Dr. Todd Giardina - Psychologist

We are about three months out from Election Day. Be sure you are registered to vote. You can’t complain if you don’t cast your ballot. (I am adding a voter registration link in my bio.)

Let your voices and values be heard! Wake up those around you to what is happening.

But also, be conscious of the messages and media you are “consuming.” Stay informed but protect your peace. Don’t ignore reality, but don’t think it’s all bad. Try following some of these accounts for some smiles and good news:

Ego versus confidence. Can you tell the difference?

It begins with these questions. Are you doing it for praise or for the feeling of doing it? Are you comparing to others or to your best self? Being confident and capable is not diminished because someone else can do what you do. Ego is about being special and praised. Confidence is about feeling sure and accomplished.

Having confidence means you can praise (and bow to) other people and competitors, and it doesn’t take away from your own greatness. But those with ego are the scene stealers, sore losers, and the “look at me” crowd.

*I know this photo looks different now with the news about Chiles’ medal. But Biles and Chiles shouting and praising Andrade is an exemplary display of talent and confidence without ego.

Just sitting in my yard, feet in the pool. It’s the simple things for me. Some quiet time after a day of listening and talking. I have various birds that nest and chirp overhead. It’s a nice little oasis.

Dr. Giardina is an expert in the area of mental health, psychology and human behavior. He is available for hire as a guest/expert speaker on varied topics across these domains. Dr. Giardina has been an invited lecturer to public health centers, corporate entities, hospital departments, and medical/graduate classes in and around the community.
SPEAKING TOPICS MAY INCLUDE:

Comorbid Medical and Mental Health Conditions

Anger Management

Conflict Resolution and Team Building

Development of Social Skills for Networking

Making Healthy Behavior Change (e.g., smoking cessation and weight loss)

Identification and Management of Burnout

Coping with Stress of a Pandemic

Behavioral Medicine

Mental and Physical Benefits of Journaling

Mindfulness

Stress Management and Coping

Communication Skills

Development of Listening/Counseling Skills

Coping with Anxiety About Public Speaking

Coping with Chronic Pain

Other areas of skill/knowledge may be discussed/presented by request.
Speaking fees/honorarium available upon request and dependent upon type and length of presentation desired.

Give a listen. Like and download. I discuss the benefits of having the hard talks and doing couples therapy before marriage

‎The Counseling Corner on Apple Podcasts ‎Health & Fitness · 2024

Sometimes you don’t want to tell a friend, yet. Or you may not have a counselor or psychologist, yet. But even if you have told your therapist and your family, it can be good to know there are other resources. 24/7 available support. They won’t feel bothered. It is the point of this service to be open to hearing what you have to say, so no need for guilt. Just call. 📱

Feeling alone creates a vicious cycle. Break it by feeling heard. By reaching out to someone who will listen. 🙏🏽🫶🏽

We need to remember that everything is in interconnected, and so much affects our mood and emotions.

Imagine a wheel, with spokes radiating inward, all impacting upon the central axis of mood. If you’re physically unwell -poor sleep, or low blood sugar - this will affect your mood state. If you’re financially stressed, you will be anxious. If you feel socially disconnected, or discriminated against, you will have a lower sense of value for yourself and feel depressed. If you don’t feel sexually free or stimulated, your emotions will be impacted. If you are in spiritual crisis or existential angst, you will not be your best self. If you have suffered abuse or trauma, the toll of this emotional wound from the past will continue to affect your mood today.

The Health 360 approach to holistic assessment is about bringing these interwoven sides of the self into awareness and alignment. Balance is key, as is paying attention to each component.

I worked for many years in hospice and end of life care.

Grief is a normal and uncomfortable part of life. Loss is something we all face, eventually.

Grief looks different for everyone. Kubler Ross tried to find the common themes and she came close. Denial anger bargaining depression acceptance. But after years of research we find this is not a one size fits all. There is no right way to be. In the psychology world we used to give six months, after which we would consider labeling the grief reaction as mental illness. Now we simply look at the severity of the loss and the severity of the impact.

Our losses differ because our relationships differ. And our sadness is felt differently because we all have our own individual histories and experiences.

