The Voice Pixie

Dear child,

You will soon discover that the world is not as how you think it is.

How you imagined things work, will soon be very daunting.

How colorful the scenes now, will soon have splash of grays and black.

How wonderful and large things are, will be smaller to your eyes.

How mystical and magical the stories you hear and read, will soon be questionable to you.

You will soon see things differently.

But that doesn't mean what you see, hear, feel and know NOW is not true.

It is.

KEEP IT REAL in you.

YOU WILL NEED IT as your perspective bounce up and about, demands you to grow. To leave and to explore.

All the childhood happiness we have planted in your heart are your treasures.

Don't ever leave it when you go onward and forward.

You will understand why.

But for now, embrace all you are.
No matter how jagged, how twisted your road will be ...

all these treasures will comfort you, will keep you together.

This is why we, mommy and daddy is still doing our best, to keep your childhood unmarred.

Why we try to do things positively and differently in a good way.

Why creating memories with you is our priority.

Why making things with you and not buying things for you is our top choice.

Why talking with you is a MUST.

Why unavoidable arguing BUT making peace in the end is a common scene in our house.

Why we challenge you to think even if it so excruciating and taxing on our end, is your frustration.

Why you have to do harder stuff now, and most of the time we were just standing there waiting for you to finish.

Why it doesn't matter how many times you fail and we ask you to do it again until you get the result you need.

Why you have to wait or do things before you can get what you wish for.

Why we try our best to keep you safe and away from the same toxicities we have endured in our life.

You will eventually understand.

But all I ever ask you is, bring all the happy games, the tickling sessions, the many walks we do in the mornings, the long road trips to families, the "unneccessary" events we engage in, the 2 hour heart to heart talks we had, the cheerleading, the cooking sessions, the thousand ice cream treats we'd have, the rain dance, the chubby bunny challenges, the make believes, the hide and seek, the imagine we're rowing and getting away from the crocs and the floor is lava games we've had. KEEP THEM.

Look how far you can go, but always keep all the rainbows, laughter and happy seeds planted in your childhood.

ALWAYS REMEMBER,

YOU ARE LOVED.
YOU ARE PRECIOUS.
YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO US.

We always will root for you. Grow happy and loved.

My first heartbreak.

I have been asked about who was your first crush, your first kiss, your first love, so many times.

But when it comes to my first heartbreak, I usually make eyebrows curl.

It was probably because of puberty that made it feel so heavy at that time, when I look back at it, I think it was my first lesson on making choices.

But it lingered on me, for that, I guess, I also had a taste of learning how to let go and to accept, although I find it hard to finally move on.

In fact, I have had endured relationships with men and had let go and fallen in love again, but I never really realized that this one still lingers.

Then one day, I finally came face to face with it.

I tried looking at Facebook. I was just curious. I was like, do I look for the same name?

I went diving in research and when I research deep, that means no stone's unturned. And I’m sure it will lead me to where I want to find. And I did find.

When I finally did, I stopped cold in the middle.

A thousand "what ifs" hit me.

And until now it is my big WHAT IF.

You know the saying - "Some people were just meant to pass by your life to show you a lesson?"

Maybe that’s it. That’s what she is to me. MY BIG LESSON.

She was my very first true best friend.

A friend whom I can’t even remember how we first clicked.

She was not even in any group I belong. She was a classmate, yes, but, alphabetically, we are way north and south to team up. She is not like anyone in the class. At that era of my life, most of my classmates would ignore me. Stay away or isolate me, actually. I was in a wrong place, I guess. Or it was just a time when discrimination is rampant.

My parents enrolled me in a prestigious Catholic School.

All my classmates are from the middle class or better, whose parents are able supply them with cool stuff - my parents only had enough to buy me the bare necessities.

I became a bully magnet because I just can’t keep up with all their “extras.”

What can a simple girl do?

But she, my girl, she would save me.

She would always go out of her way to show me differently. She would tell me, “you like that candy?” and even if I say no, I think she knows how much time I spent eyeing the glass jars of imported candies in the cafeteria - probably, being a kid, that was not easy to hide. I can’t help but wish.

She’d buy one and split with me. The Bazooka gum was our favorite, because we will collect the comic strip that comes with it.

I don’t have monetary allowance back then. I only have enough to pay my ride back and forth.

I'd sell polvoron, candied beans or what nots to my class so that I have money to buy feeds for our livestock.

