Be Worthy - Find a positive Mindset After Grief

In tough times we have to stick close to those we love and make the most of every minute.

Not only does positivity support our minds and our immune system, but we are what we think, so let's smile, think positive thoughts and be thoughtful of others. It is important to care for ourselves, do what we can to support each other and get through this in the best way we can. Feel love, think positive, be safe and healthy # # #

Be Worthy

A young man I know posted this and I felt I needed to share his message to support others out there feeling the same. I felt a moment of my depression sneaking in yesterday and his words certainly touched me. CORIDV19 isn't the only thing going on. Keep talking and reach out...

'I’ve thought long and hard whether or not to share this, but I think it’s very important that individuals in their own battles know that they shouldn’t hide it more because we are in a global crisis...
I’ve found self total solo isolation very difficult. As someone who suffers from severe depression it’s a hard time to reach out and talk about your personal wars. But you are allowed to have your individual battles. They are no less important now. I’m incredibly lucky I have an amazing support network across the world. Yesterday was a tough day but 3 women between Europe and America were there for me. Reminded me I was allowed to struggle, but that I was strong. But I wouldn’t be strong with out these ladies.
Whilst we all worry. Don’t struggle in silence if it has nothing to do with covid-19. Your battle is as important as ever. It’s never nice, but if you talk to people it’s manageable.'

THE WORLD JUST CHANGED, GO EASY ON YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS

a must read, particularly if you have children at home now...

manalive.life Lots of parents and guardians across the UK picked their children up from school for the last time in who-knows-how-long on Friday this week. The abruptness, shock, fear and confusion of it all rem…

'Thus is about We not Me'

What we are currently facing is unprecedented. Many of us are scared, confused and anxious. Many of us are finding it hard to take the government’s recommendations seriously.

I completely understand the fear and disbelief but let’s not forget: this is not about YOU, this is about EVERYONE. If we all act individually, the likelihood is that we all lose. Pretty much all of us have friends or family in the at-risk groups that we are concerned about.

We need to work together even if we are physically apart. Taking individual responsibility to do a few key things will absolutely make a difference to the speed at which the virus spreads which is CRITICAL to prevent our healthcare systems being overwhelmed.

👉🏾Stay at home as much as you can
👉🏾If you have symptoms, isolate yourself
👉🏾Avoid non essential travel
👉🏾Avoid non essential contact
👉🏾Avoid large gatherings
👉🏾 Wash your hands regularly

If we all act together as one big connected global community, we WILL get through this.

This is not about you, it is about all of us.

Stay safe 🙏🏾

The three grandmothers self-isolating together

lovely idea if you can 😁

bbc.com Doreen, Carol and Dotty have come up with a plan to live together if further restrictions are brought in.

Be Worthy

A teacher brought balloons to school and asked the children to blow them all up and then each write their names on their balloon.
They tossed all the balloons into the hall while the teacher mixed them from one end to the other. The teacher then gave them 5 minutes to find the balloon with her name on it.
The children ran around, looking frantically but as the time ran out - nobody had found their own balloon…
Then the teacher told them to take the balloon closest to them and give it to the person who’s name was on it. In less than 2 minutes everyone had their own balloon.
Finally the teacher said,
“Balloons are like happiness. No one will find it looking for theirs only. Instead if everyone cares about each others they will find theirs as quickly as possible.”

COVID-19, Cortisol and Compassion

Just had similar conversation to the one in this article with a client... looking after our immune system is vital, first step is not to panic and keep a sensible head.

I have had recent moments of confusion, mainly to all the different opinions and information out there and being on my own to make the decisions best for my boys, the thought of isolation 🤯, especially with energetic boys who I struggle to keep up with at the best of times, my work situation, my recently widowed 'at risk' mother who I am worried about (mum, if you are reading I know you are totally capable but I still worry about you), let alone my own emotional health that is struggling with grief of my father.

It is an uneasy time, but lets support and keep positive. Life isn't easy, this is no exception, but we have choices on how we choose to grow...

linkedin.com For many people this is the first time they have experienced a global pandemic. Many are looking around and wondering what is the appropriate response.

