily journaling routine. I always start with my wins to force myself to actively look for the things that went well with my day. Usually, it’s my positive coping mechanisms – quality time with my kids, exercising, small accomplishments, etc.

Challenge: Create your Win List today and make it a habit to reflect on your wins each week.

What to do when you feel disengaged as a first responder:

Why did you become a first responder?

When I joined the Canadian Forces in 2006, I was driven by a desire to serve. I was somewhat aware of the global issues after 9/11 and wanted to do my part for Canada. I wasn’t serving purely to help the people of Afghanistan, and I don’t think I was driven by a patriotic duty for my country either. The way I saw it was that if other Canadians were risking their lives, I wanted to help as well.

I deployed to Afghanistan in 2008 and quickly saw my innocent motives change in the face of the harsh realities of war. Initially, I thought we were truly helping the Afghans and was excited to do my part. But after losing several friends to combat – and nearly dying several times – my perspective changed.

Read the full article by following the link in the comments below.

How to Stop Being a Victim of Your Circumstances:

Sometimes life forces you on a painful path through trauma, mental illness, or loss. You feel out of control of your life and it can lead to a victim mindset. A key to improving your mental well-being is regaining your sense of control. This means moving from a “poor me” state to one where you believe in your ability to heal and recover. In this article, I will share why “choosing your pain” is effective in regaining your sense of control.

One day, when my daughter was 5, she played barefoot on our wood deck while I did yard work. She suddenly started crying, and when I looked to see what the issue was, she pointed to a humongous splinter lodged in her foot. It was almost an inch long and buried deep under her skin.

Read the full post by clicking the link in the comments below.

If you feel stuck in life, ask yourself, what are you doing about it?

Whether you are struggling with your mental health or simply feeling a bit burned out, growth is key for healing and improvement. Your current state reflects your knowledge and experiences up to this point. If you’re in a rut, there’s a lack somewhere.

• Struggling: If you're struggling with mental health, are you going to therapy and following their advice? Are you learning about your specific issues? Pursuing growth will provide valuable context, validation of feelings, and healing strategies.
• Burned out and disengaged: If you're dissatisfied with your life situation, what are you doing to change it? Are you learning and applying strategies to move you in the right direction? These can come in the form of books, podcasts, educational videos, and courses.

The pursuit of self-mastery requires you to take ownership of your journey. If you complete each day learning something new and applying it… you will make progress. But it’s up to you to take that step.

What Becoming a Widower and Solo Parent Taught Me About Self-Care:

Losing my wife to cancer was a devastating experience. In the days after she passed, I knew I faced a long journey to learn how to thrive again, and self-care would be crucial to healing. As a caregiver, I had proudly put aside my needs so that I could spend our remaining time together, focusing on her comfort. However, I knew that neglecting my self-care would come at a cost.

In the days that followed, I recognized that if I didn’t take action toward healing, the pain, distress, and fallout were only going to get worse. At my lowest point, I only wanted to curl into a ball and give up. I was desperate for something to get me moving again. And that “something” came in the form of purpose.

Read the full post by clicking the link in our comment below:

Tuesday’s Tip: Practicing Positive Reflection

Today's Tip: Take a minute each day to note three positive things that happened. It could be as simple as a great cup of coffee, a compliment from a colleague, or a moment of calm during a busy shift.

Why It Helps: We are conditioned to pay attention to the negatives in our day as a survival mechanism. Regularly acknowledging the positive can rewire your brain to notice the good, reducing stress and boosting your overall mood.

Try This: Set a daily alarm as a reminder to pause and reflect. Jot these moments down in a notebook or on your phone to look back on when you need a lift. Just like you wouldn’t expect to do one workout and suddenly be more muscular, these habits take practice to experience the full benefits.

You exercise to stay fit for duty, but what do you do to stay mentally fit?

I’ve been training for an ultramarathon later this summer. It’s a grueling 50-kilometer race through the mountains, with about 2400 meters of elevation gain. One of the reasons I chose this challenge was to experience having to shape my entire lifestyle around a singular focus. My diet, sleep, exercise, and daily habits must align for me to succeed. However, I’ve hit a snag...

Read more by clicking the link in the comments below:

When was the last time you took a break? I'm not referring to a day off work or a quick pause between the hectic parts of your day. I mean a break that's entirely for you—time to let go of responsibilities, unwind, and recharge.

