Balance With Danielle

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Viktor E. Frankl

𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐌
Learning to be calm in a situation can give you so much power. This has been something that i've been trying to perfect over the last year. You are going to come across people you disagree with, sometimes said people will try and push your buttons. But if you can learn to control your reaction and remain calm in a heated situation, you will have conquered one of the best skills.

I used to be quite reactive. I come from a family of 7 so I had to learn to speak up if I ever wanted to be heard at the dinner table. If someone annoyed me or did what I thought was an injustice, I would react in the moment. Be it - messaging back right away or responding before fully thinking out my response. I always thought I had to have a fast response to win an argument.

Boy, has my perspective on this changed. Do you ever notice the people who say less are usually correct? They are the calm, collected person at the table who doesn't say a lot but when they do, it's usually golden nuggets of wisdom. When you learn to not take everything as a personal attack but instead as an opportunity to learn or be challenged, it can change how you interact with others every day.

Next time something triggers you, try and take 5 deep breaths and respond when you're calm. You'll be less likely to say something you'll regret.

Keep growing & loving ✨

We all have our own special ways of healing. Everyone's journey is unique to themselves. I have spent half of my life criticizing and disliking the reflection staring back at me in the mirror. I was so great at hiding this distorted vision by exuding confidence that no one would question it.

I think these distorted views we have of ourselves stem from our inner world. What you see on the outside is rarely a show of how the person on the inside is feeling.

When you heal on the inside, your outside world changes. Does it really actually matter what you look like? No. But if it's affecting your inner world then it does. And vice versa.

I was always so lenient to post a bikini photo terrified at how much I'd regret it after putting it out there, constantly picking myself apart. After Alex took this photo, I wouldn't look at it for over a month!

Now, I can look back at this imperfectly perfect moment. Laughing with my eyes closed in Lembongan, having an absolute skit from the awkwardness of it all.

I choose to remember the memory instead of chastising my body. I celebrate how strong I am both on the inside and out. I definitely have a lot more healing to go but to say I'm happy with how far I've come is an understatement.

Take a moment today and celebrate all those small wins. How far you've come. What you've conquered. No matter how small.

Your life is filled with miracles, especially yourself.

Keep growing and loving ✨

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆

“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation — either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”

― Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 💝

I sometimes think I was reborn. I know how completely strange that sounds but after I cheated death, things were different. When I think back to how I used to treat myself versus how the "reborn" Danielle treats herself, it's like looking at two different people. I think this second chance at life changed a lot of my perspective.

I used to be an adrenaline ju**ie, always pushing the limits. I've realized that I acted the way I did was because I didn't value my life highly. I value and respect myself a lot more than I used to. And I can say that for a lot of the behaviors I engaged in, be it drinking ungodly amounts of alcohol, jumping off cliffs, surfing out back during stormy conditions or being with people who treated me without respect.

One of my friends recently told me they don't like to meditate because it brings up thoughts of their ex-boyfriend. I do think this is a big reason people are lenient to meditate. Not because they'll think of their ex but it can bring up unwanted thoughts that we'd rather shove to the side and distract ourselves so we don't deal with them. Sitting with yourself in quiet isn't always an easy thing to do. Meditation put a spotlight on that inner voice. We've been through quite a lot together and I've been able to befriend her.

Now, when I'm going through something, instead of running from myself, I can go inward and seek the help or answer I need within. Repairing my relationship with myself has been one of the most rewarding, grounding, yet brilliant experiences I've ever gone through.

How did I do it? Instead of running from myself, I searched for the quietness, I sat with myself, I went to therapy, I journaled.

You hear of all these things consistently online because they work.

Self love isn't taking a bath so you can post it on your instagram feed, it isn't treating yourself to that new designer handbag, it's sitting and getting close to your inner being. It's doing the work that you deserve to do on yourself.

Self love is learning about your physical, emotional and mental health on another level so you can work in line with them instead of against them.

Keep growing and loving ✨

A couple of weeks ago, I had one of those weeks where I just felt “off”

I rarely speak up when I feel down. Not wanting to burden others with my feelings. And when I do, I notice that these pent-up emotions show themselves in other negative ways. I’m more pessimistic and a little more burnt towards the world.

Prior to this wave of sadness, I felt so strong; physically, emotionally, and mentally. But, like every now and again, this crippling anxiety came out of left field and hit me like a train.

A few years ago I was in a pretty horrific car crash. I had to visit the hospital 3-4 times a week for 9 months. I was left with nerve damage to my right arm, scars all over my scalp, and a misdiagnosis. I had to leave my job as I had to spend so much time in hospital. Because of the misdiagnosis, I was taking incorrect medication for a full year - which made me feel like a total zombie.

I was lost.

Fast forward to a year later, I’m living in Vietnam driving along on my Honda club motorbike. I come to an intersection and collide with 2 other bikes. It was a small wreck, I was only left with a few scratches but my PTSD, which had saved itself until then hit me much harder than those bikes.

Afterward, I became extremely anxious: I had regular panic attacks, I was always conscious of my surroundings, I would assess any danger in every room I went to, I found it incredibly difficult to make small decisions, and dreaded driving my once adored honda in the busy roads of Saigon.

