Expat Wellbeing

All my bags are packed (almost). I'm ready to go... 🎵

I'm winding down for the holiday season, and soon I'll be heading to Indonesia 🇮🇩

Our cat 🐾 who stays behind in Rotterdam and is usually my biggest worry when travelling, has a team of sitters – our dear, kind neighbours.

I'm still nursing a cold 🤧 so it'll be 😷 for me on the long trip home

This year has been a journey, and I'm signing off 2023 with my heart full 💖

In the agenda will be... oh, actually there's not much of an agenda 😊

We'll simply embrace slow travelling, resting and doing nothing 🌾

Enjoying quiet, empty moments as they emerge and also connecting with family and friends 💕

Reconciling with the past, being in the present, while looking forward to the future 🌿

This is the moment where I remind myself

I am good enough, warts and all

And I love myself unconditionally

Not just because of the season, but because it's been my constant lifelong practice 👣

And I'd love to THANK YOU for doing your best and taking care of you 💖

Wishing you a heartwarming holiday and may we continue in the new year with a deeper sense of appreciation and connection in this journey together🌟

Are you so busy that you have no time to refill your own cup?

How about being more gentle to yourself and make time for taking care of yourself.

Start asking yourself these important questions.

And if this speaks to you, I'd love to see in my workshop upcoming Wednesday.

Are you so busy that you have no time to refill your own cup? Powered by Restream https://restream.ioAre you so busy that you have no time to refill your own cup?How about being more gentle to yourself and make time for...

Are you hustling for self-worthiness?

This has been a personal theme I unpacked in my interview with the People Impact Podcast. I can't be more grateful to the wonderful hosts Marjolijn Vlug and Lisa Dempsey, for holding the safe brave space.

Believe me, I was nervous 😅 And it's helpful that this podcast is “not a place for performance” as Lisa and Marjolijn affirm. I mean, fun and ease are the values embraced in the interview process.

So if you're looking to expand your perspective on people in organisation and beyond, check out this podcast in your favourite podcast app.
.. or you've got your story to share, do reach out to them 🤗

Stay tuned for my episode 🙋‍♀️

And in the meantime, I've got some inspiring episodes I plan to catch up on. 🔊💙

Whether you've hit the ground running at the start of the week. Or, taking a slow start like me...

Either is okay, as long as it feels true and respectful to yourself.

I know there are a lot of productivity hacks out there,

with the general message being, "You should push yourself through a lot of tasks or else you won't be successful"

I got a sense though, a lot of us know very well about pushing through.

But how about consciously taking a slow moment?

It's not wasting time, but a worthwhile investment in your ongoing performance to:

🔹 intentionally recover from a tough situation
🔹 recentre yourself amid stressful changes
🔹 calm down the agitated nerves

In this long game called life, self-care is the best "productivity hack" there is.

Wishing you a week filled with joy, purpose and balance 🎯🌟

Is there a blueprint for self-care?

Or an ultimate 'recipe' that always works each time?

There may be useful analytics that help us understand the facets of our health and wellbeing.

But I have a sense that self-awareness is key to understanding what we need to take care of ourselves.

Because each time, our conditions will likely be different.

Even in our self-care, I realized that we need to be mindful there too.

Otherwise, we'd fall for the latest trends without really understanding if it fits what we need --- and before we know it, we'd be caught in the trap of busying ourselves, doing more in the name of self-care.

It's not about doing more. No guarantee that the more you do the good things, the better self-care you have.

Self-care is about simplifying and doing what matters. What's meaningful to you personally. What's making a real impact in your life.

Your 'recipe' for self-care will likely be personal and unique to your situation.

Inspirations for my self-care recipe, I draw from among others the teaching of Thich Nhat Hanh --- mindfulness that is 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘥 in practical ways and 𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 in daily activities.

This book holds simple and applicable Zen practices for our work and life.

I took a snap before I sent it to a client as a gift. It seems though, it's been taking a journey of its own and I'm curious where it's landed since it never arrived 📪

(Another inspiration is from creative dance therapy 🕺 - for another story 🙌)

Curious what your thoughts are about self-care. What makes it work for you? 🙏

Healing is never a linear journey. Today I was humbled to be reminded of that again.

