Lodestone Therapies

My colleague and pal Dr Rebecca Jackson
The Quirky Brain Coach has a superb newsletter that is currently running a series theme on self-regulation through a neurodivergent lens. You get huge dollops of science and evidence based tips and information, as well as Becci’s lived experience.

If you’re neurodivergent and fancy taking a look, here’s the link. Just sign up by clicking the button at the top left of the newsletter page.

Sun, sand, seaweed and self-regulation - oh my! Greetings from me and “Pickle Federation” (that’s the mock wrestling tag team name I have given to Mossy and Myrtle!)

Self-practice for wellbeing can be hard to maintain, and sustain. The key is to practice as part of every day life though, not just when there’s a storm in progress. This reality can be boring, frustrating, but it’s one of the most important realisations in self-care practice.

If I could live with a high degree of accessible solitude, quiet, wildness and water and nature, serenity in small daily certainties, I’d perhaps have more sense of what regulation and calm feels like more frequently. Reality means there is always daily uncertainty, in small and big ways, there is noise, there is sensory discomfort, there are demands unseen.

My nervous system, like many Autistic and ADHDers, is sensitive and can lead me into fight / flight and freeze responses easily, and quickly. I used to return to movement practices like somatic yoga, stretching, dancing when I was already burnt out. I’ve realised that simply isn’t enough , and movement needs to be part of my every day life, always. It helps me to regulate. It helps me to notice where in my body I’m holding my emotions with tension. Some days I don’t want to attend to my well-being in this way. I want to avoid, cut corners. But I can’t. And this is part of how my life has changed post-diagnosis that I can’t afford to let fall by the wayside.

Picture is me, sat on my yoga mat, in butterfly pose. Hands on my feet, mindfully.

𝗔𝗹𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗘𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝗕𝗲𝗱𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗲.

𝗦𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝟮𝟰𝘁𝗵 𝗔𝘂𝗴𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰 𝟭𝟬𝗮𝗺 - 𝟮𝗽𝗺

We at Keysoe Therapy and Well-Being Centre have at least 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲 group programmes that 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝟳 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀 𝗼𝗹𝗱 could be a part of.

To find out more, come and join us at our open day 🫶

Our on-site café is open from 7:30am - 5pm with plenty of sweet and savoury treats🍰

You can always contact our education team at 01234 708400 or email at [email protected] at anytime

Such a valuable resource here.

Are you ADHD, autistic or AuDHD?

Do you experience meltdowns?

Have you tried to learn more about these and what might help, but found that nearly all the information is for supporting children?

That was certainly my experience.

I think that because meltdowns in adults are often a source of shame or are sometimes stigmatised, this has led to a lack of guidance and self-support tools for neurodivergent adults.

As a person who sometimes has meltdowns, I want to take what I've learned from my life experience, from my client work, and my research endeavours and share it with others who want to learn about their own meltdown experience. I want to provide some of the help that wasn't there when I needed it.

To that end, this week's newsletter is on the topic and can be read here: https://mailchi.mp/14d797ce608b/the-only-adult-self-coaching-meltdown-tool-in-existence-how-the-tv-helps-you-with-body-doubling

Finally, I've created a short pdf guide with meltdown plan template (featuring my own meltdown plan for inspiration) which represents the only self-coaching tool for meltdowns that I'm currently aware of.

For the decidedly non-princely sum of £3, you can download it here: https://ko-fi.com/s/078b30aebc

This is really lovely and true in so many ways!

HOSTING SAD

Sometimes I wake up sad. For no reason.
And I know, as soon as my eyes open, that today, I am sad.
I can choose positive thoughts, have a cold shower, run on the treadmill, but I will still be sad.

And counting my blessings, on days like this, makes me even more sad.
How lucky I am and how tenuous that is.
How others are not so blessed and how unfair that is.

And I’ve learned to accept these little bouts of sad, or soul-flu, as I have now come to call them.
They are not within my control, this I know.
I don’t fear them anymore, they can’t harm me - because I don’t ‘become’ them.