I’ve learned to be incredibly brilliant at hiding these feelings of fear and anxiety. Until they get to a point where they bubble up and it all pours out.

That happened the other week, after staying home from the gym, Alex came home to me curled up in bed bawling crying. He had no idea I felt so bad because I’d been busying myself so much to avoid these feelings.

Ask yourself. Ask your loved ones. Ask your hairdresser.

Are you okay?
But seriously, are you okay?

Keep growing and loving ✨

ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴜᴇꜱᴛ ʜᴏᴜꜱᴇ ʙʏ ʀᴜᴍɪ

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honourably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

𝐋𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐡 𝐒𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐡 𝐒𝐮𝐤𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐨 𝐁𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐮

‘𝙼𝚊𝚢 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚋𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜, 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚢 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚋𝚞𝚝𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚘𝚖 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚕.’

The mantra is that we are all beings sharing the same planet, simply reminding us that WE ARE ALL ONE and we must care equally for other inhabitants. ✨

Though not a traditional Vedic mantra, Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu is a Sanskrit prayer. It has been used for many centuries to invoke greater states of compassion and peace.

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” may be the closest western equivalent. Yet, the impact of this ancient mantra is far grander than simple human kindness.

Keep growing and loving ✨

We all find it difficult to move on from the past and forgive ourselves for our mistakes. But forgiveness is necessary to move on and let go. Learn how you can forgive yourself and those who have hurt you. Move on from past mistakes and embrace the present. Forgiveness - letting go - move on - love

How To Forgive Yourself And Others - Balance With Danielle Whether it is yourself you must forgive for your past mistakes or somebody else in your life. Forgiveness helps us move on and let go.

“𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧.” 🤍

𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 💐

What does selflessness mean to you?

Although I may have used this as an avoidance technique for the longest time...I have always found it easier to put others before myself. I genuienly feel better when I make others feel good, I simply feed off their energy.

In psychology, this is referred to as Altruistic behavior: the unselfish concern for other people—doing things simply out of a desire to help, not because you feel obligated to out of duty, loyalty, or religious reasons. It involves acting out of concern for the well-being of other people.

An example of this could be offering up your seat on the bus to giving a helping hand to someone in need. 🤍

Altruism is proven to benefit both you and others.
𝘏𝘰𝘸, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨?

✨𝙱𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙷𝙴𝙰𝙻𝚃𝙷: People who volunteer have better overall health, and regularly engaging in helping behaviors is linked to a significantly lower mortality.
✨𝙸𝙼𝙿𝚁𝙾𝚅𝙴𝙳 𝚆𝙴𝙻𝙻-𝙱𝙴𝙸𝙽𝙶: Research shows that people experience increased happiness after doing good things for other people.
✨𝙱𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙰𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙲 𝚁𝙴𝙻𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙿𝚂: Being kind and compassionate can also lead to a better relationship with your partner, as kindness is one of the most important qualities that people across all cultures seek in a romantic partner.

𝑲𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 and you NEVER know how much even a smile to a passer-by could change their day.

Be mindful of your actions.

Keep growing and loving ✨

Whether it is yourself you must forgive for your past mistakes or somebody else in your life that has wronged you. 

Ask yourself, why am I holding onto this conflict? Why do I find it so hard to forgive this person? Is carrying this burden doing me any good?

Sometimes we hold onto this burden that hurts us much more than the other person. 

When you feel like somebody has wronged you it can sometimes be so hard to forgive and let go. 

But forgiveness is the first step, letting go comes with time. 

If you’re finding it hard to forgive someone, try writing a letter to them, saying everything you need to get off your chest. Once you’ve written it, burn it, throw it away or keep it. 

I’ve found this exercise incredibly freeing. 

Another reminder that has always helped me was putting myself in the other person’s shoes, trying to understand and have compassion for someone. 

Remember, hurt people hurt people and if you are holding onto this, you do probably have some love for this person. Maybe they are the person who needs the love most of all.

Keep growing and loving ✨

Forgive yourself. Whatever you’ve done before, accept it and let it go. You are not perfect. You are capable of making mistakes. Stop hiding from the shadows of the past. Don’t be trapped in the darkness of shattered memories. Let the light pass through and shine upon you. Forgive yourself because it’s the only way to start again.

“I release the past so I can step into the future with pure intentions.”

When I first began “healing” I used to curse my younger self. I was embarrassed, angry, and annoyed for how foolishly I acted for so many years.

How reckless I was towards myself, how careless I was, never minding myself.

But the more I learned and grew, the more I realised the necessity to have both compassion and forgiveness for young Danielle. 🥲

Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes, and we all do what we think is best at the time. 

Sometimes social constructs and conditioning get in the way. We are so unbelievably influenced when we are young by what we consume and it’s not always the best.

When I look back and realise how much I used to distract myself by partying or being an adrenaline ju**ie, I can see that I didn’t want to spend time with myself or appreciate my life because I didn’t value myself. 

I was sometimes so concerned with how I would make others feel that I rarely would check in on myself and give myself some much-needed love. 

