HERspace

Nearby clinics

American Academy of Addiction Psychiatry (AAAP)
Massasoit Avenue

A little long, but a valuable read...and reread (constant repetition is the means by which unfamiliar truths are impressed upon unwilling minds) . I will be keeping it pinned through January 2nd.
Let's make this a season of healing. ~ thank you Kerri.

CHILDHOOD TRAUMA AND THE HOLIDAYS
I hated Christmas growing up. It was not a happy time. It was a time of struggle and stress as the inept adults in my life—who never planned ahead—are suddenly stuck with a holiday in which they are expected to give something and they never had anything to give.

The other kids at school got stuff, expected to get stuff, returned after Christmas with stuff.

My dad was not around much then—except for the child support check —which was both a lifeline for the four kids that wasn’t his and caused incredible resentment for the one kid that was his.

And addictions and alcoholism ran rampant in my world. Drug addicts and alcoholics simply do not plan for the future.

But Christmas was especially hard.

Fast forward to another place in time. My mom died. I was living with relatives who every day lamented the plight of taking on five children. Christmas was miserable. Again a time of struggle and stress.

If we stepped out of line at all—showed any childhood exuberance—wanted to watch Christmas shows on TV—anything—any joy. It would be stomped out. Somebody got a whopping or slapped or bopped or yelled at—and we were expected to take smiling Christmas photos —- after whimpering in the corner at someone’s short temper or mean, cruel, antics. “Girl you better smile and stop pouting.” 😒 “I’ll give you something to cry about.”

Children pick up on all of that negative, worried, energy you are trying to hide from them behind Christmas garland and Christmas trees and Christmas lights. They would much prefer a happy parent—believe me on this one.

In my early twenties, I spent Christmas with other families it opened my eyes to how fu***ng bats**t my own family was. In all the joy of the season I felt terribly isolated—like I had lived on an island all of my life. WTF? What did I miss? Triggered by other people’s happiness.

So I tried Christmas with the now grown up children who lived my abusive childhood with me. Hmmmmm, strangely, a different experience—strangely—the same. The kids got every, crazy, expensive gift that we never received as children—but the tension and struggle were still there. Because Christmas put them into debt.

So several years ago, I removed myself from the equation. I didn’t go anywhere for Christmas. I didn’t buy anything. Not a tree not a bulb not a star, no garland, no Christmas cards, nada. This was the first Christmas where I felt ……. peaceful.

On Christmas Day, there was a light dusting of snow on the ground, and it was so quiet and everyone was so nice to one another. I felt what Christmas is supposed to feel like.

The next Christmas, I bought a tree.

The next Christmas, I realized I loved Christmas decorating, and bought all the tings, and watched all the sappy Christmas specials and really enjoyed the holidays.

I brought my family back into the mix a few years back. All of the tensions around Christmas begin to resurface immediately. I decided Christmas should never be spent with people who resent you or see you as the person with the money. Christmas should never be spent with people who spend the whole day getting high or drunk. Christmas should never be a burden.

I stopped buying gifts for everyone—stress, stress, and more fu***ng stress. I buy people s**t all year—or at least—I used too.

If I want a wholesome Christmas with sappy movies then that is what I will have.

If I want five Christmas trees—I will have that too.

If I want to go see The Nutcracker and The Christmas choir—I will.

I want to find a group of carolers and go from place to place singing Christmas carols. ☺️

Because I love Christmas now. It is the time I let every sappy thing about it feed my spirit.

I have zero religion. Christmas is not about Christ for me. But it is about love and it is a dedicated time for self care for me. And once I took out all of the outside influences. It is my favorite holiday.

Well, it and Halloween. 😂

I took something that caused me great angst and misery as a child and turned it into something that revitalizes me and brings me peace as an adult. It took a lot of trial and error but here I stand.

And Christmas is an absolute joy for me.

11/17/2023

**Sharing. Not offered by or affiliated with HERspace**

11/17/2023

**Sharing...this is not offered by, or affiliated with HERspace.**

Amanda Alexandria will be hosting a 6 part mothers circle around reparenting. it’s once per month, the first Sunday of each month from December-May. Details are in these slides.
Feel free to share with anyone who may benefit! Follow the link to register and it’s on the first page of the website! Feel free to ask any questions or send questions to [email protected]
This is not a therapy group. No insurance accepted. It’s a sharing circle/ community building.

Home | Amanda Teixeira A monthly Mother’s circle to share, witness and have meaningful conversations around what it means to be reparenting yourself while also mothering.

11/07/2023

"Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are...

Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
'cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are" ~ Cat Stevens

10/12/2023

I'm considering laminated pocket cards for this one... (kidding, I think)

How to Move Through Your Fear by Retraining Your Brain - Tiny Buddha

10/02/2023

"With that newfound revelation, I started working to overcome my lifelong phobia, and as I did, each step I took gave me the confidence to push past my fear. Now, just a few years later, speaking is my passion and livelihood. The cave I feared to enter held the treasure I was seeking."

How to Move Through Your Fear by Retraining Your Brain - Tiny Buddha With the right training, your brain can unlearn its fear of virtually anything, even things you would think are unquestionable.

09/02/2023

If you don't want to receive triggering, antagonistic, toxic messages — remove the mailbox they get delivered to.

Women are told this kind of self-prioritization is selfish. But it's actually incredibly self-loving.

Grab ahold of your power. Decide that your mental & emotional well-being is worth protecting. And back this up with action.

Technology makes it really easy — block them... on your phone, social, & email.

You don’t need to tell them (unless you want to). You just stop engaging & allowing yourself to be engaged with.

It may feel odd at first if you’re not accustomed to being fully congruent with your boundaries. But I think pretty quickly you’ll find it significantly increases your sense of peace.

Apologies to everyone with a difficult coparent who can't flex this option.