Kirasupdates

Soooo…. 56th 25th… in the last few days, so much has happened… I got to spend some time with my girl (Zane) and my boy (Evan)… I don’t think I can express how much I love these people. So effing much. But I want to call out a special person - my bff, Serra, who many of you know through this page / we raised some $$$ for her and her husband, Bob. He’s been battling cancer (which, btw, was a result of his service with the military - Camp Lejuene)… after a 5 year battle, he passed on Wednesday. My best friend, who has been there for me through every battle is now experiencing heartbreak like none other. Not only is she a widow as of Wednesday- but today is her birthday. If you can find it in your sweet hearts, please feel free to wish her the most good and love and peace possible… she’s the best friend one could have… she’s shown up for me… let’s show up for her… ❤️🤟❤️🤟❤️🤟

55th 25th…

The universe is conspiring in our favor…

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So, I have been hinting at a project that I have been working on in Croatia honoring Kira and families who are going through or recovering from similar journeys – I will go through the details this week with progress photos, and video and the hard work that has gone into it so you can be part of the journey. It is not complete although we have made great progress– it will be complete by the end of the year. This is a serious passion project intended to bring families together during difficult times and time to be together and celebrate the lives of those who are gone and celebrate the lives we still want to celebrate….. escape, reflect, make memories, tell stories, share happy stories and memories and just connect with the people we love and just veg out in the most beautiful, serene, peaceful, place in the world….I intend to provide a serene place with special intention to reconnect, process, meditate, practice yoga, just wail and catch your breath. We will paint, meditate, dance, play music, eat amazing food, garden and hike to the top of the world and commune in the only way our shared experiences allow. I may need your help fundraising for the completion and fundraising to bring these families out, I expect to have everything ready to go by the end of the year. I have put all my savings and played several shell games to make this all happen. I couldn’t have done it without special contributors and the best friends (which I will acknowledge this week) I have ever had. This is a big deal a long time in the making with lots of connects to why it is where it is…. It is called La Luz - I would love to hear and understand your ideas and feedback. I have put my own money to make this thing happen over the last 3 years. This is a little bit of a teaser but I have started the back story on this which I will share later along with photos and progress videos.

I know it’s early and limited information. This will be so special.

I will post more about it shortly…. Trying to get it just right – which is easier said than done.

Once this project is completed, I will be reaching out for your help to sponsor families to take advantage of this Oasis, if you have families you already know who would benefit from this escape/excursion, I will be sponsoring the location and activities, please let me know so we can offer this amazing space for as many these most deserving families as possible. To clarify, this space is intended for one to two families at a time. It is a private retreat in the middle of the island Ugljan, Croatia.

Love and hugs. I am excited to roll this out… and I believe Kira would be proud,





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54th 25th… just gonna leave this here for a smile…

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52nd 25th… feels like it’s been a minute since I went to the beach… felt like home.

Miss my baby… she sure was loved ❤️🤟❤️🤟❤️🤟❤️

❤️🤟❤️🤟❤️ I still can’t reconcile this. So grateful to know Dana… and her family… all of our hearts broke this day…

Golfy golf with Evan, Zane & Chris… chicken soup for the soul ❤️🤟❤️🤟❤️ Love love love my kiddos!

I was recently grief-shamed… who knew that was a term… and I’m not trying to incite hostility towards those who just can’t possibly know… so, please don’t comment angrily. I get that some people just can’t comprehend what happens in the deepest depths of grief - or actually, maybe they get the deepest parts - but they don’t get the day-to-day… Kira isn’t the first person I loved who passed… my MawMaw, PawPaw, Papa, my dad, my aunt Cecily… and since Kira, my aunt Teddlie, Evan’s mom, Corrine, my friend, Jessica… how can one possibly get it without going through it? And, I get that it’s been over 4 years since Kira passed… but anyone who has been through something similar knows, it feels like yesterday… and we try hard to be a functioning person - but our lives will never be the same. I can’t say that more clearly. We are changed. Forever. Sometimes, we lean in and just accept that we will never be understood or really accepted again… and sometimes we fight that. I’m fighting hard not to feel shamed… but, it is what it is… and as Kira said to me once… if they don’t get me, they’re not my people. It’s a small group who might actually ‘get’ it… and, honestly, I look at those who don’t get it with a tender heart hoping they never do ‘get’ it. I see it in their eyes… here she goes again… trying to keep Kira present. Current. Relevant. I recognize it immediately. I shrink internally when that happens. It sucks. But, I’ll never give up my love and desire to keep Kira close - even though I do care what people think and how I’m perceived- that does not take priority over my ongoing love for my girl. The arrogance some put out there is really kinda embarrassing to witness - but I get it. They’re lucky. So far. And I hope they stay that way… I hope that the life cycle continues to flow naturally for them. They are not my people. And that’s ok. For those of you struggling and suffering with - I’m gonna call it ‘long grief’ - you are not alone. And not everyone will be able to get in your shoes… and as much as they naively think they can, we have to have some perspective on that and not internalize their discomfort. They can’t internalize our discomfort either. We’re just different. Some of us will just live a different life - colored with different pencils. Not all color schemes work together. For those of you struggling beyond what society allows for, keep doing you - honoring your person, talking about them, remembering them… there are some of us who want to hear you - unconditionally and empathetically. Not everyone is cut out for that… but some of us are… love your living and love your passed. Love is everything and truly all there is…





