Parenting 2.0 with Falak-Parenting Coach Child Counsellor

So many parents think it's our responsibility to ensure our children are entertained. If I try to keep count of the number of times my child has said "I'm bored" in the past 13 years, I won't be able to.

Keeping our children 'entertained' isn't our responsibility. Half of the time, we make them sit in front of an iPad or a big screen.

Your kid’s boredom has nothing to do with having nothing to do. As the saying goes, boredom is simply a lack of imagination. Use this to your advantage.

Encouraging your child to make the most of boredom means providing him/her with the right environment where s/he can engage in unstructured play.

Access to an overabundance of toys does not reduce your child’s boredom. A glut of toy options stifles her/his creativity and increases her/his need for external stimulation, and abundant evidence proves that.

I can be called 'the black sheep' but earning that title when you've grown up in dysfunctional setup is something I don't mind at all... It's actually a compliment. I have been working on healing for years... And I'll continue doing so for myself, my daughter and my husband. We all deserve better.

1. Bad behaviour doesn't make your child bad: An occurrence of undesirable behavior in a child doesn't define their character or label them as inherently "bad." Children are in a continuous process of growth and development, both emotionally and socially. Undesirable behavior is often a form of communication, signaling unmet needs, frustrations, or a lack of coping mechanisms.

As parents or caregivers, it's crucial to separate the behavior from the child's identity. Rather than labeling the child as "bad," it's more productive to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. By recognizing the underlying reasons behind the behavior, parents can address the root causes and provide appropriate guidance and support.

2. Child's behaviour doesn't make you a bad parent: A child's behaviour does not determine one's capability as a parent. Parenting is a complex journey filled with challenges, and children express themselves in various ways as they navigate their own development. It's important to recognize that behavior is a form of communication and often a reflection of a child's emotions, needs, or challenges.

Parenting involves continuous learning, adaptability, and understanding. Children are unique individuals with their own personalities, and their behavior is influenced by various factors, including their environment, experiences, and emotions. It's not uncommon for children to test boundaries, express frustration, or exhibit challenging behaviors as a part of their growth. Parenting is a journey of ups and downs, and no one is perfect.

3. There is ALWAYS a reason behind the behaviour. Recognizing that there is always a reason behind a child's behaviour is crucial in effective parenting. Children, like adults, communicate through their actions, and their behavior is often a response to their feelings, needs, or circumstances. By understanding the underlying reasons, parents can respond with empathy and address the root causes, fostering a more positive and supportive environment.

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Ever wondered why parents of teens sometimes get irritated and their belief in their children diminishes? I had a thought-provoking conversation with a friend who has a 17-year-old, and he expressed it beautifully. The reason often lies in our fears taking over—what if they can't get into college, become lazy, or rebel? It's a cascade of worries that infiltrate our belief in them.

Remember when we had unconditional belief in our kids when they were younger? My friend shared a shift in perspective; he chose to focus on growth and let mistakes be. Each day, he highlighted moments of good judgment, empathetic behavior, and a kind heart in his child. It could be as small as finishing assignments without reminders or displaying emotional awareness and loyalty to friends.

As a parent, he maintained an unwavering belief in his child's strong foundation and their ability to make choices that were truly for their well-being. In essence, acknowledging mistakes, validating feelings, and believing in our children become crucial pillars of effective parenting. 🌟

Validating a child's emotions is crucial for their emotional development.

It helps them feel understood and accepted, fostering a sense of security.

By acknowledging their feelings, you teach them to recognize and express emotions, promoting healthy emotional intelligence.

This validation also strengthens the parent-child bond and encourages open communication, creating a supportive environment for the child to navigate their emotions.

Listen More, Talk Less! 🤫

👂 Give your child your full attention when they want to share. It makes them feel valued and respected.

📱 Put away distractions - no screens, no multitasking. Eye contact is key!

❓ Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to express themselves.

🤔 Be patient and non-judgmental. Their thoughts and feelings are valid.

👏 Praise their efforts, even if they make mistakes. It builds their confidence.

In our daily interactions with our children, it's easy to overlook the impact of seemingly innocent comments.

What we might perceive as a small slip of the tongue can hold significant weight in our kids' hearts and minds.

