The Guidance Gal

I have been MIA recently due to my coaching sessions, mediumship work & mama duties taking up all of my time. But I wanted to let you know that I’m very much still here & offering guidance 🙏🏼

People still message me privately & receive free advice daily. All you have to do is PM me or ping me over an email with the situation you are facing. I aim to get back to you within 72 hours 💜

Everything we discuss is completely confidential. You have my word 🤫

Latest blog post 💻💛

https://theguidancegal.com/blog/there-she-grows?fbclid=IwAR0ItrJ_EwyRQhvSrttKySiL9_AUGLNWsqA_gb0RijAtMkJUCYScNnaO5MU

There She Grows — The Guidance Gal Only you can make the choice to change things…

Your energy is clearly being drained when you are feeling this way. You’re right, it’s not fair. It’s very hard when you’re the go-to for friends or family, you feel like you always have to be available to listen. The truth is, you don’t.

It’s okay to say “I can’t listen to this right now because I’m not in the right headspace”. What’s the worst that’s going to happen? They call you out saying that’s not nice? Then you be honest and say “I’ve got a lot going on in my head just now and I wouldn’t be much help to you if I were to listen.”

We all get stuck in people pleasing, but when it is getting you down it has to stop. You have to set your own boundaries. They come to you because you are always available, so stop making yourself available. I get that you want to support your people and be there when they are low, but you can only do that if your own well isn’t dried up and when you aren’t getting that release of your own, other people are sucking you dry.

Voicenotes are a good way to rant to people without them having to be available. If you have a friend or family member you feel is there for you, try that. Send a voicenote with exactly what’s on your mind and then a little message saying “just needed to let this out, don’t really need a response but any advice you do have would be good”. That way you get it out of your head and leave it open to them to help out if they can.

Communication is the best way to deal with this. You just have to find the courage to speak up.

As always, I hope this guidance helps you in some way. Remember, this is only my opinion and advice based on what you have shared with me. You are your own person and only you can make the best decisions for you. T x

Lots going on at The Loft this month 🙏🏼✨

Procrastination is rife just now. It’s almost as if, collectively, everyone is in a bit of a slump. I’m a big believer of energies, and the planets are doing lots of things just now which would cause us to be feeling this way. But I know that’s not for everyone, so what can you do…

Well, you can start off small. Write a to-do list, then rearrange it into three categories:
- Urgent
- Not As Important
- Can Wait
Focus on the ‘Urgent’ list and try to get whatever is on it ticked off. If you don’t manage it all, move it over to tomorrow’s list. If you manage all of it, move on to ‘Not As Important’ and don’t push yourself, but if you can tick anything off, great! Prioritising your list helps as it lets you see what actually needs done and what can wait.

Next bit of advice, don’t push yourself too hard and don’t be too hard on yourself. The more you beat yourself up about not getting things done, the worse you are going to feel. The worse you feel, the less motivated you will be. It really is a vicious cycle. Instead of giving yourself grief for what you didn’t get done, give yourself credit for the things you did! Positive self-talk is so important in building your mindset up.

“I was feeling really rubbish today but still managed to get … done. I’m proud of myself!”

Speak to yourself in your head the way that you would speak to someone you love. Be kind!

Little steps are key with this.

As always, I hope this guidance helps you in some way. Remember, this is only my opinion and advice based on what you have shared with me. You are your own person and only you can make the best decisions for you. T x

On Pure Radio just before 5 💙

A: I’ve actually been feeling this way myself for the past week or so. “Stuck” is the word I’ve been using to describe how I feel. It’s horrible isn’t it? Especially when you don’t really have or know the reason for the way you are feeling.

Take it slow would be my first piece of advice. If you try to charge on through you’re likely going to make yourself feel worse, or you’ll feel okay while you’re busy and then crash again once you stop. That cycle will repeat until you deal with what’s going on. Try to have rest days and actually take the rest, don’t find things to fill your time.

Write down what you are feeling. Just have a ‘mind dump’, whatever is on your mind put it on paper. It might be paragraphs, could be bullet points or even complete gobbledygook. It doesn’t matter, just release it from your mind.

