Self-Worth.Coach

Earlier this week I was thinking about when I was younger how much my friends and I loved to answer quizzes in the magazines we purchased. We would sit on my bed and ask each other all the questions. Then we would compare our answers.

Often they were quizzes to help us figure out what kind of boy would be our best match or what type of clothing would make us look the best. Sometimes we would spend hours doing this.

I’ve been trying to find ways to make dealing with your finances more fun so today I have a quiz for you to help you see how financially secure you are.

I broke the quiz down into 7 categories. In some cases I wrote sentences. After the sentence say yes if you agree with the statement or no if you don’t. The others are yes or no questions.

The "ARE YOU FINANCIALLY SECURE?" Quiz:

Instructions: Answer each question honestly with "Yes" or "No" or say yes if you agree with the sentence or no if you don’t to assess your current financial standing.

1. Daily Life:

I am never too stressed out or afraid to look at my monthly statements?
I have enough money to pay my bills regularly.
I pay my bills on time each month.

2. Budgeting:

I have a good system for tracking my spending.
I plan for my income and spending monthly before each month begins.
Do you spend only the amount you planned to when you shop?

2. Dealing with Emergencies:

I have at least 3-6 months of living expenses saved in an easily accessible emergency fund in case I lose my job or become ill and can’t work for a time.
I have money set aside in case of an emergency (For example if my car needs repairs).

3. Debt Management:

I pay the balance on my credit cards in full every month.
I know how much debt I have, including credit cards, mortgage, car loan, student loans, etc.
My credit score is 700 or better.

4. Savings:

I contribute regularly to a retirement account.
I am saving money for my dreams, like travel, furnishings, buying a home, or starting a business.

5. Investment Portfolio:

Do you have a diversified investment portfolio that aligns with your risk tolerance and long-term goals?
Do you know how much money you will need for your retirement?

6. Financial Awareness:

Do you regularly review your financial statements and track your net worth?
Do you understand key financial terms like "interest rate" and "compound interest"?

7. Major Purchases:

Do you research and budget before making significant purchases like a new car or home?

SO HOW DID YOU DO?

Scoring:

Mostly "Yes": FINANCIAL WELLNESS ACHIEVED!

If you answered "yes" to most of the questions, you're in great shape. Things can always be better, but there are no major red flags and that's a great sign that you're doing it right.

Mixed "Yes" and "No": TAKE THIS AS A WARNING

If you answered "no" to more than one or two questions, that's a reason to be concerned. Not all warning signs are equal and the fact that you only answered no to a very small number of the questions suggests that things are very fixable. You may require adjustments to your financial plan to improve stability but you are doing OK.

Mostly "No": YOU'RE IN THE DANGER ZONE

If you've answered "no" to three or more of these questions, it's time to take action. Three problems may not seem like many, but financial problems have a habit of growing quickly. Debt creates more debt. Missed payments lead to bad credit, which makes debt and credit more expensive, which makes debts even harder to pay, and on and on.

Consider developing a comprehensive budget or spending plan and seek some help to enhance your financial security.

No matter how many problems you're experiencing, there are solutions out there for you. Don’t despair. I can help you understand your situation and teach you the skills you need to tackle your biggest financial challenges.

Do you have any other questions about this quiz? If so just respond to this email and I'll get back to you.

I’d love to hear how you did.

Please respond to this post and let me know what you learned from taking the quiz and if you feel like it, use me as an accountability partner and send me a promise though messenger outlining what you plan to do to improve your finances with a date of when you want to have accomplished things. Please also leave me your email so I can easily get back to you.

I will check back in with you to see how you are doing to help you reach your goals.

If you need some help putting things in place here is a link to my calendar. I'd love to talk to see if I can be of help.

https://calendly.com/self-worth/15min

Most people at some time in their lives feel fearful or anxious about money.

Perhaps you are feeling fearful right now. If you are what is it exactly that you are afraid of?

Some people worry that they aren’t making enough money to cover everything they need and want. Others, are overwhelmed by debt or worry about never being able to save any money for special things or retirement.