As parents, it's our responsibility to be attuned to how our children interpret our words and emotions. We should strive to bridge the gap between our adult perspectives and their childlike sensitivity.

The small sentences that we utter, perhaps unintentionally, can become monumental in their young lives.

Let's be mindful and empathetic in our communication with our little ones. 💭👦👧💕

We look at a lot of parameters when we choose schools for our children. Infrastructure, facilities, board, student-teacher ratio, extra curricular activities, etc. But what does a child who's half way through schooling has to say about her experiences. Here Zoe talks about her experience in school and what according to her are the top 5 things a school SHOULDN'T have.

Here are some other helpful things to keep in mind to help us reframe our child's behavior:

✅ Whenever there is inappropriate behaviour, always respond and convey to the child that this isn't okay. Repeat the same when the behaviour is repeated. Remember to maintain your cool.

✅ Try and see the world from your child’s eyes. In other words, get a new “frame” or view. Their POV

✅ Remember reframing and/or lens-shift... The child is not BEING difficult, he’s HAVING difficulties.

✅ Redefine "respect"; try and understand how the brain works... when kids hit and scream, they're doing so from their immature brain's stress response (the fight or flight response). They are not being rude or disrespectful. Maybe they don't use the best words... but where did they get that vocabulary from? How have we acted when we've been mad at them?

✅ Remind yourself that behavior is a SYMPTOM. When we have an illness, we seek to find the cause, not fixate on the symptoms.

✅ Remind yourself that your child’s behavior is hard for you, but it’s harder for them. Their brain is not yet developed enough to know how to problem-solve, how to articulate properly, how to express themselves rationally when upset. BUT YOU DO!

While some grandparents may willingly help with babysitting, it's not an obligation, and each family's situation and expectations can differ. Grandparents are humans who can make choices and have their priorities... let's not judge them for that.

What do you have to say about this?

I meet so many teenagers and adults who still carry scars from their childhood. I too had to deal with a lot of emotional baggage that I carried into my early 30s till I finally started working with experts and took help. I worked on my inner child and took healing seriously.

Give the life/parents/family you wanted so badly in your childhood to your child. Make it a reality for him/her.

Providing your children with a loving, supportive, and enriching childhood is essential. It's important to create a safe and nurturing environment, encourage their interests and passions, and spend quality time together to help them grow and thrive.

🔗 As a parent, building a strong connection with your child involves active listening, spending quality time together, and showing empathy and understanding.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 It's important to be present, engage in their interests, and create a safe and open environment for communication.

🤗 Building trust and being a positive role model are also key elements in fostering a strong parent-child connection.

Would you like to add anything else you do as a parent to connect with your child?

If you have a solid connection with your child then, believe me... a lot of things will become better for you and your child.

So try to invest in your relationship... while your children are younger.

Received this question and since it had multiple layers, it had to have a detailed answer. Many of us don't understand how complicated yet effortless parenting is. It depends on having our facts on point and sticking to what we think is right for us and our children.

Being a teen parent can be rewarding and a great experience.

The one thing we need to do is work on being a parent who is respectful, loving and EMPATHETIC. Try not to judge them and try understanding their point of view (you might/might not agree).

Respectful parenting isn't a fad or unreal... but the myths surrounding it makes the concept turn into something it isn't.

What out of these have you heard? 👂
Leave any other myths you know about respectful parenting... 💬

Have you ever noticed how we tell our kids to do (or not do)?

It must really be annoying to be constantly interrupted, directed, and told off... but what if I tell you there was another way?

Often, if we think about it a little, we can phrase what we say as a choice instead. The thing is, when using choices, we really need to be okay with each of the options we give.

Eg. "Sweetheart, I can see you're having a hard time, but we need to go out now. Would you like me to help you put your shoes on, or would you like to put them on yourself in the car?"

Giving children a little control within their own lives can go a long way to reducing conflict.

Managing big feelings can be really difficult, even as adults, and yet we often expect children to do it ...
Is that fair?

When I didn't have children, I was actually in school before I studied human psychology... I thought 'good kids' were a blessing... but now I am not raising a good kid... why you ask???