💕Beautiful poem I came across today...

Hello to the Universe
by Claire Moore

I said hello to the universe
What's in store for me today?
That all depends on what you asked for
The universe would say

As if like some sort of magic
Or a bit like karma too
Whatever you put out to the universe
It comes right back to you

So wear that smile upon your face
Just like your favourite top
Show everyone your happiness
In case they simply forgot

There are always times in your life
When something dulls your sparkle
Pick yourself up and remember
You truly are remarkable

Every day is a journey
A journey in which YOU dictate
You could leave it down to just pot luck
Or perhaps down to your fate

But what good would that do?
When all you feel is fed up
"I don't think I'll apply for that job
Because I never have any luck"

Wake up every morning
And count those blessings and trust
That the universe has your back
But reciprocation is a must!

Say hello to the universe
It is a wonderful place
So hold your head the highest
With the biggest smile on your face.

There are so many different loss experiences that may have bought you here.
Please add to this list if I have missed anything...

Death of a loved one
Death of a pet
Divorce
Moving
Children moving out
Starting school
Graduation
Death of a former spouse
Marriage
Retirement
Legal problems
Redundancy
Sacked from job
Financial changes
Holidays
Major health changes
End of addictions

Beautiful...

Nothing replaces checking in with your doctor and having someone to talk to. But if you suffer from regular lows in your mood it can be worth adding to your care routine to support a positive mindset.

It took a long time, a couple of years for the grief of my husband to kick in. He died in a road traffic accident and so I had to deal with police and a court case for 2 years whilst back and forth in hospital every week with my son who was undiagnosed (at that time) with a rare kidney disease. So my grief had to go on hold and actually that was ok because I couldn't deal with it then anyway.

With my father, who died on 1st December 2019, I am now 3 months in and starting to feel the reality of him being gone. I have been caught unawares of how my grief has snuck in and stopped me in my tracks. I have also realised that my self care has been lacking and my mental state has been effected as a result.

I believe selfcare is the foundation to us living fully. Without my daily selfcare routine I don't function well. I teach my health coaching clients about how to add self care into their routine as it sparks positive changes in their whole self, physical, mental and spiritual, in their personal life and at work.

I managed to turn things around this week with a series of actions steps. It takes effort to get back on track but hopefully these simple steps you will find manageable...

A breathing technique for mild depression. It is quick and effective for any feelings of stress, anxiety or depression (I will also do a live video to show how to do it). Take 4 very short breaths in and a long breath out. The 4 in breaths and the out breath should be equal time in length. Repeat this for as long as is needed to feel calmer.

Probiotics. Gut health is essential for looking after your brain and mental health and probiotics are a great way to support the gut.

Magnesium gel. It is common for people to be lacking in magnesium. Being stressed or anxious also depletes the body of magnesium. Magnesium is a vital for us to be able to support our mood and anxiety as well as premenstrual symptoms when taken with a B6 supplement. I also love magnesium flakes in a hot relaxing bath.

Upping water intake and exercise.
Even just swapping a couple of car drives to a walk or a 10minute walk at lunch time is helpful for your mental health.

Being outside more, socialising and having contact with others. Nature and company can lift our soul and help us connect with others and lift our mood. Even sticking your head out of a window and taking in some deep breathes. How about a walk with a friend to combine both.

Finally, find joy. What brings you a sense of real joy? Pleasure is vital for the mind, body and soul. To have a hobby that you can fully immerse yourself into, be present and enjoy yourself can work towards shifting feelings of depression, anxiety, isolation and can also help with sleep, weight loss and focus. Something crafty, exercise, historical club... there is a group/club for most things these days or even a simple adult colouring book.

What self care keeps you going and supports you in your daily routine?

are you supporting the foundations of your wellbeing to cope with your grief and the mass of emotions that come with grief?

Am I getting enough?

I have been struggling with grief and anxiety quite badly the last couple of weeks. As I have been doing my best to assess and readdress what I need to do to get on top of things, one of my first questions to myself was, how much water have I been drinking?