But here's the good news: You can overcome these fears and take control of your financial future.

Money fears can affect you deeply keeping you from experiencing joy in your life and sometimes affecting your sleep and even your physical well-being. It will also limit your vision, getting in the way of you seeing new possibilities. As a part of my community, I don’t want you to feel that way.

I want to help you overcome your fear and discomfort and be able to become all that you wish to be so that you can contribute all of your amazing talent, creativity and beauty. I want you to be able to feel confident about your financial future and know deep in your bones that you are safe and secure.

So below, I’ll share 5 steps that’ll help you overcome your money fears quickly…

Step #1: Define what financial security means for you

It’s important to be specific about what you want and understand what financial security means to you.

Take out a sheet of paper and write down what it would take for you to feel safe and what is needed to alleviate any anxiety you experience. It could be having a certain amount of savings, a specific monthly income, or being completely debt-free. This clarity helps you set a clear goal to work towards.

Step #2: Journal about what your financial worries are!

Answer the question, what are my biggest fears when it comes to money?

Make sure you include all of your concerns. Imagine the worst-case scenario and acknowledge the emotions it brings up. The simple act of writing them down and speaking about them directly can help reduce the power these fears.

Maybe you’re afraid that if you don’t make more money you’ll lose your home, maybe it’s that you won’t be able to go back to school so you can shift careers to something you really love and can make more money at. It could be that you are imagining having to take a job that you hate so that you have enough money to pay your bills this month. Whatever you are thinking it’s important to get it all down.

Then ask yourself, how likely is it that these things will happen? We often imagine things to be worse than they actually are. We forget about how resourceful we really are and that it is unlikely we will put ourselves in jeopardy.

Step #3: Make a list of 20 things you can do today that will solve the problems you listed above

We tend to be blind to all the many ways we can bring in money. Check in with the wise financial expert inside of you and ask for help identifying 20 ways you can solve the problem easily. This list might include things like:

Going through your closet and selling some things
Selling some jewelry you no longer wear
Offering to babysit a friend’s children
Helping a friend with their social media posts
Asking a friend or family member for a loan

I once quit my job and had no savings and no other job in my sites when I left. I wound up making this kind of list. It was in October so I decided to make some hand painted Christmas and Chanukah cards to sell. I wound up selling hundreds of them and that gave me money to live in for months while I figured out my next steps.

The idea of the list isn’t necessarily that you will do those things, it’s more to show you that there are many ways to bring in money that you can use if you need to. Just knowing you have options will help alleviate the anxiety.

Step #4: Create a debt repayment plan

If being debt-free is part of your financial security and feeling safe, first see if you can find some ways of reducing the interest charged on the cards you have. Then choose one card and focus on paying off that one card. It can either be the one with the highest interest rate or the one with the lowest balance.

I worked on the one with the lowest balance first so I could see results faster. You pay the minimum due on all the other accounts and then pay as much as you can safely afford on the one card you choose to focus on. Make sure that your repayment plan is realistic so you aren’t putting money towards repayment that you have to have to pay for your current needs.

To help you create a plan and see how quickly your debt will be paid off you can go to https://undebt.it/ and use their snowball calculator and it will show when each debt will be paid off. It's a great motivator.

Step #5: Break through your financial set points

Most people have a financial set point – a level of income they’re used to and find hard to surpass. It was the same for me. You can break the cycle by first identifying what your set point is (how much money you are truly believe you can make) then look at your thoughts and history to uncover what you are telling yourself that is keeping you from increasing your income. For example, you may have a belief that you are too old so you tell yourself that you have to stay at a job where you are being paid poorly because no one is going to hire someone your age.

Here is another journal prompt: What am I thinking that is getting in the way of me being able to make more money?

For this one it might be helpful to write a letter to your wise inner self. So you would address the letter, Dear wise inner self and then ask the question. Then on another sheet of paper address the letter to you from your wise self and see what that part of you writes to you.

First name / friend, it’s normal to have fears about money, but you don’t have to let them control you. By taking these steps, you’re moving towards financial security and freedom. If you need help overcoming your financial worries please get in touch.

