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How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime | Nadine Burke Harris Childhood trauma isn’t something you just get over as you grow up. Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris explains that the repeated stress of abuse, neglect and p...

Such truth!!!

The reason why so many “top down” approaches don’t work.

Oh how this resonates!

"Contrary to prevailing philosophical mythology, moral behavior isn’t just about people’s individual nature, their education, parenting, peers, social bonds, personal intentions or other such factors commonly discussed concerning a person’s character. This mythology - that morality is only about individual behavior - ignores the incredible, stress-inducing pressure placed upon a civilization that is based upon its members fighting with each other to survive. In such a world, ethical behavior as we traditionally consider it is severely limited in its capacity for expression. It isn’t that people aren’t capable of more caring, compassionate, helpful, and socially respectful behavior - it is that the socioeconomic system won’t support it. In fact, I would argue that the more ethical you are, the more likely you will fail in the game of commerce. The system simply doesn’t support real human compassion on the sociological level. It isn’t designed to."

- Peter Joseph, in "The New Human Rights Movement".

Yes!!!

So powerful. ❤️

via TimberNook

Perspective on relationships that speaks to the complexity! Love it!

The Lies We Tell Ourselves About Monogamy and Relationships with Esther Perel and Lewis Howes FULL INTERVIEW - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLhMOr0AH8I&t=11s&list=PUKsP3v2JeT2hWI_HzkxWiMAThank you for Watching this powerful video with Esther Perel!...

Great reminders!

Great intro for Folks who are open to "fall awake".

Karen Waddell Discover Mindfulness - What It Is and What It Isn't One reason we might want to practice mindfulness is that most of the time we are unwittingly practicing its opposite. This is an informed and gentle introduc...

Really appreciate this perspective! Not an easy one to face.

Great visual!

When professionals use words like "connection", the word seems to take on a deeper meaning and people seem to be confused. The word is thrown around as if it is a universal term of parenting that should be understood. The truth is connection is really quite simple, it is that feeling that you have with those special people in your life where you feel you are safe to be you and they love you not matter what. Connection is made up of those moments when you laugh so hard together that it feels like nobody else is around. When you can be upset and know that you won't be rejected. It is when you feel heard, understood and valued. No wonder it is so important.

More information on my blog:
https://www.thetherapistparent.com/post/what-is-connection-and-why-is-it-important

Link in bio

When kids start growing and looking like adults, we assume that they should know better and act better. In reality, our kids in high school are struggling and need our mentoring and guidance just as much, if not more than ever.

Their brains and bodies are growing and changing; their hormones are flooding their thinking; social media is inundating their every moment, they are expected to know what they are doing with their life and need high marks to get there; fear of rejection and peer pressure are paramount, drama is around every corner along with increased violence. This is a time when teens are exploring their identity and trying on different hats.

Awareness and acknowledgment of these factors through our support, respect, mentoring, and guidance can help ease this stage of growth and transition.

Great reminder!

We can view the developing child’s brain as the ‘upstairs brain’ and ‘downstairs brain’. Dan Sigel describes the skills of the ‘upstairs brain’ as supporting our sound decision making (planning, controlling our emotions/body and also supporting our understanding of empathy and reason). Compared to the ‘downstairs brain’ which is responsible for our big emotions (like fear and anger) and our innate reactions/impulses like fight or flight. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When the child becomes dysregulated, the ‘upstairs brain’ and ‘downstairs brain’ have trouble communicating and are not integrated. There is a term called ‘flipping your lid’- meaning the ‘upstairs brain’ is unable to monitor the actions of the ‘downstairs brain’. Rather than a reminder of the consequence or reward, what the child needs in this moment of dysregulation is connection, nurture and comfort. This approach supports the ‘downstairs brain’ integrating with the ‘upstairs brain’ to support the child to regulate and feel understood. Once the child is regulated, you then are more able to reason with the child! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Photo credit: Tantrums and Rainbows

Childhood trauma is also:

NOT BEING SEEN OR HEARD: Our core human needs are to be seen, heard, + authentically expressed as we are. If we had stressed, overworked, distracted parents (who were deeply struggling themselves) these emotional needs aren’t met. We begin to deny/betray parts of who we actually are in an attempt to get love or approval. As adults this creates a fear of criticism, disconnection from intuition, + confusion around who we actually are.

HAVING A PARENT FIGURE DENY YOUR REALITY: As children, we experience events very differently than adults. When we share our experience with parent figures + they tell us “it wasn’t that bad” or “that didn’t really happen,” we begin to no longer trust ourselves. We start to outsource our reality to people around us. As adults this relationships where we feel “crazy” or unsure or what’s real.

BEING TOLD DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY YOU CAN’T OR SHOULDN’T EXPERIENCE CERTAIN EMOTIONS: Sounds like— “man up’ “don’t cry” “don’t be dramatic” “stop being so sensitive.” We become conditioned to believe emotions are ‘bad’ + need to be denied to repressed in order to make others comfortable.

HAVING A PARENT FIGURE WHO CAN’T REGULATE THEIR EMOTIONS: looks like— a parent figure who becomes easily overwhelmed + screams, engages in “ghosting” or silent treatment, or uses substances/food/romantic relationships to cope. As children, we need our parent figures to model how to feel ‘big’ emotions. If we don’t get this, we adapt similar coping mechanisms they did.

HAVING A PARENT FIGURE THAT’S FOCUSED ON APPEARANCE: Our parents body image becomes our own internalized body images. The way they speak about their own bodies + our bodies becomes our intently voice. We unconsciously believe our appearance is the way to gain (or lose) love/approval.

HAVING A PARENT FIGURE WHO DOES NOT MODEL BOUNDARIES: we only learn boundaries by witnessing them. If our parent figures didn’t have boundaries or violated our boundaries, we don’t have them as adults. This manifests as relationships where we feel taken advantage, guilty for having our own needs,or resentful. We also don’t understand how to honor others boundaries

Well said!

Love this.

Ends here.

Yup!

Do you ever feel triggered by your child's behaviour? Just like our child's behaviour, there are reasons for our own. Check in when this happens and what it could be triggering.

Helpful visual!

Very helpful guide for using our hand to teach about our brain.

Appreciate this reframing!

Being with means going beneath the surface of feelings and behaviors to understand what is going on.

A must read!

The Radical Idea of Treating Children Like People I sometimes forget how radical our ideas are about young children. I forget that not everyone trusts children even if most p...

Some great Free resources/trainings!!
https://growtherapyworld.org/learn/

Learn Child & Adolescent Free Online Trainings Growtherapy World is constantly searching the world for free trainings to share with you so you can spend more time learning and less time hunting and gathering. We’re always looking for more so if you have found or created a training that is FREE and ONLIN...