When I look back now, I’m no longer embarrassed, I honestly just feel bad. I feel bad that I was so nasty to myself for so many years and was incapable of seeing my potential. I feel bad that I would berate myself for not being as good as anyone else I came across. I feel bad that my ego took place for a while and I was concerned with status, looks, material goods, and popularity.

But I can now forgive myself. I’ve learned that, although I may not have been on the best path, I’ve found a better one where I can build a beautiful relationship with myself from here on out. 🌸

Stop letting yourself suffer, start having compassion and forgiveness for yourself.

Keep growing and loving 

Find some tips on how to control your anger. Understanding why we feel anger can help us deal with it. I know it can be so difficult when you are caught up in the moment, but the more you learn to let go and control your reaction. You can control your anger and manage it for the better. Learn to con

Why We Feel Anger & How To Control It - Balance With Danielle We all feel anger, it’s an emotion that can ignite a fire within us forcing us to do or say things we regret. But why do we feel anger?

Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”
― Lao Tzu

Keep growing and loving ✨

𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐲, 𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟐𝐧𝐝, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏
𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 🙏🏼

What does acceptance mean to you?

For me, it means accepting someone or something without judgment or trying to change the circumstance.

When I began to suffer with PTSD I struggled with acceptance.

I found it difficult to accept things that were out of my control. I wanted to wrap everyone I knew in bubble wrap. Making it much harder to accept them for what they were.

The more I dove into this issue, the clearer my reasoning behind this control became.

I was in constant fear of losing control that I felt the need to control others’ lives too.
If I saw someone I loved making, what I thought was a bad decision, I’d try to intervene rather than simply allow them to just be.

Letting go of this need for control has been incredibly freeing. I now realize that when you refuse to accept yourself, you project your lack of acceptance onto others - judging and controlling them.

It hasn’t been easy to find acceptance within myself, I’ve spoken before about how awful I was to myself in the past. But since I’ve had more compassion and self-acceptance, accepting others just followed.

Now when others have difficulty accepting my choices, trying to intervene, I can replace annoyance with empathy, understanding that they’re doing what they think is best because they care about me.

The only thing constant is change. Learn to accept it.

Because happiness can only exist in acceptance.

Keep growing and loving ✨

My anger was definitely tested this past month.  I encountered many obstacles that ignited that fire within. I don’t know if I had a bout of bad luck or simply had some lessons to learn but what I could take away from this was learning how to react in a more calm manner.
 
My reactions were different to how they would have been even a few months ago. Maybe it came with growing another year older? Maybe it has been my daily meditation practice?
 
I know that reacting with anger and frustration isn’t going to have a positive result. It never does. Instead, I take a deep breath and channel my inner calm.
 
I’ve learned a lot more about my hormones this past month. I was so sick of self diagnosing myself with everything under the sun due to the mood swings I would experience, dependent on the time of month.
 
I began to learn about my menstrual cycle, tracking my mood each day which allowed me to understand why I was feeling a little more irritated on certain days. What a relief that it was completely normal to feel these emotions!
 
If you don’t track your cycle already, I would highly recommend the Flo app. It’s the only app i’ve actually been able to keep up with as it’s easy to use and very insightful.
 
I now feel less anxious understanding my hormones, how they can affect my day-to-day life and what I can do to alleviate these symptoms.
 
On that note, if something frustrates you or irritates you today. Try taking a few deep breaths and learn to not react straight away.
 
If say someone really pi**es you off, before messaging them back, write out everything you want to say to them and wait an hour to send it. You’ll usually cool off and realise you may have been over reacting.
 
Another thing that stopped me from getting angry this month was also looking at the bigger picture - even though I may have got scammed, had plans go to shambles, lost a drone, had my credit card eaten by an atm... I still have an incredible life and am so grateful for my health.
 
These “third world problems” are just that at the end of the day. As long as everyone I love and myself is safe and healthy that is all that truly matters.
 
Keep growing and loving ✨

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
― Mark Twain

Keep growing and loving ✨

𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐉𝐮𝐥𝐲 𝟐𝟔𝐭𝐡 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏
𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 ❤️‍🔥

"I can feel my anger and still stay in control."

We all feel anger, it’s an emotion that can ignite a fire within us forcing us to do or say things we regret. But why do we feel anger?

Feeling wronged ignites my fire.

But learning to control this anger has been one of the best things for my growth.

Anger is unavoidable, you will always run into others who have a strong opposing view to you or may say something that makes you TICK.

I recently learned that i’m “fiery”, if you know me well this may come at a surprise to you that I was shocked to hear this 🤣

But hearing this made me aware that I need to learn how to harness my anger, become in control of it rather than allowing it to control me.

I get so unbelievably passionate about things sometimes but I also cannot push my values and morals onto somebody else. Because at the end of the day we are all entitled to our own ideas.

One of the best things I've learned if something or someone ignites that burning fire is to leave that space until your fire extinguishes.

I then sit and question why I'm feeling as I do. Journaling is wonderful for rationalising turbulent emotions.

How do you deal with anger?