We have to tailor the process to the person and the loss. Grieving cannot be rushed, but it can be aided. I can help you take some of the necessary steps - storytelling, facing feelings, undergoing rituals, and so on.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Dr. Giardina finds most issues come down to relationships, even if that is not the reason someone sought out therapy in the first place. As such, relationship issues can be discussed in either individual or couples counseling. Communication patterns are examined and clarity is gained. His ability to “speak” the male and female language allow Dr. Giardina to cross-translate for all parties and aid patients in understanding their partners better. Love languages are explored and repeated patterns are dissolved. (*The doctor works with LGBTQ partnerships as well.)

What has changed? When patients complain of new symptoms and feel anxiety, my first instinct is curiosity. Play detective. If new symptoms arise, why? From where? What new variable was introduced?

I am not a dietitian But the body uses food as fuel, this is basic biology. Don’t eat, and the machine doesn’t run as well. So while I won’t comment on weight loss fads or pro/cons, consider how low calories or low blood sugar impacts mood - including sluggishness or symptoms of panic.

So often I see sleep deprivation mislabeled as postpartum depression or baby blues. And similar symptoms can be seen even if you didn’t just give birth, or are not biologically female. Sleep is key to mental health.

Emotional stress can weaken your immune system, resulting in risk of infection or illness. So mental health is key to overall health. And “not depressed” isn’t a good enough baseline criteria.

These examples focus on the physical and mental interaction, but the more obvious occupational and social components obviously cannot be ignored either. Anxiety may arise when starting a new job. Depressive symptoms may arise after a friend moves out of state. When something changes, then something else is bound to change, and often that’s our mood.

So, if your mood has changed, look to the root cause. And solve for that first.

I like this phrase, referencing old horror movie tropes, but teasing about people pointing fingers and lacking awareness of the role they play in their own lives. It’s a bit tongue in cheek and sarcastic, but it applies with health behaviors. We so often want to blame outside forces, advertisements, social pressures and so on for our issues - when it’s your body and your behavior that are really key.

I like to say, it may not be your fault, but it is your problem. Be it genetics or metabolism, fluke health events or physical accidents … you may not like your reality, but it is solely yours to change.

Comparing to others, saying it’s not fair, blaming your choices on outside influence - in the end the onus is on you alone to change, because you’re the one who benefits.

So check that caller ID! It may be an inside job 🧐🤔😏

So what would Balance look like? Especially in a moment like this? It might mean making a memory even if the photo doesn’t look perfect. It might mean taking this picture at a different time, even though that was not the plan. It might mean an outfit change, which was not the vision, but leads to a happier group of people in the photo. Or it might mean scrapping the photo all together, because I don’t want to ruin the day.

Balance is often about choices. Looking for a good compromise, rather than rigidly shooting for one goal and one goal only. Balance is about seeing the bigger picture, not just the Instagram picture ;-)

What’s your meatball?!

That thing that you do better than anyone else. And it may not be something that you try that hard at, just through repetition and honing your skill. Just like my Nonna‘s meatballs. What will you be remembered for?

My Nonna has never entered competitions or won awards. She’s been asked to sell her food or open a restaurant and always said no. But how many thousands of meatballs has she cooked? It’s like that Bruce Lee quote, I don’t fear the man who knows 10,000 punches, but the man who practiced one punch 10,000 times. And we always hear those statements about how 10,000 hours of practice will make you great at something. But we often think of these things in terms of something that will make you famous, earn you love, or grow your wealth. And while that can be true, sometimes it’s just about identity and self-worth. Distinguishing yourself from the crowd. Your meatball may be your ability to tell stories to your grandkids, your ability to comfort people, your knack for reading the room, building model ships in bottles, quilting, fly fishing, gardening…or making meatballs.

Finding your meatball has become a metaphor with my patients. About self-worth and identity. About understanding your strengths and skills and talents. But stepping out of the typical limelight of fame and riches and glory. Just for the joy of doing the thing well.

Taking a mindful, present moment alone.

Just you and the thing you’re doing.

No phone. No kids. No work. No to do list.

One solitary purpose. Just breathing. And releasing.

A defecation meditation.

Let. That. S**t. Go.

Understanding the WHY of someone’s actions doesn’t necessarily excuse the WHAT of the thing they did

Knowing your partner yelled at you because they were drunk explains the out of character behavior. But it may not excuse it.

Understanding that your friend’s dog bit you because you walked too closely to it makes sense. You get why it happened. But it may not make everything okay with what transpired.