If you’re into it, I’d recommend cleansing yourself and your space. Use sage or palo santo to cleanse negative energy. If that’s not your thing go for a shower and visualise all of the negativity coming off your body and down the drain along with the water. It’s just important to be removing that negative energy from you.

Avoid watching, listening to or reading anything too negative. Keep things uplifting. Whether it be social media, television or speaking with friends and family, just try to keep it upbeat. If you’re absorbing more negativity it ain’t going to help how you are feeling.

And finally, do little things that bring you joy. If that’s sitting with tea and chocolate watching you favourite movie, great. If that’s going for a walk and being out in nature, great. If that’s cooking a delicious meal and cleaning your house, great. Whatever works for you. Your aim is for these things to put a smile on your face and lift your mood.

You will get through this. These feelings will pass, just like they have before. Remind yourself of the tough situations you have overcome in the past and give yourself the courage to get through this too! If you can, speak to someone you trust about how you are feeling. Even reach out to your GP if this low feeling doesn’t shift.

As always, I hope this guidance helps you in some way. Remember, this is only my opinion and advice based on what you have shared with me. You are your own person and only you can make the best decisions for you. T x

Why is that hard? To allow yourself to just sit without feeling guilty, to not be constantly busy or thinking ahead.

I struggle with this. I’ve had to cancel some work things this weekend which has led to me having a full week off after returning from my holidays. Instead of being grateful for the rest and actually resting, I’m thinking about what I could be doing to keep busy or make money. My mind has spiralled.

I have no problem being ‘still’ when I’m meditating, absolutely none, but when it comes to resting I see it as me being lazy. Now I already know the techniques, I know what I should be doing to help these thoughts, but I still can’t.

If you’re feeling the same way, guilty for taking time to chill, know that you’re not alone. We strive for more, we constantly want to be doing our best and working hard to show it, but sometimes we just need to take a break. As hard as that is for our minds, our physical body can lie there and relax but our mind just continues to go. Keep telling yourself “this is okay” or “I am allowed to rest my mind and body”. Repeat it everytime the challenging thoughts come in. That’s all I’m doing and it is helping slightly 🙏🏼

Q: I’ve just started my own business and it's really starting to take off but I’ve now found out I'm pregnant and I'm thinking about my maternity leave. I really want to take my full mat leave but feel like if I do I'll lose my client base and have to start from scratch again when I do decide to go back.

A: Oh when the universe delivers so much at the one time. Your mind will be in overdrive!

Clients will always been there, time with your newborn baby won’t. If you had asked me this question 2 years ago my answer would probably be slightly different as I was so focused on making my business work.

However, now that I have just spent the past 9 months with my gorgeous baby boy, something I didn’t do with my other two children due to returning to work very early, my answer is take the time that you need.

Some clients will go elsewhere and come back when you reopen, others may not return, but new clients will come your way. You can build your business back up. You cannot get that precious time back with your baby. What is your main priority of the two, business or baby?

I completely understand that you need the business to work for your family also, so potentially doing a day here or there as ‘keeping in touch days’ could be an option after a while? That’s what I done to break myself back in to work gently and to also give the little one time without me as the attachment was there for us both.

I think I already know what you will choose to do and I definitely think it is the right decision for you and your family!

As always, I hope this guidance helps you in some way. Remember, this is only my opinion and advice based on what you have shared with me. You are your own person and only you can make the best decisions for you. T x

Q: I’m getting so fed up hearing about the C word. It’s causing divides between a lot of my friends and family because of the different opinions they have and I just can’t cope with it all. I wish everyone would just keep their opinions to themselves and get on with life!!!

A: I think most are feeling the same. It really is consuming a lot of people. I agree with you, so many have a difference in opinion and things would be a lot better if everyone kept those opinions to themselves.

The divide being created from both sides is scary. I’m not sure where things are going to go. But whether you have had the vaccine, whether you want to wait a little longer for more studies before you get it or whether you don’t want it at all, it shouldn’t matter.

