Psychologische Praxis Dr. Simone Schwank

Couples time, looking at each other’s eyes

Parents of young children often struggle with finding time for their romantic relationship. It starts with the lack of looking at each other’s eyes. Finding time to look at each other, not after a child running around or being just to exhausted for couple’s time, looking at the phone, watching TV, or simply falling asleep.
These moments are super rare and precious to maintain the relationship. We need to be able to be intimate with each other. That’s incredibly important for the connection among the couple. The more we find small moments of affection, the more we stay emotionally happily stay connected. Even in the most challenging years of small children and sleep deprivation.
It needs a lot a lot of patience and understanding from both partners to come together and spend time with each other.
Seek out support when you struggle. The years are limited, when kids are extra small and depend a lot on their parents. An insight a friend shared with me and I felt being extraordinarily helpful and applicable.

Options for connection:
- Get babysitters, invest in it now, that “expensive” time will be time limited.
- Find 10-15min time each day to connect. Do a shared activity a shared cup of coffee, a short yoga session, a short walk, anything you can do easily together.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/se/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

The act of queuing in today’s society

We all are victims of uninterruptedly looking at our screens, whenever there’s downtime. A wait at a restaurant for a meal, a coffee break at a Café, lining up to order any drinks or food, especially in NYC, a subway or train ride, elevator, prior to boarding a plane, the list could go on and on.
Looking up and being aware of our surroundings, catching their gaze, and even start a conversation.
I’m an actor of it too, lining up to order a drink and writing podcast notes. Yesterday, I sat in a Café by myself and just did some people watching on a hustle bustle Friday late summer evening in New York. I noticed how I felt a bit uncomfortable not having my phone near me. I thought of everyone around on their phones or in conversations. This made me aware of the socially new normal way and my “odd” way of just being in the moment, relaxing, taking the human experience in with all senses. Such a wonderful feeling and experience, very very relaxing and calming body and mind. I felt very at peace with myself and happy to have experienced that.

Go out on your own and do a look up moment. Enjoy the unique experience, trust in yourself ☀️

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/se/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

Traveling and self reflection

Traveling, especially solo traveling can expand our horizon. It does do something with us, challenging our inner selves for self reflection. We’re thrown out of our routine everyday life, the ordinary, out of our comfort zones.
This place is maybe unsettling, uncomfortable, stressful, yet also very refreshing, and rejuvenating.
The disruption traveling can cause to both body and mind have pros and cons, which are why many opt out and decide to stay in their comfort zone of their predictable home country and their own home.
Yet, if we do travel, we become because of this disruption of our comfort zone more world open and tolerant for the other, the new, which only benefits the ones we love, the community, our nations, and the world.
Bring your children on a trip, yourself, and encourage others to follow your footsteps.
Happy weekend energy from New York City, Dr. Simone.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/se/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

Back to school: frustration tolerance

It’s a very frequently discussed topic and no simple answer can be given.
The amount of consumption of stimuli in today’s world is incredibly. Filtering all the input isn’t easy, especially for children, who haven’t yet developed their executive functions. As parents, we feel the urge to organise lots of after school activities, engage, and entertain our children, hardly letting time pass without “productive” content. This constant “ON” switch requires less frustration tolerance and there with less training of such skills.

How do we deal with frustration tolerance?
- Less is more!
- Let time in your child’s daily life without any plans.
- Let your child guide the way!
- Be curious and follow along your child’s flow.
- Boredom is healthy!
- Dare to set boundaries, no isn’t a bad thing!
- Encourage independent play!

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/se/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

Back to school: autonomy

The importance of autonomy can’t be underestimated in all ages, from birth to old age. The earlier we establish autonomy, the better for our sense of self, self-esteem, self-containment, frustration tolerance, and general independence.
We all desire to be independent masters of our own lives, in very young and very mature age.
Giving safe autonomy early in a baby’s, infant, and toddler’s life, requires trust, courage, patience, and respect from the parents. The more parents are aware of their important role, the earlier a child develops autonomy, learns skills, masters them by him/herself, resulting in happiness, pride, and certainty reduces frustration.

