Master Relationship Coach

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15 beautiful illustrations perfectly capture how it feels to be in love. These delightful drawings celebrate all the warm and fuzzy feelings that come with being in a relationship.

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Spark your soul. Falling in love is easy. Having s*x is easier. But bumping into someone that can spark your…

Standing alone is better than standing with people who don't value you.

“If you make human company too important you will not discover your true Self. Relationships not based in truth are never entirely reliable and are rarely enduring.
Taking time to discover yourself is the best use of time.
Prioritize this.
One should not excessively seek partners or friends, one should seek to know and be oneself. As you begin to awaken to the Truth, you start noticing how well life flows by itself and how well you are cared for. Life supports the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs of the one who is open to self-discovery. Trust opens your eyes to the recognition of this. Surrender allows you to merge in your own eternal being.”

The secret to a happy marriage may be an emotionally intelligent husband Flickr/Gemma StilesIn a long-term study of 130 newlywed couples, Dr. John Gottman discovered that men who allow their wives to influence them have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce.This critical skill is not limited to heteros*xual couples. It's essential in same-s*x relationships as…

Does Your Partner Often Get Angry and Shut Down Emotionally? “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ~Carl JungThree years ago I was on top of the world after realizing I had fallen in love with my best …

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I believe that at the heart of every person, every person is wonderful. I believe that at the core of every human, every human desires not to hurt anyone else, ever, but that they sometimes do so anyway, out of a thought that they can’t have peace, happiness, abundance, opportunity, safety, security, and love.

I think that regardless of whether or not others are willing to admit it, people get into relationships, choose to love romantically and feel the need to be in a relationship because it does something for them. They do it to fill an empty space, whatever self serving, or altruistic space that might be, or even to just make life more interesting. The fact of the matter is that human love is conditional to varying degrees depending on the person. This does not make humans bad, or lesser beings. It is simply what they’re capable of doing in their current state, much like how your dog is unable to discuss politics with you.

I don’t usually talk about such personal matters, but recently a friend was interested in my philosophy/maxim on love and relationships. She had questions. She was asking because she knows me, and she knows I wouldn’t have a typical attitude on the matter. I just didn’t have a concrete answer for her, but I think I do now.

I was having a hard time trying to explain how I’m incapable of feeling love from people. I surmise that this is because conventional human love and my idea of love are not the same. When it comes to s*x, I see it largely as a performance meant to satisfy one’s own physical or emotional needs, and thats it. We attach things to this condition, like love, but that’s not love. As a sensitive person, I sense other’s need to fill some faculty. It can be some infatuation, some boredom, some physical interest, some area of their life. It is almost as if everyone is walking around with an empty cup, and trying to get someone they run into to fill it for them like homeless beggars. The way I see it, my cup is already full. When you have a full cup and are surrounded by desperate people with empty ones, you learn to become very protective of this cup. You do not want some energy vampire coming along and taking everything you worked so hard to make for yourself. That is what is happening when externally I am emotionally distant. I’m simply highly aware of a person’s desired conditions (and these vary greatly person to person), and base my involvement with them on this. To be perfectly honest, I believe that what I am can serve no purpose nor fulfill any condition for anyone on this Earth, largely due to the ironic reason that I myself am complete and fulfilled with my own cup of love.

Having said this, I feel true love from things like animals and places. This concept is beyond what many can comprehend, but I also think there are many who can relate, and thats why I’m putting myself out there in saying it. In the case of animals, their conditions are a bowl of food and water, and company. Things that keep their bodies from dying. These conditions are so elemental that it feels closer to unconditional love. The mutualism that exists comes from a pure place. In the case of geography, it is an even purer form of love I’ve been able to experience. When I go to Fire Island, my childhood playground residence, I feel like I’m coming home to something I intimately know. For once, I get a sense of being seen, that something recognizes my true essence, not for any particular reason other than I’m there, and have spent a long enough time to leave an imprint on its surface, and vice versa. It is an equal exchange. I do not believe people are capable of seeing me in this way. We have not been equipped with this capacity for one another, yet…On Fire Island, there is a sensation of being held, and thats not something I know how to explain.


How could one not feel true love from these things?