If you think, “I don’t really get breaks,” you're not alone. I was recently asked that same question. My initial reaction was to ironically chuckle and say, "I don't." Reflecting on my responsibilities, especially with my kids, work, and relationship, I realized how much of my schedule is consumed by what I consider "productive" activities. My dedicated “me” time mostly consists of training for an ultramarathon – although mentally uplifting, it is not the most recharging.

Read the whole blog post by clicking the link in the comments below.

We are often our own harshest critics, focusing more on our faults than our strengths. Surround yourself with people who reflect the best in you, and remember to be that person for others as well.

Why Avoidance Is the Enemy in Trauma Recovery

I used to have a dog. Like most dogs, it preferred our backyard for its bathroom activities. Although I usually stayed on top of cleaning up, for whatever reason – one winter – I wasn’t as diligent as I should have been. It was a year with lots of snow, and I seemed to always be able to find an excuse to avoid going outside to clean up after him. “It’s too cold today. Oh, it just snowed. I’m busy today. I’ll take care of it tomorrow.”

It didn’t help that I was deep in the throes of my PTSD and depression – which sometimes made even the most basic of tasks nearly impossible to do. That winter, I kept kicking the can down the road until springtime. Once the warm weather started melting the snow, I saw the results of my avoidance. My backyard was like a minefield – it was a catastrophe!

Read more by clicking the link in the comment below.

You’ve probably heard of the importance of purpose before, but have you really thought about how to leverage it in your life? Harnessing the power of purpose can help you achieve your goals, whether overcoming personal tragedy or traumas, battling day-to-day challenges, or simply seeking a more meaningful life.

After I lost my wife to cancer, I was in the darkest place in my life. My whole life had been devastated, and I had lost the purpose I had been carrying for the last eight months as a caregiver. I was grieving hard, struggling with my traumas, and trying to keep it together for my two kids.

One day, I was sitting on my couch, reeling from what had happened. I felt scared, alone, and lost. I was hurting, and I couldn’t see the path forward. I felt like a failure—like I had let my family down. I knew I couldn’t give in because people still counted on me. I just didn’t know how to bring myself out of my mental slump. How could I find the inner strength to take action?

Read more by clicking the link in the comments...

Stress is Neither Good nor Bad – Until You Label It.

Have you ever considered that your biggest challenge in managing stress is not the stress itself but how you perceive it?

Years ago, I struggled with a panic disorder. The panic attacks were debilitating. It would start with a tight feeling in my stomach, my heart pounding, and my mind spooling up anxious thoughts. I would fight against my stress response, futilely trying to control what was happening. Left unchecked, my mind would escalate those stressful feelings until they became full-blown panic. Ironically, it was fear of stress and my attempts to control it that would ultimately lead to the panic attack.

Read the full post and more by clicking the link in the comments below:

Have you ever noticed that when you purchase a new (to you) vehicle, you start to see how many of the same cars are driving around? It’s not that your vehicle suddenly became more popular. The difference is in your perception and what your subconscious is paying attention to.

The reason is quite fascinating. Your brain is like a computer, and you have your conscious and subconscious minds. Your conscious mind is what you focus your attention on, whether it’s a conversation, a book you are reading, or a task you are completing. Although you only focus on one thing at a time, your senses still take in information from your environment – and your subconscious is processing that information.

Read more: https://www.ascendtraining.ca/blog/how-to-feel-more-fulfilled-with-one-simple-habit

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How to Feel More Fulfilled with One Simple Habit It's easy to focus on the negatives in our lives. However, the key to feeling more fulfilled and improving your quality of life hinges on a simple concept.

I would argue that there isn’t a first responder out there who would intentionally want to alienate and belittle those who struggle with their mental health. However, what if it’s not malicious actions creating stigma but our everyday actions and words?

I wish I could say I have always been accepting and nonjudgmental, but I’ve also been guilty of bias and contributing to stigma. One day, as a junior officer, I was sitting in the report room at the station when another officer told our group about a recent critical incident. I was told one of the involved officers had gone on “stress leave.” I remember thinking, “That call didn’t sound too bad. Why would they be struggling with that one?”

I couldn’t understand why and made assumptions to fill in the gaps. Even though I was struggling with PTSD myself at the time, I was looking at the incident from my perspective – and my false beliefs - about how I would have handled it. I held this attitude for quite some time, (in)secure in my false sense of competence and self-worth.