Motto for parents:
Give your children time!
Time to play by themselves, figure out role plays to get in touch with their feelings.
Dare to let your child be bored!
It fosters creativity and frustration tolerance. It gives the child a sense of control, ownership, pride, and competence. A true self-esteem booster.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/se/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

Back to school: Self-esteem

As parents, we positively influence our children’s self-esteem by giving the children autonomy from a very early age on.

We can praise them for their efforts in school, extra curricular activities, sports, music, art, etc. not for their performance, grades, winning, etc. The latter reduces self-esteem, sets the child under massive performance pressure, as the child is only seen and appreciated for its performance not for oneself.

Warm and loving relationships are the foundation of children’s self-esteem because they make children feel valued and worthwhile. Relationships are built on plenty of responsive, caring interactions with your child. Family rituals are important too, because they build your family relationships and give your child a sense of belonging.

You can build a positive relationship with your child by:
- being in the moment with your child
- spending quality time with your child
- creating a caring environment of trust and respect.

A self-esteem booster list:
- Help kids find their passion
- Praise perseverance
- Foster autonomy
- Treat your child with respect
- Avoid being critical
- Encourage communication
- Find and focus on their strength
- Involve your children in household tasks
- Set goals
- Focus on your child
- Be a role model
- Deal with mistakes constructively
- Encourage healthy friendships
- Encourage independence
- Give your child balanced feedback
- Independent activity
- Model confidence yourself
- Offer unconditional love

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/se/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

References
https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/understanding-behaviour/about-self-esteem

Dr. Simone’s Mind Space Lyssna på Dr. Simone’s Mind Space-podden från sesschwank på Apple Podcasts.

Back to school: Exams, homework, and after school activities

Today’s children’s schedule is more compact than many adults. It involves a lot of performance driven activities, such as exam preparation, homework, music lessons, competitive sports, potential tutoring, and more.
This constant performance and active mode of children limits creative play, boredom, and phantasy. It further requires parent involvement, rather than time with peers or by oneself.

Recommendations:

- Less is more!
- Reduce the number of activities.
- Let your child decide the activities they want to engage in.
- Skip homework, if possible.
- Tutoring only if absolutely necessary.
- Balance expectations with regard to exams.
- Let your child guide the way and set the pace in academics.
- Intervene as little as possible: Autonomy is key!
- Keep empty spaces in the child’s agenda for creative, self-directed play.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/se/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

Back to school: Transition phase and new academic milestones

Starting a new school year is demanding for everyone within the family. New routines need to be established, stress regulated, adjustment to new academic and social settings digested and contained.

This requires a lot of emotional capacity and stress tolerance by the parents. Being aware of this crucial role as parents is very relevant and parents will notice the positive outcome of a more harmonious home, when providing that emotional outlet. For parents of children of all age groups, building buffer zones is crucial, in order to have the mental space to deal with the children’s emotions. Especially, during the first weeks after the long summer break.

A practical family guide:

Take turns in attending the children vs. alone and couple’s time.
Structure your family’s week to get an overview of peek times.
Plan space in your schedule for spontaneous changes.
Be attuned to your child’s needs and meet them, yet not without boundary setting and consequences.
Dare to say no. We all reach our limits.
Give your child the time she/he needs to get ready.
Provide room for outmost amount of autonomy to children of any age (reduces frustration in the child and parent).
Allow the child’s physical and mental metamorphosis to happen.
Include outdoor activities to decompress as a family.
Spend time with each family member independently.
Share cooking and meals together to create space for communication and quality time.
Be a thriving role model for your child.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/se/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

Dr. Simone’s Mind Space Lyssna på Dr. Simone’s Mind Space-podden från sesschwank på Apple Podcasts.

State of the Art Fertility Treatment Episode 1
Today’s conversation and first episode of a public health series, with Anna Raggi, MD, gynecologist, reproductive medicine specialist and gynecological endocrinologist. Women's health has always fascinated her, and even as a young doctor she enjoyed listening to her patients, consulting, and advising them. She is very passionate about her work at the Fertisuisse fertility treatment center in Olten and Basel, Switzerland, which she founded with three partners in 2014. She is very grateful that she has became a mother of two children at a relatively young age. www.fertisuisse.ch, www.wirwolltendich.ch

Listen to the latest episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/se/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

Back to school

A time of excitement, anxiety, and increased stress for all family members.