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51st 25th at the celebration of life for Crystal Hunnicutt…. So glad to be here - sharing our story and hearing others ❤️🤟🤟🤟❤️❤️❤️

51st 25th…. 4 years, 3 months… I didn’t do my usual Kira ritual today… for a couple reasons… but predominately because I will be attending a Celebration of Life tomorrow in Dallas (my hometown). We are celebrating Crystal Hunnicutt’s 41 years here on this plane. She is the baby sister of one of my coworker/friends, Michele. Crystal was diagnosed with glioblastoma which, if you follow this page, you likely know what this is. She was diagnosed and passed in under two weeks. She leaves behind her 21 yr old son, Carson - who is not only processing the sudden loss of his mother but who is having to move from the house that they lived in as he cannot afford the rent. They have put together a gofundme to help Carson traverse this next phase and transition to a new living location. To lose your mom and your home in the same breath is awful for anyone - but for a 21 year old boy, I can only imagine. I will do my Kira ritual tomorrow but I wanted to post this tonight. Tomorrow will be heavy but hopefully filled with connection and fond memories and lots of love and support for this sweet family. For those of you who might like to help - big or small - I’m attaching the link for Carson’s gofundme. This kid’s going to need all of us to rally… I will match anyone’s donation - please leave a note here letting me know you’ve donated and add BTHP to your donation. Thank you for all your support ❤️🤟❤️🤟❤️🤟

Supporting Carson in Memory of Crystal Hunnicutt, organized by Derek Wash This fundraiser was created on behalf of Carson Hunnicutt, Parts Team Memb… Derek Wash needs your support for Supporting Carson in Memory of Crystal Hunnicutt

50th 25th… for some reason, this month seems like a milestone… I don’t know why. So, I thought I’d commemorate a little differently… I’ve done different things on different 25ths over time. I used to be completely determined and obsessed with doing the exact same thing every 25th and as the 50… yes, 50… months have past since I lost my sweet baby girl, I have adjusted and been able to incorporate some new ideas and just sort of gone with what feel’s good to me in the moment. Whatever ritual I do, I’m pulled closer to my girl in that moment. Whether it’s picking out and organizing each rock or being at the beach or lighting candles or playing certain music, the process is necessary and therapeutic and special and beautiful and meaningful. I love my girl today as much, if not more, than I ever have. I miss her. She still feels active and present. I do wonder how she would be as an adult… she had just hit that milestone of 18… barely skimming the surface of adulthood… but she lived one of the fullest lives of anyone I’ve known. I’m always so grateful for her amazing experiences and all the love she gave and received… I love her so hard and am so proud to be her momma. 50 months… wow… that sounds like a lot… but feels like a flash…

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I can see every stage of her life in each photo… from birth to beyond… it doesn’t matter which one I choose… she is the same… in every photo… to me. When I look at her at 2 or 7 or 13 or 18 years old…. She is the same sweet baby girl to me… big eyes, big smile, big heart… big energy.

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49th 25th…





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48th 25th… 4 years… I’ve been under the weather for a few days and my mind is a little foggy. I was trying to think of the right words to say and I kept coming back to something I wrote just a couple weeks after Kira passed that would be printed on the flyers for Kira’s Big Ass Party… so I’ll just leave that for you here:

What can be said about Kira that hasn’t been said or shared a thousand times over…? Nothing, really, and the good news is – that’s ok. Actually, not just ok, but amazing. If there was anything that Kira loved the most it was sharing and connecting with others. Sharing her life, her feelings, her observations - and even more than sharing her own experiences, Kira loved to connect with the experiences of others – on all levels. We witnessed this through her communion, deep conversations, belly laughing, making awkward faces and being as silly as possible to draw out the honesty and authenticity in others. She had no shame and did not tolerate judgment of others by others. She just wanted people to be real. Really real.