Hydration is an obvious reason for drinking water, but water also calms anxiety. It doesn't stop or cure anxiety, but dehydration triggers areas of the brain that make you feel anxious and nervous. So staying hydrated can lessen these feelings.

For me, I aim for 3 litres a day and I know for a fact I haven't been hitting that target recently.

Not sure how much you should be drinking, check out the 2nd image of this post to get an idea of what colour your urine should be when you are well hydrated.

So keep drinking that H2O and support yourself to feel more calm, think clearly and your all round wellbeing 💦

I posted yesterday about secondary losses... Do you have ways to cope? maybe mindset exercises to keep you on track?

Affirmations are amazing to shift your mindset. Everyday I see my mirror stickers and repeat them in my head, 'I am enough'. Because I am, even when I don't feel like I am coping that well, I am still enough and I will keep going.
I have more strength than I know, sometimes I just have to dig a bit deeper than the day before to find it.

The last 2 weeks I have let everything slide, I have drunk wine, I have eaten way too much sugar, I have felt like I haven't been coping, I have cried, I have wallowed, I have avoided work and people where possible. A friend had to find an excuse to get me to go to my fathers grave for the first time at the weekend. I had been avoiding it, even though I wanted to go. Now I feel better for going.

I am ok but I have to keep up my selfcare routine to stay ok. I need to exercise, journal and meditate everyday at a minimum. I let this slip and now I am getting back on it. My grief is so great because I loved so much and that is what is important to remember. The love is stronger. Love for myself and love for my father.

Sweaty, red faced and affirmations! Just proving I am doing my exercise 😉

Secondary losses are a huge part of grief that I believe and from my experience, a lot of people don't think about or realise.

What other secondary losses did you experience with grief?

I WANT TO APOLOGISE 💖

To all the women I’ve ever bi***ed about
To all the girls I’ve been jealous and envious of and so have sent negative thoughts to
To all the ladies I’ve judged without reason
To all the females I’ve betrayed trust in or haven’t been there for in some way

I’m sorry
And I’m sorry to myself
For not always being kind
For doubting, criticising and hurting myself
For not stepping into my light
For not being always being brave
For not deeply wholeheartedly loving and caring for myself

I choose to forgive myself.
I choose to forgive circumstances.
For this allows me to let go of anything that doesn’t serve my energy.

And when my energy is booming and blooming, I allow an olive branch out to you, for you to blossom equally.

We’re not perfect
We are divine
And as a human being with a colourful spectrum of entwined emotions
Its fricking beautiful

Shine today and everyday from this day forward powerhouses

I’m backing you and I’m here for you all the cobbledy way 😘

INTERNATIONAL WOMENS DAY 👑

too true...

Do you have someone in your life who supports you through your grief journey?

Are you willing to share, who this person is and what is the best thing they have done?

Letting out your emotion is not a sign of weakness or that you are not healing or being your best self.

It is being strong, it is about taking care of yourself, healing, and because you loved.

Last night I cried, a lot, for my father. I felt so much pain for his loss it was horrible but this morning my shoulders and neck that had been seizing up and painful are more relaxed, I feel stronger and slightly more resilient. I am being triggered a lot at the moment, (my father has only been gone since 1st Dec) but I am trying to find time away from my children to let the tears flow and release my emotions. I am not hiding the sadness but I need my space to really feel and let the mess of grief come out without being interrupted because someone needs the loo or is barking at a cat or is hungry etc etc...!

Do you give yourself a chance to release the pain of grief and loss in the way you need to?

Just finished watching 'Julie & Julia' (for about the 10th time!) and realised I have become an emotional whimp with TV since being widowed. I would love to watch 'Joker' but I am not sure if this will ever happen!

Has anyone noticed how their preferences/taste has changed with grief?