If everyone just done what they wanted, but kept their mouth closed about it we’d all be getting on with life. Just as some get the flu jag and some don’t, just as some have their kids immunised and other’s don’t. We didn’t kick off about being for or against these before this. All anyone can do is what they feel is right for them.

Fear is playing a huge part in this divide. My advice would be to stop watching the media reports so much, stop reading up on it 24/7, stop engaging in conversations about it and if someone does come to you with a different opinion, let them speak then choose not to react. The more reactions that take place, the bigger this divide is going to become.

Everyone has different beliefs and that is always going to be the case with many things in life, but let’s not allow it to break us! Remember that you can only control one person, you.

As always, I hope this guidance helps you in some way. Remember, this is only my opinion and advice based on what you have shared with me. You are your own person and only you can make the best decisions for you. T x

Q: How can I stop someone from making a huge mistake? A mistake that they always seem to make!

A: This is tricky because you can’t make anyone do anything. The only person that you can control is yourself.

I don’t know what the situation is, but my advice would be to express your concerns and then take a step back and see what they choose to do. Express how you’re feeling but in a gentle way, from a loving place. As soon as you go in all guns blazing about how bad this decision would be, there defence will be up and you won’t get through. Caring and calmly is the way to go.

You’ve obviously been there for them when s**t has hit the fan previously and all you can really do is be there for them if it happens again. Sometimes people need to keep making the same mistakes for them to realise. Unfortunately, it’s their pattern that has to be broken and you can’t physically do that for them.

And if you feel that you can’t watch it happen again, when you express your concerns just say that you won’t be able to be there to support them if things go wrong again, as it’s too painful for you to sit by and watch them repeat this same mistake, over and over.

Sometimes all we can do is leave people to it, sit on the sidelines and hope for the best!

As always, I hope this guidance helps you in some way. Remember, this is only my opinion and advice based on what you have shared with me. You are your own person and only you can make the best decisions for you. T x

Q: We adopted our little boy just over a year ago and it felt like we had been waiting our whole lives for him. Both of us were ecstatic when he finally became ours. Over the past few months though I have really noticed a different side to my partner. A side that I do not like. We parent completely differently and I don’t like much about the way she is with our son. I expected this experience to be so different. All we do is argue and I’m really scared now that we aren’t going to make it as a family.

A: I’m so pleased you finally have your beautiful child in your life. I have friends who have been through the adoption process and I know how difficult the experience was. You have overcome so much as a team just getting to this point!

Parenting sucks. I’m not going to lie. It brings out the best and the worst in us. Children are bloody testing! It can definitely take it’s toll on a relationship. I think most of the arguments I have with my husband are over our kids. One thing I didn’t think about while having the kids was if we would have different parenting styles. I didn’t realise there could be such a clash. Or like your situation, you see a completely different side to your partner that you dislike.

We are usually on the same page, but there are times where I’m like “why the hell are you doing that?”, and I’m sure he has the same thoughts about me. I’ve learned that I have to just tell him when something he does annoys me. I wait til the kids aren’t there and we have a conversation about it. If we’re not working in sync then the kids are going to be all over the place. One thing is fine one minute, then wrong the next. It just won’t work. I do kinda think there will always be good cop and bad cop though. I’m the bad cop in our house, he’s a bit softer. But when it comes down to it I know he will always back my decision and vice versa.

Based on the fact you guys are arguing, I’m guessing you have voiced how you feel. Communication is always key. Not shouting and balling in a heated monent, but a calm conversation about the way you are feeling. Your partner is likely feeling very overwhelmed. The changes you have experienced are major, along with throwing a couple of lockdowns into the mix. It’s a lot to handle.

You have waited so long for this precious child. You want to protect them from everything. It’s understandable. For me, you could be facing another test. I know you must have already been through so much to even get to this point, so see if you can push through this too. Set the boundaries, what you think is acceptable and what isn’t. Your partner will likely have things to tell you as well, things that they don’t agree with. Be prepared to listen. You have to come and go with one another for the sake of your boy. As long as no one is in danger and everyone is healthy, try communicating on ways this could work as you parent together.