After taking these steps, let me know how it’s working for you by replying to this email.

I look forward to hearing from you!

This year has been one of review. I have spent a great deal of time looking back over my life and reconnecting with old friends and lovers that I had lost touch with. I have also been taking a good long look at how my thoughts over the years have affected the results I have experienced in my life.

When I was in grade school and high school there were a few girls I adored but was also really jealous of. I thought they were incredibly beautiful and they had a kind of magnetism that just drew people and opportunities to them. People just wanted to be near them and know them. I recently realized they had a lot in common.

These women were:

Very creative and were confident about who they were:
Disciplined even driven to do the things they were good at
Committed time and energy to their craft because they were confident that They would succeed on those paths.
Protective of their time and sometimes that meant they wouldn’t have time for social activities but they didn’t seem to care.
Comfortable with being loved, admired and supported.

One was a dancer, one a musician and one a visual artist. They expected success and each of them in their own way received it. Things came to them fairly easily.

I on the other hand didn’t have a sense of who I was. I felt awkward, unattractive and unsure of myself. I decided that I would have to work harder than anyone else in order to succeed thinking that things didn’t come easily to me.

DID YOU GET THAT? I DECIDED THAT THINGS WOULDN'T COME TO ME EASILY AND FOR A LONG TIME THEY DIDN'T.

I had to change my mind about who I am and what is possible and increase my expectations.

I had to decide that it was ok to be super successful and that I was capable of achieving way more than I ever imagined.

I had to expect to make more money in a month than I had previously made in a year.

I had to believe that it was possible for good things to happen without having to work hard to earn it.

I had to imagine that I could have a business that allows me to use all of my talents even though they seemed unrelated and still be able to attract enough clients.

I started to really listen to what I say to myself and discovered that a lot of times I scare myself unnecessarily and don’t trust myself or the universe to provide for me.

My business has some seasonal down times when business is slow. During those times I sometimes have gotten very fearful and thought that I have to really hustle to get some new clients. I didn’t realize during those times I was imagining and expecting struggle and worse. Then in spite of the actions I took, often business was slow to pick back up.

As I was talking to prospective clients during those times I was thinking about how I had to get them to sign up for coaching or a class so I would bring in some money instead of really being in the conversation with them and focusing on how I could help them. I let my fear run the conversation. I think they must have felt that desperation and they often never followed through with the sale.

The other thought I discovered is that I believed that I had to do things in a certain way in order to attract more clients and money.

That if I didn’t have a great website, social media post, enough people on my email list, you name it, that I wouldn’t be able to have a sustainable business. I wasn’t open to it happening easily and effortlessly. I had to begin to tell myself that I can attract money no matter how much stuff gets done or how things look.

I’ve also had a thought that money had to come from the work I do.

That it wasn’t good enough to have someone give it to me, find it, win it or just have it materialize. For some reason I felt I had to earn it to prove my value.

AND THERE IS ANOTHER ONE, I THOUGH I HAD TO PROVE MY VALUE.

That it wasn’t OK just to be loved, paid and valued just for being me.

These thoughts are dangerous and insidious.

Part of this is also recognizing that money doesn’t come from anything in particular that I do or don’t do. That it is always there for me if I let it in. Just because I exist.

I just have to be open and listen to my inner guidance system and I always will have everything I need.

So what are the things you have been thinking and saying to yourself that have been limiting the joy and abundance you experience in your life?

I would love it if you would share them with me.

Contact me for a complimentary session to see if I can be of help:
https://calendly.com/self-worth/15min

For those of you who live in the Chicago area I would like to share with you an upcoming event at Thee Old Fishbowl Gallery on June 30th, featuring the incredibly talented Skokie-based artist John Wangendo.

Originally from Kenya, John captures the beauty and spirit of children and residents of Africa with his charcoal drawings. Each piece tells a story, often explaining the significance behind the subject's clothing and expressions.

