Counselling with Andrea

Stress
Something many of us suffer from at various stages of our lives. It is a natural reaction to a major life event such as redundancy, divorce, death, health issues, relationship problems at work or school. A little stress can be a motivating factor, however, too much can be overwhelming and can contribute to long term physical issues, ie anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, eating disorders etc.

Strategies to help:
If able, try to be physically active on a regular basis, join a class or even just take a walk.
Connect with others in a verbal way rather than relying solely on technology.
Challenge yourself by trying new activities or resurrect old interests.
Consider Volunteering in an area that interests you.
Make some regular ‘Me’ time, relaxing in a way that suits you best.
Accept what you cannot change and focus on areas you can control.
If none of the above helps, consider seeking professional help.

Christmas
This is a time for togetherness, being with our loved ones & if there are children in the mix, it can be very exciting & joyful. However, this may not be the case for everyone, especially in the current economic climate. Many will be struggling with the basic cost of bills & food, let alone affording to buy gifts. In amongst all this, for those who have lost loved ones, be it recently, or some time ago, Christmas can be a very difficult time. Painful memories can be triggered & all those sad emotions re-surface yet again.
If you are struggling with any of this, it can be helpful to share with someone you trust, or alternatively write down how you are feeling. It is okay to miss those special people, especially at Christmas & to ask for help if you need to.

The recent death of our Queen, her extraordinary funeral & period of Mourning, may have been a trigger for us to revisit any personal experience of loss, whether recently or some time ago.
This may have caused those affected, to have to unexpectedly confront very painful feelings which they thought had been successfully dealt with or hidden away.
Attempting to avoid or block difficult emotions emanating from loss or grief may appear to be the least painful way, but inevitably these will catch up with you as the impact of this trauma infiltrates every area of your life. This can then culminate in varying levels of anxiety or depression that can be overwhelming and difficult to manage on your own.

If any of the above resonates with you, please consider seeking professional help.

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Anxiety
This can be something that affects many of us to some degree at certain times in our lives and for some people seemingly throughout their life. It can create feelings of intense unease, worry or fear. Some anxiety is to be expected before a job interview, for example, or giving a presentation, this type of anxiety usually passes once these actions are over.

However, some people can experience debilitating physical responses, such as heart palpitations, dizziness and sweating. Emotional responses can include feelings of loss of control and being overwhelmed with fear. Long term painful health conditions can contribute to this as can a history of traumatic experiences.

Techniques that can help can be attending a Pilates or Yoga class, trying breathing methods that include counting; holding the breath & releasing, so the mind is temporarily distracted or attempting complete relaxation either guided or solitary, if able to. Focusing on visual, hearing & physical objects can also be calming for the mind, even going for a walk can be a diversion. Reducing your intake of alcohol & caffeine may also be beneficial.

If the symptoms become too overwhelming, talking things through with either your GP or another Professional can help you to understand your personal triggers. Don’t suffer in silence.

CHRISTMAS- a time of togetherness and sharing, of joy and being with our loved ones. Yes it is, but for those who have lost a loved one, it may be a time of great sadness and loneliness.
It can feel as if you are the only one struggling with difficult and painful feelings. Be gentle with yourself. If you are invited to be with other people try and find the courage to go, even if it is only for a couple of hours, they will understand if you can’t face staying any longer. Allow people to help you, if they offer to, Grief is a tough enough road to cope with on your own.
If you can’t face mixing with anyone, try & plan the day, so that you can get out for some fresh air, if you are able to. Eat what you like. Perhaps choose specific programmes to watch, or listen to music, or the radio, or read, anything that will give your mind a rest from all the exhausting emotions. Christmas is over as quickly as it comes. Look after you.

Are you supporting a loved one/friend/colleague through Grief?
Are you struggling with how best to support them?

Some TIPS TO HELP:
Be there for themMost important: Listen - try not to judge, whatever your own opinions.Show you are actually listening, rather than thinking about what you should say next (by acknowledging their obvious pain).Encourage them to talk about the person who has died.Allow them to express their feelings, whatever they may be.Tolerate silences, if they are struggling to actually express how they feel, just sit with them.Dont take any anger personallyAccept you cannot fix it.

What is not helpful: Letting your sense of helplessness stop you from reaching out. Avoiding them because you feel uncomfortable.Telling them what they should feel or do.Changing the subject when they mention their lossFill any silences Finding something positive to say or Cliches such as ‘Time is a healer’, ‘It will get better’, ‘I know how you feel’, because actually you don’t!Talking about your own losses.

Grief can be overwhelming & all consuming. If they are clearly struggling gently suggest speaking to GP and/or seeking professional help.

Thinking further about Loss, especially loss of those wonderful creatures who share our lives, if we are lucky. Thinking about our pets, whatever their breed or type; dogs, cats, birds, it really doesn’t matter what species they are, as long as we love them & they are important to us. When they are no longer with us, it is literally heartbreaking. Having been our constant companions, our confidant through all our troubles, the sense of loss can be devastating, never underestimate it. These beautiful souls can leave a massive hole our lives, and for those of us living on our own very difficult to cope with the ensuing loneliness. Not only were they great company, but the best listeners, never judging and never divulging our secrets. Truly our very best friends. Loss is loss, if you are struggling with any loss, no matter how it has come about, reach out for help.

Thinking about Loss:
Loss is all around us & we constantly experience it throughout our lives in many different ways. Sometimes it’s obvious, such as a recent Bereavement which is recognised by Society in general. However, there are many others that can have a huge & long lasting impact on our lives but that are not seen or acknowledged by others around us. Yet these can be very disabling for the person experiencing them & can be very isolating. Some such situations include: Divorce, Miscarriage, Redundancy, Job, sudden long term Illness, Masectomy, Hysterectomy, Retirement (both a relief & a sadness for some), Unfulfilled ambitions, Moving house, Dementia, Infertility, Breakdown of a long term relationship.
Further Losses can also include: lack of Nurture, Trust, Confidence, Sight, Hearing, Empty Nest Syndrome, Culture, Communication, Self Esteem, broken Promises etc.
These are just a few examples, there are many more, but each will leave their mark on our lives in some way.
All these losses can create unforeseen changes in our everyday life & potentially cause us some distress
If you are struggling with any of the above (or many others that are not listed), reach out to someone you trust to share your feelings. Keeping a journal can also be very cathartic or seek professional help if you are in a position to do so.

Now that life is getting back to a sort of normality, it may be that if you are suffering from any sort of anxiety this increases. Try not to have too many expectations of yourself, because if you can’t fulfil them this puts pressure on you.
Your work or home situation may have changed, so seek out people you trust to share any concerns you are experiencing. This next stage of life could be a huge adjustment for many. If it all becomes just too difficult, consider seeking some professional support.