If after a while nothing changes and you still feel the same, then perhaps things won’t work out as a family unit. That’s okay. You tried! And at the end of the day, you’re son is the most important thing in both of your lives now, so you do what is best for him.

As always, I hope this guidance helps you in some way. Remember, this is only my opinion and advice based on what you have shared with me. You are your own person and only you can make the best decisions for you. T x

Everything I have right now I have wanted and more importantly, asked for. I may not have gotten them instantly and they may not have been exactly as I imagined, but I have always put out there what I desire and over time it comes.

Every day I still think about other things that I would like to have or like to do, every single day. I know that if they are meant for my highest good then they will also come, but over the past week or so I have been made to focus more on gratitude for the things I have already been given. I’ve been so caught up in why situations aren’t changing or why things aren’t happening faster.

It’s time to remember that every single thing I have or that we have as a family, one of us have wanted and the universe has delivered. That is powerful. So the things that I have now moved on to wanting, I don’t doubt that they will come. But only when the time is right and in the way that we deserve!

Q: My boyfriend recently cheated on me with some random girl. He said it was a one off, but how the hell am I supposed to believe that or anything else that he ever says? Oh and I only found out because the girl got in touch and told me once she found out he had a girlfriend!

A: Okay, so there’s a few things to think about.

You said you spoke with the girl, did she confirm that it was a one off or has she told you different? If their stories match up then that will make it slightly more believeable. Speaking to her again could be an option.

It’s going to be hard to trust him again regardless of whether he is telling you the truth or not. He has broken your trust in a huge way and it may be unforgivable.

However, it sounds like you might be willing to give things another go when you are asking about believing him in the future. If you choose to stand by him and try to make your relationship work, then you have to have strong boundaries in place. He has to know that this behaviour is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate it ever again. These boundaries need to be set from the start! If you move forward together and history repeats itself then you have to be strong enough to walk away. Boundaries are there to be respected, not broken. When we allow someone to continuously break our boundaries that’s on us. We are allowing them to mistreat us.

It’s also important that when you choose to forgive, you don’t cast it up for the remainder of your time together. If you don’t deal with what he has done to you and you allow the hurt and anger to build inside, you will resent him in the future.

I’d say it’s important to think about what you want and what you deserve. Sometimes love isn’t enough to hold things together. Have a good think about everything and then a deep conversation with your boyfriend before you make any decisions.

As always, I hope this guidance helps you in some way. Remember, this is only my opinion and advice based on what you have shared with me. You are your own person and only you can make the best decisions for you. T x

Q: I am exhausted with my baby girl not sleeping. She’s 5 months and we’re co-sleeping because I’m just far too tired to keep getting up & down all night. I really didn’t want to have her in beside me but it just got too much. Now it’s affecting everything, especially with my partner as I’m sure you can imagine. I just don’t know if I’ve started something I shouldn’t have!

A: I could have written this question myself! Taye is now 8 months and has been in bed with me practically every night for months. I don’t know when the last time Ryan and I slept in the same bed was. So yes, I can definitely imagine how it is affecting your relationship!

It’s a difficult one because I know how exhausting getting up and down is, and it is so much easier having them lie beside you so that you can soothe them quickly when they waken. Broken sleep is exhausting enough without having to get physically out of bed. But I also know it’s important to maintain a healthy relationship.

Right now, we’re at a point where me being able to function daily is priority. We just got a double bed put in Taye’s room so that one of us can sleep with him and the other can get a decent sleep. Ryan has been sleeping on the couch or with one of our daughters when he has been home from working away because of it all. We’re doing what we need to do in this moment.

With both my girls, they were in their own rooms from around 4 months and always in their cot. I didn’t agree with having them in the bed with us. But now, I don’t give a sh*t! I’m doing what is right for us. Taye sleeps a bit better when he has me beside him, so that’s what I’m doing.