I spend the majority of my evenings on my own, or with my boys (eldest 6, and furry boys 4 and 2) and when it comes to the evening, if I choose to watch tv, I have realised I find it quite emotionally stressful. When my husband was alive, we watched anything and everything. He worked for sky TV and would have access to the series and films in advance or know what was being released and it would be in the diary so we/he didn't miss anything. We watched all of it, well, I would hide behind a cushion if violent or horror but otherwise I watched it all. Now that I mainly watch tv alone and have to shut up the house alone, be in charge and responsible for everything, have to check in with my emotions and myself daily, I can't watch anything scary, I can't watch anything that is too emotional, I can't watch anything that is too intense... I struggle to find a film that I don't worry about how it will effect me emotionally if I am watching it alone.
I now go for films like Julie & Julia, Blindside (although I cry alot in that), Eat Pray Love, Marigold Hotel, The Hundred-Foot Journey. Definite theme going on here!
Films have to make me smile, be easy going, relaxed and bring me joy. Basically, anything that is about love (not always the romantic kind), passion, growth, cooking, a story line about self development, with a supportive man somewhere in it, slightly fairy tale in style and with a happy ending, then I can cope with it!!
It feels like another thing I have to now check in with to look after myself. If I watch tv with someone it is not the same, but that doesn't happen so often right now, so I do have to look after myself even in the TV choices that I make.
Can anyone relate to this? I do hope I am not alone on this!!!!!!!!!

Today has been a difficult day.

I had a reiki session today. I turned up feeling like I was in a good place. Ha, turns out I'm not!! The session was good but it bought up a lot of my recent grief. I felt exhausted afterwards and cried and talked. I cried all the way home, pulled myself together at the school gates, touched up my makeup and picked up my son. My brother wanted to meet for a coffee so we did that but really I just wanted to leave, my head hurt, I didn't want to talk about it and the noise around me was annoying and my whole body was tired. Then I had to muster up the energy to cook tea for my son and I. As I did I caught my reflection in the oven splash back, I was crying again, I looked sad and tired. Grief is exhausting!

I forced myself to cook a proper meal. I didn't have the option to go to bed with my son and dogs to look after, so I needed to take care of myself in the process of looking after them. Risotto with lardons and veg with non alcoholic bubbles and I turned my music up and tried to lift my spirits.

The waves of love/grief have hit me regularly and hard today. We have to grieve and release the emotions but it is hard to do this whilst (either/ or) being a parent, running a household and working. So in the midst of all we have to do, we need to make sure we eat well and avoid indulging in sweet treats, keep hydrated and stay away from alcohol and caffeine, exercise, sleep and breath. Doing these things can be tough but they will support our grieving journey. I still feel sad, my heart is still aching but my body doesn't feel quite so tired and the idea of putting my son to bed feels more bearable than it did before I ate something sensible.

I have only just started grieving for my father and it is really bloody hard. I never really thought I could hurt much more after losing my husband, but turns out I can. The 2 most amazing men in my life have been taken from me. The 2 people who really got me, who were there for me no matter what, who always put me at the top of their priority list, who always made sure I was ok, whose love for me was consistent, never waivered and I never doubted, are no longer physically with me and that will always make my heart ache.

Just putting this out there as even the health & life coach (me) who has all the tools and even though I say so myself, a very strong mindset and positive attitude, has tough days. These days are important to our healing as well as normal and natural. I will be taking myself to bed early with a camomile tea and my journal, will pour my heart out onto paper and crash out, probably in a heap of emotional and physical exhaustion.

Tomorrow is another day and I will be ready for my 6am exercise class (that right now I want to cancel!!) and a lovely lunch I have booked in the diary.

Every day is different but my self worth doesn't waiver and I will always try and look after myself like I would my best friend, regardless of what else is going on.

My first experience of grief I very easily fell into 'bad' habits and they served me for a time, but I have worked so hard to get to a really good place and I refuse to go back to that path. I need something different this time round that includes my good health and self care. This time round I am making me the priority and taking care of me in any way and every way I can. This won't be perfect, infact, it will be very messy some days, but all I can do is try my best each day and be there for me and my boys.

When I saw this, I had to repost here...