♥️ If being good means she has to be perfect in everything she does... I have a problem. I might as well have a child who works hard, tries, enjoys their success and learns from failures...

💖 If I have to raise a people-pleaser in the name of a 'good girl' might as well I don't raise a 'good girl'. Instead, I want Zoe to be someone who listens and argues (when needed)... be empathetic and kind, yet strong and has an opinion.

💜 If being a good girl means always putting others forward... then I Don't want to raise a 'good girl'. Instead I want to raise someone who doesn't put herself down for others all the time.

💚 If being a good girl means doing as the society expects you to... I definitely don't want to raise a 'good girl'. I want her to shatter all glass ceilings that the society has created for women.

🧡 If being a good girl means taking s**t and keeping quiet... then I'm definitely not raising a good girl.

Are you raising a good girl???

It's easy for a child to understand, why can't an adult see how our baseless gender biases and stereotypes are affecting our children and the next generation.

Many parents are doing their bit and consciously raising children in a gender equal environment. But eventually a child goes into a world which is full of biases. Children coming from families where gender biases are followed start thinking these are facts.

If a 12-year old can get it... Why can't full grown adults?

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Unlike popular opinion respectful parenting ≠ permissive parenting.

Parents often confuse the two.

If this post gives you clarity, do share and give it a ❤️

Childhood trauma can have a significant impact on an individual's ability to parent effectively. Here are some ways it might affect someone:

1. Attachment Issues: Those who experienced trauma as children may struggle with forming secure attachments with their own children. They might have difficulty expressing and receiving affection, leading to emotional distance.

2. Parenting Style: Trauma can influence parenting styles. Some may become overprotective, fearing for their child's safety, while others might become distant or detached, replicating the emotional neglect they experienced.

3. Emotional Regulation: Childhood trauma can impair emotional regulation. Parents with unresolved trauma may struggle to manage their emotions, leading to unpredictable outbursts or emotional withdrawal.

4. Communication Challenges: Trauma survivors might have difficulty communicating openly and effectively with their children. This can hinder the child's ability to express themselves and feel heard.

5. Trigger Responses: Certain situations or behaviors in their children may trigger memories or emotions related to their own trauma. This can lead to reactive, rather than responsive, parenting.

6. Boundary Issues: Childhood trauma can make it hard for parents to set appropriate boundaries for their children. They might struggle to find a balance between being too permissive or too controlling.

7. Repetition of Patterns: Unresolved trauma can lead to the repetition of negative patterns. Parents may unintentionally recreate some of the same dynamics they experienced in their own childhood.

It's important to note that while childhood trauma can pose challenges, it's not destiny. Many individuals with a history of trauma seek therapy and support to heal and develop healthier parenting strategies. Awareness and a willingness to address these issues are crucial steps towards breaking the cycle and becoming better parents.

Affirmations for teens ..

😑 We all fall to rise. Some days, I fall as a parent, I argue, I question myself, I resist things which I am supposed to do as a parent, and I compare myself with others… but then....

🥰..... on these very days, my tween becomes a bigger person, more mature, she understands, she becomes the parent in our relationship.

👩‍👧That happens because we have built our connection over time (with a lot of patience, love, respect). We are still working... and growing everyday. All of us have days like this... don't you?

Our children grow up as blindly following one of the adults in their environment. There's no way they are allowed to question their authority. And those who choose to do are known as rebels.

If you have grown up in the 80s/90s or earlier... Chances are you've grown up in an environment where you were reprimanded for questioning authority.

It's all the more important now that we show our children that we cam respectfully agree to disagree.

This is why it's important we teach kids the skill of respectfully disagreeing - and who better to practice than with us? A safe, supportive person who is going to guide them in this situation.

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Triggers are stimuli or situations that cause an emotional or psychological response in an individual. These responses can range from mild discomfort to intense emotional reactions.

Triggers are often linked to past experiences, trauma, or personal associations. Identifying triggers can be helpful in managing emotional reactions and practicing self-care.

Our ability to handle our triggers and the reactions is tied to our ability to understand feelings, where they come from, and tolerate the sensations that arise when we experience them.

When we create space for ourselves to do this, we're better able to create space for our children.