I am also working with The Bear Hub to try and get to the bottom of why he isn’t sleeping well. Jen is amazing and we’re figuring things out one bit at a time. There’s no sleep training, I’m not leaving him crying and hoping for the best. I’m tracking his sleep, food, watching his behaviours and so much more while learning all about babies and their sleep. I would definitely recommend sending Jen a message and having a chat to see if she could help you with your little girl’s lack of sleep!

I have no idea when they will be ready to sleep all night and be in their own cot/bed/room, but I know that what I’m choosing to do right now is best for my family and I. You should look at it that way too. I’m sure your partner understands and maybe just try to make time for each other before you go to bed.

As always, I hope this guidance helps you in some way. Remember, this is only my opinion and advice based on what you have shared with me. You are your own person and only you can make the best decisions for you. T x

Q: We’re going through fertility treatment and anytime I hear people moan about their pregnancy I am filled with rage. Any advice on containing this anger?

A: You have to feel into the anger, not contain it. You’re likely feeling angry because you are jealous. Please remember that jealousy is a normal emotion that we all feel. You are allowed to be jealous of people having babies when you have been trying so hard to have one. But when you don’t acknowledge that jealousy, it turns toxic and will begin to consume you.

Not everyone feels gratitude when they are pregnant, a lot are scared, down, anxious or very ill. That can have an impact on how they come across. Even though they will be happy to be pregnant and excited to have a baby, they other feelings are taking over, just like jealousy and anger are for you.

Sit with your feelings. Get your partner or a friend the next time this anger rises and tell them exactly how you feel. Vent to them. Release this emotion! If you can’t speak to anyone in that moment, grab a pen and bit of paper and note down how you feel. Whether you are saying it out loud or writing it down, it will help. You have to let it out.

When we let it build up inside and don’t voice it, either to ourselves or others, it will cause us problems in the future. You are allowed to feel this way. No one is going to judge you for having feelings. And hey, if they do, that shows you they aren’t dealing with their own feelings, so pass on this message to them to do the same!

Your time will come, I can feel it. But please, when it does, don’t beat yourself up if you’re not happy throughout the entire pregnancy. If you have down days, sick days, angry days because of the pregnancy, that’s okay! Just because you have waited a long time for a baby doesn’t mean it has to make you feel incredibly grateful 24/7 when you are pregnant. Continue to feel your feelings, even when that little baba is cooking inside!

As always, I hope this guidance helps you in some way. Remember, this is only my opinion and advice based on what you have shared with me. You are your own person and only you can make the best decisions for you. T x

Q: When does it get better? I just feel so down all the time, nothing I do helps. I just want to feel good again.

A: I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re going through a pretty tough time. I’m not sure what has happened or why you’re feeling the way you are, but unfortunately we can’t put a time on these things. Everyone heals at a different pace. Nothing will change instantly and it won’t be like a complete makeover, from sad to happy.

These are just a couple of tips, I’ll message you privately to discuss more. Speaking to someone about what’s going on would be your first step. Then take small steps and count your wins, every single one of them, no matter how tiny they may feel.

Try and make a to-do list. Write down your plans for tomorrow:
* Get up at 7am
* Have healthy breakfast
* Brush teeth & get washed

Start it like that and list every single thing that you would like to do or plan to do. That way as the day goes on and you tick off each thing on your list you will be filled with a sense of achievement. If things don’t get ticked off that’s okay, do not beat yourself up. Look at the things you did manage to do compared to the thing(s) you didn’t.

Self-care is also really important. When we are feeling low it’s easy to get stuck in a slump on the couch or curled up in our bed. When you have the time to do something, make sure it’s something you enjoy, that would normally make you feel good and do it, even if it’s only for 10 minutes. In that moment happiness will creep in. The more you take time for yourself, the more happiness will come in and the more you will feel good. It could be painting, cleaning, walking, a bath; whatever would make you feel relaxed and give you an ‘Ahhh’ moment.

Just remember that nothing is permanent. Even the way we feel. This will pass and you will feel different!

As always, I hope this guidance helps you in some way. Remember, this is only my opinion and advice based on what you have shared with me. You are your own person and only you can make the best decisions for you. T x