FeelGood Counselling

Patchwork
"रेसिपी मध्ये दोन चमचे लिहिलेलं असलं तरी एकदम भसकन दोन चमचे नको घालू. अंदाज घेऊन बेता बेताने घालावं ", इति आई. थोड्याफार फरकाने हेच ग्यान इति आजी सुद्धा. अर्थात आई ही ते आजी कडूनच शिकली असणार.
भाई काकांनी मला दहावीत असताना चहा करायला शिकवला. मी आज इतके वर्षांनी सुद्धा साधारण त्याच प्रमाणाने चहा करते.
माझ्या मावशी च्या जावेने मला पोळ्या भाजायला शिकवल्या. वास्तविक त्यांचा माझा फारसा संबंध ही यायचा नाही. कधीतरी मावशी कडेच भेट झाली तर. पण एकदा योगोयोगाने मी पोळ्या करत असतानाच त्या आल्या आणि मला काही टिप्स देऊन गेल्या. आणि गम्मत म्हणजे आजही मी तश्याच पोळ्या भाजते.
कोणाची पद्धत वापरून दही छान लागतं, कोणाचं बघून केलेली भाकरी टम्म फुगते, कोणी ठराविक कपडे कसे कॅरी करायचे ते शिकवलं तर कोणाला बघून कठीण प्रसंग डिप्लोमॅटिकली हॅन्डल करायला शिकले.
कधी मुद्दामून तर कधी बघून बघून सहज पणे. पण आपल्या संपर्कात आलेल्या कित्येक माणसांकडून आपण कितीतरी गोष्टी शिकत असतो, आत्मसात करत असतो. कधी एखादी लकब, एखादी बोलण्याची ढब, एखादं काम करायची पद्धत, किंवा मग कुठला परफ्युम किंवा मेकअप टीप !
आणि हो, प्रत्येक वेळी समोरच्याचं काही कॉपीच केला पाहिजे असं नाही हं. कधी कधी कसं नाही वागायचं हे ही शिकतोच कि आपण लोकां कडून.
काही आठवणी, काही किस्से, काही वस्तू, ठराविक माणसांशी घट्ट जोडलेल्या असतात. त्या प्रसंगी किंवा ती वस्तू बघितल्यावर, त्या माणसाची आठवण हमखास येते. आपल्या माणसांना असं मुद्दाम बसून आठवावं लागत नाही. ती आठवतातच. रोजच्या छोट्या छोट्या कृतीतून.

How? How much? How long do we mourn the loss of a loved one? After how many days can we switch off the sorrow button? Go to a restaurant? Have a get together with friends? Share a hearty laugh? Watch a movie? Eat ice cream?

Is there a guideline or a rule book available? A standardised brochure perhaps?

Mourning looks different on different people. Some might wear it like a cloak to avoid social interactions, giving them the required time and space to heal. While some might bury it deep inside, outwardly going about their business as usual, gaining strength from the synergy of their world to heal the wounds inside.

To each his own!

In either case the superficial behaviour is no measure for the pain within.
Let us not be in a hurry to chastise ourselves or criticise others for mourning too much or too little. How much is ‘just right’ anyway?
Let us give ourselves and others the freedom to heal at our/their own pace, in our/their own way, as per our/their own comfort.

The people who pass away or part from us for whatever reason, carry with them a piece of our heart. And leave behind a piece of theirs, gelled onto ours. And we go through life with this patchwork of a heart, carrying all those hearts with us whom we have loved, lost, missed.

An untouched heart might be in perfect shape. But that is not how a heart is supposed to be. The heart which is broken and mended, scarred and restored, with fragments of memories stitched on with laughter and soaked in tears; that is the heart which has laughed and cried, loved and lived to the fullest.

Smiles and heartache and hugs and tears,
A little bit of everything, if you may;
Give me the patchwork heart, any day!

Sanjivani

Communication is the process of passing information (sending) and understanding (receiving) the same from one person to another through verbal and non-verbal means”

Recently while browsing some sites looking for some information I needed, I came across this definition of Communication. The words ‘Understanding (receiving) the same’ amused me. Got me thinking.

Communication will only be effective if the receiver receives the same information that the giver is trying to give. Right? Right!
Whose responsibility is it then to make sure that the information is received correctly? Does the onus of understanding lie with the receiver alone?
Is it only the receiver’s responsibility to interpret the information correctly? And only his/her mistake if the information is misunderstood?

Can the sender just say, "I didn't mean it that way", and brush off the responsibility?
Isn't the sender equally responsible to make sure that the information is transfered appropriately? His/her choice of words, tone of voice, body language, timing, mode of communication… There are so many factors that contribute to the message being conveyed.

Let us all learn and teach our children to take responsibility for what we communicate and not just blame the receiver for any misinterpretation!

MYTHS ABOUT COUNSELLING
Myth 3: Relationship Counselling / Couple Counselling is for people who have trouble in their relationship
Taking efforts to improve a relationship is a sign that you care!
As we water a plant to make it grow, or practice a skill to master it, similarly, working on a relationship, helps make it stronger.
Working on skills like communication, conflict resolution, intimacy with your partner, helps the relationship thrive during tough times.

MYTHS ABOUT COUNSELLING :
Myth 2 : Counselling is for weak people...
It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge and accept one's problems. And it takes courage to seek help to counter those problems.
We all face problems. And sometimes we feel overwhelmed by our problems.
It is a sign of positivity and tenacity to try to remedy the situation and strive for a better tomorrow, even if it means seeking professional help!

MYTHS ABOUT COUNSELLING ...

Myth 1 : Counselling is only useful for major issues or for 'crazy people'

Correction : Counselling is useful for everyone in every situation !

True that counselling is beneficial in times of major problems or issues. But counselling can be equally beneficial in everyday life situations when we feel the need to discuss the issue with a third person who can help us view the problem from all angles and reach an unbiased and workable option.

Sometimes small problems pile up to create a big hurdle in our mind. Talking with a counsellor can help us sort those issues to move forward and handle our problems in a positive manner step by step.

Counselling need not only be used as a reactive measure when faced with some problem situation. It can also be used as a preventative measure. A tool to empower and strengthen ourselves and help provide mental and emotional tools and strategies to use in future times of stress. We see physicians for prevention through annual check-ups – we can think of counselling in the same way.

Ever heard of toxic positivity?
The obsession to stay positive, look happy, keep smiling, at all times.
Right from childhood we are taught to not cry, let it go, be brave, smile and bear it...
Sound advice indeed !
And in the process we also learn to ignore, hide, push aside, our so called 'negative' feelings.
But guess what?
They don't just go away so easily. They accumulate, linger at the sidelines, try to nudge their way into our psyche time and again, and barge in at the most inopportune moments.
So let's acknowledge, own up to, and deal with the fears, the anger, the guilt, the weaknesses, the shortcomings that we feel.
And lets head towards a truly positive, happy and healthy self !

At FeelGood Counselling, we are always here to help !

It's the little things that have the biggest effect.

Let's Make Everyday Better !