In my therapy session today we touched on the topic of family. And it reopened old wounds that I thought have healed and sealed.

(Yes, your mental health coach here is in therapy. She's walking her talk about breaking stigma and shame about proactive self-care.)

Sometimes life works in a funny way.
As just a couple of days ago, I was hosting a workshop on how to uplift emotions.

So this was a great opportunity to practice.

I took my afternoon off. To give space to the old emotions. Not pushing them away.

Taking them for a gentle walk. Allowing them to be. There was sadness. There was grief. And they were okay to be there.

Did I feel better after the walk?
Yes, somewhat. It's an ongoing process to dance with the old emotions.

But there is space again inside.

And it opens interesting encounters. Including, funny enough, with my old therapist from years ago. We briefly chatted on the street 💚 just close to where this picture was taken.

Healing does not happen on a straight-line.

So while on that journey, how about remembering to stop and smell the flowers?

Bonus point if you can guess correctly which spot this is in Rotterdam 🙌🤗

Today is the last day of month but our journey goes on...

Did you know that?
- 1 in 5 experience depression (source: WHO)
- 64% business leaders struggling with mental health conditions (Bupa, 2021)
- 72% entrepreneurs self-reported mental health concerns (UC Berkeley, 2015)

Looking at these stats, you likely know someone dealing with mental health issues. Perhaps you work with that person. Or it’s someone you know from your sports club.
It could be someone sitting in the same room.

One of those 5 in the stat is me.

I'm a mental health coach for leaders. And I'm also a depression survivor.

There is a whole spectrum and nuances of mental health.

It’s not just the monopoly of psychiatric patients.

If there's one BIG thing I learned, it's that...

The life skills that I’ve forged in my mental health recovery are the same skills our leaders need. And that’s what I teach my clients:

self-care & self-awareness
healthy boundaries
managing stress
emotional intelligence
self-compassion
communication.. the list goes on

The human behind the job title or the role, experiences similar challenges. But because of stigma, it's harder to open up and seek help.

This is how I see mental health and leadership:

Each one of us is a leader. We don’t need fancy titles to already act as a leader.

We lead by example. By offering that openness and vulnerability, we build trust with others.

Each one of us can do our part, to co-create a safe space for this sensitive conversation.

Do you agree?

Dutch Mountain Trail anyone? Or DMT for short 🙃

After many years of knowing DMT as Dance Movement Therapy (one of my professional skills)...

We get to discover DMT as a recently officiated hiking trail in South Limburg. Turns out, not all of the Netherlands is flat 😮

So it happened over the past long weekend. Of the seven summits plotted in the trail, we missed one due to a detour.

Day 2 was the hardest for me and I was close to giving up. I had plantar fasciitis due to overworking my flat feet.

But with good rest, re-adjusting my equipment, and motivational support from my husband, I could continue and made it all the way.

Lessons learned:

𝗡𝗼 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗲, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗮𝘃𝗮𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲.
I had a wrong belief that hiking sticks are for "old people" 😇 But am I glad to have them and rely on them heavily on the hardest parts! (Plus I'm accepting the fact that I'm a woman of a certain age 😉)

"𝗗𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁𝘆", was a wise word from our neighbour before we set out. Gladly I stayed hydrated with a sippy water bag, as it also reduced the load I had to carry as I drank more. The right equipment helps set a good habit. (Speaking about self-care, eh? 🤩)

𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝘂𝗽 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄. Obviously I've underestimated the Dutch "mountains" 😊 In the many uphill 'battles' I reminded myself to take pauses and look around. It offers amazing views, a gift if I'm willing to see it 💚

Hope this could inspire your weekend.
Check out the comments below if you want to know more 🙌

If you are a leader with a mental health history 💚 you know the value of self-care. And yet there could be many things that get in the way…

leaving not enough time, or energy to care for yourself.

I know, I've been there.

I've been through depression, and it was my wake-up call how crucial it is to be unapologetic about prioritizing my wellbeing.

Still, it can feel like hard work to uphold our responsibilities, while keeping the emotions uplifted.