And to a larger degree, consider what we are seeing with Israel and Palestine right now. Having sympathy for or understanding of the belief system on each side may help you understand WHY certain actions were taken. But that doesn’t mean you have to excuse or validate the violence of WHAT occurred.

Let’s not confuse understanding the thing with excusing the thing.

You can choose to see rain. Or you can choose to see rainbows. 🌈 They both are in the scene.

Life brings mixed moments. Rarely is it all good or all bad. It’s up to us to “shift the gestalt” in psych speak, to see the forest for the trees, the image in the clouds. The joy amidst the pain.

You have power to make your world more pleasant by adjusting your focus. 🧘🏽‍♀️

Capable of providing licensed, telehealth psychological services to select clientele across 39 states*

Under a new interstate legislation called PsyPact, I am licensed to practice in Florida but can provide telemedicine counseling across several state lines.

This is one of the positive outcomes of the pandemic where it was shown how in person and telemedicine sessions can both provide largely equal benefits to patient outcomes.

However, this poses a new difficulty as regards certain aspects of therapy. I personally found during COVID that certain types of therapeutic interventions or discussion of some more difficult topics would require in person sessions. Furthermore, crises are much harder to deal with over phone or video, as compared to in an office setting. This includes the unfortunate times where a crisis requires local law enforcement or hospital staff to physically bring a person for inpatient care if they are suicidal - making such calls is much more messy and complex across state lines.

As such, this service is not for everyone. But, we now have more access and opportunity to provide care to those who need it. Especially as it becomes harder to find providers that take your insurance or have availability or that simply seem to click with you.

Please reach out to my office to discuss scheduling and fees.

*Noteworthy exceptions are CA, LA, MA, NY. The doctor must screen potential new patients to determine if telehealth is an appropriate service platform for their needs. Some restrictions apply.

If you’ve been playing “Get him back” by Olivia Rodrigo on repeat….

Then give my office a call to schedule ;-)

This song perfectly captures so much of the sentiment that I hear on my couch. The push pull of love. The codependent and interdependent relationships that so many people find themselves in. The desire to ignore red flags because you miss companionship, because you romanticize the past. But then also the rage of wanting to hurt the one who hurt you!

Passion, man….it swings in positive and negative directions. Be careful of passion.

Try to find balance. With some highs and lows, sure, but extremes in either direction are cause for trouble. Roller coasters are fun. Until they’re not!

Let’s talk relationships and red flags and get you on a path to healthier interpersonal dynamics.

I saw my first patient at 9am …On a Tuesday morning …September 11, 2001.

I was already nervous. I had read about this but never spoken to a patient in a clinical role. My supervisor was in the room. I was being observed which made me more anxious.

To make it worse my phone kept buzzing in my pocket. Why so many calls this time of morning?!

I was in upstate New York. To outsiders, this could have been anywhere in New York City. My family was concerned when they saw the news. (I was actually many hours and many miles away from any danger.)

I walked out of that session ready to ask my supervisor how I did. But the door opened to people running through the halls, phones ringing, tv blaring the news.

I volunteered to help in the crisis room that night and the next day. Students getting the news. Calls home. Something like 30-50% of UB undergrads came from the NYC area. Even more from NY state as a whole. So many were affected.

I felt helpless. But helpful. It solidified I was in the right field. Even if we can’t save lives.… we can console those who’ve lost loved ones. Try to see this in your own life. Where you may not have the power to change things, but you still have ways to act.

9/11 is a tragedy. Hard stop.

But the stories that came out of humanity and sacrifice and support and community. People stepped up and showed up.

So today, many years later, look at how you can help. Being a hero doesn’t require the ultimate sacrifice. And building community shouldn’t require such tragedy.

How can we turn this memory into a growth moment. A day of insight and reflection. A time for gratitude and perspective. A chance to see how and where you can make an impact.

And remember. It doesn’t matter if you have a big fancy job or are “just a…fill in the blank.” The people in those buildings and on those planes were loved and lost by someone in their lives. Your life matters, especially to the people around you.

Hug someone. Tell them you love them. Especially today 💔

Caring for your mental health needs to involve a lifestyle change, not a diet plan!

We all know diets don’t work. They are short term efforts that produce short term results. What’s necessary to be truly healthy, body and mind, are sustainable habits that produce long lasting results.
A paradigm shift.

Therapy doesn’t work as a short term quick fix (with some rare exceptions).