Don't miss this opportunity to experience John's art firsthand and support the local artist community:

Location: Thee Old Fishbowl Gallery
602 Dempster St. Evanston, IL
Date: Sunday, June 30th
Time: 2:00 pm - 4:00 pm
RSVP: [email protected]

Thanks so much,

Sheryl

We get our paychecks and then we just spend the money getting to the end of the month wondering where all the money went. For most of us the whole purchasing process in on auto pilot. We see something we need or want, something that catches our attention, we open our wallets and plunk down a card and pay.

Rarely do we check first to see if we have the money and even less often do we check to see what other expenses are coming up in the future that we will need to have money for. Even when we make good money we can still wind up in debt with little understanding of how we got there and no memory of what we spent the money on.

That leaves us feeling guilty, embarrassed and filled with shame.

For a lot of us shopping is kind of a high. Literally.

When we are shopping the pleasure center in our brains starts to light up our prefrontal cortex and the part of our brain that helps us make logical decisions shuts off completely. So, we are soothing ourselves when we shop just as much as if we were taking a drug. We go into a state where our good feelings get turned on and our ability to make wise decisions turns off. No wonder we have such a difficult time fighting off the urge to spend. We begin to feel like we just have to have it. Whatever it is.

There are obvious consequences to this behavior. Credit card debt, fees for over drawing your accounts, little to no savings and most important not having the money available to fund your dreams. Things like buying your dream home, going back to school or starting your own business get put on hold indefinitely because you are living paycheck to paycheck.

I want to be clear though I am not promoting the idea that you should never go shopping just for the fun of it. I just want you to be providing yourself financial security and safety first.

So where do we begin.

Our mindset and self-concept are at the center of this issue.

The first thing to ask yourself is “How do I see myself in regards to money and what do I say to myself?”

I can’t tell you the number of times clients have said to me:

I’m bad with money,
I can’t be trusted with money,
I am not disciplined enough,
I’m a spender,
I’m always in debt even though I’ve tried over and over again to get out of it.
I will probably be in debt for the rest of my life.

We say these things as if they are facts, intrinsic truths that can’t be changed. Then we find evidence that supports these “truths”.

If you see that your current beliefs are giving you negative messages it’s time to change them. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable with your current spending and purchasing habits. To change we need to debunk these views of ourselves and create new beliefs about how we relate to money and then create evidence that proves our new self-concept.

You want to feel that you are spending your money wisely and with intention on things that give you pleasure over time and that do not keep you from having money for your dreams as well as the necessities.

As a wise shopper you want to pre-plan your shopping trips by making a list of what you want before you go to the store. Ask yourself if you will still be glad you bought this item next week or next month. Slow down the purchasing process. Often if we wait a day before we buy the urge will subside.

Recently I heard a speaker, Paige Pritchard on the Moneynerds Podcast that my colleague Whitney Hansen hosts. Paige has a great method to help you break the habit of impulse shopping.

She suggests keeping a list of the things you want to buy.

It works like this:

When you see something online or in a store that you want take out your phone and put it on a list using a reminder, list, or notes app on your phone. You can describe the item or take a picture and make sure to include the price.

Wait a while and see if you want to purchase it later. If you still want it and it has value and you have the money for it go ahead and buy it. If you don’t get it after a month or two add up all the money you saved by not buying those things. Also look to see how much you saved over a year.

You can even use this method for tracking when you have an impulse to pick up food on the way home from work. Each time you fight the urge and choose to eat something from home instead reward yourself by adding it to your list and counting the money you saved.

She suggests making it like a game to see how much you can save. I think this is a fantastic method to help you overcome the desire to make unplanned purchases. You can give yourself a target of how much you want to not spend and then a prize (nothing too expensive) when you reach your goal. This is a great way to show yourself that you can control your spending and that you are good at managing your money.

Changing your behavior will take time so be patient with yourself.

An accountability partner will really help with this.

If you would like some help getting your spending under control and if you have any debt getting it paid off let’s talk and see if I can help.