There is a reason why we are all here.
What we have in common is that we have felt that raw, gut wrenching pain of grief and despite that we choose positivity and living, living for us, living for our loved ones past, living for a life we didn't expect.
WE STILL CHOOSE LIFE 💗
This is NOT the easy option, but in this choice we grow, we grow into amazing people and we need each others support to do so. Let's shower each other with positive comments, positive vibes, love and encouragement so we can all grow together on a path we would not have chosen.
We only do this path once, wherever it takes us, let's make it the best we can.

What strategies did you use to support yourself through your grief that no longer work for you?

Example, I kept myself crazy busy for 4yrs, I took on big projects because if I wasn't busy I would hybernate at home and drink and cry and hate everything.

I have spent the last year (plus) trying to slow down, declutter and finish projects, as I no longer need to be busy and run away from my feelings. This way of living was what I needed, but not any more. I need a more balanced way of life. I can handle and be with my tough emotions now. It still hurts but I can accept and embrace it.

Do you have a daily check in with yourself?

What is the first thing you do when you see someone you know? Mostly, say hello and ask how they are, yes?

How often do you ask yourself how you are?

Take a few minutes to sit, take a deep breath and ask yourself...

How am I?
How do I feel?
Actually take note of how your body feels from head to toe. Then take note of how you feel emotionally.

It only has to take a few minutes but is a really good way to get to know yourself better, manage your emotions and give yourself some self care and attention and a 5 minute breather!

Try it out on yourself.

When Someone You Love Is Grieving: How to Really Help - Tiny Buddha

I remember getting frustrated with people during my first yr as a widow. Often people said the 'wrong' thing, they didn't understand, they made me feel worse (if that was actually possible!). Even now, a few months into losing my father I get frustrated with people asking how my mum is doing. I want to say and so far have held back on saying is, 'she is struggling and although she is getting on, it is more than awful for her and why don't you check in on her yourself'!!!! I know people are just being kind, but still, grief can mess with our emotions and rational thinking!

But isn't it up to us to help people to understand what maybe more appropriate to say or helpful to say and do?

In the moment of grief this is tough, but now, when we are in a better place would be a good time to find articles, express and share how you felt so that others can learn and either carry on supporting us in a way we actually need or to support others.

I love this article, it resonates a lot with me and I believe is really helpful for others to understand how to be with someone who is grieving and support them.

Let me know if it resonates with you...

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/when-someone-you-love-is-grieving-how-to-really-help/

tinybuddha.com At times I haven't know how to help grieving friends. That’s why I’m sharing my insights about what healed, and what hurt, when I lost my husband to cancer.

Have you ever taken a journey that was perfect in every way?

It took you on an easy straight road, with no traffic, no potholes, no bad weather and you got there in the exact time you expected.
You left and you arrived?

If the answer is no to any of those things, does that mean you didn't get there?

If life is your journey, how do you want to travel?

Do you want to be on a journey that is enjoyable, exciting, maybe unsure and scary but shows you new things to learn and grow with a potential route change that means you see views you didn't expect and sites that take your breath away
OR
Would you rather a journey that is straight forward and gets you from A to B?

Why I started my Coaching business.

I started as a result of my husband dying and not being able to find the right support for me.

I was a new mummy, our son was 4 months old and seriously ill. Chris, my husband, went to work on that morning in 2014 and within 20 mins of home was in a fatal road traffic accident and died at the scene.

I suffered with depression, anxiety, sleep issues, weight issues, alcohol dependency, to name a few and generally couldn't cope. I would either hide indoors or kept myself crazy busy and took on big projects to avoid my reality. I became a pro at hiding my depression as I was too embarrassed and felt the dreaded 'shame' so didn't reach out. Su***de crossed my mind, thankfully I had my son to keep me going, but that didn't mean I didn't think about it on several occasions. I had an excuse for everything if it ment I could hide at home.

This way of life became impossible as my son got older and I had no choice but to get out and about with him. But I hated every minute of our days out. It all felt like such an effort before we had even got in the car. With a willful, energetic child in tow and a young noisey dog I would be in tears in the car dreading the day ahead.

