Blockbuster Video - Brainerd, MN

It was always gonna end like this.

You won't think twice?
Bitch, please. You won't think once.

Regional foot fe**sh pics on OnlyFans

For real, Facebook Marketplace just gets Brainerd.

At this rate, they might be stupid enough to make us the next Speaker of the House.

Just a reminder that Josh Heintzeman was filmed attending a xenophobic hate rally on 9/11 2021.

Just a reminder that the hosts of that event tossed out the people filming it because - shockingly - bigots don't actually support transparency when it shows their guy Josh Heintzeman surrounding himself with bigots preaching hate.

Just a reminder that he proudly posted on Facebook that his own family was at the "Stop the Steal" rally in Washington DC.

Just a reminder that he deleted that same post when it finally dawned on him that most Americans don't support insurrection.

Just a reminder that he believes that the election was stolen.

Just a reminder that his own parents filmed themselves attempting to vote twice in the same election (they were not allowed to cast a second, illegal ballot) and posted a video of it to YouTube.

Just a reminder that he authored a bill (that quickly died) which specified that only gun owners could write gun legislation.

Just a reminder that he very proudly supports legislation that regulates what a woman can do with her uterus while he doesn't have a uterus.

As always, f**k Josh Heintzeman.

Sure, you can quote "facts" and "data" all day long that there were supposedly no long-term effects from wearing a mask or the Covidiot-19 vaccine, but all we know is that our friend Ryleigh's boyfriend was FORCED to get vaccinated AND agree to wear a mask just to attend a week-long work trip in Seattle last year and he came back home with chlamydia.

Explain that, science nerds.

Along with new our store remodel over the weekend, you may have noticed that we have finally expanded into the vacant building next door (formerly the "Gentleman Jim's Adult Boutique" location.)

We're proud to announce that we are opening the doors on our expansion and diversifying our sales inventory to provide you not only the best in cinema on VHS but the absolute best in personal protection as well.

Working retail in Brainerd is more uncomfortable than this.

We've remodeled the front lobby of the store to reflect a modern yet local esthetic.

The only beef guaranteed to be bigger than the current Facebook beef between Jr's No. 19 BBQ Co. & Brainerd Floral is the roast beef hanging outta half the Daisy Dukes worn at Applebee's.

Brainerd Public Utilities leadership since 1996 be like

Can we just boil the whole f**king town instead?

You know how we do it.

Brainerd is the type of town that when the atom bomb actually worked in the film Oppenheimer, the whole theater would immediately respond to it by chanting "USA! USA! USA!"

Brainerd's newest ice cream truck is exactly what you'd expect it would be.

We have severed all ties with Jason Aldean.

We don't need geotagging on your posts. If you are posting about the people trapped in a private submarine and probably crushed to death, that sounds a helluva lot more like a Baxter worry than a Brainerd worry.

We apologise for the joint we smoked on break this morning that blocked out the f**king sun.

If Brainerd does a 'Name A Snowplow' contest and either "Big Ass Bum Shovel" or "Cracky McCrack Plow" doesn't win, you know it's f**king rigged.

*Brainerd liked this*

Sorry about the lack of posts. After we got the settlement money into the account, we closed up shop for a few days and took off to New Zealand. Thought you might want to see some pics of Blockbuster Video - Brainerd abroad!

Welcome to Brainerd.

"They were saying 8 inches last night, but we only got 4."

- Average Brainerd Woman

A Brainerd man can get on any woman's nerves in ten seconds flat.

Yet if you give a Brainerd man ten days and a f**king map, he still won't touch a single one of the 8,000 nerves that are attached to your cl****is.

-- In Response To A One-Sided Exchange --

Dear BLANK,

Thanks for sharing our post!

Also, thank you for so missing the point of our post so much that it actually reinforced the actual point of our post.

And thank you for suggesting therapy for us.

Of course, the irony of a page of a small town video store needing actual therapy within a town where 90% of the residents equate therapy with witchcraft and the devil certainly isn't lost on us.

While we at Blockbuster Video - Brainerd, MN fully endorse therapy, we often lament the fact that none of us working here can afford it. Perhaps if you could pay off your late fees on Season 2 of Flavor of Love, we could pay for it.

In lieu of offering mental health benefits, our bosses (such as they may exist and in their benevolence) have generously allowed this page's continued existence.

And thank you for being brave enough to call out bullying behavior online. It is a much-needed social discussion, and we encourage people to have that discussion.

However, we are not sure who we were bullying in our post - was it the fictional people at Zorba's or the fictional people at Applebee's in our post?

Either way, we deeply apologize to any of the fictional people that we harmed with our fictional words.

Finally, while we respect your own right to privacy and your right to wild, unfounded speculation, we invite you to message us so that we can disprove your assertions that you know who is behind this account.

Frankly, we all wear name tags at the store, so it's pretty easy to guess who runs our social account. There's only three of us working here and two of us can't read that well. And yeah, we suppose there's also Jake, our esteemed Customer Service Representative Emeritus who went out back for a smoke 19 months ago and hasn't been seen since, but it's probably not him.

At any rate, feel free to message us to clear up any ill-conceived notions on your end.

Thanks for being a loyal customer, and on your next trip in we'll toss in a box of Red Vines on us just to demonstrate that there's no ill-will between us.

Sincerely,
Blockbuster Video - Brainerd, MN

Due to
*gesturing vaguely at our surroundings,*
we are taking a
mental health day.

People act like they all Brainerd now because four years ago they were on Gull in a boat that costs more than a house in Brainerd and they drank one too many White Claws at Zorbaz before they took Ole's bus back to Grandview.

Bitch, please.

You ain't done Brainerd until you have drunkenly texted your ex from the bathroom at Applebee's. Twice. On consecutive nights. Which were both weeknights. During your one week a month with some of your kids. From another ex's phone because you can't afford to put more minutes on yours.

That's f**king Brainerd.

So get your rich, high-flaunting, not-prepaid cellphone owning ass back to the Chocolate Ox before they run out of your favorite whatever the f**k they sell there that you like so much.

We in the same town, but we ain't the same.