You may have noticed that this idea of love is purely platonic, and it is this that makes me question whether or not I identify as as*xual. I seem to fit the bill in many respects, and right now that is what I’m calling it. But I’m open to being wrong about this, as well as being open to the idea that my condition doesn’t have a label or a name. Perhaps it is just how the unique expression of my soul manifests when allowed to be its true self.

Rebecca, I hope this either answered your question, or provided some sort of insight into my attitude on this matter. In the meantime, I am searching for better ways to explore this aspect of myself, and how to explain it.

The Human Capacity for Love I think that regardless of whether or not others are willing to admit it, people get into relationships, choose to love romantically and feel the need to be in a relationship because it does someth…

The Human Capacity for Love I think that regardless of whether or not others are willing to admit it, people get into relationships, choose to love romantically and feel the need to be in a relationship because it does someth…

Marry someone with a beautiful soul. Marry someone you love with your whole heart. Someone who excites you emotionally, intellectually and…

Success isn't based on one single factor. How you approach each day plays a huge role. Developing greater determination, willpower, and grit -- something you can definitely do -- is also important. Being more likable makes a huge difference. (Likability is another quality you can develop.) While all those are important factors in the success of your business or career -- and therefore your earning power -- there's one factor you probably haven't considered: Your marriage. Research shows that the person you marry can have a dramatic impact on job satisfaction and career success. But beyond choosing your spouse wisely, there are plenty of things you can do to help your spouse be more successful ...

Want a Great Marriage? 11 Things Couples Who Build Successful Marriages Do Each and Every Day Occasionally you can have it all, and that's definitely true where professional success and a strong marriage are concerned.

Powerful Words About Money, Fame, & Happiness From Cameron Diaz “To succeed in your professional life isn’t that hard, but to succeed in your personal life is a lot harder. To really be a human is a lot harder. We forget about that.” – Yann Arthus-Bertand, director of the film Human, from which the clip below was taken from. Celebrities using their voice to insp...

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A ring that lets you feel your partner's heartbeat is trolling at level 10 Created by The Touch, ‘HB’ rings use an app, Bluetooth and your phone’s mobile internet to help you feel more connected to your partner. Once connected, you’re able to feel your loved one’s heartbeat in real time through your ring. Your partner can feel yours as well.There’s utility here.For long-di...

Love’s Third Law: Love does not cause pain. Love does not hurt. What hurts and causes pain, is not love.

Express your lives as a demonstration of your highest beliefs, rather than a denial of them.

When Ashley and I got married thirteen years ago, we were young and in love, but we were also pretty clueless (me especially)! Along the way, we've had so many people share wise advice and life experiences with us, which has helped guide our family through good times and hard times.

Through the years, I've been collecting some of the best marriage advice others have shared with us (and some I had to learn through my own mistakes). If you apply these twenty-five principles below to your relationship, it could make a life-changing difference in your marriage.

1. Choose to love each other, even in those moments when you struggle to like each other. Love is a commitment, not a feeling.

2. Always answer the phone when your husband/wife is calling. When possible, try to keep your phone off when you're together with your spouse.

3. Make time together a priority. Budget for a consistent date night. Time is the "currency of relationships," so consistently invest time into your marriage.

4. Surround yourself with friends who will strengthen your marriage. Remove yourself from people who may tempt you to compromise your character.

5. Make laughter the soundtrack of your marriage. Share moments of joy. And even in the hard times, find reasons to laugh.

6. In every argument, remember that there won't be a "winner" and a "loser." You're partners in everything so you'll either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution.

7. Realize that a strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It's usually a husband and wife taking turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak.

8. Prioritize what happens in the bedroom. It takes more than s*x to build a strong marriage, but it's nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it.

9. Remember that marriage isn't 50/50— divorce is 50/50. Marriage has to be 100/100. It's not splitting everything in half, but both partners giving everything they've got.

10. Give your best to each other, not your leftovers after you've given your best to everyone else.

11. Learn from other people, but don't feel the need to compare your life or your marriage to anyone else's. God's plan for your life is masterfully unique.

12. Don't put your marriage on hold while you're raising your kids or else you'll end up with an empty nest and an empty marriage.

