words & rhyme

We recall a moment as lovely as the first sunrise after a stormy night
A day for people in white coats to guide a new earthling out from a mother’s insides
It’s been seven thousand six hundred seventy days since the moment I first cried
Thousands of days of being a warrior trying to win an endless fight
I’m here even if you fail to hear my voice
For another year, you’ll see me rejoice

happy birthday to me 🎂

i barely knew you
i knew that you always forget your keys
but i never got to know what makes you blue
i do know how you love chicken and cheese
and that you like a certain type of music that i like too
you never really open up and it’s as if your words have fees
but i still chose to give you a love that’s true-
i don’t know if it meant anything but you sure did like to tease

With you, every wound felt less painful and more bearable
My life could be falling apart but I’d still believe it’s repairable
I loved you in a way that made me question the love i used to know— believe me, it’s incomparable

we started the celebration of you together with me
and each guest showed up already but we began to feel a little unsteady
though we would’ve made sparks fly around like confetti, wouldn’t you agree?
we were truly happy, i can guarantee
but in the blink of an eye, we were thrown along with those beyond repair
we were once the perfect pair but the odds didn’t care
everything i could ever want was there, i swear
now, i’m just left to discover the ache of a lover as i watch you love her elsewhere

when you talked about love, it’s always a question of “who?”
you do use the word “love” with so much ease
i always wonder was it really me or her or could it be us two?

(commissioned)

One thing I’ve always looked forward to is the sun when it sets
I loved the idea of it being the only ending that never upsets
I loved that the more it goes, the prettier it gets
Very unlike the burning end of your ci******es

I hate that you gave me a glimpse of how much love I could actually give
When I’m not playing games or being resistive
Aside from sunsets, you gave me something to look forward to— a new reason to live
Made me want to look back in the past and just forgive myself for what I couldn’t give

But we both know that time has a way of turning beautiful things into a game
Like the dying flame from fame or the wedding before the bride changes back to her maiden name
Just like the sunset or your cigarette, time found a way to put out our flame
And it’s a shame to think I might never love again after you came

he made me feel all sort of things
made me think of bells and rings

been under spotlights for so long, but not a single one made me shine as bright as you did

my heart jumped in joy when you promised me the world,
not minding the possibility that you could offer someone else the universe

how bittersweet are yonder dreams
for a life that’s coming apart at the seams
how lonesome are heavy-laden souls
with empty hearts and omitted goals

What would it take for someone to see me?
Not the one who has her makeup ready
Because God forbid someone would see her
With her mind unsteady
The outside just has to be pretty
Because the inside couldn’t be
What would it take for someone to really know me?
That even when I’m smiling amongst the crowd,
He’d see the tear struggling to break loose from my eyes
That even with all the confidence up front
He’ll notice that I’m trembling in fear
Then he’ll hold my hand and say
“I’m here”
Because he knows that behind the walls I’ve built is just a girl in despair

they say, splendid are people with plans
despicable are those who got dirty hands
my oh my, who are we to decide?
must we turn a blind eye and nurture this pride?
oh dear, is this the decision we ponder?
life is nothing when we cease to wander
people did not live only to forever feel ache
why don’t we breathe in and take a break
the beauty around is rife
we just need not choose strife over life

“Que sera, sera”
You figured me out
So you say
“Whatever will be, will be”
You knew you were hurting me
And I have figured you out so I tell myself
“Que sera, sera”
Eyes dark from the smudged mascara
I tried to understand you, so I say
“Whatever will be, will be”
I knew you were playing games
I couldn’t bring myself to walk away when you say
“Que sera, sera”
Now I watch you fall for another
Treat her how I wanted you to treat me
“Whatever will be, will be”
I remind myself
It’s meant to happen
“Que sera, sera”
Oh well
You were probably meant to crack my heart open

I rummage through my thoughts for answers I actually haven't thought of
What was it about you that made me forget all the bitterness I felt about love?
Why is it that your mere existence just does my heart good?
Why is it that talking to you instantly gets me in the best mood?