How could I keep going like this?
My son was all I had, something (everything) had to change and I had to start living again.

I struggled to get the help I needed. Antidepressants and counselling I had done and now I needed more. I needed to change my mindset, i needed to change my lifestyle, look after myself, rebuild my life and find love for myself and my new 'normal'.

Wow, this felt overwhelming and where did I even begin?

Here began my journey to becoming a health coach, I hired one to help me and my life has grown in the most amazing ways ever since.

The best part is (there's lots of best parts!) I love my life, I love myself, I love my job, my son and I have fun and enjoy life. My mindset is positive and I feel like I can face the world, all whilst carrying my husband in my heart every step of the way.

This isn't to say there aren't tough days or sad days, there totally are. But I can now manage these days so they don't become the focus or drag me down.

How could I not train to be a coach and give back to the world this amazing experience I had been given!

Caroline Flack has been found dead at her flat after taking her own life

No one should ever feel this low that they can't get help 😥
In a time when we have so many support options, the su***de rate is at an all time high.
Please reach out to friends, family, a stranger or here in the group, anyone if you feel you need help.
It is so easy to hide how we feel but there is no shame in reaching out. One small conversation with someone could change everything in a positive way for you, even when you feel at your lowest.
I never knew what to say to reach out. I just felt shame, pathetic and embarrassed, when all I needed to say was, 'I feel really low and I am not sure what to do'. I did eventually get support but I suffered in silence for such a long time. Please don't do the same.

thesun.co.uk CAROLINE Flack has been found dead at her London flat after taking her own life. Former Love Island host Caroline, 40 – who was due in court next month on charges of assaulting her boyfriend – was …

For those who need a little extra support today xx

“I’ve dug out my old cards from him - so I may put them up."
In the run up to , we are sharing some tips from WAY Widowed & Young members about how to cope with a difficult day in the calendar 💙

http://ow.ly/hJhc50yiMcT

💕This is for everyone on valentines day AND every other day!💕

😍Friends, family, health coaching clients, grief coaching clients, people I haven't met but are part of my facebook community and everyone else ...😍

💗Regardless of if you are alone or with someone this valentine's day, remember that, to fully give love to others and to fully receive love from other, you need to love yourself, just as you are. 💗

💞So, whatever your plans are today, alone or not, take time out to accept who you are, the good and the not so good. Show yourself the same love and respect you would give others. No one is perfect, but no one deserves not to be loved or respected as a person. 💞
💖INCLUDING YOU 💖

💌What could giving yourself some love look like?...
Stop and breath for 3 minutes, a bath, call a friend, cook your favourite meal, journal, a shopping trip, an early night, make time for a book, meditate, exercise class, make up a new affirmation for yourself... 💌

❣Got any other good ideas of how to give yourself some love today, put it in the comments and share the love ❣💘💋💟💝

I have been knocked down too many times to count, particularly over the last 5yrs. The knocks have come from so many places and a lot of them have knocked me flat on my face.

It is tough but I am determined to keep standing up no matter what.

I still feel the immense pain of my grief. Only a matter of days ago I felt a huge sense of anger and pain towards my husband for dying. He died over 5 yrs ago in a road traffic accident that was not his fault. So I know it is an irrational feeling, but I felt it and my heart ached, again and does regularly.

In the never ending healing process of my grief I learnt the tools to look after myself and keep being able to get up no matter how hard i fell, even when a major loss happened again in my life. My grief journey also led me to be trained as a health and life coach and support others in finding their feet through anxiety and grief. No matter what, however hard and admittedly not always in every moment, I find growth in myself and joy in my life.

Saying I have found positivity from my loss brings an aching in my heart. But, I wouldn't be on this path if I hadn't had the loss that I have had and there is, now, a lot of good on this new path I find myself on.

I wouldn't have been able to say that even 2 years ago, let alone 5 yrs ago. But, every day is a new day and one that brings you closer to finding the light in your life again.

Sending you all love and light xx