How can we best navigate this time to keep the calm and support our little ones the best?

- Start the day with a family routine.
- Make every day a special day.
- Prepare school bags the day before to reduce stress in the morning.
- Discuss who likes which snacks and pack them for break times.
- Keep time without plans in the kids calendar.
- Facilitate play dates, sleepovers, etc
- Have time to spend as a family that’s quality time.
- Encourage sports as balance to mental school work.

Check out my blog post https://wix.to/IZK8Pkd

Summer time, play time Many parents around the world are currently spending more time with their children than during their usual working days. School holidays are usually longer than parents holiday weeks off work, resulting in lots of organization, additional financial costs, challenges to meet all family members’ nee...

Summer time, play time

Many parents around the world are currently spending more time with their children than during their usual working days. School holidays are usually longer than parents holiday weeks off work, resulting in lots of organization, additional financial costs, challenges to meet all family members’ needs, tension, family, couple’s vs. alone time.

How to deal with summer break as a family, couple, and individual parent?

A practical guide to summer school break:
- Discuss in advance your expectations.
- Plan extra buffer zones to remain spontaneous, flexible, and, reduce tension.
- Engage in activities as a family, yet also set aside time as a couple, and me time for each member.
- Organise support and child care in advance to secure the availability.
- Plan couple‘s time together.
- Agree on times during the day each one takes for me time.
- Meet friends over the day; your house isn’t a hotel.
- Surround yourself with people that feel like sunshine.
- Meet fellow ladies to spend some girls time and chat.
- Choose your own four walls, especially with small children!
- Order dinner in at nights heading to an overcrowded restaurant feels too much.
- Tension and conflicts are normal, when suddenly spending more time together and often in more constrained spaces, outside of anyone’s everyday routines. Get out and get some fresh air!


Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

Me time at the beach

Happy wife happy life, happy mommy happy family! In order to give, we need to be able to breathe ourselves. Make sure you spend some time alone. May it be a walk along the beach, a yoga class, reading a book uninterruptedly, getting a massage or good night sleep. We can only share our energy if there’s any left.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

How to cope with loneliness?

After a wonderful time as a couple, leaving the baby with hid grandparents, to suddenly be all alone, needs adjustment!
Such a tough day, making one very sensitive, vulnerable, and thin skinned.
On such a day, it’s important to be extra kind and generous to ourselves.

Here comes a list of recommendations:
- Go to a cafe by yourself.
- Stroll around without clear agenda.
- Relax at a place you’d usually would go to.
- Take a nice yoga class.
- Enjoy nature.
- Ring a friend.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

A practical guide from a global female traveler

Working around the world calls for experience in preparation.

Travel planning:
1. Start your mental inspiration well in advance to imagine the place and increase your “Vorfreude” (anticipation excitement)
3. Pack outfits not clothes!
4. Work with accessories (scarfs, bags, shoes)
5. Shoes: pack a variety of comfort styles for all occasions and long walks!
6. For the flight: a comfortable outfit both for ground and up in the air (a list follows below)
7. For the lounge: focus on light meals, lots of water
8. Relax

Flight outfit and essentials:
- Compression socks
- Noise cancelling earphones
- Silk eye mask
- Skin care (sheet mask, cream mask, calming mist, hand cream, lip balm)
- SNACKS the more the better! You never know!
- Wear: cashmere sweater, tights, top, oversize shirt, silk scarf, mules!

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

Morning Routines for a Confident Day

A guides for a morning routine designed to boost self-esteem and reduce anxiety for the day ahead.

Morning steps to self-esteem:
- Get up, look into the mirror and tell yourself: hi good morning, I’m just good enough right the way I am!
- Refresh and pamper your face with a daily practice.
- Practice a morning routine; yoga, meditation, running, a nice walk around the block, a swim. You’ll feel energised and calm for the day.
- Dress for success: choose an outfit you like, flatters your silhouette, and there with boost your self-confidence.
- Breakfast

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

Visualisation for Self-Empowerment

Teaches visualization techniques aimed at self-empowerment and managing anxiety.

