Refresh Integrative Wellbeing

Our next 'Common Trigger' is Conflict / Confrontation

Conflict & Confrontation can be both a consequence of living in Survival Mode AND a Trigger which sends us into Survival Mode behaviour....

Today, we're looking at why Conflict / Confrontation can be a

We've all experienced the discomfort of having to broach a disagreement....
it's natural, we all see things from different perspectives, have different needs & expectations....

So why does addressing these differences result in survival mode behaviours ranging from full on 'Fight mode' screaming matches to the 'Flop mode' dissociation & isolation??

Further more, how can we avoid the challenges of navigating Conflict / Confrontation?

The single most important thing we can do to help is to learn our patterns....

Our ability to successfully handle conflict & confrontation stems back to early life &:

How well our needs were met,

How safe we felt in expressing our needs, &

How we witnessed others both advocate for their own needs & respect the boundaries of others....

As 'boundaries' have only featured in conversations & relationships in recent years, you can imagine it's going to take more than a minute to catch up!!

Particularly when we're bombarded with media portrayals of conflict gone wrong, intensifying what we think may be both possible & probable consequences of broaching conflicting ideas

BUT

taking time to understand & recognise your patterns & automatic reactions can massively help navigate tricky situations, boost confidence, self-esteem & lead to a happier more fulfilled life.

As in the pics above, try to recognise the Triggers you feel around conflict

Ask yourself:
What are you fearful of?

How does Conflict / the prospect of Confronting someone make you feel?

What internal stories do you hold around conflict?

Are you aware of YOUR needs & how do you feel about voicing them?

How do you try to understand & accept the needs of others?

Which Survival Mode do you enter....does it differ for different 'types' of people or situation?

As featured in the 'coping tips' pictured, I would always recommend starting with soothing the body / nervous system

Soothing the nervous system redirects the blood flow in the brain to areas responsible for processing current information, logically, rather than Survival mode areas which cause us to re-experience past trauma and heightened emotions!
...next, why living in Survival Mode can trigger unnecessary Conflict and Confrontation; how to deal with internal conflict and details of the upcoming 'Conscious Communication' on-line course!

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Our next common 'Trigger'....Time Pressure

I'm sure this one resonates with many people & it's something that is becoming more & more common AND increasingly harmful

Time pressure & Urgency culture immediately activates our 'Survival mode' system....the Fight / Flight / Freeze reactions we experience when under pressure

If you've ever watched someone playing in a game show on TV & suddenly their mind goes blank, you've watched it happen....

BUT in real life, we experience Time Pressures constantly on a daily basis....and the accumulative effects of constant exposure are a lot more harmful

The good news is that there are steps we can take to help ourselves:

*Prepare
As a busy self-employed, single-parent I TOTALLY appreciate the challenges of Time Pressures....one of the things that helps most in my life is being prepared.
My weekly food prep allows me to save time on packed lunch & evening meal preparation, reduces mental load & affords me time for snuggles on the sofa with my little ones before bed & the highly valued 'clean eating' I enjoy 💖

*Silence unnecessary notifications
Constant alerts for Apps, Group chats, Emails & more besides are like constant alarm clocks, forcing you into action, ramping up cortisol levels & wearing down energy levels....choose only what you really want/need

*Programme Mini Re-sets
Some activities, such as those pictured or the Box breathing sequence, Grounding Hug & 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercises (on my feed), take less than 5 mins to do but have the metaphorical effect of taking a boiling pot of the heat

*Adopt some Wellbeing Rituals
Design your own, such as mindfully watching your morning coffee melt rhythmically into the milk, or savour the variety of tastes & textures in your mouth as you eat your lunch....alternatively,
I have designed a range of ethically & environmentally sound, hand made products which feature a short guided meditation exercise, based on psychological therapy interventions aimed at soothing feelings of Anxiety & promoting relaxation and calm

*Pause before replying/actioning a task
Why are you rushing, are you acting out of necessity, wish or over-performance? Do you need to set boundaries?💖

More 'Common Triggers' and today, we're looking at Change induced Anxiety, particularly relevant for many at the moment with the 'Back to school' routine looming large for many!