13. Never keep secrets from each other. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy.

14. Never lie to each other. Lies break trust and trust is the foundation of a strong marriage.

15. When you've made a mistake, admit it and humbly seek forgiveness. You should be quick to say, "I was wrong. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

16. When your husband/wife breaks your trust, give them your forgiveness instantly. This will promote healing and create the opportunity for trust to be rebuilt. You should be quick to say, "I love you. I forgive you. Let's move forward."

17. Be patient with each other. Your spouse is always more important than your schedule.

18. Model the kind of marriage that will make your sons want to grow up to be good husbands, and your daughters want to grow up to be good wives.

19. Be your spouse's biggest encourager, not his/her biggest critic. Be the one who wipes away their tears, not the one who causes them.

20. Never talk badly about your spouse to other people or vent about them online. Protect your spouse at all times and in all places.

21. Always wear your wedding ring. It will remind you that you're always connected to your spouse and will remind the rest of the world that you're off limits.

22. When you have to choose between saying nothing or saying something mean to your spouse, say nothing every time.

23. Never consider divorce as an option. Remember that a "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

The Best Marriage Advice EVER Every couple should read this.

Dramatic behaviour in relationships is quite common. The problem for drama addicts is that once they meet a worthy partner, they can’t seem to enjoy the relationship fully.
Buy an “Intelligence is s*xy” t-shirt!

Similarly for those who find themselves drawn into such a relationship when your self-esteem and self-respect is low, you can naturally attract (and be attracted TO) emotionally dramatic types. The opposite is true when you feel good about who you are and truly believe that you’re worthy of a loving, healthy relationship.

It’s important to understand the psychological reasons behind this subconscious need for drama in relationships in order to move forward and break such patterns:

Basically all humans require attention. Without this getting and giving of attention, there would be no social species, you could almost look it like getting attention can be the difference between life and death in a crisis.

Therefore, evolutionarily speaking, not getting adequate attention can threaten the quality and sustainability of life. So the need to get functional social attention is understandable. However, extreme attention seekers can go to persistent unhealthy lengths to create dramas out of nothing that are driven by emotional desperation.

DRAMA IN THE TRADITIONAL SENSE IS DEFINED AS:

A situation involving interesting or intense conflict of forces.
A series of vividly interesting events.
Excessive attention seeking in relationships is not a character flaw. It’s often a brain wired response to early developmental trauma caused by neglect. For example newborns are extremely dependent on getting their mother’s attention for survival. The more their needs are neglected during early development the more the child equates getting attention with survival and safety.

In turn, the more he or she develops the belief system to go to whatever lengths to get attention and this will roll out into their adult life and manifest in their relationships.
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“I’VE HAD RELATIONSHIP ISSUES. I LIKED PAIN. I WAS ADDICTED TO DRAMA. JEALOUSY WAS THE BEST. I COULD CREATE ABSOLUTE MAYHEM OUT OF NOTHING. I’M NOT PERFECT NOW BUT I’M A WORK IN PROGRESS. I LIKE MYSELF A LOT MORE, THEREFORE I CAN LIKE THE PERSON THAT I’M WITH A LOT MORE.” MICHAEL BUBLE

Science can go a long way to explaining how excessive attention seeking then evolves in adults. Here goes:

A brain wired in childhood to equate lack of attention as dangerous, naturally respond to that lack as threat in the amygdala, a subcortical structure, where thinking does not occur.

Now the (ACC), which is like a micromanaging mother, “don’t do this, do that, stop that, go here, don’t go there” can intervene in this, if given the opportunity. The ACC is in the cortical thinking part of the brain, which disengages when the amygdala swings into action.In addition, the ACC needs serotonin to do its micromanaging.

People who have these types of core issues are often over stressed. Sustained excess stress limits serotonin availability. In addition, hypothalamic remodeling is one of the consequences of neglect. This often means that your hypothalamus is smaller, and has fewer receptors for serotonin and other neurochemicals.

Thus, even if your ACC has troopers to dispatch, they may not have anywhere to land and do their work, all of this happens at a deeply subconscious and reactive level.

THE OBVIOUS EQUATION TO THESE INDIVIDUALS IS THAT: DRAMA = ATTENTION.

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However, it is more than that, you see drama causes the pituitary gland and hypothalamus to secrete endorphins, which are the pain-suppressing and pleasure-inducing compounds, which he**in and other opiates mimic.