My family used to raise chicks and piglets back then to augment our education. Probably I got the big cut.

So, I was assigned to take care of them lot. Before I go to school or when I get back home, I clean their pen, take baths with the piggies and feed the chicks.

I have lots of chores to attend after school, I have little time to play. I just know how to sneak some quick games while mother is busy with her small carinderia.

So when my friend asked her mother if I can come over and play with her in her room after class - you bet, I can’t pass up that chance!

I never had toys when I was a kid. I just played with my neighbors outdoors.

But toys.
None. Zero. Nada.

So she gave me that chance to play with Barbies, Cabbage patch kids, and cute Carebears and all the 80’s lovable stuff.

Their house is neat and modern for that era. All concrete, marbles, modern light fixtures, and sleek narra for cabinets.
She has a room that is as big as half of our whole upstairs space.

They always have ice cream on their huge fridge. That was the most awesome thing for a child like me.

It was the era of PX goods, you see. Chips Ahoy and Piknik was not a grab-and-go store commodity back then. She was the first to offer me these little delights that never I have tried, and their pantry was always full of these stuff.

And I am so grateful that she wanted to share it to me.
Every. Single. Day.

Don’t get me wrong. I know that my family can only afford what is necessary. And I know having all these things are not really needed. But I was young, and Hansel and Gretel fascination is almost in every kids’ heart ... when the good stuff is laid, who wouldn’t want to have that, right?

My parents taught us to appreciate even the simplest things in life. We do not have the same luxuries like my friend here, but we never starve, nor experienced taking salt with rice to survive.

My parents are the most resourceful people I know. I cannot recall any moment that we have no food on our table. In fact, we make a living out of food. My mother is the most excellent cook I know. She can turn a simple meal into like a feast. But - as a child, I still cannot understand the reason why I cannot have pleasures, like how my classmates can.

I kept on asking, why don’t we have this and that?
And my friend would be more than happy to share.

As you can see, this friend was the most generous, kind person I have in that discriminating space and age.

What I really love about her is that never, ever did she denied that I am associated with her - the girl in tattered uniform, who cannot even afford a single serve dirty ice cream.
The girl who cannot keep up with all the things a princess would have.

She was my first taste of different.
She was the first person to really share me everything without any strings attached.

She has an equally generous mom, she was the cool and understanding mother, I wish I have (sorry nay, that was before po).

I was never judged in their house. I think they saw something in me, that they trusted their daughter to take me in every single day. We were like sisters. AND WE WERE SWEARING TO BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.

That was the first time I finally genuinely felt the feeling of being loved back.

But to play with her after class is something I need to keep a secret.

My mother would always bark on me when I come home 2 or 3 hours late from dismissal time. It became so frequent, (because I am having a time of my life with my friend - in their house) that my mother got so annoyed, she went off from her busy work one day to find out what was going on.

And she was able to trace me, thanks to my younger sister who ratted me out and showed her where I was every afternoon, after class.

That was a fateful day for me.

Mother went to their house and talked to her mom. I was shocked to how she learned where I am. I was terrified actually, I went home wondering what happened. And I never received any explanation.

Those days, parents are your ultimate law.
You never understand the reasons behind their rules. I, on the other hand, was an adventurous tween. Trying something new is exhilarating for me. That is not within acceptable back then.

Rules are rules.

The next day was the day I experienced my first heart break...

She didn’t even look at me, ignored me when I call her.

It was the end of the school year and just days before our graduation.

So, I never had a chance to recover what was lost. I don’t even know what our mothers had agreed on. Until now, my mother said she doesn't recall such "incident."

All I know was, I lost my friend. And I was devastated. Blaming myself.

The next year, I was transferred to a public High School and to make things worse, I again found myself in a place unfamiliar, nursing a broken heart.

I came to find my friends as time goes by.
But I never had the same like her.
Or I was just so hang up, I can’t really open up to deep friendship from then on.

She created a standard of friendship in me.
That somehow, it also made me a "stale" friend at times. Always afraid that I will be ghosted, or just be considered as an acquaintance, even if I give my all.

I was living in guilt all my life, I guess.

It's not right I know, and I must apologize to my friends who came after her.

The moment i realized how big this hole in my heart needs filling. That's when the time I tried to look for her, even after decades have passed. I tried my luck.

When I finally found her on Facebook, I was scared to death, but I sent her a message anyway.