I just let my ‘sad’ in the door and say “hey, how are you, take a seat…but don’t stay too long please, I have things to do.”

And I rumble along in my mental kitchen, making tea, emptying the dishwasher. And my sad sits there and just exists, without judgement or acrimony. Just acceptance.

I know she is many things you see, other than just sad. She is love, she is grief. She is fear, she is weariness and worry, and really, she puts up with rather a lot in this life.

So I give her a cup for tea. And listen to her sorrows, until she’s ready to go back outside again.

Sometimes I wake up and sad has already let herself in.
But I don’t scold her for that.
She’ll go soon.
And really, she deserves a warm place, every now and again, this world gives her much to bear.

Sometimes, I wake up sad.
For no reason.
And that’s okay.

P.S: when sad is visiting, I look like exactly the same. You would never know I’m hosting her…unless you ask.

If you’re considering signing up to one of the heavily advertised online therapy platforms, this channel 4 documentary might be worth a watch.

The therapeutic alliance is one of the biggest predictors of positive therapy outcomes.

If a therapist is encouraged to see extremely high numbers of clients each day (which these kinds of online platforms do offer high caseload monetary incentives for) we must ask how that affects the wellbeing of the practitioner, and in turn impacts the therapy relationship.

I Don't Trust My Therapist: UNTOLD Jackie Adedeji investigates an online therapy platform offering services in the UK

Fancy listening to a podcast about how my wonderful colleague The Quirky Brain Coach managed to undertake a magnificent adventure to get to Everest Base Camp?

If you’re neurodivergent I recommend giving this a listen! Equally though, if you’re not, I think so many of Rebecca’s tips and insights have the potential to be relevant to all neurotypes.

Some of my favourite nuggets from this listen include an alternative concept around ‘eye off the prize’, some thoughts around why comparing ourselves to others can be less helpful to us, and affirming chat around chunking down goals (it really does work…)

I’m posting a link to how I listened to this episode on Spotify, but if you head to Rebecca’s website www.thequirkybrain.coach
you can listen to it there too.



https://spotify.link/TWXxJrFHUDb

Episode 4: The Everest Base Camp Episode (what it was like, how I coped, and what I learned on the way) Listen to this episode from The Quirky Brain Coach Podcast on Spotify. The transcript for this episode is being prepared and will be available by mid-October at the latest. I booked my trek through https://theadventurepeople.com/ My local tour provider was the amazingly helpful and inclusive Icicles...

Wisdom from Calm

Your body and mind won’t thank you for pushing through struggles alone in the long term. Your feelings are valid. Find your person or people. They are the ones who will listen.

As a therapist who has also been, and will be again, a client, this post resonates for me on both sides of the coin and speaks beautifully about what therapy can be.

“Therapy didn’t work for me.”

It’s something I’ve heard DOZENS of people say following their first talk therapy session.

“I just talked the whole time and she didn’t give me much in return. So I stopped.”

And I get it.

I felt the same. exact. way. years ago when I stepped into my first one.

I mean … I had done ALL this work finding the courage to even go, feeling hopeful to be on the healing side of this magic wand I imagined my therapist having that would make all the bad stuff go away — and then — when I walked out of the first session realizing I wasn’t “fixed”… I felt disappointed.

I thought, “She must not be a great fit or else this therapy stuff doesn’t work for me.”

But my friends who had been to therapy before convinced me to stay with it.

So I did.

But even on the 2nd or 3rd session I felt the same sting of disappointment when I didn’t walk away with an empty bag of mental health struggles.

Until one day… I didn’t feel that anymore.

Until session after session I noticed I was leaving not fixed, but BETTER. I looked forward to the freedom of unfiltered sharing. I noticed my therapist listening and validating me. I soaked in the time getting to share openly with someone not connected to my friends or family. I felt the weight lift as I gave air to the heavy thoughts I normally carried around quietly and put them on the ears of someone trained to help me navigate them.

And today — I’m still going.

Spoiler alert: the magic wand doesn’t exist even this far in.

It’s hard, brutal work.
It’s also enlightening and hopeful.