A short time before Kira was diagnosed with DIPG (2017), she began to deeply explore who she was and why she was here. She sought the counsel and insight of her dearest friends, favorite people, musicians, comedians, closest relatives, school counselors and others. She began to see things in a different way and had a strong desire to remove the typical filters many people layer over their own observations. She knew she was different. She intentionally drew out others who already knew they were different as well as those who were lost and needed a sense of belonging. They needed connection, also. And Kira eagerly stepped up to the plate.

Anyone who shares their experience of knowing Kira – how they met her, what she meant to them, how she impacted their lives – they have a resounding common theme. They felt important to her – they felt like she really cared about them – specifically. Like no one else could interrupt the connection they were forming or had formed over the years. She made everyone she interacted with feel as though they were the only one that mattered and that they felt understood and accepted by her.

This is her legacy. Love each other. Be kind. Be real. Be honest. Be authentic. Those who don’t love and accept you for who you are… they are not necessarily bad… they’re just not your people. And that is ok.

We’re here to celebrate Kira and her legacy. We are here to celebrate you and the legacies you are creating. Thank you for celebrating with us. Thank you for loving Kira and for recognizing the goodness she desired for herself and that she desired to share with others.

If there is anything we have learned through this experience, it is that people are good. We have been more fortunate than we could have ever imagined. You have given your time, energy, platforms for a voice from all over the world, financial donations, gifts, cards, messages, art, dreamcatchers, blankets, clothing, and so much more. We couldn’t possibly thank everyone in a way that could actually measure up to our gratitude. We have not gone a day through this journey without knowing that we are loved. We felt you and we continue to feel you. Thank you.

Robert, Wendy & Zane Stanley

Happy holidays to you and yours… sending nothing but love and light your way ❤️🤟❤️🤟❤️🤟❤️

This would indeed be the last night I slept with my daughter where she would wake up… it’s also the last night that I would wake up from having this sweet girl wake up at some point with me. The hours following this day were filled with panic and peace and panic… at this point, the docs wanted to take her off the monitors, but I refused - I insisted they keep them on… and I watched them - relentlessly - her heart rate, her oxygen levels, her blood pressure… watching for her pain indicators, specifically her increase in heart rate… because, as I understood it, her heart rate would increase if she was experiencing pain and that was the last thing I wanted - or could tolerate… I don’t know if that was the right thing to do. I was encouraged not to… but how could I just turn the monitors off when she was clearly still registering on them. Kira died on Christmas Day - technically - but it was in the wee hours of that morning. Her quick decline started on this day… Christmas Eve.

Knowing that her daddy was writing this post while I lay there with her both breaks and fills my heart. He is the closest one to me who understands and lived this journey. Most of our journey was presented here through my voice - as much as I hoped it represented us all. But ‘hearing’ his voice through this post reminds me how amazing he was through this journey. I often am called strong or brave.. but, in reality, I could not have done it without Kira’s dad’s strength and stoicism. Most, if not all, of you know that Robert and I were divorced - he had a girlfriend and a life - I had my own life. We were still friendly with each other - we still cared for each other - shared kids birthdays and certain holidays… but we were not a couple - we shared custody of our kids, etc… a ‘regular’ divorced couple. And when Kira was diagnosed, we locked arms so hard - maybe harder than we ever did during the 16 years we were married. He made maybe 5 posts on this page and each one I can feel his heart - soft, vulnerable, scared… I am forever grateful for his partnership through this and I just want to take a moment to acknowledge him. He’s a good daddy.





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Huge shout out to my company, CS Illumination, for their generous donation to Rady Children's Hospital-San Diego in honor of my baby girl, Kira Stanley. Rady’s ‘hosted’ us through many tough times from diagnosis to Kira’s ultimate departure from this plane. My boss and coworkers have always been so supportive of our family through our entire journey. I am so grateful for the love and generosity and flexibility that has always been extended. I am very fortunate. I know there are so many in need, however, if you are so inclined… here is the link where you can donate to the Children’s Hospital that held our hand through our walk.

https://secure.radyfoundation.org/site/Donation2?df_id=2461&mfc_pref=T&2461.donation=form1&tribute=true&_gl=1*1dm56o7*_ga*MTQzNjI2MDI5MC4xNzAyNjY0ODk1*_ga_RLPY2X8035*MTcwMjY2NDg5NC4xLjEuMTcwMjY2NTQxMC4wLjAuMA..

Love and hugs to you all… and many, many thanks to my friends, coworkers and family.