M E Selleck Coaching

"Life is never perfect. We all live some form of Option B"
-Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grand in the book "Option B"

As mothers, we often carry the weight of our own childhood experiences while striving to create a better future for our children.

We may never get our idealized 'Option A'—the childhood we longed for and deserved. But we can rewrite the script for our children, offering them the love, support, and emotional connection we yearned for ourselves.

🫂Research indicates that secure attachments and emotional resilience in childhood lay the foundation for healthy relationships and well-being later in life.

🌱So, while we can't change our past, we hold the power to shape our children's future—a future filled with warmth, empathy, and emotional connection.

💪By embracing our 'Option B,' we pave the way for our children to thrive and break free from the cycles of emotional unavailability. Together, let's rewrite the narrative and create a brighter, more connected tomorrow.

If you want help navigating your "Option B," reach out for a free consult to see if my 16-week program is right for you. Link in BIO.

💗As children, we all have a deep, innate need to feel seen, heard, and unconditionally accepted by our parents. But for those of us raised by emotionally immature mothers or fathers, that craving for love and validation often went unmet.

Research shows the lasting impacts of this emotional neglect can be profound. Studies have linked growing up with emotionally unavailable parents to:

➡️Difficulty forming secure attachments and healthy relationships as adults
➡️Struggles with low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression
➡️Challenges regulating emotions and setting appropriate boundaries

The good news is, it's never too late to heal these deep-seated wounds. By learning to offer yourself the compassion and acceptance you deserved as a child, you can break free from the limiting beliefs and harmful patterns that have held you back.

In my work as a parent coach, I've seen firsthand the transformative power of this inner child healing process. Clients report feeling more confident, emotionally balanced, and able to create the nurturing, fulfilling family dynamic they always craved.

🌱If you're ready to do this vital work, I encourage you to check out the resources in my bio. It could be the first step towards reclaiming your birthright of wholehearted love - both for yourself and your loved ones.

✨You deserve to feel safe, seen, and worthy exactly as you are. Let's work together to make that a reality.

https://www.meselleckcoaching.com/CPSwebinar

When you grow up with an emotionally unavailable parent, you often struggle with poor boundaries and a tendency to put the needs of others before our own. This people-pleasing habit can leave you feeling drained, resentful, and unable to show up as your best self - for your families or for yourself.

But the research is clear - protecting your energy through self-care and boundary-setting isn't just an act of self-indulgence, it's a vital form of self-love. Studies show that those who prioritize their own needs and emotional well-being are far more likely to:

✨Regulate their emotions in healthy, productive ways
✨Recognize and avoid toxic, draining relationships
✨Model confident, centered behavior for their children
✨Experience greater life satisfaction, resilience, and mental health

In other words, when you make the courageous choice to safeguard your energy, you don't just benefit yourself - you create a ripple effect that positively impacts your entire family system.

So the next time you feel the pull to say "yes" when you really want to say "no," remember the wise words: "The greatest act of self-love is to protect your energy." It's not selfish - it's self-preservation. And it just might be the most generous gift you can give to the people you love.

💖💪If you're ready to dive head-first into healing and truly unlearn the junk from childhood, so you can be the best version of yourself and model health to your children, check out my FREE training with the 3-steps to raising confident children.

https://www.meselleckcoaching.com/CPSwebinar

When we grow up with emotionally unavailable parents, it can leave a lasting impact on our ability to feel worthy of love and connection. Research shows that children of emotionally distant or abusive parents are more likely to struggle with:

👉Poor self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness
👉Difficulty regulating emotions and setting healthy boundaries
👉Unhealthy relationship patterns that mirror their dysfunctional upbringing

🌱The good news is, it's never too late to break these generational cycles. With the right tools and support, we can heal the wounds of our past and become the calm, confident, and emotionally connected parents our kids deserve.

That's the mission behind my 3-step process for raising confident and emotionally intelligent children. It's all about:

✨Healing your own parent wound so you can show up as your best self.
✨Developing practical strategies to regulate your emotions and foster deep bonds with your kids.
✨Modeling healthy behaviors that empower your children to thrive.

If you're ready to transform your family's story, head to the link in my bio to learn more. It could be the first step towards creating the positive, nurturing environment you always wished you had.

Check it out!

"How to Recover From Being A People Pleaser"

Authority Magazine

Marie Selleck of M E Selleck Coaching On How to Recover From Being a People Pleaser An Interview With Brooke Young & Yitzi Weiner

🤱Perfectionism anxiety is many times the result of insecure attachment to caregivers in childhood.
👋Perfectionists were either SEEKING connection through being perfect (ie "they'll notice me and give me affirmation), or AVODING negative attention through being perfect (ie. "I need to fly under the radar and avoid conflict).
🧠The thoughts and beliefs they get stuck on are:
👉"If I'm not perfect, then I'm a failure."
👉"If It's not perfect, then I'm disappointing people."
👉"If I'm perfect, then I will have worth."