Everyone has played the short term benefit game with diet and body image, prepping for the wedding or the beach vacation.
And then you gain the weight back as soon as you return to old habits.

So, unless you just want to feel mentally stable for just 10 days, you need consistent work. You can’t do the mental equivalent of a juice cleanse and then go back to eating KFC - that’s not balance. It’s just extremes and whiplash.

Seeing me for two weeks straight, and then getting back with your ex, that’s not healthy or balanced. Telling me how proud you are that you set healthy boundaries with family members, and then loaning your brother-in-law money, that’s not balance.

I’ve had patients find health and happiness with a lifestyle that involves movement, boundaries, therapy, meds, healthy eating, better self-awareness, etc. And then they disappear from my couch. And they return 9 to 12 months later, saying how their anxiety is back, their relationships are a mess, etc. And I always say the same thing … “why did you stop doing it was working?!”

If eating less sugar or carbs makes your body feel or look better, do it all the time. Don’t just do it for two weeks before vacation. And if certain habits or routines make your mental health feel better, we need to treat that the same way. Not just do it for five sessions or six months, and then think I can go back to the way I was living, and the benefits will be maintained.

No, I’m not saying that everyone needs to be on meds or in therapy for the rest of your life, but there are certain shifts that need to be sustained. And if you lose the habit, you’re gonna go back to certain symptoms.

Learn to live differently. Your life needs to be more than a fad diet experiment.

I went with my wife and daughter to see Barbie recently. And for me, the standout character was Allan. (Obviously the acting by Robbie and Gosling was amazing, the set design, costumes etc etc).

Allan is what we men should want to aspire to. The quote in the pic is from an article I found that shared my enthusiasm for Allan (link to article in bio).

Allan isn’t exciting. He’s truly written to be bland and beige. But he’s covered in green flags. Even if he’s not the guy you want to marry, he’s the kind of guy we need more of in our lives (women especially.)

Find your Allan. Try to be an Allan. We have enough Kens out there.

Maybe solid, self assured and loyal is better than flashy and needy. As this article nicely summarized, “Because in an ego-driven world of Barbies and Kens, being an Allan — one-of-a-kind when everyone around you defaults to following the crowd — is simply the coolest way to go.”

When I was a kid I had two friends on my street: Nicole and Michael. And that’s probably where my anxiety and insecurity started.

When I was playing with Michael, and Nicole would say “Hello”, Michael would list the reasons she (and girls) were no good. And I felt obliged to agree, to fit in and be one of the guys.
Then, the reverse scenario would occur on days I played with Nicole. Feeling like I should get on the side of “boys are so weird and annoying.”

The upside is this also begat my entry into the world of speaking both languages and understanding women’s perspective … which greatly aids my day to day work life.

However, it also left me feeling always torn between two gender roles, never manly enough or girly enough (in the judgment of whoever I was playing with that day.) I always heard the negative, about and from both genders.

This duality had me feeling excited to be in with the crowd, part of something, but also anxious and fearful that I was not enough of a guy/girl to be fully in. I felt like an outsider, always waiting to be found out or kicked out.

Which eventually led me to spend more time with girls. Because they were impressed at any skill I had to understand emotions or relationships. I was an exceptional male among females. But I always felt like a lesser male among males, not enough into sports or rough and tumble activities.

Now, fast forward, and guys will turn to me and say “you’re a psychologist. Maybe you can explain this to me!” My understanding of emotions and relationships is now useful to my male peers. Valued.

Nonetheless, there is still some gender insecurity. (Not gender confusion, I know I’m a cis hetero male.)

Am X or Y I enough to hang with you? Do I fit in? Do I still have to show my allegiance by talking trash about the other gender? (This pressure still shows up daily, though now my peers use more adult language.)

Furthermore, hearing women talk ill of men over the years has formed a belief in me that men are distasteful. And I’m a man. So, despite the caveat of “but not you Todd, you’re the exception,” it has led to years of me thinking I’m the worst. We, men, are the worst.

Found this in one of my daughter’s notebooks. This 9 year old has it figured out. Now we all need to just follow her lead.

(Yeah, I know, therapist’s kids think a little different 🤷🏽‍♂️🤪)

I was listening to some girls chatting about how a guy had a “Rogan-y” vibe in his politics and personality. Referencing the Joe Rogan podcast.