I don’t walk out of a single session completely healed — but I walk out of all of them fighting to heal.

And without my friends who had been there to encourage me to stick it out — I would have quit instead of eventually seeing that it simply takes time for a therapist and patient to get to know one another.

And while I know there are some scenarios where therapist-patient matches just don’t work — I also know it’s worth searching until you find the right one.

It’s worth the effort to find your healing.

Take it from this been-there, work-in-process therapist patient… we are worth the fight.

YOU are worth the fight.

Interested in neurodivergence and mental health? The Quirky Brain Coach has a fantastic first episode of her podcast available for you to hear on this very subject.

Neurodivergence and mental health (Season 1, Episode 1) In this episode, I talk about - the relationship between neurodivergence and mental health - the support on offer - when certain supports or coaching may/may not be appropriate for you - some reflection questions to help you think about your mental health needs and how you may choose to act on these...

People pleasing. Recognise yourself in some of these statements? There is a difference between compassion, and people pleasing (the latter which can be a trauma or panic response).

Thanks to Reach Out Recovery

This is a really informative post about what a health advocate is, how it may be beneficial to access one to support you in your mental and physical health journey, and ways to access one by the wonderful The Quirky Brain Coach

Why and how to find a health advocate - The Quirky Brain Coach Why and how to find a health advocate Coaching is a professional helping relationship that focuses on: Who you are What you want and need that connects to who you are Plans for obtaining your desired outcomes Hacks, tweaks and doable actions to move you towards your desired outcomes As such, to get....

I’m going away soon for a break and over the years I’ve learned how to make the whole process of ‘going away’ a little easier for myself as an Autistic and ADHD person.

I love travelling. I get super excited about seeing new places! That said, there are aspects of going away that I struggle with. I can be overwhelmed by the change in routine, find myself over or under stimulated, or my senses can be flooded by experiences I’m not familiar with (such as different lighting, smells, sounds).

Here are a small handful of things that I find useful when I’m going away…

I plan before I travel. A lot. I find that the act of planning gives me a sense of control in my anticipated lack of structure and routine. As an ADHDer, I don’t want to plan absolutely everything because I like the rush of newness too. This is where my brain can really work for me. I plan enough to help me feel grounded, and leave enough to spontaneity and discovery to enjoy those elements too. I get dopamine from the planning because it builds my anticipation, but it also acts as a self soothing mechanism for any anxieties I have about the unknowns.

I have some established travel essentials that I always have in my bag with me. They include:- my headphones, my ear plugs, a battery pack, a mini fan (I don’t cope well if I feel overheated even for a few seconds), a small notebook, two pairs of sunglasses (I always lose one).

I don’t leave packing until the last minute because I will absolutely forget something. I’ve learned from experience that I need to pack the day before, with a check on the day. I guarantee I’ll still forget something but it’s still a damage limitation exercise!

I’m going to post more about my travels later this week from my AuDHD perspective, so if you’re interested in some new ideas or tips from a fellow neurodivergent around travel - please watch this space!

Alt text: picture of me in one of many pairs of
sunglasses that I’ve lost at a gig last summer…

It's messy up there (in my brain) but I can still choose how I see that mess, and choose what I do with it..."

Learning how to 'talk' to my emotions and better understand them has been an integral part of my personal process. Self-compassion leads me in this. It's self-compassionate to be curious about our emotions, let them have space and choose how we respond to them.

ADHD Short Cuts: A National Scandal For UK BBC’s Panorama has “exposed” the private health clinics awarding ADHD diagnoses in the UK without due process. However, the answer to this problem is not to doubt the veracity of those coming forward for support. We need to guard against over interpretation of the anecdotal examples in the pro...

This short BBC 3 programme gives an insight into what therapy can be like.

What does Therapy: Tough Talking teach us about therapy? - BBC Three Musician Kema Kay and his therapist Hayley Tyson-Adams give us an insight into what to expect from therapy.

Meltdowns. A common experience for those of us who are autistic; the emotional and physical impact of which can be absolutely exhausting.