💪If you want heal the impacts of and emotionally unavailable mother, and overcome the distress that perfection is causing you, feel free to reach out for a free consult call to see if were a good fit!
LINK IN BIO

Most people pleasing behaviors coming from not being treated as a priority as a child, leading to a belief that you are “not good enough.”

Children who grow up with emotionally unavailable parents find ways to maintain connection to people around them to survive. Many times the children attempt to make everyone around them happy, specifically their parent. In fact this can also become their ‘role’ in their family.

People pleasing becomes about making other people happy out of fear of the loss of connection. This fear of loss can even be traced all the way back to birth and our biological need for connection with the resulting behaviors that we develop in response as efforts to maintain any connection we can.

Do you want help breaking away from these kind of behaviors as they relate to growing up with an emotionally unavailable parent? Do you want to make sure your children are not held back by these behaviors? Reach out and book a free consult to see if we're a good fit! LINKS IN BIO!

We often find ourselves trapped in the belief that prioritizing our own well-being equates to selfishness.

🚫 But here's the truth: self-care isn't selfish; it's a vital act of self-preservation.

🌿 It's time to dismantle the misconception that valuing ourselves means devaluing others.

Do you want help breaking away from this kind of thinking as it relates to growing up with an emotionally unavailable parent? Reach out and book a free consult to see if we're a good fit! LINKS IN BIO!

✨ In this journey toward healing, it's crucial to understand that the coping mechanisms that once shielded us may now cause distress. What once served as a lifeline in the storm of trauma can become a barrier to peace and growth in adulthood.

Reach out if you want to know more about unlearning the junk! LINKS IN BIO

Thanks Harriet Shearsmith for hosting me on your podcast Unfollowing Mum!
We spoke about the inner critic, healing from an emotionally unavailable mother and how to rewire your thoughts of “not enough”.
✨Check out the episode below!

Unfollowing Mum Listen to Unfollowing Mum on Spotify. A podcast for cycle breakers by someone who has lived the experience. Host Harriet Shearsmith knows first hand how challenging it can be to navigate estrangement, toxic family and dysfunctional dynamics in a digital age where setting boundaries and protecting yo...

Becoming a mother, when you've grown up with an emotionally unavailable parent, is profound and eye opening.

❤️You begin a second journey of connection between you and your child...
..as well as face the intense inconceivable reality, that your parent didn't attach, care, or connect with you, as you flawlessly and lovingly do with your child.

🔥It motivates you to nurture a deep connected to them, and also brings up a fire of fear that something will happen to break that connection.

✨You want freedom from your inner critic!
✨You want the freedom and confidence to discover who your TRUE self is, and BE that person.
✨You want to STOP worrying about everyone else and what they think.
✨You want a step-by-step way to MAKE this happen NOW and not in 30-years!

💪💗You owe it to YOURSELF (and no, you're not being selfish)

Message me for your FREE GUIDE to being your TRUE SELF! (For women with emotionally unavailable mothers)

👉Emotionally immature parents dismiss hard feelings and conversations in their children because THEY can't face hard feelings.
👉The biggest problem then becomes dismissing hard feelings in YOURSELF, or continuing to allow people to dismiss them.
Your feelings are ALL valid.
✨Feel them.
✨Understand them.
🌱Heal from them.
I see you. I hear you. I understand.

❓Do you feel on-edge all the time?

😫Like you can't relax? Your shoulders are tense, you're always irritated and defensive?

This can be an impact of an emotionally unavailable or abusive mother.

🫣You always have to stay on guard in care you're dismissed or attacked.

This is part of self-preservation

➡The problem?

You're fu***ng exhausted!

✨You want SOOOO bad to feel calm and content with life.

✨You want to be able to sit down and relax and shut your brain off.

YOU deserve this.

➡Want to know how to bring out the softness in you? Start by messaging me "SOFTNESS" to get my free guide to being your most authentic self!

ou should have ALWAYS been able to be your TRUE self

You should have ALWAYS been able to express your feelings without being dismissed or invalidated

You should have received the nurturing you needed in childhood to become a confident and connected adult.

Most people don't do healing work from their emotionally unavailable mother until they're in their 40s, about half way through their life!

Stop waiting! You have NO time to lose! Break generational cycles!

BECOME the person you always should have been NOW!

Comment "me" to get my guide to being your TRUE self!

