Spilled Ink by Eliza Clark

Reposting for someone very dear to me. ✨✨✨

To every person out there who set a firm boundary of no and someone stomped over it thinking you meant yes or maybe. Smdh

Fry

Why you always saying maybe?
When I definitely told you no
Why you trying to call me up?
When I told you long ago you had to go

Those types are just alike
Some macho pimped up vibe
Thinking you can have any girl
And take her for a ride

“How dare you say no to me
You know I’m irresistible
How can you say that baby?
You know these lips are kissable

I drive a souped up truck
Or maybe a Mercedes
If I pull up, you better get in and I’ll
Take you all the way to Hades”

Boy you must have been mistaken
To think that you’re some god
You’re nothing but a demon
That Hell just never caught

I can suss you all out
You’re all the predictable same
You all read the same lame script
You’re so bad at this game

So let me tell you now
In case you didn’t hear
No means no, you f**king loser
I hope this is quite clear

I’m lighting a match to burn a candle
I’ll sort this out through smoke
I call upon my spirit guides
They tell me this sick joke

Chorus
F**k with a witch, you’ll find out
In hell you burn thrice as high
As the thermometers in that underworld go
Bitch, you’re gonna fry!
Repeat chorus

The best way to sift through crazy
Is to draw a thin white line
A true and tried narcissist
Will cross it every damn time

Don’t come knocking this way again
Or you’ll meet my pent up rage
I’ll tie you to the stake, watch you burn
Then cleanse your ashes with sage

I’m not the one to F**k with
I’ve had enough of all y’all’s schemes
Tired of you messing with my trauma
And invading all of my dreams

Chorus
F**k with a witch, you’ll find out
In hell you burn thrice as high
As the thermometers in that underworld go
Bitch, you’re gonna fry!
Repeat chorus

I laugh at the parody and think aloud
“They better stay far away.
My inner naughty witch cackles within
Do we get to start a fire today?”

Because that’s what fate will be
A mighty fight, of light and dark
But whom is whom, demon or witch
It’s hard to tell them both apart

My celestial muses laugh and smirk
As they direct their gaze your way
“Don’t f**k with her, excuse our language
Or you will rue the day “

I look to you with glee
All you demons on lurk in the mire
Don’t f**k with a witch you’ll die in regret
As I set you and the world on fire

I’ll watch it all burn and then I’ll smile
The power is back in my hand
I’m the dirtiest naughtiest witch
To ever f**kin walk this land 🎤

Chorus
F**k with a witch, you’ll find out
In hell you burn thrice as high
As the thermometers in that underworld go
Bitch, you’re gonna fry!
Repeat chorus

Oh yeah bitch you’re gonna fryyyy -

Eliza Payne Clark©

Half Past Midnight

Half past midnight
And it’s a full wolf moon
First full circle of the year
Just hanging out of reach

All the snow has melted
Just water to drown in
After I set the world afire
From my fingers

I’m not me, but also the best me I like.
I’m fragmented pieces of a whole
Slammed against the window
And shattered my caged heart

It’s all scenes on a screen
So beautifully acted out
The best performance
And you should take first place

How fitting today
I saw a Coyote emerge from the woods Stopping for a moment
Haunting eyes meeting mine

It was a foreboding
A cosmic tell
And I should have
read my map better

Now I’m lost in the wilderness
An Alaskan tundra
And the wolves gather round me
And I’m not afraid

I’ll lead this pack
And ravage and devour
All the ones
Who’ve wronged us all.

I miss the eclipse moon the most
The one right before
This earth shaking heartbreak
Before settling into the blue

Because that’s where I live
Just this salty indigo sea
Of tears I cried
For you
What a tragic waste of water

I reverse imprint from you
Take back all my magic
And revoke my kindness
Repossess my heart
Like the beautiful demon I am

It’s a full wolfs moon
And I’ll wonderfully wander
So wildly wounded
Gathering teardrops on
Castaway roses

I’ll exit stage left
I’ve seen this movie already
But keep forgetting how it ends
The book was far better anyway

I wonder when in the sands of time
I’ll get to finally stop
Rewriting myself a happy ending
And reinventing my entire being

My hand is tired
Heart and head, so very worn out
From you stepping on my soul
With the same boots as mine

You gave me a potion
Just a little taste
And when I’d drank the last drop
Smoked my last smoke

The cinders turned to ash
The world spun around
And I finally landed from that farce of falling in love
I never ever thought
You would give me poison

But now I’m dying
Heart crying
Just bury me with the undead
I’ll sell my soul to the devil before
I’ll ever feel this way again - Eliza Clark©

Author note: I can’t describe the sheer pain it took to write this. I’d love feedback. I’m thinking of publishing my 5 part “Broken Castles in the Sand” poetry series after my book is published next month.

