Samuel Rainey Counseling

Excited to be hosting a one-day retreat on October 20th with my good friend and colleague.

Guided Listening Retreat Join us for a one-day listening retreat at the Penuel Ridge Retreat Center (30 min. from Nashville) hosted by Danny Bryant and Samuel Rainey

Building Trust.

Think of trust like the gas you put into your vehicle … you’re not getting very far if you don’t have it. Here are a few thoughts on how to build trust in your relationships at work, home, and with your self.

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Building Trust Most relationships I encounter in my office are suffering from a lack of trust. I think everyone is asking the question, “can I trust you to do right by me?” By the time most have arrived in counseling, the answer to that question is probably a “I’m not sure” or an emph...

Step 12: Having a relational awakening, we commit to helping others in completing these steps, and to continue practicing recovery in our lives together. Prior to attending graduate school, my wife and I got started in the counseling world by volunteering at our church and a new marriage ministry. We helped to pilot a marriage enrichment group experience where couples got together once a week for dinner and discussion....

https://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/06/marriage-recovery-step-12-generosity/

Marriage Recovery – Step 12: Generosity Step 12: Having a relational awakening, we commit to helping others in completing these steps, and to continue practicing recovery in our lives together. Prior to attending graduate school, my wife and I got started in the counseling world by volunteering at our church and a new marriage ministry. W...

Step 11: Through prayer and reflection together, we seek to improve our relationship with God and each other by asking for help, seeking knowledge of His will for us, and exercising the power to carry this out. “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end....

https://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/06/marriage-recovery-step-11-mystery/

Marriage Recovery – Step 11: Mystery Step 11: Through prayer and reflection together, we seek to improve our relationship with God and each other by asking for help, seeking knowledge of His will for us, and exercising the power to carry this out. “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead […]

Step 9: Taking responsibility, we make direct amends to those we have hurt, namely our spouse and ourselves, except when these amends would cause undue harm on others. A good friend of mine suggested that he thinks the first thousand years of heaven will be apologies. Maybe we can get a jump start on this with step 9. As we discussed in step 8, you are being asked to write a letter to your spouse based upon the questions you answered in that step....

http://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/06/marriage-recovery-step-9-amends/

Marriage Recovery – Step 9: Amends Step 9: Taking responsibility, we make direct amends to those we have hurt, namely our spouse and ourselves, except when these amends would cause undue harm on others. A good friend of mine suggested that he thinks the first thousand years of heaven will be apologies. Maybe we can get a jump start o...

Step 8: Made a list of how we have hurt or harmed our spouse, and our marriage. Responsibility is the lynchpin between forgiveness and reconciliation. We don't need someone else to participate with us in order to forgive. That is something we can do on our own. But we do need the other party to participate in ownership and responsibility in order for reconciliation to occur....

http://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/06/marriage-recovery-step-8-responsibility/

Marriage Recovery – Step 8: Responsibility Step 8: Made a list of how we have hurt or harmed our spouse, and our marriage. Responsibility is the lynchpin between forgiveness and reconciliation. We don’t need someone else to participate with us in order to forgive. That is something we can do on our own. But we do need the other party [...

Step 7: Humbly ask God to remove our flaws and shortcomings. I've long been curious with the interactions in the Bible between Jesus and people who want/need to be healed. But there is one particular story that has always fascinated me. It took place between Jesus and the man at the healing pool of Bethesda in John chapter 5. This man was physically impaired (lame) and had been for 38 years....

http://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/06/marriage-recovery-step-7-help/

Marriage Recovery – Step 7: Help Step 7: Humbly ask God to remove our flaws and shortcomings. I’ve long been curious with the interactions in the Bible between Jesus and people who want/need to be healed. But there is one particular story that has always fascinated me. It took place between Jesus and the man at the healing po...

(If you're just now tuning in for this series, click here to start at the beginning: Marriage Recovery - The 12 Steps) Step 6: We are trusting and ready to have God forgive and remove from us these flaws, individually and collectively. One of my favorite art exhibits that I have personally seen is in Florence, Italy. Outside of the exhibit room was a carpeted path you had to take to enter....

http://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/06/marriage-recovery-step-6-trust/

Marriage Recovery – Step 6: Trust (If you’re just now tuning in for this series, click here to start at the beginning: Marriage Recovery – The 12 Steps) Step 6: We are trusting and ready to have God forgive and remove from us these flaws, individually and collectively. One of my favorite art exhibits that I have personal...

Step 5: Admit to ourself, God, to others we trust, and then to our spouse the nature of our flaws, wrongdoings, and shortcomings. "Praying" by Mary OliverIt doesn’t have to bethe blue iris, it could beweeds in a vacant lot, or a fewsmall stones; justpay attention, then patcha few words together and don’t tryto make them elaborate, this isn’t…...

https://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/06/marriage-recovery-step-5-repentance/

Marriage Recovery – Step 5: Repentance Step 5: Admit to ourself, God, to others we trust, and then to our spouse the nature of our flaws, wrongdoings, and shortcomings. “Praying” by Mary OliverIt doesn’t have to bethe blue iris, it could beweeds in a vacant lot, or a fewsmall stones; justpay attention, then patcha few words...

