Gagan Homoeopathic Clinic

BOOST ——Yourself —— UP
Do what you can, when you can. It may help to prioritize your caregiving duties. Focus on those daily tasks that absolutely must get done. Schedule other tasks when you have time. Once you start to prioritize your work, you’ll notice that you actually get more accomplished. It also helps to set realistic goals and break large tasks into smaller pieces so you can accomplish something toward your goal each day

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CAREGIVER ALSO NEEDS CARE
Caregivers spend an average of more than 24 hours a week assisting their loved ones. While that time can be deeply rewarding, it can also leave you vulnerable -- if you put your own health and well-being at the bottom of your to-do lists.

Neglecting your needs can have serious consequences: A report from the Family Caregiver Alliance found that 40%-70% of caregivers have symptoms of depression

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Face Blindness

The actor BRAD PITT said in a recent interview that he has prosopagnosia, a rare neurological disorder commonly referred to as face blindness. While Mr. Pitt, 58, has never been formally diagnosed with the condition, he said in an interview with GQ that he had struggled for years to recognize people's faces
Prosopagnosia also called face blindness, is a cognitive disorder of face perception in which the ability to recognize familiar faces, including one's own face (self-recognition), is impaired, while other aspects of visual processing (e.g., object discrimination) and intellectual functioning (e.g., decision-making) remain intact.

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Source : www.Nytimes.com 06/07/2022, Wikipedia

SUPERIORITY COMPLEX OR INFERIORITY COMPLEX
A superiority complex is a defense mechanism that develops over time to help a person cope with feelings of inferiority. Individuals with this complex typically come across as supercilious, haughty, and disdainful toward others. They may treat others in an imperious, overbearing, and even aggressive manner.

In everyday usage, the term "superiority complex" is used to refer to an overly high opinion of oneself.

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Kids living in a community have habits of sharing feelings/ sharing food/ taking care of others ----- while being in a party --- they know taking care of others also apart from family bringing things to everyone around them/ rather then being concerned only for their family.

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LIVING IN A COMMUNITY Or JOINT FAMILY
✦ A sense of responsibility develops in each member regarding his role in the community, and the efforts to take in order to improve living.

✦ Community living teaches one to deal and adjust with others so that everyone is satisfied. It involves overcoming the hurdles of life, together. This type of living promotes humility, open-mindedness, understanding, and empathy. It helps develop acceptance towards differences and differing perspectives.

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NARCISSISM.
Lack of empathy
Need For Admiration
Arrogance
Manipulative behaviour
Sense of ENTITLEMENT

An essential facet of maturity is the ability to think about other people’s needs and feelings. Immature people only appear to care about themselves. They dislike compromise and don’t want to take other people’s ideas into account. They always want to have their own way.
Those with high levels of narcissism or NPD may learn how to recognize their behavior with the right treatment. This can help to improve their lives and the lives of those around them. Historically, narcissists do not seek help since it doesn’t fit the self-image they have of themselves. They may need the encouragement of a loved one to help them seek out professional help.

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Children are often impulsive. They speak out of turn or touch things that they shouldn’t touch. They say things without thinking about how they’ll affect other people. Over time, people learn not to do those things. Emotionally immature adults haven’t learned to curb their impulses. They act in unpredictable or antisocial ways.

Should we consider this as an offence or we should see this as a person in need of treatment.
As this is PETER PAN SYNDROME


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“PETER PAN SYNDROME” IS A POPULAR PSYCHOLOGY TERM DESCRIBING YOUNG ADULTS — PARTICULARLY MALES — WHO CANNOT SEEM TO “GROW UP.”

Peter Pan Syndrome describes people who have difficulty “growing up.” They may find it hard to manage responsibilities Of adult , such as keeping a job for long time and maintaining healthy relationships in their life.
People with Peter Pan Syndrome behave irresponsibly and it's challenging for them to have functional social, professional, and romantic relationships.
People with Peter Pan Syndrome refuse to accept responsibility, they tend to blame others for problems. They also have difficulty expressing their emotions, which contributes to their issue with maintaining relationships.
EMOTIONAL PARALYSIS
SLOWNESS
AVOIDING REPONSIBILTY
CHANGING JOBS FREQUENTLY
ROMANTIC PARTNER AS "MOTHER FIGURE"
FEELING DISTANT WITH MALE AUTHORITY FIGURES

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ACADEMIC INTELLIGENCE OFFERS VIRTUALLY NO PREPARATION FOR THE TURMOIL—OR OPPORTUNITY—LIFE'S VICISSITUDES BRING.
The Academic intelligence has little to do with emotional life. The brightest among us can founder on the shoals of unbridled passions and unruly impulses; people with high IQs can be stunningly poor pilots of their private lives.
On the contrary -------BUT CHILDHOOD ABILITIES SUCH AS BEING ABLE TO HANDLE FRUSTRATIONS, CONTROL EMOTIONS, AND GET ON WITH OTHER PEOPLE MADE THE GREATER DIFFERENCE.

Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence
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WHAT IS WANTED IS APPROPRIATE EMOTION,
Feeling proportionate to circumstance. When emotions are too muted they create dullness and distance; when out of control, too extreme and persistent, they become pathological, as in immobilizing depression, overwhelming anxiety, raging anger, manic agitation.
Indeed, keeping our distressing emotions in check is the key to emotional well-being; extremes—emotions that wax too intensely or for too long—undermine our stability. Being happy all the time somehow suggests the blandness of those smiley-face badges that had a faddish moment in the 1970s. THERE IS MUCH TO BE SAID FOR THE CONSTRUCTIVE CONTRIBUTION OF SUFFERING TO CREATIVE AND SPIRITUAL LIFE; SUFFERING CAN TEMPER THE SOUL.

Goleman, Daniel

MAJOR PROBLEM FOR MEN IS THAT THEIR WIVES ARE TOO INTENSE IN VOICING COMPLAINTS.
Wives need to make a purposeful effort to be careful not to attack their husbands—to complain about what they did, but not criticize them as a person or express contempt. Complaints are not attacks on character, but rather a clear statement that a particular action is distressing/Hurting them .

Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence
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# relations # couple relationships # Husband # wife # healthy relations

Men also need to be on guard against short-circuiting the discussion by offering a practical solution too early on— She may hear his offering advice as a way of dismissing her feelings as insignificant.
Husbands who are able to stay with their wives through the heat of anger, rather than dismissing their complaints as petty, help their wives feel heard and respected. Most especially, wives want to have their feelings acknowledged and respected as valid, even if their husbands disagree. More often than not, when a wife feels her view is heard and her feelings registered, she calms down.

Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence
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THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN COMPLAINTS AND PERSONAL CRITICISMS ARE SIMPLE
In a complaint, a person states specifically what is upsetting Him/her, and criticises partner ACTION, not partner . But in a personal criticism Person uses the specific grievance to launch a global attack on partner : "You're always so selfish and uncaring. It just proves I can't trust you to do anything right." This kind of criticism leaves the person on the receiving end feeling ashamed, disliked, blamed, and defective—all of which are more likely to lead to a defensive response than to steps to improve things.
For ex -
Rather partner should say when u forgot my work, it makes me feel u don’t care about me.

Emotional intelligence - Daniel Goleman
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IS IT THE PHYSICAL SHORT STATURE OR MENTAL SHORT STATURE Called as NAPOLEAN COMPLEX ???????
Napoleon complex informally known as small man syndrome is attributed to people of short stature but in reality it is attributed to people who feel INFERIOR / SHORTER / SMALLER in comparison to others.
To compensate the short stature they can become overly aggressive or domineering in social behaviour.
In recent years term " NAPOLEAN COMPLEX" has been used to denote those persons who have little or no standing or importance within a social or business group, but who falsely exhibit advanced levels of authority in spite of lack of real authority.

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“People value possessions, in part, because they afford a sense of protection, insurance, and comfort,” lead researcher Edward Lemay, assistant professor of psychology at University of New Hampshire, said in a statement. “But what we found was that if people already have a feeling of being loved and accepted by others, which also can provide a sense of protection, insurance and comfort, those possessions decrease in value.”

The mother utilizes facially expressed stress-inducing shame transactions which engender a psychobiological missatunement with the mother.” THE MOTHER ACCUSES THE CHILD JUST BY HER LOOK. Her accusative look warns the child that the action he or she is taking or is about to undertake will break the bond. This becomes a permanent imprint and we carry that accusing face with us, lifelong.

Magical parent Magical child
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REAL LEARNING HAPPENS WITHOUT A FORMULA IN YOUR HEAD. When Joe Montana ( An American football player) used to drop back to pass, he wasn’t thinking, “Okay, he’s running out to the right and I’ve done this play before.” No, he’s completely enmeshed in the action. Time disappears. When that happens, you disappear. You literally disappear. What exists is the game and the play and the joy. JOY HAPPENS WHEN YOU DISAPPEAR. It’s not about you. It’s about the play and the people.