Hence, drama eases the anxiety of wanting more attention than you are getting. Naturally, since drama uses the same mechanisms in the brain as opiates, people can easily become addicted to drama.

Like any addiction, you build up a tolerance that continuously requires more to get the same neurochemical affect. In the case of drama, then means you need more and more crises to get the same thrill and using drama as a drug feels good so it is rewarding.

Reward uses dopamine, the brain’s happy dance drug. Dopamine works by releasing more dopamine on anticipating getting the reward (the way evolution gets you to want to do what you need to do). As in all addictions, this begins as a goal-directed behaviour to create an intensely dramatic situation. That is why relationship drama is addictive.

SO NOW COMES THE BIG QUESTION: IS IT FIXABLE?

No, it is not fixable in the sense that you cannot change your brain’s basic hardwiring. Nor can you completely erase the residual effects of early life trauma. However, it is manageable.
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1. One can start by accepting who they are, and loving what they have more than what they do not have. This means even if what they have is a challenge and difficult to manage.
2. In addition, find a person who is honest, and cares enough about you to tell you the truth, even when you do not want to hear it. You can ask this person if your emotional interpretation of a situation is over the top.
3. Use creative outlets to lessen your baseline stress level.
4. Meditate.
5. Do yoga.
6. Listen to or learn to play music.
7. Act as if you are not a drama addict and a compulsive attention seeker. The more you do that the more efficiently those neurons will fire. Hence, the easier that behaviour will become.

The important thing to realise here is that not all neglect is evidence of a lack of love. Sometimes, people only have so much they can give; sometimes that is not enough. There is healing in accepting that your parents did not give you as much attention as you required throughout your childhood. Forgiving them for being who they were is getting to higher ground. Sometimes, you have to give yourself the attention you needed from parents.

HOWEVER, MOST IMPORTANTLY, AT ALL TIMES, REMEMBER THAT SELF LOVE IS THE MOST POWERFUL LOVE OF ALL.

Why Relationship Drama Is So Addictive (And How To Manage It) When emotional drama in your relationships seems to be a common feature in your life, perhaps it's become an addiction? Science can explain why this is and how to break the pattern.

It was only recently as I embarked upon a new relationship that I realised actually how terrified of intimacy I really am. It was an incredible revelation to me. I had been quietly yearning for a beautiful and nourishing relationship for quite a while, but as soon as it arrived I wanted to go running and screaming for the hills. Then I realised that all of us have a desire for intimacy deep in our heart and soul, but if you fear it, despite your best efforts, probably do everything you can to push it away. Over and over, you find yourself getting stuck in a game of tug-of-war: “Come close, go away.” It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and the ultimate act of self-sabotage.

But why? Why would you be afraid of something you so deeply want and yearn for? After all you want to be deeply seen, understood, and truly known right? You yearn for the delicious joy of connection, for the exquisite flow of love that occurs between two open hearts that profoundly “get” each other. There is nothing more blissful and enlivening than intimacy. On the other hand, there may not be anything scarier either.

I truly believe this fear is largely shaped by our childhood and upbringing. Take a minute to think about when you were growing up, the times you felt very close to someone — a parent, a sibling, a friend.

Did something (or things) happen that hurt you?
Did the person you loved reject you with anger, judgments, criticism, or withdrawal?
Did the person leave you or die?
Was the person you loved controlling, engulfing, or smothering?
Did you have to give yourself up to keep them?
Is your fear the fear of losing another person you love, or of losing yourself in a close relationship?
As a child, you may not have received any guidance on how to lovingly or healthily manage rejection and engulfment from your parents or caregivers. But it’s never too late to learn.

All of those fears are substantial enough to potentially make you freeze you as soon as you experience romantic connection. The feelings that come up are something that you cannot control or avoid, but you can do things to help overcome them before you sabotage too many wonderful relationships.

A FEAR OF INTIMACY IS NOT THE ACTUAL ISSUE HERE; IT’S THE FEAR OF AN INSURMOUNTABLE LOSS.