Sadly, she never responded to my messages.
I guess, I also broke her heart and she still can’t forgive me.

I have a classic case of severe need of closure.

And I hope one day. One day, fate would bring us to a conversation of.... "what really happened, friend?"

DAY 29 'CLOSURE'

You trigger people NOT because you're mean.
Because all you do will hurt when you are all out on showing what's real.

The society will water it down.
Make you feel you are the one who should shut up. So you can be amongst them - shutting up

They call it assertive.
And they are not.
So you are mean, they are just reallly nice.

Nice, and just let people get in a trap - whooops! I have nothing to do with that, see "I never even said anything"

Nice, and then to work behind that triggering b**ch, "let's show her demise."

Nice, and then do whatever that will prove that person is wrong, that will shut up the mouth.

Nice just for the sake of being safe IS NOT NICE.

Let me tell you why.
These kind of nice people will gaslight the bleep out of those who have the guts to point out what is wrong.

They hate that they cannot have the balls to disrupt the status quo that they really don't like.

They hate that they have nothing in their mind in the first place, but then suddenly this bold - no brazen (for them) person comes out of nowhere, speaking the things never could be said by NICE.

There is a very very thin line between being NICE and devious I think.

The society thinks, those who are silent are NICE.

Those who just don't speak their mind is the best person to be with - of course! they don't say anything against anything - so they are validated, so they just keep that way - saying nothing to be safe.

and to those who dared. YOU ARE ALWAYS RUDE.

"Oh no, we're just saying -- those words could have been said tastefully."

What is tasteful than real raw juice?
Oh, the filtered one.
Yeah, tastes like water.

See?

Truth is never NICE.
words are spade when it relates to you.
words are blunt if you have nothing on you.

"Ohhh, I just can't say it, I don't want to hurt anyone. "

Yeah, but what are you doing behind the person's knowing?

Since you are trusted by the people you don't "get talking against to" You can actually slowly cancel who triggers you.

"Let's not do what that B suggests."
"No, I think this is just too absurd!"
Or probably let's use God's word, tweak it a bit so we can make it look like this person is doing something against it.

Let's discredit all the things that person worked for. Like a FOOL.

THIS IS HOW IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN. SOCIETY IS ALL MESSED UP ABOUT BEING NICE and the KIND. ABOUT BEING OUTSPOKEN and the RUDE.

That person who says the truth will be flagged - danger, danger!

That person meek and mild... will never even think of hurting a fly!

The society is always asking for what favors it.
Never for the truth, that contests all the things it likes and favors.

NEVER.

The bold, the brazen, will always be guillotined.
Shot in the plaza.
Crucified.
Silenced.

The wolf in sheep skin will get all the merits as KIND.

And the truth will never be out there. For that is what the sneaky bastards want....

NO truth, for they will never gain anything from it.

Better be careful on speaking mild if your only purpose is to make people go to your side.

Go against what that person who points the ill, so you get the credit.

Be careful on your purpose for "status quo"

Be careful on doing schemes so you can be washing your hands because you just don't like someone else speaking what you can never ever do.

Be careful on making things discreet so no fingers can point back to you.

Be careful on uttering the words from the holy book, so you will look like you are NICE.

The bible is not a nice book. It actually is the epitome of being a bold, brazen person who speaks the truth. OF PEOPLE'S TRIGGERS.

BEING NICE JUST TO LOOK NICE is not a virtue that is being taught in that book.

Jesus was hated by the Pharisees because he is exposing them.

He is telling them that they are not all-knowing. That they are not really good souls, just people who loves authority and will do anything including twisting the truth so they will be the TRUTH.

This could be the sign to examine yourself.

- What devious things have you done? So you will look like you never did anything to duct tape your "trigger's" mouth?

- What words you never utter so you will look meek yet you already plotting things against that person, because all you ever have inside you is HATE for all the things that person reminds you to boldly do?

If you are aware,
You will know when you are doing these things.

When you are aware, you will know when to stop yourself.

You are not expected to be righteous on all your deeds at all times.

But you are expected to know when to stop yourself before doing things out of your control.

Of destroying another person's will to do good and spread truth.

You may win now.
But you know deep inside you're not. You will become more unhappy and you will blame it to your "trigger"
You'll keep convincing yourself ... I can never hurt anyone like that.

Until you believe in your own lies.