Although I've written the information with 'back to school' in mind, the information & tips can be used by anyone experiencing / dealing with periods of change.

Change is something we can't avoid & feelings of are completely normal when things around us are changing & we don't know what to expect.

Having compassion for yourself / others during times of change and validating how you / others feel may seem a bit 'wishy-washy' but it empowers you yo take action towards lessing the negative effects of change anxiety & instead, enhance & strengthen the emotional connection, and therefore, relationship 💖

For adults / older children, you can make the following adaptations by replacing:

The ' 3 - 3 - 3' exercise with the '5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise' (on my page)

The 'Validation & Empathy' process for 'Self-validation, Self-care & Self-compassion'

The 'Time table' for next logical steps

The 'Worry Jar' for Journalling....this works great alongside the TICES grid I posted on Friday

Next, We'll be looking at 'Time pressure' Triggers!

How to deal with Trauma / Triggers....

So yesterday we looked at a common form of everyday 'trauma' reactions or Triggers
*Performance Anxiety*, & how to deal with it

Part of dealing with the everyday effects of trauma on the long term involves finding the 'root cause' of a trigger, generally a negative belief we have picked up about ourselves in early life

Using a TICES grid to log Triggers can help you find patterns of thought & underlying beliefs that can be processed or reframed permanently to reduce Triggers & their limiting / overwhelming effects.

Next time you feel Triggered (a moment of 'big feeling' or quick/intense reaction to what others may deem a minor / small / irrational concern), follow the steps below....

1. Use the Box breathing exercise (pinned to my page) to restore a sense of calm and allow you to take a pause.

2. Name the feeling....is it Anger? Sadness? Fear?
More intense than anger-Rage? Less intense than Anger-Frustration? More intense than Fear-Terror?
Is it grief? Jealousy? Shame? Guilt?
Whatever comes up, write it down & move on to step 3 keeping the focus on the feeling with CURIOSITY - avoid judging

3. Mentally scan your body to see where you feel discomfort / tension in your body that is associated with the Trigger / big feelings

4 .Try & visualise what this feeling would look like if you could look at yourself in a mirror & see it in your body. Think of shape, smooth or angular edges, colour, density....would it be still or animated?

5. Mentally focus on the image of the feeling in your body & ask yourself,
'What is this feeling trying to tell me?'
The answer will come in an 'I am....' format, it does take practice so please bear with it, it IS worth it

6. Take a deep breath in through your nose & mentally draw the breath to the area in your body which is holding the feeling....as you exhale, image breathing out this feeling & releasing it with your breath....watch it float away

This process takes practice, try not to judge yourself if it doesn't happen right away....I have worked with clients who've had 10 or more guided sessions before being able to 'see' their feeling.
It's just your brain trying to protect you💖

My workout for today & looking into common Triggers.....today

Performance Anxiety

The kids heading back to school soon means I'm back in the gym, which I LOVE but which used to bring about all kinds of behaviour & mild anxiety!

As a I was tested for strength & fitness every 6 months, & no matter how fit I was or how many gym sessions I'd crammed in....I'd still doubt myself when the time came around....

And I wasn't alone!

Seeing the same feelings & behaviours in others, also super-fit & more than capable, made it evident to me that something else was going on under the surface, something we all face....
...judgement

Few of us judge others as harshly as we judge ourselves, & many of us carry the (even perhaps well-meaning) criticsms of the past....after all, is only just becoming a 'thing'...meaning that our fear of judgement is usually unfounded

However, the avoiding behaviours employed to prevent being judged, do the REAL damage

Self-sabotage & imposter syndrome will have us running from rewarding life experiences, playing small, abandoning people, projects & talents and more besides, which keep us in repetitive, unfulfilling cycles....wearing at our self-esteem, patience & sense of hope

So what's the fix?

As soon as you identify a pattern at work, you're to change it....