What do we know about the experience of meltdowns? What are the possible contributory factors? Are there ways that we can move through meltdowns with more care for ourselves? I'll be teaming up with Dr Rebecca Jackson again in June to explore these questions and more, and offer some potential takeaways from a self-therapeutic perspective.

Two professionals, each with their own lived experience and expertise. We hope you'll join us.

For more info and how to book, follow the link below.

Meltdowns and moving through them Meltdowns are a common part of the autistic experience...but what are they and how do we move through them? Join us to find out more!

Out of the office for the long weekend now. Quality time off for me looks like time outside (veg plotting this weekend because I’ve hit middle age and embracing it 😆), a good balance of socialising and resting, cooking, and some tv bingeing (just finished The Diplomat on Netflix and now onto Firely Lane the final chapter with tissues at hand…)

Here’s Hilary making sure I closed my laptop last night. Fell asleep on the job, as per usual.

It was such a pleasure to join up with The Quirky Brain Coach last night for our late discovered autism webinar. So much solidarity in the ‘room’. And who knew there’d be so much common ground in a love for dungarees!

We have more events coming very soon, with one scheduled for June which I’ll post about in the next couple of days.

Until then, here’s one of the pictures from my past that I included in my story. Rocking the classic 80s bowl haircut and standard brown dress… I’m cooking something up here. As messy now as I was then.

Please be mindful of this if you’re seeking therapy via a platform like betterhelp.

Overworked and Underpaid: UK Therapists Respond to US Online Platform BetterHelp American online therapy platform BetterHelp has been criticised by UK therapists in The Financial Times. Unethical workloads, low pay and subsequent burnout are cited as concerns not just for therapists but for clients, too

It’s April, and that means it’s autism month! I’m very excited to be teaming up with my fabulous friend and colleague Dr Rebecca Jackson The Quirky Brain Coach to offer a FREE event on Friday, 21st April at 7pm.

‘Late discovered autism - What we wished we’d known (and we’d like you to know)’

We’ll be offering some of our personal stories and insights in an effort to reach people perhaps earlier on in their autism journey.

Two neurodivergent professionals, two unique stories. Dollops of lived experience and some myth busting insights.

Come and join us.

Late discovered autism - What we wish we'd known (& we'd like you to know) Join for an hour of autistic lived experience. The Quirky Brain Coach (Becci) & The Humanistic Autistic (Clare) share their stories and tips

Just ask.

BBC Two - Inside Our Autistic Minds - Clips Clips from Inside Our Autistic Minds

This is a great article on how to manage and talk about your personal energy resources.

What is spoon theory? 'I can't today, I'm running low on spoons' isn't the typical excuse you'd expect when a friend cancels, but it says a lot more than you might think

My LinkedIn post about why I’m celebrating difference, my own included ❤️

www.linkedin.com

International Women’s Day. Celebrating it in all the different ways that all of us can be connected to womanhood❤️

Here’s my LinkedIn post about women and girls and autism.

Clare Dudeney on LinkedIn: #internationalwomensday #actuallyautistic #diversity On International Women’s Day I’m sharing this brilliant white paper by Autistic Girls Network, ‘Autism, Girls, & Keeping it all Inside.’ This paper is packed…

I’m really looking forward to this event by the fabulous The Quirky Brain Coach and I’ll be assisting with the chat box. Fancy learning more about energy management and neurodivergence? It’s going to packed with useful takeaways. Come and join us!

AuDHD Self-coaching webinar with The Quirky Brain Coach Being neurodivergent takes ENERGY. I'll show you how to create and keep energy while you coach yourself to make the tips work for you!

🥰🥰🥰

Great opportunity here to work with The Quirky Brain Coach

AuDHD Self-coaching webinar with The Quirky Brain Coach Being neurodivergent takes ENERGY. I'll show you how to create and keep energy while you coach yourself to make the tips work for you!

BBC 2 tomorrow at 9pm.

BBC Two - Inside Our Autistic Minds, Chris Packham invites us inside his autistic mind Chris Packham helps autistic people reveal what’s really going on inside their minds.