How can one conversation trigger too many emotions?
How can a pair of eyes make everything move in slow motion?
I can't tell if I actually got hooked by the way you look
Or the way you sounded nice when we talked no matter how little time it took

How can I pinpoint the very moment my heart became my opponent
If I was already euphoric way before we even had a moment?
How can I figure out what you did that brought this feeling
When it escalated even before you did anything?

How can I explain how I acted
When my body reacted even before I realized I was attracted?
Can I still signal a retreat?
For I never did wish to experience anything so bittersweet

perhaps to find love is to not look for love at all

i guess you were destined to be the hero
the one who takes the credit for a great sacrifice
and i’ve always been the bullet
destined to carry the blame from your shot

it's sad, don't you think?

how liking someone so much without reciprocation has risked losing more of yourself with every prink

how your heart just craved for that one link

so you have brought upon yourself the deception with the hopes of just a c***k

and that leaves you blue when
you started off as pink

have you not bethought how the
unknown has made you shrink

and for the unknown you just
allowed yourself to sink

when all the pushes made was
leading you closer to the brink

now with every bleed of the heart,
there follows your pen's ink

there's no greater pain than bidding farewell to someone you wish to spend forever with

I will have hope because it's the only thing I can hold on to when your hands are nowhere to be found.

She was the irony. The perfect piece you didn't look at. The best voice you didn't listen to. The missing key you didn't try to find. All because you were too hung up on the past that never came back.

The answered prayer. The sun in the sky. The light at the end of the tunnel. The hope in sorrow. The rainbow after the rain. The granted wish from a well. The calm amidst the chaos. The "finally" after the "soon."

i was perfectly fine by myself but then you came along

now my heart replicates the sound of thunders and rain

why did I have to cross paths with someone so irresistibly attractive but also undeniably out of my league?

with love, there is always madness
but if we cease to believe in it, life would mean no gladness

I've been preoccupied with a lot of things and I am aware that I have not been doing the right thing lately. I've been stressing over my own expectations and overthinking about my own problems.

and as i stood in front of the crowd with a smile plastered on my face...
all the emotions, the memories, the fear came flooding in as i ask, "why does it have to be now?"

—anxiety attack

When you fall for someone who is not capable of treating you right, you forget that you could find someone out there who reinforces everything you believe about love instead of challenging it. You entrap yourself into something that may have cured your loneliness but has taken away your happiness. And then you forget that someone somewhere actually wants to love you — not destroy you.

There's no point in forcing yourself to live up to somebody's idea of you or change yourself just to make people stay. Rather, give yourself a break from everyone's expectations and ask yourself what YOUR plans are. Live the life you want to lead, spend every moment the way it makes you happy, do the things that satisfies you. You don't have to be selfish to be able to survive but you also need not to be selfess to get through it. Don't let other people's idea of you become your purpose. You are the only one who gets to decide how you will live this life, what you will do with it, and who you want to bring into it. Stop making other people decide for your validation because it only takes YOU to validate yourself. It's good to acknowledge your struggles but it's not best to let it consume you. Learn to be contented with being by yourself. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to be alone, you can go on and have friends but you also have to learn to live without them because in this life, your only true companion is yourself. You enter this world by yourself, you do things by yourself, you feel things by yourself, you realize things by yourself, and you leave this world by yourself. Sure, you have some people by your side, but remember that they, too, have their own life. It's okay to seek company and ask for help from time to time, but learn to survive on your own. You have yourself to depend on. So, stop being someone you're not and learn to embrace who you are because who will accept you if not yourself. How can anything be true when you can't be true to you. Trust me, you'll realize that life is lighter and happier that way.

it may not be that big of a deal for you, but i had to cover my own wounds and wipe my own tears for those experiences.

like how to devil senses the desperation in every drink that travels down the esophagus
i hope you see that underneath this unbothered-looking soul is the growing desire that lives beyond my consciousness