For me, I started by

* 'Soothing' my bodily tension to minimise reactions & practice 'taking a pause'....I did this using the box breathing breath sequence (pinned to my page)

*I practiced over to consider why I would run from the things I wanted (cue more to allow the feelings to flow!)

* I then used a TICES grid whilst journalling (I will post tomorrow) to find out what negative beliefs were holding me back

*I set myself a challenge to channel the negative beliefs into prepared action....as with today's 'back to the gym' work out 💪💪, coming back to box breathing & curiosity any time it felt like the negative belief was rearing it's unnecessarily protective head.

I feel very little performance anxiety these days (gym wise 😳) & mostly (as today) push the bar!

More tomorrow🙌🏼

What is 'Survival Mode' and why is it relevant to your life?

Understanding 'Survival mode' is essential in creating and sustaining both individual and collective mental and physical health, healthy relationships, job AND life satisfaction.

So what is 'Survival mode'?

'Survival mode' is the term for the automatic behaviours people display when feeling under threat and it is a primitive reaction to ensure survival in life threatening situations (think running from a wild animal or jumping out of the way from a falling tree).

Although this primitive and instinctual reaction kept our ancestors safe from threats far removed from the more 'civilised' society we live in now, our survival mode system still comes into play when the threat is a social one.

In childhood we needed the care and protection of our 'adults' in order to survive....whilst we are consciously aware that we are now grown, there is some subconscious part of us that fears rejection from others may result in our needs not being met and, therefore, rejection is a threat.

Add to this the perceived consequences of inter-group and intra-group conflict and feeling 'safer in numbers' and you can begin to understand the impact that the threat of social rejection can pose.

Our survival mode is triggered from information in our environment and activated by our central nervous system, and as pictured, is categorised into 6 sets of behaviours (The sixth being my own term resulting from case studies into )

Next week, we will explore how 'survival mode' operates in the mind-body system, how these behaviours display in our lives and some of the many ways in which we can identify and unwanted behaviours (in ourselves and others) and re-write the script.

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Good morning!

I get a lot of enquiries and engage in lots of conversations relating to the value of therapy, so I thought I'd share a few snippets of 'How Therapy Can Help'.

I hear all sorts of reasons from people why therapy is not necessary from the 'I don't need someone with a piece of paper telling me how I feel' to 'I know my problems, It's just the way I am' or 'It's life, there's nothing I can do about it'

Truth is, there is always SOMETHING we can do to help ourselves, it's just that the therapeutic process can feel daunting.

My approach to helping my clients feel comfortable is to arm them with 'Resources'....new ways of coping with the discomfort we feel in our bodies when we feel vulnerable, ridiculous or even threatened.

These 'Resources' build to form an everyday tool kit of healthy and helpful habits we can use to deal with the up's and down's of life.

Alongside 'Resource Building' we will work on 'Distress Tolerance' to restore balance to the generally frazzled Central Nervous System - which, by the way, creates these feelings of Anxiety, Depression, Avoidance and the Burnout / Shutdown phases.

You will then be in a steady position to Re-process the difficult experiences that your system will be re-experiencing as though they are happening all over again (as opposed to remembering) and make positive changes to the way you handle situations and life events, moving forwards.

No judgement, just care, support, empathy and sustainable, positive change.

*Please note that the themes within the Men's and Women's infographics are general recurring themes I encounter within client therapy and stem from social, cultural and ancestral conditioning and are not biologically linked to gender or biological s*x*

Soon we will take a deeper look at 'Themes', WHY it's important to understand them, HOW we can address them in therapy....and, of course, the BENEFITS for doing so.

I look forward to sharing!

Much love, Danielle x

Life is all about who you move with....