You can schedule a time here:
https://calendly.com/self-worth/15min

It’s time for me to prioritize what my heart and soul are directing me to do.I had made a decision to start making more time to work on my artwork but I wasn’t doing it. When I first started my business two and a half years ago my plan was to work 3 days a week on my business and have 2 days to work in the art studio.

Partially this was because even though I teach my clients to value the work they do I wasn’t seeing the value in my own artwork. It keeps me sane helping me understand issues that are of concern to me or that need to be healed. It’s an important expression for my own health and wellbeing but I was having difficulty seeing how it was contributing to anyone else.

Of course as a “helper”, I was thinking about what was best for others before considering what is best for me. I can easily see my client’s lives changing from the coaching I do. They are getting out of debt, increasing their income and creating financial peace of mind in ways I couldn’t even imagine. Some have bought homes, improved their relationships with their spouses and partners, left jobs they didn’t enjoy and started or grown their businesses. I can easily see those results and it helps me see my own value.

But my art is another story.

In the past year though people have been commenting on the artwork they see behind me when I am having meetings with them on zoom. They can feel the emotion and energy from my work even though it is several feet behind me and they are seeing it through my computer screen. Friends and others who have seen my work in my home, a gallery or in my posts and have commented on how they see themselves in my artwork, that it speaks to them in some way.

An author from the Smithsonian wrote “Visual art is a fundamental component of the human experience reflecting the world and the time in which we live. Art can help us understand our history, our culture, our lives, and the experience of others in a manner that cannot be achieved through other means. It can also be a source of inspiration, reflection, and joy.” In other words, it reflects to us the issues we are facing and it can be a source of beauty and joy.

I’d been saying I wanted to create a body of work this year but, I wasn’t actually doing it. There was always a gathering to go to, a client to meet with or something to do for my marketing. I wasn’t making art. I was doing other things. Totally valid, wonderful things, all of which were related to my goals and in alignment with my values.

These things were also the activities that unconsciously I had decided where likely to be more financially profitable.

I made that decision even though I had always made good money using my skills as an artist. This felt different though. In the past I was painting murals, creating custom stencils and wall finishes, fabrics and wall papers. The work served a tangible function. My fine art is harder for me to define.

Sometimes I don’t even clearly know what the work is about or what it’s purpose is until after I’ve created it. Visual art also has the problem of being left to the viewer to determine it’s meaning.

But my soul has been yelling at me that the artwork needs to be completed and I have been working on trusting that inner voice to support me in all ways in the world. When I looked at my calendar, I could see that I wasn’t prioritizing the thing that my soul was most calling me to do.

The author Kate Northrup wrote: "So, what is the next part of my wealth building plan?

Saying no to nearly everything and building my internal sense of trust and safety based on knowing that there will be a consistent stream of wonderful opportunities in my life forever and right now I need to say no to most of them so I can say a bigger yes to the book (or other project) that wants to come on through me. And what does saying no have to do with wealth?

Well, letting ourselves be distracted from the most important work by saying yes to everything that’s not that work is the same thing energetically as wasting our money on things like disposable fashion, food with no nutritional value, or other impulse purchases that aren’t in alignment with our values or our goals. When we double down and devote ourselves to the 20% that gets us 80% of the results, we accelerate our ability to build true assets that pay us, both financial ones and energetic/emotional ones. From here on out, I’m saying no to nearly everything so I can say a bigger YES to creating what matters (my artwork) and tending to the seeds I’ve already planted.

I’m trusting that there will be other seasons of visibility where it’s time to be out there in bigger ways, but this is not one of them. I’m in a season of blooming where I’m planted and I know enough about cycles and abundance to know that I’ll get a much richer, bigger harvest if I stick with the season I’m in instead of trying to skip to the next one."

As you read this, did you think of any area where you’re taking energy away from the things that really matter to you and working on things that don't matter as much?

I am not saying this will be easy. Our world and the people in it constantly make requests of our time. As I’ve mentioned we also tend to undervalue the things that bring us joy and in some ways think the things we love can’t possibly be the way to prosperity.

