Rachel Hyland, MS, LPC MHSP temp

Grief is more than the intense sadness we feel over the loss of a loved one. Grief is a pathway to acceptance of the people and things we’ve lost and can never get back. Grief can look like...

-the death of a loved one
-the death of a dream
-the loss of a relationship
-lost time
-the choices we wish we hadn’t made
-the choices we wish we had made
-the loss of your health
-the loss of the way things used to be
-and so much more

Sometimes we grieve the things we should have received but didn’t or the things that should have happened but never did.

Grief, like many things, is a process. When the loss feels overwhelmingly difficult to comprehend or accept, anger often swoops in to protect us from the devastation. Anger feels powerful and productive. It gives us the illusion of control over our circumstances and provides temporary structure to the nothingness of loss.

Grief comes for us all in some way or form. When it comes, allow yourself to feel the loss, whether it’s sadness, irritability, or anger. Recognize the feelings and label them. Give yourself an outlet to express the emotions through art, journaling, poetry, or other non-verbal forms of expression. And If needed, seek a therapist to help you navigate the complexities of grief.

Healthy boundaries are essential for healthy connections. They help you connect to yourself so that you can connect better with others.

We all have parts of ourselves that we want to hide from others. Oftentimes we’ve worn our masks for so long we don’t even recognize we’re hiding behind anything. We just assume our mask is “who we are.”

But what if it’s not who you REALLY are?

What if it's a facade you hide behind to feel acceptable to and validated by others? What would it mean for you to be able to take your mask off and still be accepted by your friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances…as you truly are?

-messy
-silly
-insecure
-lovable
-angry
-sad
-afraid of being seen and rejected
-human

We all wear masks from time to time. The first step in removing your mask is recognizing when you’re wearing it. Then be kind to yourself as you bring awareness to the purpose it serves.

Self-awareness involves being mindful of your thoughts, feelings, patterns, and physical sensations in the present moment. Begin to notice what is going on with you internally (physically, mentally, and emotionally) with an open and non-judgmental attitude. Becoming curious about the different parts of yourself without fearing, judging, or running away from them is the first step to healing yourself.

Ask yourself the following questions.
1. What am I feeling right now?
2. Where in my body do I feel these emotions?
3. What are my thoughts associated with these feelings?
4. Does this feel familiar?
5. Have I seen myself play out this pattern in different ways?
6. What might I need to feel more calm and connected?
7. What do I want?

When you asked yourself these questions, did anything come up that you were afraid to process? That’s okay. Be gentle with yourself. Take all the time you need to process what you are becoming aware of.

Believing something is wrong with you is a scary thought to think—especially if you don’t know what’s wrong or how to fix it.

Start to become aware of your inner critic, noticing when its words are the most hurtful.

-Is it at work after you talked to your boss?
-While you’re getting ready for an important event?
-When you’re resting?
-When you perceive that someone is rejecting you?
-Is it when you think you’ve disappointed someone?

What does your inner critic have to say? In truth, your inner critic often exists to protect you from the pain and shame of your false beliefs. Understanding that your inner critic is trying to protect you from something can be the first step toward quieting its negative influence.

Hi! For those of you who are new to my page, I’m Rachel, a former teacher turned counselor, recovering perfectionist, avid reader, and follower of Jesus. I believe healing the wounds of our heart and soul enable us to stay connected to others and better live out our purpose in the short time we inhabit this beautiful world. Join me as I share nuggets on mental, emotional, and relational health in hopes of helping you become more connected to yourself and others.
You can also find me on Instagram at .

So what does “sit with your feelings'' really mean? This is a question someone recently asked me. Her interpretation of sitting with your feelings was to turn out the lights and surrender to her sadness. Let me be very clear—that is definitely NOT what it means to sit with your feelings.

Observing and feeling your emotions is an intentional practice. It helps you connect with the parts of yourself that may be a little less known or understood. Those parts can feel scary to approach if you’re not in a regular practice of understanding them.

It’s really easy to pick up your phone to distract yourself, run to the pantry to find something to snack on, numb out on Netflix, or literally hundreds of other activities that divert your attention away from your emotions.

We all do it.

I think we can agree that some emotions just don’t feel great. But, trying to understand your sadness, anger, or fear can help you become aware of the parts of yourself that have unmet needs. And when you can identify your unmet needs, you can begin to work toward meeting those needs… more on that later.

Everyone is different and there’s no perfect way to develop a practice of intentionally sitting with your feelings. If you’re feeling apprehensive about the very idea of sitting with your feelings, it's my hope that these 6 steps can provide a little structure to your approach.

As we begin to shift into the holiday season and plan for the remaining weeks of 2023, it’s common to feel heightened and sometimes opposing emotions. The joy of the holiday season portrayed in Hallmark movies and greeting cards may or may not match what you’re experiencing internally. November and December can seem to progressively increase in intensity with both the highs and lows of the holiday season. Oftentimes, the emotions that are hidden inside you begin to emerge as hope, pressure, and expectations arise.

Before I began my own emotional work, identifying my feelings in any given situation felt foreign. When I was under stress, my circumstances often felt overwhelming. It was difficult for me to pinpoint the emotion that seemed to resonate with the distress I was feeling. I knew if I felt “good” or “bad,” but the nuanced emotions in-between seemed to hide in a hazy cloud just beyond my awareness. And because I couldn’t adequately identify my feelings, it was hard for me to communicate them to others, much less identify what I wanted or needed.

I offer this Feelings Wheel to my clients as a resource to more accurately express their thoughts and feelings. Learning to identify all the emotions you feel, can help you organize and make sense of your circumstances. And when you can make sense of your circumstances, you are better equipped to evaluate your next steps.