Last week we looked at the ways benefits our for although, thanks to the dreaded sicky bug hitting the Taylor household, I didn't get chance to post about the most impactful of ways movement affects our sense of wellbeing
...who we move, or spend our time, with

Our social circle can shape our habits, lifestyle, hobbies, morals & values....even our success & financial habits

But, our circle also greatly affects our deeper sense of self, who we consider ourselves to be: Our self-esteem, parts of our identity, our view of the world, our hopes & dreams for the future, our lifespan....our sense of contentment

In essence, who we spend our time with affects every aspect of our existence, both present & future, however not every 'negative' is such

Spending time with people who are easy to get along with is nice, affirming even....spending time laughing until your sides hurt is fun, but spending time with people who really see you & validate your experiences is beyond fulfilling
...even difficult interactions with others challenge us to heal our own wounds & grow

Relationships like these aren't easy, they demand vulnerability, self-acceptance, humility, honesty & the understanding of our own issues & wounds in order to see & accept another's

They can be rare to find because we all fear judgement, rejection, hurt, betrayal or lack of acceptance on some level
(it all starts in childhood)

But in fearing vulnerability, we betray ourselves by denying those deeper level relationships & all the benefits they bring 💖

I honestly believe avoiding 'getting deep', either with ourselves or others, is why people feel so lonely, even in the company of others....or perhaps why is on the rise

I've been working on two new courses-Connected relationships & Narcissistic Abuse recovery, which has brought to light my own tendancy to withdraw to the comfort of my own little family of 3💖...I look forward to sharing, but in the meantime, what can you accept about yourself & be vulnerable enough to share unapologetically today?

Even if just to yourself💖

& we're looking at ....today, the flow of information between our senses & brain via our Cental Nervous System....

& the impact it can have on our

Our Central Nervous System keeps our automatic functions working without us having to think about it
-think heart beat, breathing, digestion & ....

THOUGHTS

🧠Thoughts which create behaviour & reactions

🧠Thoughts that are Triggered by information from
our 5 senses

🧠Thoughts that are automatic & based on stored
information from experiences we've had

🧠Thoughts that happen outside of our awareness
but which can send us into Survival mode.

It can look like being made redundant & feeling worry for the future, but becoming reactive, stressed & argumentative with others as 'Fight mode' is activated

Or

Feeling rejected by someone & feeling low motivation, shutting down & socially withdrawing

Or

Experiencing relationship breakdown & coping by drinking in excess & playing the clown / having constant fleeting s*xual encounters to conceal deeper feelings

This is 'Survival Mode'

'Survival mode', happens automatically & without our awareness unless we learn to recognise the signs

Survival mode is set off by our 5 senses detecting a threat....this can be:

PHYSICAL-Such as an attack/bodily injury/illness

EMOTIONAL-Hurt feelings/emotional pain, such as sadness

SOCIAL-Judgement & Rejection, not being 'accepted', bullying, etc

ENVIRONMENTAL-Dangerous environments or situations such as walking alone at night, being amongst 'bad drivers', natural disaster, flood, fire, etc

When we feel like we can't or have tried to escape/avoid these threats with our Fight/Flight system & are faced again with the threat, we try to pacify the threat or 'Fawn' / People please....

or 'Frolic' & avoid difficult feelings by 'high seeking'
...if we can't deal with a situaltion in these ways, or exhaust ourselves in them, we go into 'Flop' mode

The more often we repeat a situation, the quicker & more intensely we enter 'survival mode', wreaking havoc with our sense of wellbeing

We'll look at Survival modes in more depth next week, along with tips to break the cycle💖

starts today & the theme is -but I'd like to share a slightly different perspective
...many of us are aware of the various benefits physical actvity gives our & general - the stress busting, feel-good endorphin releasing properties, not to mention the physical health benefits

But

Movement is also about WHERE it can take you

The pics above are from my early morning walk along beach to watch the yesterday

As you can probably tell I'm a bit of a happy snapper 📸 but the activity of taking photos is more than just a hobby....it's something I promote to clients, friends & basically anyone who will listen 🤣🤣

Through both personal experience & psychological research 🤓 i've found that when we stop to take a picture, we are more present in our surroundings, we are in the moment-we are practicing without even realising it

We take notice of the details, our brain is focused on the beauty of the 'subject' in front of us, our senses are fully immersed in the details & we leave 'survival mode', meaning our:

*Blood pressure, breathing & heart rates regulate

*Muscles, joints & digestive muscles relax

*Stress hormones reduce

*'Urgency' hormones reduce

*Brain activity patterns move from 'threat detection' mode to peace & receptivity....known as (our natural state)

