Children's Play Therapy

By understanding all of this, we can hold realistic expectations for our children’s behaviour. This allows us make effective choices about the way we respond.

Does this mean we have to accept all their behaviour? Not necessarily.

This is where “connect before correct” comes in.

Connect with empathy and understanding, then correct using rational communication, limits, and problem-solving. This approach integrates both brains, helping children learn and grow while nurturing them to develop into happy, healthy, and resilient individuals
👏🏽🤩

Reference:

Siegel, D. J & Bryson, T.P., (2012) The Whole Brian Child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind.

How do children know which of their emotional needs are allowed vs which ones are not? 

Our behaviour.

From birth, children take in feedback based on how we react towards them.

Children perceive our reactions as either full acceptance and a place of safety or the need to hide, conceal, and parent please.

Remember:
Limits can be set while accepting emotions.
Parenting is challenging in this disconnected world.
Parenting is about progress not perfection.
Evidence suggests that you only have to get it right 30% of the time

Play is problem-solving in action 🤓

Play is creativity 🎨

Play is expands your sense of self 🦹🏽‍♀️

Play is testing out new ideas 👩🏽‍🔬

Play is your imagination 💭

Play is joy 🤩

Play is intelligence 🧠

Play is freedom ☀️

I was at the beach recently with my daughter and I turned to her Dad and said “I swear the secret to happy parenting is doing things with your kids you enjoy”.

You see, sometimes I would ferry my daughter around from activity to activity in survival mode for the sake of doing things which are meant to benefit her. Leaving me feeling stressed, anxious and ultimately disconnected from her.

This year I want to be present, make connection a priority and be much less concerned over the ‘shoulds’ of parenthood. I know I feel better when I am doing things with my daughter that I enjoy, and that fill my cup. There is a lot of emphasis on ‘self-care’ in parenthood, but what I have learnt is that self-care doesn’t have to be how it’s being sold, unless you want it to be.

But for me I have realised self-care can include my child. I parent better, I feel more connected with my daughter. I am at ease and I ultimately love sharing the things I enjoy with my daughter. I still love doing things on my own, but when I bring my daughter into my joy I feel way less like I am failing at this parenting gig

Play is learning 🥽🔬🥼

Play has a critical role in the healthy development of children! Play and exploration grow’s brains 🧠

Play serves an important purpose throughout our lifespan and at all stages of our development!

Something I feel so strongly about - the whole thread. So thank you for making this one! There is a time and place for humour, these times are definitely not it.

If we want our children to grow up grounded, confident and resilient we need to be able to recognise times of vulnerability in our childrens lives, which is no easy feat. It does start with us, unfortunately.

Firstly, we must be able to recognise what we as children were denied, as this creates a barrier towards our ability to fully supporting them and their needs. If you were not given the tools and strategies to cope in difficult times it’s much easier to be triggered by your child’s behaviour and continue that cycle. Than to be aware and actively create change; I refuse to continue the cycle.

It is easy to say this is ‘too much’ or that this ‘new style’ of parenting is creating children who are mentally ‘weak’, when in reality responsive/gentle parenting is hard, draining almost and a mental load in and of itself. Responding to your child’s needs is never wrong; validating their feelings is never not okay. You are not ‘babying’ them. There are a lot of toxic traits in relation to children we do need to unlearn, and that is okay. It just takes work, compassion, time, understanding and a lot of apologising without laying blame

The words we use leave a lasting impact on our tamariki

I don't have much to add to this! What you say to and about young people matters. Watch your words.

Image Credit: Kristin Wiens -

An infant’s experiences during the first 1000 days have a profound impact on shaping their future in crucial ways.

Brain development which begins in utero and continues throughout infancy (3 years) lays the foundation for all future development.

These slides explain the relationship between social emotional development and responsive parenting between 0 - 24 months of age

I love this book 💕

It taught me a lot and reaffirmed my values and beliefs in relation to tiny humans. I read this prior to becoming a parent and I return to this book often as it continues to inform my parenting practice.

I would recommend reading this for anyone who is already a parent or is becoming a parenting, or anyone who is working with children and wants to have more tools and strategies and understanding in their kete.

When did being brave become equated with not crying? Crying is not the absence of bravery. Bravery is about being courageous; you can be scared, courageous, and brave all while crying.

When we tell children they are brave for not crying, we are really telling them “thank you for not making me uncomfortable by sharing your feelings”. It is not our child’s job to make us feel comfortable, it is our job to make our child feel comfortable.

Instead, let’s practice telling our kids they were brave full stop, regardless of whether they cried or not. Brave kids cry too, didn’t ya know 💁🏽‍♀️

YES! This is spot on! The things we say to our children matters. How we frame things to them matters! It matters more deeply than we are taught.

Telling them they are 'good' for not crying can be a defining moment for how they feel about themselves. Children are skilled learners and can internalise that they are only 'good' when they do not cry. So in order to be good they must not show their emotions. Similarly, when children get the response 'good girl/boy' when they do something that pleases an adult. What message are we sending them? That they are only good when they do something which pleases us.

If you are not able to show up in your relationships authentically, how does that make you feel? Why are children's emotions considered and treated differently?

Children are inherently worthy of being seen, heard, and valued.

Following on from my video about adults showing their emotions in front of children…

How many times have you heard somebody refer to a new baby a "oh he's such a good boy, he rarely cries", or a, when speaking about a toddler, say something like "be a good girl, stop crying".

The thing is, being 'good' here basically means the baby or child hiding their emotions - and there is nothing good about that.

We teach children, from birth, that we don't tolerate their crying very well - and we tolerate it even less as they grow older. The consequence of this is that they learn to keep those difficult emotions in, at least around us. We teach them to bury their feelings and we teach them that they can't trust us in their moment of need.

What happens when those children become adults? They spend years burying their feelings and not being able to trust anybody with them, the toxicity grow and it manifests in illness, addiction and relationship difficulties.

It's time we stopped praising children for struggling with their emotions alone. We can be the generation who breaks the cycle!

Want to learn more? My new book; Beginnings - a guide to child psychology and development for parents of 0-5yr olds is out now: https://amzn.to/3Ay9ydz