I am recommitting to my artwork and to integrating more of my artistic self into the work that I do. It is all related, although I admit I haven’t been very good at articulating what art making or creativity has to do with improving your financial circumstances. I know that they are related because I have an interest in both of these things and they both make up who I am.

Check out my website to learn more about me, while you're there sign up for my newsletter at the bottom of any page:
https://self-worth.coach/

When I was a little girl my uncle who lived with us built me a table to play on in the basement of our house. It quickly became an art table. My neighborhood friends would come over. Sometimes we’d play school. I was often the teacher. I was a little older than some of the other kids and a pretty creative kid. I loved drawing and painting, playing with clay, all kinds of things. My favorite though was making dolls.

The very first doll I made was with my older sister. We took some baby clothes and stuffed them with rags, created the head by stuffing a rag and then stitched the whole thing together using darning needles and yarn. Then we painted a face onto the head. It was a pretty homely looking doll but felt solid and substantial when you held it.

We had a full house when I was a kid. As I mentioned my mother’s brother lived with us as well as his son who was about 2 years older than me, my father and my two older sisters. My cousin was my best friend. We shared a bedroom. Like so many “brothers” he felt that he was allowed to torture me and call me names but if anyone else did anything to hurt me he was there to beat the crap out of them. He was very strong and kind of a scrappy kid. When I was around 5 his father remarried and they moved out. That was my first major loss. My best friend and protector, was gone.

My mom went to work when I was 5 and that was my second loss. It meant that every day for lunch I had to go to a neighbor’s house and again after school until my parents got home from work. I felt homeless in a way. Even though I did know my parents loved me I felt they had abandoned me. I became very quiet. My parents were often really tired and overwhelmed. My job became keeping the peace. My saving grace though was my art and creativity.

That basement table was my space. I would invite my friends to come over and make dolls with me. While we were doing that I would always bring the conversation to what they wanted to be when they grew up and we would brainstorm about how we would make our dreams come true.

It is stunning to me now to see that is still what I am doing. I invite my clients into my virtual space and we work on making their dreams come true. Sometimes using art as the tool, sometimes budgeting or figuring out ways to reduce debt but all to help my clients reach their goals.

It’s not exactly about the money for me. It’s that money is a vehicle to help get us where we want to go. It is mostly about healing past hurts and finding ways to put the past behind us so that we can allow ourselves to have joyous abundant lives.

In my own journey I spent time in therapy talking about the feelings I had as a child and that helped some but I have come to see that the hurt has etched itself into my body and brain as well. So simply talking hasn’t been able to lead me to shifting the way I see myself and the world.

I have realized that my go to place is one of fear and insecurity.

The little girl in me still thinks she can’t trust others to be there for her.

If I let her she runs the show making decisions for me that has me responding to life with distrust. I now see this has affected my relationships with friends, lovers and clients and has kept me from letting too many people in. Without realizing it I had been assuming that people didn't want to be with me or work with me. When that happens I over-give and over sell myself in ways that sometimes feels uncomfortable for people.

Listening to what the little girl inside of me needs to feel safe and secure in the world and reassuring her that as an adult I have means to keep her from harm I have been able to take back control and let love guide me instead of fear.

I’m offering my Spiritual Doll Making class starting on May 18th. In this workshop we will get in touch with the child within us and see what it needs to feel confident, courageous and worthy of having the things we want in life. Then we will make a doll that supplies what our inner child needs.

So, I am back to doing what I have been doing since I was a little girl, inviting you into my space to make dolls and talk about your dreams. I will be there to guide you both with the internal exploration and give you technical support with making your doll. By the way I am using the word doll loosely.

A doll is a tool for healing your heart and soul in human form.

Dolls have been used for healing throughout history and are archetypal symbols of the sacred connection and natural intelligence between nature, spirit, and Self. They are special containers made to hold the energy and focus of our prayers, self-expression, gratitude and healing.

A doll can be an embodiment of self and parts of self. Dolls are powerful figures created from a person’s symbolic psyche. They tend to carry childhood dreams and memories and are objects of the creative imagination.

Doll making can help you to heal at a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual level.

So I invite you to join me.