Yes.
Stopping a person of what is destined of him, of his gifts to this world is your crime.

Stopping a person to be himself and to do that kind of good to mankind, is not your job.

So stop looking meek and mild and scheming in your head.

You have already killed the truth, just right there.

You are not meek. YOU ARE TIMID.

That's not the same.

On the other hand, speaking the truth can also be tamed. If that is what the NICE people mean.

Yes, that is true.

Speak the truth in Love. And the brazen should learn how.
There will be no contest to that.

Just how Jesus would. I cannot make any perfect example but HIM.

He got mad like any person would. He threw all the tables and produce placed in front of the temple, remember? He spoke so boldly but he did not do it out of pride.

He prioritized what is more important in that scene. He demanded respect for the Father. He wanted to stop the wrong in what the society is accepting as right.

How else can you state a profound message but by saying it boldly?

But he spoke wisely. But never nice - at least to the people who he meant to change. If he knows that the person is doing things because he doesn't know better, he'd do it with love and concern.

So to the bold and brazen, must also be aware. That the truth is spoken not out of ego, not out of false righteousness but of concern.

Being the messenger of truth is such a tricky role.
It could be messed up with the person's perspective or how his mind is wired, that somehow leads in misinterpretations or misrepresentations.

So be careful on what you think should be said, just to right a wrong.

Get a higher-than-of-this-world guidance, nothing else would give a clear message of truth but that.

It is what it is. Use these words lightly please.

Yes, there are things we cannot change, cannot control. But be careful not to use it to escape.

Be nice for the sake of the word itself, not for your own gain.
Be bold for the sake of siding the truth, not for self-righteousness.

Balance your nice, balance your bold.

It takes time.
It takes a lot of conscience to do this.
It begins with self-awareness and your will to seek the guidance that is not made by society. Not of this world.

Day 28

What do you do when you get really, really hurt?
Do you scream?
Do you throw stuff?
Do you keep quiet?
Do you silently cry?
or you wail?

I have done all of the above but it didn’t help.
It actually put me to a deeper hurtful loop more.

Nothing really hurts me more than my family. Somehow that is universal. Who doesn’t, right?

Right?

Is it just me?

When you’re a toughie, but you are sad, you will always feel that this is the hardest emotion to handle.

You don’t really have the best answer to this predicament.

I know.

I am.

Sad.

I’m sorry I do not really know how to calm myself at times. I have no excuse, nor explanation when I just cannot understand the moment.

All I want to do now is

…disappear.

Why do we not understand people sometimes?

I dunno. I am not in a good place to speak, just not right now.

There were so many things that frustrates me when unbelievable things just blow in my face, and when it is literally rubbed on my face - it feels like I want to explode.

But I can’t

I’m not the same.

I can’t be vengeful anymore.

But I still get mad.

It’s so hard.
To choose peace. Even though you are so mad.

I have to walk away.
I’m still human.
When pushed - I may retaliate.

And so, I need to disappear. But How can you disappear from your loved ones? How?

But I know this too shall pass.
So, I won’t talk anymore.
Time to reign the cloud over my head.

Shake it off and Move forward with hope.

I have to remember this:

James 1:19-20
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Day27

" The best way to learn is to teach. "

This is the motivation I had when I started asking people if they want to learn something new from me. I was learning how to become a virtual assistant back then, and I was looking for more things to know.

Overtime, I have taught a handful of people by casually talking to them, no not the webinar type, except during the pandemic when some people with the same questions about freelancing had no choice but meet me virtually.

I was just sharing them the things I have been digging. And of course, I don't know everything, to which they already know.
But the more they ask, the more I was compelled to dig deep about our topic. Now, I can say I can talk about it even while I sleep talk!

WHY IT IS GOOD TO SHARE WHAT YOU KNOW

We were all taught that learning should be constant, but not everyone knew the real secret to learning is sharing.

Our brain was never designed to store information. It is to process it like from seed to fruit and then do it again. This is why it is best to share what you know and let the process be handled by another person who will roll it differently. This cycle is the reason why we innovate and make so many stuff that made our life easier and better.

If you have been gatekeeping information to yourself, chances are, it will be obsolete in the future. It didn't branched out to others, it wouldn't make sense anymore.

We are now in the age of information and that can be a good or a bad thing to an individual, it depends how one choose what they want to digest.