And while on its face this is a judgmental statement (I don’t care whether you are pro or anti Joe Rogan). What this statement shows is a preference. We need to know our boundaries and deal breakers. We need to spot red flags and find shorthand methods to identify them sooner.

So, you have to be judgmental for your own self preservation in the dating game.

Are you a Joe Rogan person or a Goop person? Are you republican or democrat? Do you like loud music or quiet candle lit dinners? Are they into off color jokes or more about manners and decorum?

People are multifaceted. You can say yes to all of those items listed above. But some people swing widely black or white. And this may save time and heartache by not trying to change them (or you) to fit when the lack of fit is obvious right away.

There was a great dating movie in the 90s called “Singles.” Two characters indicated their desire to find “someone who likes these earrings as much as I do,” or “someone who says God bless you when I sneeze.” Simple stupid criteria. Not enough to start a life together. But enough of an indicator to perhaps rule out certain people.

Knowing your hell yes and eff no criteria may be more important than the 90% in the middle. Because that grey middle area is where we overlap. But if they strongly value Joe Rogan and you absolutely adore Gwyneth Paltrow, this may be a tough match to make work.

So know yourself. Recognize your deal breakers. And get better at spotting the red flags by using this (admittedly over simplistic and judgmental) short hand.

Just kidding. But I made you smile!

Studies have shown that our brains listen to our bodies. Flexing the muscles in your face that result in a smile can actually, over time, produce a rush of serotonin in the brain.

Smiling more often actually makes you happier. Even if the smile isn’t authentic at first.

So while we all hate it when someone tells you to smile or cheer up (gag!), telling yourself to smile actually has fake it till you make it effects.

And even better, watching a movie or video that makes you laugh out loud produces a slew of even more beneficial brain chemicals. (There are even laugh group therapy sessions. Kinda kooky but google it. You’ll be weirded out then start laughing yourself. Also, google “talk show unusual laughs” - you’re welcome)

So, that’s your self care tip of the day. You can’t tickle yourself. But you can make yourself smile or laugh, and that’s a natural antidepressant.

😃😀😁🫶🏽

Glinda: “You don’t need to be helped any longer, you’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.”
Dorothy: “I have?”
Scarecrow: “But why didn’t you tell her before?!”
Glinda: “Because she wouldn’t have believed me. She had to learn it for herself!”

Two very important lessons in this iconic scene from the Wizard of Oz.

1) The power is yours. It’s not given. It’s not learned. It is in you, as a woman, inherently.

2) But it’s up to you to find and harness that power. To understand what it means for you specifically. And for that to happen, timing is key! This is one of the reasons therapy can seem to take so long. I see your power as soon as you sat on my couch, but pointing it out is a waste of time.

You don’t need me to tell you that you can fly. You need to click your heels together and find out for yourself.

It’s fascinating the cast of characters I hear about in session. But I’ll let you in on a little secret.

Patients don’t always focus their time on the most important person in their life. A loved one. A special relationship. That’s not who dominates the sessions.

It’s the person that gives mixed signals. Or causes distress. That’s who I hear all about. If you are a secure person in someone’s life, you probably don’t get talked about.

So, don’t mistake a confusing relationship for an important one. If someone’s therapist knows all about you, you’re not giving clear signals or a solid foundation.

Sessions are filled with the latest drama and tea. Rarely do the constant, always there always on people get written about in my notes.

Short answer : drama makes for interesting therapy sessions but doesn’t mean they’re “the one.”

It’s Mardi Gras weekend, y’all. Which may not mean much to some of you.

But apart from the party, it’s about community and tradition. We need rituals to ground us in who we are and where we are.

And we need people who get us. Who “speak our language.” (Which doesn’t mean don’t mix with others. Which is of course healthy. But sometimes you need to be in a space that feels more easy and genuine.)

Laissez les bon temps rouler!

Teasing aside. I don’t tell people who to be with or who to love. It’s not my role to give such advice.

BUT, I notice patterns and make sure my patients do as well. So if Joe/Jane consistently cause you to cry, or Susie/Steve always make you smile ear to ear, then I reflect that back so you don’t miss it. Or forget.

Choose to be with people that bring smiles into your life, more days than not.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

PS It’s not just about love and happiness today. And if you don’t feel it today, that’s ok too.
Come out to our next month if you want to work on love in your life. Love for self or others. Just all around happier days ahead ;-)