We are upon the crescendo of 2023. Hang in there, friends. We’re gonna make it through the highs and lows together.https://cdn.gottman.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/The-Gottman-Institute_The-Feeling-Wheel_v2.pdf

Rachel Hyland Counseling is officially up and running! Check out my website and feel free to pass it along to anyone struggling with anxiety, shame/guilt, and what like to call "heart wounds."

Rachel Hyland Counseling Therapy for those who experience anxiety and shame in their relationships.

My recent blog, "3 Ways the Anxious Educator Can Manage Back to School Stress" has been posted on the Cypress Counseling Group's website along with several others. Lots of great resources that speak to a number of issues. Go check it out!

Blog — Cypress Counseling Group A counseling group that specializes in emotional health and healing through true connection. We exist to allow clients to experience authentic emotions through an understanding of their own emotional needs in Brentwood, TN.

Back to school! Those three words can evoke a number of big emotions depending on who you talk to. It’s a time of transition, bidding farewell to the slow, unstructured rhythm of summer and entering into a stringent, daily routine with early bedtimes and even earlier mornings. The end of summer can feel chaotic, exciting, and even melancholy for both students and parents. But what about educators? What does “back to school” elicit for those who make education their livelihood?

Prior to my work as a counselor, I was a teacher for over 20 years. For me, back to school meant returning to a grueling routine that consumed my days and most of my nights. It wasn’t that I didn’t find my career rewarding, because I did. So much of my work as a teacher was satisfying, but starting a new school year brought with it significant anxiety for me. It began with the first sight of school supplies on store shelves in July and continued well into September. I placed expectations on myself to get the ever increasing list of “to-dos” done with a warm, nurturing smile on my face. As the pressure to meet the demands required of me increased, so too did my perfectionism. There was so much to do and so little time to get it done. I often felt overwhelmed, exhausted, powerless, and – dare I say it – resentful at the beginning of each new school year.

Now teachers have the ongoing pressure of closing the social, emotional, and academic learning gaps caused by Covid. And far worse, educators are forced to grapple with the growing number of active shooters in recent years. Teachers are having to take extra precautions within their classrooms to ensure the safety of their students. Scheduled lockdown drills and armed security guards placed at every school have become the norm for students and educators. The uncertainty of what each new school year holds can feel unbearable at times.

If you’re an educator struggling with beginning a new school year and the pressures that await you – you are not alone. Your feelings are valid. The work you do is valued and sorely needed. But to properly care for and educate your students, you must be mindful to care for yourself. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Someone once described self care as soul-care. Tending to what restores and rejuvenates your soul can serve to refill your empty cup. Here are a few simple tips to incorporate self care into your weekly routine when work life stress and anxiety begin to creep in.

A HEALTHY WORK LIFE BALANCE
A healthy work life balance begins by setting clear boundaries between work and your personal life.

-Leave work at work so that you can allow more time for relaxation and quality time with loved ones at home.

-Disable notifications on work email and texting apps to help you stay present with family and friends outside of work.

-If you do happen to read any communication from work, fight the urge to respond during your personal time. Your response can wait until you're back at work.

-Just say “no” to working over the weekend. Your weekends are your time for you to rest and recharge for the week ahead. Your to-do list can wait until Monday.

Setting boundaries communicates to yourself and others that your personal time is meant for YOU!

INTENTIONALLY PLAN YOUR PERSONAL TIME
It is so tempting to binge-watch Netflix or mindlessly scroll through social media after a long, tiring day. But screen time is rarely as rejuvenating as we’d like it to be. Intentionally prioritizing the way you connect with yourself and others during your personal time is key to your overall physical and mental well-being. Free time activities don't have to be a huge time commitment. Here are a few ways you can intentionally plan your personal time.

-Exercise - Thirty minutes of exercise several times a week can significantly improve your mental well-being. Meet a friend for a 30 minute walk or attend a group fitness class after work. Chances are you’ll feel better and sleep better too. Win-win!

-Meditate - Meditation is just a fancy word for sitting quietly and observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. You can do this in a number of ways. Find a quiet place to sit. Try focusing on slow, even inhalations and exhalations while mentally scanning your body for parts that feel tight or tense. Meditate several times throughout the week to bring greater awareness to mind, body, and emotions.

-Journal - This one pairs well with meditation. Take notice of the thoughts and feelings that come up while meditating. Then process your thoughts and feelings by writing them down. Journaling gives expression to your feelings and can help break the cycle of unhelpful thoughts that plague you throughout your workday.

-Spend time in nature - Being in nature has several mental benefits and can improve your mood and emotional well-being. So go for a hike, eat your lunch outside, or simply sit on your patio after work. Restore your soul outside in the natural world.

-Pursue hobbies you enjoy - The list is endless here! Meeting a friend for dinner, booking an upcoming painting class, or taking dance lessons can give you something to look forward to and will shift your focus away from the stresses of work.

SEEK A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR
Sometimes, despite our most valiant efforts, work life stress can take its toll on our mental and emotional health. If the stress and anxiety of a new school year continues to be overwhelming or unmanageable after your new routine has been established, you may want to consider seeking professional help from a counselor. Processing your thoughts and emotions can help you make sense of your problems. You and your counselor can work together to help you gain insight and better cope with the anxiety brought on by the stress of work.

Because, you AND your students need your cup to be full.

I’m super excited to announce that I’ve started my counseling practice in Brentwood, TN! I specialize in working with adults of all ages who struggle with perfectionism, anxiety, and an overall sense of "not being good enough." Feel free to share this information with anyone looking for a therapist in the Brentwood area.