Do you feel it too?

That's why this guide is made to be easy.🌱

Unlike generic self-care tips out there, the actions in this guide are bitesize and super actionable.

In fact, these are tried-and-tested actions curated for busy leaders like yourself. It shouldn't feel like yet another thing on your to-do list. 🙌

This guide will give you a concrete ideas and motivation to keep up the good work in taking care of your emotions 💖

So you can show up as the leader you want to be and create success at work without burning your personal life 🌟

Comment 'YES' below if you'd like a copy of the guide 🙏

This morning was my first time ever joining BNI Zwaan (Rotterdam) meeting 😮 At the iconic Euromast, from 6:30 in the morning 🌇

I left feeling energized by new connections made 🤝

So among my business circle in the US, I've heard a lot about BNI (Business Network International).

I'm positively surprised that in Rotterdam is also an active community 🙌 and I've invited myself to their weekly meeting 😊

Proud of myself, for speaking from the heart in my 1-min intro.

Of course, it's never far from my mission for supporting business leaders to uplift their emotions - so they can create success without burning themselves out!

And what's that I'm holding in the picture?

A bundle of business cards of fellow entrepreneurs in the Rotterdam area.

If your name is in there, I'll get to you! 🤗

Leaders, are you too busy for self-care?

You likely are not going to win time by going the same route every day...

while ignoring the red flags of mental/emotional/physical exhaustion.

I'd been in that place, kept going, and I had paid the price dearly with my health, relationships, money, career, and a lot more I couldn't get back.

So here's a gentle reminder.
It's okay to hit the break, pause and make time for yourself.

↳ Being too busy is the first challenge to tackle with self-care.

There is no one-size-fits-all solution here, as we all have come through different routes to our busyness. It could be internalized guilt, emotional overwhelm or a crazy workload. Each will need a personalised approach.

↳ Self-care ISN'T a luxury. It's a necessity for peak performance.

Ignoring our own emotional needs can strain relationships and stifle our creative problem-solving abilities.

↳ If you find yourself 'allergic' to self-care, ask yourself what beliefs you have about it.

You are absolutely allowed to redefine self-care for yourself. If you'd like an example, I have a practical one: self-care is what I do to ease my suffering right now or in the future.

Ready to embrace self-care and be less busy? Leave a 👍 below and share what you'll do with more free time!

For when you (feel like you) have no time for yourself 😇

I found this old Zen proverb:

“You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day. 𝙐𝙣𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙗𝙪𝙨𝙮, then you should sit for an hour.”

Sounds funny?
Counter intuitive?
Making no sense?

So is life sometimes 🤷‍♀️

But there's some truth in it.

The more we are busy out there, the more we need our practice to center ourselves.

Some call it spirituality, some call it self-care.

💡 GOOD NEWS: Self-care doesn't necessarily involve hours on a meditation cushion.

You can weave self-care into your busy life seamlessly. And that's what I love to help my clients with 💚

Back when I was an undergrad student in informatics, I wrote a thesis on handwritten character recognition using AI. We programmed a neural network, a rudimentary model of a learning brain, and 'fed' it with data - a bunch of sample handwritten characters on paper that we then scanned and converted into digital data. It was quite a naive project really.

But if there's anything I learned is that, what we 'feed' into the AI - the data - is what makes or breaks the system. Say we didn't include handwritten samples that are different enough, our model would be biased to recognize only certain style of handwriting.

I just learned about the story of Timnit Gebru, an AI leading specialist who voiced this concern and got fired (not to mention other jarring experiences she faced in her career)...

“In accepting large amounts of web text as ‘representative’ of ‘all’ of humanity, we risk perpetuating dominant viewpoints, increasing power imbalances and further reifying inequality,”

This is not an anti vs pro AI post.

Technology amplifies who we are.
As a member of humanity, we take part in what we feed into the system.

The first checkpoint is ourself.
How mindful are we about what we consume on daily basis?

What's your thoughts?

