Ann Arbor Holistic Therapy & PACT Couples Counseling

Honesty while maintaining connection is part of the dance of intimacy. How can we be authentic AND maintain connection w/ self/other/community/nature? Can we neither attack, nor withdraw? Can we stand in our truth and still hold space for another’s truth? Can we be curious? After all, of course, ours is not the only or ultimate truth.

This is a BIG part of what we do together in our sessions. Many of us never learned to do this in our family of origin so it makes a lot of sense that we struggle with navigating communication/emotions in our intimate relationships! We CAN learn this though - in a safe, supportive setting.

This is really challenging, yet deeply rewarding work we all must do to heal- for ourselves, each other, our children and our communities.

This is an essential aspect of conflict resolution - can you separate your experience from that of the other person? Can you be genuinely curious and ask, “What was happening for you?” Try it! I’d love to hear how it goes!

Self-abandonment: ⁣
* Looks like: letting go of passions, hobbies, and interests.⁣
* Sounds like: “I’m fine,” “Whatever you want,” “Just go ahead.”⁣
* Feels like: confusion, numbness, flatness.⁣
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It is as if you are breaking up with yourself to save the relationship.⁣
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Self-abandonment is an awful sense that you are standing at a crossroads and that you need to choose between yourself and your partner. ⁣
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We know that our relationship dynamic is off-track when it feels:⁣
* Like a win/lose dynamic: only one of us comes out ahead.⁣
* Like pie: the bigger a piece I get, the smaller the piece you get.⁣
* Like opposing teams: I am fighting for me and you are fighting for you.⁣
These dynamics are “symptoms” that are begging for our attention.⁣
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It so tempting to do more of the same: get louder, dig in, explain yourself more. But the research is clear that these dynamics do not resolve on their own.⁣
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You need a different approach. A different stance. A different perspective.⁣
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You need to position yourself shoulder-to-shoulder with your partner looking together at the problem. You need to create a story that is founded in bounty/plenty/abundance/mutuality.⁣
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This is easier said than done. I have spent years helping people shift from self-abandonment to a relational framework. ⁣
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If you want to learn more about this topic, join Mark Groves and me on 7.8.21 at 5pm cst for a FREE webinar. Space is limited. Link in bio to sign up. I can’t wait to see you there!!

A powerful article for parents of newborns that reminds us why it's more important than ever to maintain a strong orientation to your couple and how ultimately that is what is best for your newborn as well!

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