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What is spiritual awakening? Realization and Wisdom - 9th method of Yuan Qigong | Ming Yuan In Ren Xue, the continual development of realization and wisdom constitutes the very core and purpose of life. Enlightenmen...

Woo the Baby: Making Repair with the Baby Within | A More Beautiful Life with Kate White Get more from A More Beautiful Life with Kate White on Patreon

https://youtu.be/lfKzZKdxSmA?si=xunHKG9T49o0xAs5

An Autobiography of Trauma with Dr. Peter Levine A Conversation with Deepak Chopra and Peter Levine about his new book, An Autobiography of Trauma - A Healing Journey* Pre-Order his book here - https://amz...

Increase Awareness & Clarity by Changing Patterns - 8th method of Yuan Qigong | Ling Yuan Have you ever felt like you were not fully in control of yourself, your thoughts and reactions? Most of our behaviour on a daily basis comes from the pattern...

Read this slowly, and let it speak to your own heart. ♥️

Our theme is Openness, Full Moon is on 25th January

In trauma parenting, we hear the term co-regulation often, but what does it mean and how do we do it? Think of co-regulation as "Emotional Teamwork".

"Co-regulation is where one nervous system calms another. It happens when you have a caregiver who is attuned to you as a child. They can use their body, the tone and pitch of their voice, and their breath to anchor safety for you as a child and calm you down." -- Jennifer Nurick

Here is a great article from the Therapist Parent about co-regulation:
Co-regulating with children of all ages (thetherapistparent.com)

Graphic source: mamidientes

How to Overcome Toxic Shame with Peter A. Levine, PhD Is shame getting in the way of your healing?Dr. Levine, the esteemed father of body-based trauma work and developer of Somatic Experiencing®, reveals how to ...

What do I do during my daughter's tantrums?

Very little.

Very little, because if a child has a tantrum, it is because their nervous system is already overwhelmed.

The overwhelm comes from too much activation in their system: too much stimulation, too much noise, too much sugar, too many people around, too many emotions, too fast-paced (being rushed)...

Too much.

Too much for their little system to handle.

So if we add stimulation (by talking to them, for instance), it will add to the overwhelm.

So I stay as quiet as possible and if I need to talk to her, I whisper slowly.
I slow my movements down too.

And I wait for the "storm" to pass...
As I said in my previous post, when the nervous system has reached its point of no return, the only option it has to come back into regulation is to explode.

The tantrum is the explosion.

The best we can do is let the explosion happen.
Fighting it might make it last longer.
After the explosion, the nervous system resets and the child comes back to himself.

So while this happens, I stay close to my child.
As close as she lets me in every given moment.

And I stop her from hurting herself, from hurting others and from damaging things.
Because children can't control themselves during these explosions.
So we do our best to keep them safe.

I stop her hands from grabbing on things that might break.
I stop her hands from reaching to my body and face to hurt me.
I stop her hands from reaching towards others (or herself) to hurt them.

And I wait... for the storm to pass...
I try to stay as regulated as I can myself.

Reminding myself that this tantrum is not about me.
It doesn't mean I'm a bad parent.
It doesn't mean there is something wrong with my child.

It's just that her nervous system reached a point of "too much" that day.
And it's okay.

I don't really talk about it afterwards, I don't shame her for what happened.
Because what happened in that moment was out of her control.

Highly recommended

The Trailer IN UTERO is a cinematic rumination on what will emerge as the most provocative subject of the 21st century – life in the womb and its lasting impact on human development, human behavior, and the state of the world.

And how the environment mirrors it back to you is if the parents are happy around you and they can see you. One of my teachers, whose name is A. H. Almaas, he talks about his theory of holes. And what he means by that is, we are born, he says, with our essence intact or our essential selves intact: clarity, presence, love - these are all aspects of the essence - value. An infant does not think of themselves as worthless. This is not conscious in their part, that essence has to develop but it is there. However, for the essence to develop the environment has to mirror your essence.

Yuan Tze's Full Moon message – August 1, 2023

Transforming Identification and Identity

When we take something as true or real, and fully accept it and take it onboard, we have identified with it. This is an internalization process, making it part of our own lives or our own identities. For example, when we equate having big muscles with being healthy, and we fully accept this idea and take it onboard, we have identified with it. This idea then becomes part of our belief system and identities, i.e., it becomes “my” idea.

What if we have developed many identifications that do not reflect truth? They form a system of reference points that get used repeatedly as we relate to reality. For example, when we are told again and again to stop crying, the idea that crying is a bad thing gets reinforced. Then gradually the pattern develops of seeing crying as a negative thing, which triggers other patterns such as polarized thinking. Patterns that do not reflect truth will in turn reinforce these false identifications and create even more. They form a cycle, feeding into each other and validating each other. Gradually the patterns are established comprehensively and eventually become the base of our patterns of the consciousness. They take control of the consciousness and are behind the ideas, views, and values we hold, the thoughts we have, the feelings we feel, the decisions we make, the actions we take. The consciousness controlled by patterns becomes who we are. It becomes our self-identity, who and what we think we are. The trouble is, this is not who we truly are. It is a false self.

Indeed, of the numerous false identifications we have developed, the biggest one of all is the false self-identification. That is mistaking the false self for the True Self. Yes, this means you are not who you think you are! This self-identity you have developed is only the construct of all the ideas, thoughts and feelings coming from the patterns.

Why are we even talking about all this? False identifications are at the root of the patterns and problems we have. When we hold on to them, life will be controlled by the patterns and plagued by the problems and we will never get a chance to know our True Self and live a life of a true human being. Health, true happiness and sense of wellbeing and growth will always elude us.

It is time to work on false identifications in order to dismantle unhealthy patterns. We can start by examining the ideas we hold. How do you know when something has developed into an identification? One way to find out is observing your response when an idea you hold is challenged. If you become defensive, chances are you have identified with it. Our defence mechanism is activated when we feel under attack or threatened. We feel this way because that idea has become part of our lives, our identities, or, simply, “part of me”. This is why we take it personally. However, the truth is that an idea is an idea, nothing more. Why own it? Why not just stay open and let ideas come and go as the clouds in the sky. They can be used when they are beneficial to you and others, but they don’t need to belong to anyone. They can develop and morph and be as free as you allow them to be. After all, your True Self has all the clarity and no need to attach to any idea.