If you don’t truly believe yourself capable of recovering after the loss of a loved one, you become very vulnerable to losing yourself. And that is terrifying enough. Avoidance of intimacy might seem like the wisest way to minimize the risk of getting hurt, the temptation to crawl back under your lonely rock and hide seems a much easier option. But when you do that, an even deeper heartache results. Intimacy is one of the most beautiful soul deepening experiences in life.
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BECOMING STRONG ENOUGH TO LOVE MEANS BECOMING STRONG ENOUGH TO LOSE LOVE — AND TO KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE OKAY.

So, how do you develop this strong self? This version of you who knows, without a doubt that you’re capable of surviving loss and rejection? This happens, naturally, as you take steps toward learning to love yourself.

These six steps can help guide you through that process

1. ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL THE PAIN.

Feelings are informational, letting us know whether we are loving ourselves or abandoning ourselves, or if others are being loving or controlling.

There are some physical things you can do to tune in with your feelings. Start with mindfully following your breath to get present in your body, and compassionately embracing all feelings. That way you can move toward your feelings rather than away from them with various forms of self-abandonment, such as staying focused in your head, judging yourself, turning to addictions to numb out, or making someone else responsible for your feelings.
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2. LEARN FROM THOSE FEELINGS AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEM.

In inner bonding, there are only two possible intentions in any given moment:

-To protect against pain, avoiding responsibility for it, through various forms of addictive and controlling behavior.

-To learn about what you’re doing or thinking that may be causing your pain — or what may be happening between you and another person or situation — so that you can move into taking loving action on your own behalf.

Invite the loving presence of your higher self into your heart, and consciously open to learning about loving yourself

3. LEARN ABOUT YOUR FALSE BELIEFS.

Step three is a deep and compassionate process of exploration — of learning about your beliefs and behavior, and about what is happening with a person or situation that may be causing your pain.

Ask your feeling self — your inner child — “What am I thinking or doing that’s causing the painful feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, jealousy, anger, loneliness, or emptiness?” Allow the answer to come from inside — from your feelings.
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Once you understand what you’re thinking or doing that’s causing these feelings, then you explore with your ego-wounded self to understand the fears and false beliefs leading to the self-abandoning thoughts and actions.

If you feel lonely, heartbroken, or triggered over someone, ask yourself what is happening between you and another person that is causing these painful feelings.

4. START A DIALOGUE WITH YOUR HIGHER SELF.

It isn’t as hard to connect with your higher guidance as you may think. The key is to be open to learning about loving yourself. The answers may come immediately or over time. They may come in words or images or in dreams. Listen to your thoughts and intuition, when your heart is open to learning, the answers will come.

5. TAKE THE LOVING ACTION LEARNED IN STEP FOUR.

You’ve opened up to your pain, moved into learning, started a dialogue with your feelings, and tapped into your spiritual guidance. In step five, you take the loving action that, over time, heals the shame, anxiety, and depression that have been the result of your self-abandonment.

Sometimes people think of “loving yourself” as a feeling you have to conjure up. A good way to look at loving yourself is by emphasizing the action, “What can I DO to love myself?” rather than “How can I FEEL love for myself?”

6. EVALUATE YOUR ACTION.

Once you take the loving action, you check in to see if your pain, anger, and shame are getting healed. If not, you go back through the steps until you discover the truth and loving actions that bring you peace, joy, and a deep sense of intrinsic worth.

Over time, you will discover that loving yourself improves everything in your life — your relationships, your health and well-being, your ability to manifest your dreams, and your self-esteem. Loving and connecting with yourself is the key to being able to love and connect with others and create loving relationships.

Loving yourself is what enables you to raise your frequency and co-create with spirit. Loving yourself is the key to creating a passionate, fulfilled, and joyful life.

WHEN YOU HEAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF AND BECOME STRONG ENOUGH TO GIVE AND RECEIVE LOVE, YOU WILL EXPERIENCE THE INCREDIBLE JOY OF INTIMACY.

Once you’ve completed this process, you’ll no longer be crippled by fear of rejection or engulfment. Self-love creates the emotional safety net you need to keep your heart open to love and intimacy — even when it’s scary.

Reasons Why You May Be Afraid Of Intimacy (And How To Fix It). Are you constantly sabotaging your relationships? Maybe you find yourself constantly single but yearning for a love? It could be because deep down you are scared of intimacy, this is how to identify this common fear and heal it for a richer love filled life.