I'm sure you noticed by now, we live in an era of coaching and networking - teaching how to progress in this crazy life.
Well, at least people are learning the concept of learning by doing and by sharing.

So, does that mean you have to charge every time you show people what to do?

Again, in this age and time, I know you already know there are free platforms for you to be generous and still get paid, or er, get ads.

Whichever way you do it, you will still benefit from it.

In this post, I would like to share a few I have learned along the way on how to share intentionally without having to wear the COACH or MENTOR hat.

Oh, you're still in the dark here?

Here's some proven ways to share what you know :

1. GIVE BITS of your process : Don't CHUNK IT, bite size it.
Most are really busy these days, why the shorts or reels are very effective. People are curious how things are done and being able to share how in a short time. IT is like speed reading while being entertained.

In turn, you will be remembered when you keep talking about your genre of topic.

2. NICHE IT : Talking consistently about a topic is not only effective, it is also less stressful for you as a content creator / vlogger or being a blogger.

This is something I have struggled because I am a person of many interests, but the next tip will help.

3. BE CONSISTENT : on anything about your topic and your platform. I realize along the way the things we abandon (even for a short while) is losing its mark on you and your audience.

This practice has many perks; You discover your most significant interest overtime, you research more about it because you become naturally interested about it, and then you invite it naturally in your daily tasks overtime, you just talk about it like your second nature.

What I always tell my kids: "What you think, you do, then it becomes you."

4. Be RELATABLE : It is never true that no one is reading your work, or watching your content. We live in a vast sea of differences - this works not against you, but with you. This is because the more you CONSISTENTLY work on your NICHE you find your PEOPLE. The more filtered, the easier to convey your message and you don't get too much rejections in the long run.

As long as they can relate, they will read and be hungry for more.

But please don't write just to please. That is not what relatable means.

5. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE FIRSTS: It is going to be awkward at first, it will be excruciating. You will want to just hide and never tell anyone what you are doing.

Don't.

6. REMEMBER YOUR GOAL is to learn while teaching and sharing.

Sharing will give you the drive to go on, to research more, the idea what people really need, the excitement from the nothing to growing people of reacting to your work.

Remind yourself (especially when you feel like not doing or sharing anymore):

"Rome wasn't built in a day"

That, and the many reminders oF building something monumental should be in front of you every single time you feel like giving up and not being heard.

You are serving yourself at first, but believe me, it will grow exponentially that you will not even see yourself in it on why you are doing it in the first place. We are wired that way, so that we will have the heart to serve others.

I know most of these you have already heard or read, again, we are all different and if this does not resonate to you, then most probably this is not for you. Which leads us to my last share:

7. YOU ARE NOT EVERYONE'S CUP OF TEA: This is a bitter pill to swallow especially if you are that type who wants to please a lot (if not all) people. It's okay.

Again, when you are building something, you are not after being noticed, you are after being valuable.

And only your people will value you, no matter what happens. You are not doing this for fandom, you are doing this for again - go back to your first goal: to learn while sharing.

At the end of the day, you will know that you have been changing differently (or not as planned).

What you shared have expanded because it has touched another life. It will make a difference, no matter what, depending on how they have digested and used it for their own good.

This is better than keeping it to yourself, information be forgotten, even by you.

This is how you share your gift. This is how you silently or randomly helped.

Your interest on serving will grow as time goes by, and you will see that it changed you in more ways than you thought you can or may do.

Which now gave me an idea on what I will write next: "How to share your innate gift"

BUT BEFORE I END THIS, a quick reminder:
The people I shared my knowledge did not come back to me to tell me that it helped them a lot.

BE PREPARED FOR THIS it should not be an emotional thing for you to dwell on. Passing on what we know can go far if it is not limited with the expectations from both side. If they share it and poses as the "real owner of the ideas" forgive them, because again we are all different. We pass on things differently as well. If that is their style, just be happy you have helped them find the moment to shine. If they were so afraid to acknowledge you, be happy that you have made a difference in their life.

Again, go back to your goal: To learn while sharing. These reactions that you do not expect, you must expect. It will save you from a lot of doubts on yourself to go on. Burst the ego bubble as soon as it inflates!
. and there will also be a moment that you will get so overwhelmed. So it is essential to tell your audience your status even just for a glimpse, to help them manage their expectations.
This is again another topic for another day. I think these types I might share in my blog at .com


Keep SHARING, AND LEARNING!

DAY 22 & 23