How to boost your sense of self-empowerment?
Honestly, not an easy task to answer! We’re brilliant in second guessing ourselves, putting ourselves down, when in theory the exact opposite is what we should be doing! During my training and research, I’ve encountered several inspiring role models. My grandma, PhD supervisors, two incredible females, my PhD mentor, as well as the female opponent at my thesis defence. All these women have their own unique, genuine aura. They are confident in who they are, dare to take space or not if not needed, always willing to support younger women unconditionally, without jealousy, without competition, simply out of passion, and curiosity in sharing values.
Isn’t this amazing?!
That’s how we should get up every morning!!

Visualisation of female power:
- Think of a moment you truly felt in a stage of flow and competency. Go back there!
- Sometimes it helps to turn the world upside down! Inversions are great to reduce anxiety, increase blood flow, reduce swelling after a long flight, and rejuvenate (headstand, shoulder stand, legs up the wall for a more relaxing version)
- Envision yourself in a position you’d like to be. What do you need to get there?
- Have a positive outlook regarding success and failure.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

Quick Confidence Boosting Techniques

Demonstrates fast and effective methods to boost confidence before important events or decisions.

How can we boost confidence before important events or decisions?
-Exercise and get an endorphin booster and reduce stress at the same time.
-Turn the world upside down, do an inversion pose such as headstand, shoulder stand. It will sharpen your attention, make you feel more confident, and calm.
-Present always standing, you can breathe better, reduce stress and anxiety. Standing up signifies a powerful posture.
-Dress for success. Wear clothes that convey confidence and feel powerful while wearing them.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

Anxiety in everyday life

Waking up, immediately starting to ruminate, worry, notoriously planning the day, trying to control and organize the entire day. Further, second guessing each action one does with a feeling of never being good enough.
How can it be stopped, this constant worrying?
How can we boost our self-confidence?

-Ask yourself what this worrying stands for.
-Is it reasonable and anything you can control?
-The more you think, the more you worry.
-Focus on relaxing routines, to disconnect the mind from worrying.
-Try to break the spiral by yoga, a walk in nature, meditation or simply reading a book or bake/ cook.
-Engage in an activity you are fully dedicated to, experiencing a state of flow.
-Dare to try: Mastering a challenging situation boosts your self-esteem.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

‎„Dr. Simone’s Mind Space“ auf Apple Podcasts ‎Wissenschaft · 2024

Understanding Self-Confidence

This episode explores how the psychology of self-confidence, impacts mental health, sprinkled with practical tips to enhance it.

Self-confidence starts in earliest childhood. It’s related to a feeling of autonomy and mastery. The earlier children are given the freedom of action to try new things, the more they grow their self-confidence. In order to gain self-confidence, we need to be able to trust in our abilities. A mental construct developed early. However, it can be enhanced later in life, by choosing activities, partnerships, that support your skills and passion.
Engage in actives that require your full attention and dedication, where you’re one with the action.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

‎„Dr. Simone’s Mind Space“ auf Apple Podcasts ‎Wissenschaft · 2024

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

What is generalized anxiety disorder?
Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is characterized by excessive and uncontrollable worry about a variety of events. It is often accompanied by physical symptoms such as headaches, muscular tension, restlessness, heart palpitations, and stomach upset. Children and adolescents with GAD may worry excessively about their performance and competence at school or in sporting events, about personal safety and the safety of family members, or about natural disasters and future events.

GAD is relatively common disorder among children and adolescents. It begins gradually, often in childhood or adolescence, with symptoms that may worsen during times of stress. Worries may switch from one concern to another, and may change with time and age. GAD may result in significant academic, social, and familial impairment. If left untreated, the disorder may be chronic and predicative of adulthood anxiety and depression. However, early identification and effective management can help reduce the severity of symptoms.