‘There was all sorts of toxic behaviour’: Timnit Gebru on her sacking by Google, AI’s dangers and big tech’s biases The Ethiopian-born computer scientist lost her job after pointing out the inequalities built into AI. But after decades working with technology companies, she knows all too much about discrimination

10 facts about me you might not know (yet)

1. I'm the youngest of four siblings and grew up in Java ☕ Still an Indonesian national even after nearly 2 decades residing abroad 🇮🇩

2. My first time abroad was when I moved to Sweden 🇸🇪 for my studies in computer science. I had no idea how I survived my first winter ☃ but I remember it was quite fun with international friends.

3. That's when I really got into social dancing. Lindy Hop (swing dance) was my first love 💃🏻🎺

4. The other thing during my studying abroad was that I started travelling, often on my own, hitchhiking and Couchsurfing 👍 🛋

5. I have a second master's degree in Dance Movement Therapy. I use plenty of elements of it in my coaching too 🕺🏻

6. I dabbled in martial arts and am a big fan of kungfu movies. I still have a dream to meet a great Wingchun teacher at some point. When this student is ready, (she hopes) the teacher will appear 🥋🙇🏻‍♀️

7. I'm still impressed by how well-made the series Silicon Valley was. It's funny and also a big study for me in the world of entrepreneurship 🕴🏻

8. Always thought that I was a dog person, until we got us a cat. Adopting a rescue cat has made me a dotting cat mom 🐈‍⬛

9. I met my husband in the climbing gym 🧗‍♀️ He was first and foremost my trusted climbing buddy before we started dating 💗

10. Finally I am able to swim front crawl 🏊‍♀️ reasonably well after almost a year of training with my local swimming club 🤽‍♀️

Love to get to know you too!

What's one fun / interesting / unexpected fact about you?

Share in the comment below 🙌🏽

How do we get people to talk?

A genuine question in one of my calls today, concerning employee wellbeing in her company.

This is a SaaS tech company with a majority of techie folks. I know them well, as I used to be one myself - did you know that about me?

Yes, it felt like ages ago. But I had a good decade working in the software industry, rolling my sleeves up doing the nerdy coding, bug fixing and all that jazz.

Back to the point...

They are certified "great place to work" alright.

But yeah, when talking about mental health or even just talking about how happy are employees, the leaders in the company face this worry.

So we were brainstorming on the call.

First off, we need safety and confidentiality - guaranteed no retaliation if people share anything at all about their inner thoughts and feelings.

We most need empathy and a common language to talk about the same thing - e.g. emotional vocabulary, the scope of what we are talking about, and boundaries of what's on or off-topic.

And this one is the most challenging, I would say. Vulnerability 🙀 Someone needs to start and show others that it's okay to share that not everything is going perfectly.

And who would be the best person to start?

It starts with the leaders.
They give the example to their people.

Trust, empathy, vulnerability... the leaders need to show it first.

But how?

To be continued in another story 😇
(we're still plotting a plan to facilitate that)

What do you think? Have you some ideas?

“I had an AMAZING weekend! I'll tell you more later”, I said on a call with a friend. It was for a business conversation, so I didn't want my enthusiasm to overflow and distract our focus.

But as we were about to hang up, he remembered to ask me again, “What's that amazing thing that happened last weekend?”

Then, of course, I had to spill all my excitement!

It's this Toastmasters International - District 59 conference 💚

As a first-timer, I was honoured that I get to host a workshop on and leadership.

“No, it's nothing to do with food”, I explained to my friend 😇
I admit, I had the same thought as his when I first heard of Toastmasters 🍞 🤔

What is it, though?
Probably there's an official definition somewhere.

But here's my take after experiencing my first-ever district conference.

Toastmasters is a supportive and nurturing community where everyone empowers each other to be a better version of themselves

↪ by developing and refining our competence in , and 🌟

I just learned these as the core values of the community: Integrity, service, respect, excellence, and diversity.

So you can perhaps imagine, spending a weekend with some 180 people living and embodying these values… is truly exhilarating!

Someone also said it's a sandbox. Yes, we play, we experiment, we make friends with each other.

No leaders can do it alone. No one can thrive without friends.
And no less important, we bring what we learn in the sandbox to our life.

Thank you all of you ! 🙏