Read more: https://www.ascendtraining.ca/blog/bias-and-stigma

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Are your actions creating barriers to care for your peers? Why your hidden biases and attitudes might unknowingly be creating barriers to care for first responders who are struggling with mental health issues.

This article is for anyone struggling with the effects of PTSD or those of you who are supporting someone who is experiencing it. You may have heard of the term Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG), but do you know how important it is in your journey?

I used to think that Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) was just a “feel-good” expression to try and put a silver lining on PTSD. During my recovery from PTSD after my combat deployment to Afghanistan, I had no idea how vital my struggle was to my growth – or what I could do to harness that growth. I thought my PTSD was just an obstacle in my life, and I didn’t realize the transformative potential that existed.

Read More: https://www.ascendtraining.ca/blog/what-is-ptg

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Post-Traumatic Growth: Your Struggles with PTSD have Meaning There is a lot of misconceptions about PTSD and Post-Traumatic Growth. Learn what PTG is and how you can find meaning behind your struggles.

For those of you struggling with mental health challenges, you’ve likely experienced some form of fatigue. You may be battling chronic low energy in addition to your main issues – whether it’s less physical energy, poor sleep, or feeling mentally drained. This compounds, making everything more difficult.

When I was in the deep end of my struggles with the traumas of cancer and widowhood, I felt out of control. Getting out of bed was a chore, and by the time my days were over, I was mentally and physically exhausted. Fatigue compounded the issues because it sapped away my energy and motivation to apply the positive coping mechanisms that I knew were important for my wellness.

Read more: https://www.ascendtraining.ca/blog/fatigue-tips

If you found this valuable, please consider sharing to help us reach more people. In addition, feel free to comment below with your own tips or suggestions for future article ideas!

6 Tips to Help with Chronic Fatigue If you are struggling with chronic fatigue, it can feel like there is no hope. Regain control of your quality of life with these tips and strategies.

When I was diagnosed with PTSD after my combat deployment to Afghanistan, my first reaction was to think, “No sh*t.” Then, I immediately started wondering what it meant. Although I didn’t need a diagnosis to tell me how I felt, I did have questions about what recovery looked like.

Will I always be like this? What does treatment look like? How long will it take? Will I ever feel normal again?

Read more here: https://www.ascendtraining.ca/blog/recovery-from-ptsd

What Recovery from PTSD Looks Like Your journey to recovery from PTSD may involve these different phases, leading you toward achieving a state of self-mastery.

We’ve been taught to battle stress as if it’s the enemy, but what if I told you that this “fight” is exactly why we’re losing?

I used to think I was good at managing stress. I had participated in a combat deployment to Afghanistan, served as a police officer for 12 years, and navigated the grief of losing my wife to cancer. I was well-versed in trauma, adversity, and stress – or so I thought.

At the time, my view of stress management was that it was something I needed to control. If I feel stressed, I should try to reduce my stress response. I would apply techniques such as deep breathing and visualization to try and ignore my stress. I thought “faking it until I make it” would be enough to get me through my most difficult times. After losing my wife, I spent months feeling helpless and completely out of control of my emotions.

Read more here: https://www.ascendtraining.ca/blog/stress-management-failure

Why the Traditional Approach to Stress Management Fails You: Why the traditional approach to stress management is failing you, and how to shift your mindset for greater wellness.

After my wife passed, evenings were always the worst time for me. I would tuck my kids into bed, my house would go quiet, and the crippling feelings of loneliness, grief, and depression would hit with full force. I would sit on the couch and have to resist the urge to wallow in misery.

As I sat on the couch, I was desperate for something to do that could break the cycle. I would scroll through my contact list on my phone, trying to think of who I could reach out to. I would look at my friends on social media – see their photos with their families – and the feelings of loneliness would only increase. I didn’t want to bother anyone with my feelings because I knew they were all busy with their own lives. I didn’t want to feel like a burden.

Read more here:

https://www.ascendtraining.ca/blog/reaching-out-when-struggling

How to Reach Out if You Are Struggling How to push through the fear and self-doubt and reach out for support when you are struggling.

I was playing games with my kids not too long ago and was hit with one of those moods—the mood where you feel a bit depressed, irritable, and down. You can’t put your finger on the cause, but you just feel depressed. When it’s impossible to be cheerful, your mind gets lost in a dark place, and you are no longer present. Your family notices your bad mood, leading to arguments – because you can’t find an explanation. Although the cause might be elusive, there is a solution.