😡I used to get SO angry at my parent
😡I spent all of my time correcting them and trying to convince them that I wasn’t the reactive child/adult they viewed me as.
Looking back, all of those conversations were ME trying to convince THEM, to be more responsible and to consider OTHERS!
HOWEVER, they always got upset (or laughed) and labeled me a “problem.”
🤦‍♀️Last weekend I saw my parent, and on the way home they complimented how wonderful of a husband I have and that they are so happy I found someone who could “tolerate” me. They said they were happy I could find someone who could push back just the right amount, because I’m a “pushy” person.
🛑I caught myself before I began correcting them and then reminded myself…
➡️They don’t know me!
What credibility do they have on commenting on my character? NONE! Because they don’t know me outside of always having to manage THEM!
✨Since I’ve done the healing work, I actually can’t remember the last time my parent caused my nervous system to fire…probably 5+ years?
✨I took away their access to my emotions when I separated who I am, from who they THINK I am.
✨I took away my need to defend myself.
💪I want this for YOU and it CAN happen because I’ve done it myself.
💻Want to learn more about how to get here? No more nervous system firing when you interact with them, or others who do the same? Book a call with me to learn more about my 12-week program to overcome the JUNK. LINKS IN BIO!

Here is an article I have been using with my therapy clients for at least 5-years.
"Why grieving the mother you didn't have is key to recovering from childhood."
I talk A LOT about this in my coaching program. You are not grieving your LIVING mother, you are grieving the one you never had, and deserved.💗
I hear you. I see you. I know.

Daughters of Unloving Mothers: Mourning the Mom You Deserved Why grieving the mother you didn't have is key to recovering from childhood.

When you take off the blinders about your emotionally unavailable mother, the pain doesn't increase!
It's always existed and it only changes course.

It actually becomes solvable!
No, you can't unsee it

When you push through the pain with awareness and self-compassion, you become the best and most authentic version of yourself.

Think about all the good things in life that have come out of pain!
I wouldn't have divorced my ex-husband and found my perfect match!
Staying would have prolonged it instead of solving it and we're both happier because of it.

Want to know how to move through the pain of becoming aware of your mother's unavailability, and heal the ROOT so you can feel TRUE happiness!?

Comment "me" and I'll dm you information!

FREE Live Trainings Every Monday!

25+ available for replay inside my FB group!

Live trainings every Monday at 12pm EST!

25+ previous training replays!

Inside my FB group! LINK IN PROFILE

READ THAT AGAIN!

LINK IN BIO for FREE resources!

Tiptoeing around others is a fear response towards what they are going to say/think if you were to be true to yourself.
🫣This means that you're hiding a part of yourself that they would not approve of.
🚫STOP seeking approval from people who don't have interest in getting to know the REAL you!

Want to learn HOW to do this with step-by-step guidance? ALONG with a kickass tribe of women who are healing from the same junk? Join my FB group OR book a FREE consult with me to see if my coaching program is a good fit! LINKS IN BIO!

You ever try to have a conversation with your mother that actually had content and depth, just to get yelled at or dismissed?
➡️Emotionally immature mothers do not have the ability to discuss deep and uncomfortable topics, AKA anything of depth.
➡️They do not know how to feel uncomfortable and still function in a conversation
➡️This leads to invalidation and even YOU being disconnected from YOUR feelings
❓What kind of conversations have you TRIED to have with your mother?

Just because you're struggling with the impacts of your emotionally unavailable mother, doesn't mean you're failing to heal!

➡️You may tell yourself that there's something wrong with you for continuing to engage
➡️You may ask yourself why you keep engaging with her for the hopes that this time will be different, and it never is

These are NOT signs of failing, they are signs of questioning your habits and noticing patterns.

Struggling can be a sign of needing to ask for help! Don't go through this alone! Book a free call with me to learn how to get through the struggling! LINK IN BIO

Have you ever said "yes" to someone's request, and then regretted it within seconds❓

🔄This is a common pattern when growing up with an emotionally unavailable mother.

🔄You have been taught to agree with other peoples' requests automatically, because you've been conditioned to depended on others for your own worth.

🔄You believe you only have value if you're meeting other people's needs.

🔄You literally NEED human connection, but have difficulty connecting to people if it's not surrounded by DOING something FOR them!

This is super common behaviors and it's how you learned to maintain any connection possible in childhood.

The Problem?
🚫You place your own needs last
🚫You're not truly connecting to people in this process
🚫You like meeting other people's needs, but they don't always act grateful, and your exhaustion is not always necessary

1 TIP
✨ Tell the person you need to look at your calendar, or "I'll have to get back to you"

Nothing has to be agreed to RIGHT NOW.

💪💻Want to know more about how to be authentic to yourself and sensitive to your own needs? Reach out and book a free consult call to learn more about my 12-week coaching program to heal from your emotionally unavailable mother!

What feelings would you have if you slowed down?
Sadness?
Grief?
Anger?
Fear?

When you don't let your feelings run their course and decrease overtime by FEELING them, it's like holding a beach ball under water. Eventually it will get too exhausting and pop up at unrelated times.

🌱Do you want to come out of your survival mode and finally heal from the impacts of your emotionally unavailable mother?
💻Reach out to book a free consult call to learn about my 12-week program to heal from the ROOT.