What causes GAD?
As with many other mental health conditions, the exact cause of generalized anxiety disorder is unknown but may be linked to:
* Genetic factors: GAD may run in families. Just as a child can inherit parent’s brown hair, green eyes, and nearsightedness, a child can also inherit that parent’s tendency toward excessive anxiety.
* Biological factors: Neurotransmitters, that send messages back and forth to control the way a person feels. Serotonin and dopamine are two important neurotransmitters that, when disrupted, can cause feelings of anxiety and depression.
* Temperament factors: A child whose temperament is timid or shy or who avoids anything dangerous may be more prone to generalized anxiety disorder than others are.
* Environmental factors: A traumatic experience (such as a divorce, illness, or death in the family, or major events outside of the family) may also trigger the onset of an anxiety disorder.
* In addition, anxiety may be learned from family members and others who are noticeably stressed or anxious around a child. I.e. children whom’s parents display perfectionist tendencies may become a perfectionist, too.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

References
1. https://www.childrenshospital.org/conditions/separation-anxiety-disorder

‎„Dr. Simone’s Mind Space“ auf Apple Podcasts ‎Wissenschaft · 2024

Separation anxiety disorder

What is separation anxiety disorder?
* difficulty being away from parents or other loved ones.
* excessive worry about harm to loved ones.
* excessive worry about danger to self.
* difficulty leaving the house, even to go to school.
* difficulty sleeping.
* feeling physically ill when away from loved ones.

Treatment for separation anxiety disorder usually includes therapy, medication, or a combination of both. Therapists can help parents to understand how their behavior may increase their child’s anxiety (for example, allowing their child to skip school). It is very important to seek out medical advice if you are concerned that your child has separation anxiety disorder, because if left untreated, anxieties can grow bigger.

Who is affected by separation anxiety disorder?
About 4 percent of younger children have SAD, while the estimate for adolescents is slightly lower. Girls are affected more often than boys.

How common are anxiety disorders?
Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental, emotional, and behavioral problems affecting children and adolescents. About 13 out of every 100 children ages 9 to 17 years old experience some kind of anxiety disorder, such as separation anxiety disorder. Approximately 4 percent of children suffer from separation anxiety disorder (1).

What causes separation anxiety disorder?
Nearly all children experience brief feelings of anxiety about being away from a parent and display clingy behavior. Typically these normal bouts occur when a child is between 18 months and 3 years old, although older children can have passing feelings of separation anxiety during times of stress. The difference between these normal feelings of anxiety and a disorder like SAD is that a child with separation anxiety disorder will experience an extended and extensive period of fear and distress about being apart from familiar people and places and the degree of anxiety or fear is notably out of proportion to the reality of the situation. Anxiety disorders like SAD are linked to biological, family and environmental factors.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id153249395

Overprotected parenting

Early exposure to overprotected parenting, sending signals that the world is a dangerous pace. When a child falls and the parents respond anxiously, the child will pick up on it and respond accordingly. Hence, not daring to try to run and explore anymore and therewith lacking experience in the future and be even more vulnerable.

Once upon a time - because of that! Fairy tales are always up to date. They build bridges and stand metaphorically to understand basic human interaction.

Fairy tales speak the language of the unconscious and thus also connect us to our unconscious self. The story of “Sleeping Beauty” provides a prime example of how fairy tales help us not only to understand crises but also to overcome them.

The “sleeping beauty” effect, as it can be called. Out of concern, parents don’t expose their children to challenges, remove all obstacles out of their way to make life easier for their children, which in itself leads to unexperienced, unskilled children. These children are unequipped for the real life and unexperienced handling challenging situations. Encountering such “sleeping beauty”children, one can observe their inadequate response to challenges.

As parents and caregivers, it is important to be aware of our actions and reactions when engaging with a child. How we respond to a child will impact the child’s response to the situation at hand. Caregivers are a sounding board of a child’s development of his internal world.
A famous concept of these unconscious processes, is the concept defined by S. Freiberg “the Ghost in the Nursery”. It describes the intergenerational transmission of early childhood experiences. It describes the imprint of care experienced in the previous generations. The way we were raised and its impact on one’s own parenting style.
Besides ghosts, there are also protective intergenerational transmitted processes: “Angels in the Nursery”. These angles refer to states of mind when the person evokes memories of feeling especially loved, understood, or protected.

Listen to the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ch/podcast/dr-simones-mind-space/id1532493956

‎„Dr. Simone’s Mind Space“ auf Apple Podcasts ‎Wissenschaft · 2024