Read more:

If you are feeling down, try this Feelings of depression can hit at any time, but if you can take action despite your down mood, you give yourself ammunition to feel better.

How to Find Meaning in Your Struggle:

When I was a caregiver for my late wife in the final stages of her battle with cancer, it was exceptionally difficult. We saw the end nearing and knew there was nothing else we could do to make a difference. I was in a state of despair – all hope was lost.

Research has shown that your ability to find a deeper meaning in your struggles can aid in recovery. However, if you are struggling with your mental health, it can be very challenging to find purpose and make sense of it. When you are in those dark places in your mind, it can feel impossible to find any positives. So, how can you identify meaning and find purpose to inspire you to keep moving forward when you might feel like all hope is lost?

Click the link in the comments to read the full article:

How to choose the right therapist - a guide for first responders:

You recognize that you need some support for your mental health and made the courageous decision to reach out for help. That’s a huge step, and you are on the right path to regaining your quality of life. However, you now face a decision that can sometimes make or break your journey: who do you go to for therapy?

Click the link in the comments to read more:

Simple Framework to Identify and Eliminate Limiting Beliefs:

Are your internal beliefs holding you back from overcoming your challenges and living your best life?

We all have internal beliefs that form part of our identity. Some beliefs can be very helpful, such as believing you are strong, resilient, and brave. If I believe I am resilient, I will be more inclined to perform the activities that support that identity. I will apply positive coping mechanisms because if I don’t, it will conflict with the identity I’ve created for myself.

Your internal dialogue plays a big role in your behavior because you will subconsciously act in accordance with those beliefs. The problem arises when we unknowingly hold limiting and negative beliefs. These might include believing you are broken because you are struggling, believing you are a failure because you can’t do the things you used to do, or thinking you are weak because you are comparing your response to others around you. These beliefs make challenging situations harder because they add more stress, pressure, and guilt to an already difficult situation.

Read more at:

Simple Framework to Identify and Eliminate Limiting Beliefs: Our beliefs shape how we respond to trauma and adversity. Learn how to take charge of your internal dialogue to drive growth and healing.

5 Barriers Preventing First Responders from Asking for Help:

It’s easy to tell people to reach out when they are struggling, but for those of you who have been in that dark place, you know how difficult it is. When you are alone with your thoughts, battling your inner demons, and suffering from your issues, you feel a mixture of guilt, fear, or shame holding you back from picking up the phone.

I have experienced this many times in my life, and my goal with this article is to help address some of the common barriers to asking for help – to increase awareness and reduce stigma. Click the link for more:

5 Barriers Preventing First Responders from Asking for Help Everyone is responsible for reducing barriers to care for struggling veterans and first responders.

After you go through a traumatic experience, your ability to manage stress and pressure is often negatively affected. We all know this, but why do we still self-sabotage by putting extra pressure on ourselves afterward?

Read More:

Stop Self-Sabotaging Your Healing After Trauma Understand how trauma affects your capacity to manage stress and learn how to reframe your perspective on your trauma response.

We are often way harder on ourselves than we would ever be on other people, especially when dealing with difficult situations.

You didn't get any exercise today. You ate a few too many treats. You didn't practice mindfulness...

And now, you berate yourself, saying things like, "what's wrong with me?" "Why can't I do this?"

As a result, you feel like a failure, get frustrated with yourself, and beat yourself up. You know you are better than this, but you don't know what to do.

Other people will tell you to "give yourself grace." But what does that actually mean? How exactly does one "give themselves grace" when you are sad, angry with yourself, and feeling like a failure?

Another way to approach it is to practice self-compassion. And the way you can do that is to think of someone else that you care about. If they were suffering like you, how would that make you feel? What would you want to do? What would you tell them?

Take that feeling of compassion and apply it to yourself. Let yourself feel that same emotion, and give yourself that same advice. It's okay to feel the way you feel. It's okay if you didn't accomplish much today. Your feelings don't define you. It's okay. You will get through this.

Give yourself grace by turning that feeling of compassion inward, and know that you got this.

Are you, or someone you know, currently enduring significant high stress and adversity?

We are offering a limited-time, FREE access to our Endure: Emergency Stress Management course for 5 participants.

You will learn how to regain your sense of control and security and better manage the stress you are dealing with to allow you to return to a state of happiness, health, and fulfillment.

If you want to learn the battle-tested resilience strategies and tips to prevail in the face of adversity, contact us at [email protected] or leave a comment below to redeem your code.