*Positive emotions are increased

*Experienced levels of appreciation, gratitude & connection are increased

*Our brains' abstract thought & complex reasoning skills are increased (allowing us to see & appreciate 'the bigger picture')

*The brain's 'reward centres' are activated, giving us a boost

*Motivation is increased

I am very thankful to have such a beautiful coast on my doorstep, however I realise that isn't the case for everyone....but the beauty of mindful photography is that it can be practiced everywhere & anywhere

This week i'll be sharing tips & techniques of what I like to call as well as exploring other ways to invest in your through movement💖

Where will movement take you today?

The sciency bit:
⬇️continued in comments⬇️

What is the purpose of rainy days?
Aside from the obvious....it's time to reflect, to sit with the thoughts, the feelings, the 'stuff' you never get time to process....

and allow it.

There's no outside sunshine to call you out to play, fewer fun distractions. It's time to cosy up, nurture yourself & feel the feels.

Life is about balance. We need the sunshine that we're all craving as much as the positive spins we put on life....but
...we all need some time to sit in the rain and let it wash away anything we're ready to let go of so we're fresh & fully ready for those soon-to-come sunny days ☀️

Free from the baggage that's physically, mentally or emotionally holding us back, so we can embrace new experiences in their entirety, without past fears and old stories telling us how things are gonna go down

We can see things as they are in the moment, enjoy the now, as it is & enjoy the ride without nagging doubts & 'what if's'

What are you ready to let go of today?
What are you ready to truly feel in its entity?

Write it down, all of it, in it's full & bare form....the things you would never tell a soul....

Take a deep breath, then slowly, breathe out release it & let it go💖

**The science bit** Did you know the human body stores unprocessed emotions? It's known to cause the development of physical disease from musculoskeletal problems, digestive disorders, autoimmune conditions & even heart disease and cancer.
The unprocessed emotions are things we don't even realise we're feeling in the rush of life or through subconscious avoidance-the brain's way of protecting us from experiencing pain that we've never know or learned how to safely feel & recover from.
It creates tension within the body, developing into Inflammation & can lead to the development of disease.

Mindful journalling is just one tool that can help process stored emotion....write about your experience, how you truly felt (not how you think you 'should' feel/have felt) then breathe, cry, sing scream or shout, shake your body....whatever you need to release it, then return to your calm breath, stretch & feel lighter
It's useful to practice this with less intense feelings & experiences to start💖

2024

It's funny how we always expect things to change or put enormous amounts of pressure on ourselves to transform life because the numbers on the calendar are different!
...or is that just me?🤣🤣

Watching the sun rise on the New Year is always a treat for me, & sharing it with my little loves is tge cherry on top 💖

The vibe of 2024 feels different this year, fresh, exciting, expansive✨️

Always love the psychological feel of the 'turning point' a new year brings, the reflection & closing out of past outdated themes and the hope & anticipation of a fresh new year & all of the dreams yet to be filulfilled
...but

I'm learning to appreciate the transition between the two!

As the past rears up to be noticed, learned from and released, and the future gleams enigmatically like the firey New Year's sun emerging on the horizon....I wish you

Peace in the space in between....

Hope for new dreams....

Faith in your abilty to grow & move forwards....

&, of course, love💖💖💖

With love & New Year's blessings,
Danielle x

#2024

Wishing you all a beautiful Christmas / Festivities🎄💖

I've been a little inactive on the socials lately as I have the privilege to support my family through some rough times....I say a privilege because to me, that's just what it is.

I've always appreciated an honest melt down over a pretend smile, you know where you are, but more importantly, you can help....or just be 'there', whatever the weather
.. and all weather passes eventually.

So whether Christmas is beautiful, or not so for you.... speak your truth, reach out if you need, its never a burden to the right ears and there are people who care & want to support you whatever day that lands on

I am so very thankful to have been blessed with a beautiful Christmas and I wish the same for every one of you....

Lots of love, Danielle x