Taryn Scala Counseling

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When One Parent Is Hurtful and the Other Stands By Coming to terms with betrayal can be harder than dealing with toxicity.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/202104/toxic-families-how-the-scapegoated-child-gets-chosen

Toxic Families: How the Scapegoated Child Gets Chosen There are variations on the theme, but it's always about control and power.

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In a house where there is no support, protection, or comfort, children have to rely upon the limited resources of their bodies to manage overwhelming circumstances and difficult feelings. ⁣
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Infants have the fewest resources because their body and nervous system are still very immature and yet even a baby can disassociate. ⁣
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Toddlers and preschoolers have a few more options. They can use food to soothe themselves or increase adrenaline production through hyperactivity or risky behaviors. ⁣
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As children reach early puberty, more options become available. They can restrict food, binge, and purge, develop obsessive-compulsive patterns of behavior, act out sexually, pinch/scratch themselves, and even contemplate su***de. ⁣
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In adolescence, running away is now an option. Teenagers also have greater access to ci******es and drugs or they can act out sexually. ⁣
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Other coping mechanisms can be developed such as getting lost in books or fantasy, parentification behavior, or overachieving.⁣
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Few trauma survivors realize their behaviors represent an attempt to regulate their nervous system and the unbearable physical sensations and emotions. ⁣
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When you are a trauma survivor who has learned to manage overwhelming feelings using addictive, eating disorder, or unsafe behaviors, it takes more than reading a book ⁣to address both the trauma and the ways you are coping with it. ⁣
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Many feel so much shame for “not knowing how to deal with their problems.” What if you are here today because you have learned to survive? ⁣
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Self-compassion is needed in this work. Dr. Gabor Mate often says, Recovery is to recover, what are you trying to get back? You are recovering your authentic self. ⁣
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