Magical parent Magical child
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Make a note of the type of thoughts that are running through your mind when you think about adversity. Be as honest as you can and DO NOT TRY TO SUGARCOAT OR EDIT YOUR FEELINGS.
CHALLENGE your old beliefs.

LEARNED OPTIMISM CONTRASTED WITH LEARNED HELPLESSNESS involves developing the ability to view the world from a positive point of view.
By challenging negative self-talk and replacing pessimistic thoughts with more positive ones
1). Optimists tend to view bad times as temporary. Because of this, they also tend to be better able to bounce back after failures or setbacks. Pessimists are more likely to see negative events as permanent and unchangeable
2). When optimists experience failure in one area, they do not let it influence their beliefs about their abilities in other areas. Pessimists, however, view setbacks as more pervasive. In other words, if they fail at one thing, they believe they will fail at everything.

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Learned helplessness occurs WHEN SOMEONE REPEATEDLY FACES UNCONTROLLABLE, STRESSFUL SITUATIONS, THEN DOES NOT EXERCISE CONTROL WHEN IT BECOMES AVAILABLE.

They have “learned” that they are helpless in that situation and NO LONGER TRY TO CHANGE IT, EVEN WHEN CHANGE IS POSSIBLE.

Once a person having this experience discovers that they cannot control events around them, they lose motivation. Even if an opportunity arises that allows the person to alter their circumstances, they do not take action

Learned HELPLESSNESS Leads to FEELINGS of Depression and stress
ONCE the motivation is Lost it becomes Difficult for them to make decisions

ONCE YOU BECOME AWARE THAT YOUR REACTION to situation is not appropriate That This is
LEARNED HELPLESSNESS - Definitely you will Strive to come out of it or at the least initiate a TREATMENT to get rid of it

((((((((research has shown that increased 5-HT (SEROTONIN) ACTIVITY IN THE DORSAL RAPHE NUCLEUS in BRAIN plays a critical role in LEARNED HELPLESSNESS))))))))

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ALLOWING THEM TO BE PART OF THE DECISION-MAKING PROCESS CAN BE A HUGE ASSET IN SOLVING CERTAIN PROBLEMS.
Extending choice to our parents is one effective way of helping them feel in control. For example, if the issue under discussion is turning over their finances, you might say, “Give me your ideas of how you think this transition can best be handled?” BY ALLOWING YOUR PARENT TO MAKE SUGGESTIONS, YOU ARE GIVING THEM A VOICE AND AN INVITATION TO BE PART OF THE SOLUTION. As they take that control, they are more likely to adapt to the changes that are being suggested because they are part of the decision-making.

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THE BEST STARTING POINT IS TO TRY TO STEP INTO YOUR PARENT’S SHOES.

We usually see life through our own eyes but communicating effectively with older adults requires an empathic perspective from their point of view. When talking with older adults it is critical to understand how loss begins to define so much of their world: loss of health, finances, friends, mobility, and control, to name just a few. If we acknowledge and let them talk about these losses, it often gives us opportunities to talk about alternatives that help them retain what control they have left.

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A HOME WHERE EMOTIONS ARE WELCOMED AND ENCOURAGED IS A SAFE AND SECURE PLACE FOR EVERYONE.
Healthy families encourage emotions.
Feelings are the way we express ourselves at our deepest levels. Feelings enable us to experience closeness and understand each another in meaningful ways.

So, it only makes sense that healthy families create an open forum for feelings to be expressed and taken seriously. When a member of the family shows excitement, sadness, tenderness or even anger, invite them to talk about it.

Probe gently, show empathy and validate the emotion, even if you don’t fully understand the circumstances surrounding the emotion. The facts aren’t as important as the emotion. You can make sense of the facts later. Focus in on the emotion; which is the heart of the message you should tune in to.