Step 4: We make a fearless and courageous moral inventory of ourselves, and of our marriage. The majority of houses in America are different, but they almost all have one thing in common: The junk drawer. This drawer has perplexed me for as long as I've had my own place to live. Why does it always get messy even when I clean it out, put those little plastic organizers in there, and do my best to not make it into a junk drawer again....

https://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/06/marriage-recovery-step-4-inventory/

Marriage Recovery – Step 4: Inventory Step 4: We make a fearless and courageous moral inventory of ourselves, and of our marriage.  The majority of houses in America are different, but they almost all have one thing in common: The junk drawer. This drawer has perplexed me for as long as I’ve had my own place to live. Why does...

Step 3: We make a decision, individually and then collectively, to turn our life and the life of our marriage over to the care of God. One of my favorite movie scenes that always comes to mind whenever the topic of surrender comes up is from Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail. Indiana and his father team up to search for the cup that Jesus served communion from at the last supper....

https://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/06/marriage-recovery-step-3/

Marriage Recovery – Step 3: Surrender Step 3: We make a decision, individually and then collectively, to turn our life and the life of our marriage over to the care of God.  One of my favorite movie scenes that always comes to mind whenever the topic of surrender comes up is from Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail. Indiana...

Some people will ask (aka demand) that you jump through certain hoops to prove that you are sincere, loyal, or committed to them. These requests come from very insecure or threatened people, and are done so to control and manipulate you. The problem is that early on in the relationship the requests are never overt enough to be a seen as demanding or controlling....

http://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/05/the-demands-of-others/

The Demands of Others Some people will ask (aka demand) that you jump through certain hoops to prove that you are sincere, loyal, or committed to them. These requests come from very insecure or threatened people, and are done so to control and manipulate you. The problem is that early on in the relationship the requests....

Evil is not in itself a thing or an entity. It's the absence of an entity. Kind of like there is no such thing as cold -- cold is the absence of heat. Evil is the absence of good. It will consume the good in those that let it. Evil is not self-sustaining. It must be in constant movement and perpetual action....

http://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/05/some-thoughts-on-evil/

Some Thoughts on Evil Evil is not in itself a thing or an entity. It’s the absence of an entity. Kind of like there is no such thing as cold — cold is the absence of heat. Evil is the absence of good. It will consume the good in those that let it. Evil is not self-sustaining. It must […]

Step 2: We admit there is a God, that is neither ourselves or our spouse, and that God can restore our marriage to sanity. Many people believe that an admission of God’s divine presence in this world is the very first step that we need to take in order for change to occur. Certain religious circles, and participants within those circles, will no doubt attempt to rearrange the steps so that God is first, and then our powerlessness is second. ...

http://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/05/marriage-recovery-step-2/

Marriage Recovery – Step 2 Step 2: We admit there is a God, that is neither ourselves or our spouse, and that God can restore our marriage to sanity. Many people believe that an admission of God’s divine presence in this world is the very first step that we need to take in order for change to occur. Certain religious [&hell...

The firsts step in Marriage Recovery is to accept and admit.

http://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/05/marriage-recovery-step-1/

Marriage Recovery – Step 1 Step 1: We admit that we are powerless over our strife — that our marriage has become unmanageable and that we not only need help, but desire help. What we know of relationships is that they fill and promise to fill the deep longing inside each and every human being. We were created by God [&helli...

No relationship is immune to pain. But most of the time we don’t look at relationships as a separate, living entity. We have this idea that relationships are athereal, in existence but not enough so to have their own name, identity. I don’t think this is a helpful way of approaching relationships. Marriage is the name of a relationship between two people who have committed their lives to one another....

http://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/05/marriage-recovery-the-12-steps/

Marriage Recovery – The 12 Steps No relationship is immune to pain. But most of the time we don’t look at relationships as a separate, living entity. We have this idea that relationships are athereal, in existence but not enough so to have their own name, identity. I don’t think this is a helpful way of approaching relationship...

Stories can be invitations or implications, how will you receive them?...

http://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/05/invitations-or-implications-a-peek-inside-a-marriage-counseling-session/

Invitations or Implications: A Peek Inside a Marriage Counseling Session Stories can be invitations or implications, how will you receive them?

AlwaysBe Curious Always. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I pledge. For however long we are both here in time, the hope, plan, dream, and goal is with you, always. Be. I'm me. I'm not you. I'm not trying to get you to be me. I'm not trying to be someone else. You're helping me to be me (in both what is good and what is flawed)....

http://samuelrainey.com/blog/2022/05/the-abcs-of-relationships/

The ABC’s of Relationships AlwaysBe Curious Always. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I pledge. For however long we are both here in time, the hope, plan, dream, and goal is with you, always. Be. I’m me. I’m not you. I’m not trying to get you to be me. I’m not trying to be someon...

Severe weather season is here in the Middle Tennessee area, and just over 1-year from the devastating tornadoes that hit here in 2020. Below is a free process group meeting this month to give people space to learn about how trauma can happen with weather and to share experiences together with others in our community.

https://samuelrainey.com/severe-weather-process-group/

Severe Weather Process Group » Samuel Rainey Counseling You were there. You were in it, next to it, or had friends that were. You heard it. You felt it. You saw it or you saw what it was doing. You still see what it did and perhaps you still, in a variety of ways, feel it. The tornado outbreak during the late night … Continue reading "Severe Weather Pr...