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# # # # # MOVING OUT OF ENMESHED RELATIONSHIP # # # # # #
1st Thing is BEING AWARE That u r in a enmeshed relationship
IT's really difficult to come out of an ENMESHED relation Because u were behaving the same since many years or perhaps since childhood
The next step is to OVERCOMING the GUILT Feeling as you take steps to correct it , Guilt can again trap u back in the relation
As u become aware that u r in a ENMESHED relation , things are going to shift with your awareness only, NOW U WILL KNOW THERE IS NOTHING WRONG IN THINKING ABOUT ONE'S SELF as u decide to move your subconscious will gradually prepare for moving on.
OVERCOMING RIFT------- Things will be uncomfortable as you decided u will start addressing your point of view making the other person uncomfortable There will be RIFTS/ QUARRELS if u indulge in arguments.
NOW ON THE WHOLE YOUR SUBCONCIOUS WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO SETTLE DOWN WITH ABUSE
Gradually bearing the pain of Rifts/ quarrels u will come out of it, as you now know that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN NEEDS AND EMOTIONS

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# # # # # # # # # BEING AN ENMESHED FAMILY # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #
#@ #@ #@ #@. EVERY DAY, MAKE ONE ATTEMPT TO TAP INTO THAT INNER WORLD OF EACH FAMILY MEMBER #@ #@ #@ #@ #@

In other words, make regular time for FACE-TO-FACE CONVERSATIONS with each other. When you do talk with your spouse or children, GIVE YOUR FULL ATTENTION, LISTEN CAREFULLY TO THE DETAILS and ask questions to learn more. It’s easy to become a lazy listener to family members because you unconsciously think you know everything there is to know about them. But, there is a whole inner world of ideas, thoughts and emotions that are sprouting up each day that you will only learn about if you are curious and attentive. In fact, try being deliberately curious. . You will learn things you never imagined and feel closer to them as a result.

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# # # FEEL GUILT OR SHAME WHEN ADVOCATING FOR YOURSELF # # # #

1)You feel anxious when spending time alone or apart from the other person in the relationship.
2)You have a hard time feeling happy if the other person is unhappy.
3) You prioritize their needs and erase your own.
4) You are isolated from people outside of the relationship or family
5) You enjoy the other person's closeness or dependency on you.
6) You find it difficult to engage in healthy debates or conflict without feeling like you've personally offended the other person.

In the case of a parent-child relationship, the parent may be overly worried, concerned, or involved in their child's life. While the desire is to be close, this type of dependency and control can actually push the child away😕😕

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EVERY PERSON HAS TO LIVE HIS OWN LIFE/ BELIEFS / THOUGHTS
But what happens when a person so emotionally attached or rather burdened by the expectations of others whom he value very much/ family/ partner /lover

HE has to live according to the expectations of others , HE gradually loses his personal identity or autonomy.

PARENTS center their emotions / actions on Children & their SUCESSES or mistakes , attempt to know and direct all of the child’s feelings or thoughts & relies heavily on the children for emotional support

CHILDREN AFFECTED BY ENMESHMENT MAY FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE TO
TAKE CARE OF THE PARENT, RATHER THAN THE OTHER WAY AROUND

In enmeshed families children may be brought up with the expectation that they will accede to their parents wishes and develop the same belief system and ideals
Some children may become parents sole source of emotional support or become the vehicle through which
A PARENT LIVES OUT THEIR OWN UNREALISED DREAMS.

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Making a child what you want to be !!!!!!!!!! CONDITIONING A CHILD

Most parenting and education models are based on conditioning, external rewards, and punishments. These control strategies reduce learning and performance to predetermined patterns.
LEARNING BE- COMES REFLEXIVE, REPETITIVE, MECHANICAL.
A predetermined response to fresh challenges lacks the dynamic flexibility of true intelligence. Con- ditioning introduces potential failure, the implied threat of possible pub- lic humiliation and censure. With conditioning, the optimal experience found in real Play, Flow, or the Zone is denied.

MICHAEL MENDIZZA & JOSEPH CLINTON PEARCE
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WHATEVER CHILDREN ARE DOING—IS LEARNING. They’re learning like little sponges, all the time. But they’re told, “Stop it because this is
worthless. What is important is this. Pay attention. ‘A’ is for apple.” Everything else is undermined and pronounced worthless. All your authority figures tell you that your nature, which is to explore, is worthless. If they don’t teach you, it's not learning. I’ve recently come to the startling but obvious conclusion that learning occurs naturally, but teaching isn’t natural at all.

The little ones are learning from the older children or from the adults, but nobody’s teaching. They’re learning on their own initiative, which is so powerful. You don’t have to augment it. In fact you can’t really augment it. There’s no way you can make a child learn better than he would if he or she wants to.
Jean Leidloff