The Starry Path

What is a mid life crisis made of?
When you find yourself at a crossroads
Of wreckage
Of carnage
All your memories floating
Around you
Where you stand in a river
Of battle blood
And tears
Of the war you’ve just come through
Turns out
Nobody won
War is rarely a win lose event
And this one is no different
You reach the middle
Of the channel you’ve crossed
A Red Sea of pain
And you just Scream
Enough
Enough
Enough
And you decide that it’s your turn
For peace
Love
Balance
For magic
And infinity of wishing stars
And again…love
Because at that crossroads
It’s a choice
Give up
Or
Lean in
Either way you’re barely standing
But you’re here
Maybe screaming
Maybe burning down your past
That was nothing you ever wished
On any star for

Your ancestors whisper
Time to choose
You or the world
Peace or pain
And you realize
You’ve seen this story before
Played out on a thousand screens

They either walk into the summer sunset
Or out to that cobalt night
Making pacts with friends
Because not one of us
Chooses solitude
It claims us instead

Alone I weep
I’ll do better tomorrow
I promise myself
And when tomorrow comes
It’s the same
This.
This is a midlife crisis
Choosing which path

The sun is bright and orange
Born of light
But the moon calls me
Dipping it’s crescent tip
Into the inky blue ocean
And writes upon my paper heart
“You were claimed long ago moonchild
Take the starry path.
It’s time to come home” - Eliza Clark©

The Burning

It takes one night
One sentence
One word
And I’m an arsonist again

I should have learned
That fire is in my blood
Courses through my veins
Turns me from princess to witch
And all hell reigns down around me
I should let it all burn
Burn out the hole in my heart
That I wear on my sleeve

Smoke fills my eyes with tears
And somehow still the blue stays in
Slipping back into that cobalt night is
Easy
Familiar
Comfortable
While I try to dehydrate my brain
Dry up the tears
Soak up the sorrow
And wait for tomorrow

I played my cards well
And built my house out of them
Cozy, safe and warm
And one burst of winter wind
Knocked them all down
Scattered on the ground
Among the leaves that have died
And my heart is crushed
In the fall

I’ve been searching for a soul
To match my magic
Help me see my universe differently
And I thought it was you
But that was all a mirage
Actors on a screen
And I got played out
I’ll exit stage left

I know this story
And how it ends
I wrote it myself after all
I add the script to the fire
And watch the pages burn
Crisp and white paper
Turns to smoke and ash

No one destroys me deeper
Than myself
And I hate this part
The great leaving
While I’m sorting out the pieces of me left behind
It f***s with my mind
And shatters my entire soul

I’m just a ghost
Of who I was
Haunting the memories we made
Yesterday I had love on the brain
But I missed the train
Caught up in a whirlwind
Of devastation
And frustration
And there went my inspiration
All because I got lost in temptation
And pretty little lies
That I told myself
That I was safe with you

Goodnight sweet Prince
Sweet dreams
Is what I said to you
But I think what I really meant
Was goodbye, you fu***ng liar

I’m just sorry I ever fell
From that cliff
Falling was easy
But Oh the landing was hard
It knocked the breath from me
And I can’t forget how you did too
The first time you kissed me

I called in Kronos
He rewound time just for me
And I take back
My energy
My power
My heart and my soul
From the moment we met

There’s no moon tonight
And that’s fitting
So I’m sitting
And light a smoke
And watch the fire burn
I admit it
I did it
I burned down the world
That burned down mine
And I’m not sorry at all - Eliza Clark ©

Been doing a little writing ✍🏻

I'm just winging it, at this point. 🤭🤪😁

Midnight December Wish

Dense mysterious fog on
A December full moon night
And suddenly my soul
For the first time it feels right

It’s like how this year
Fogged up my mind
Misted me with tears
For so long I have cried

But my eyes are completely dry
I can feel the fog a lifting
Looking at the ether
In my heart there is a shifting

Sometimes it’s darkest
When you’re shrouded in loss
Sometimes it’s the brokenness
That has to thaw out the frost

I think I had to go
Through hell and back twice
To realize my magic
Was never the price

I ran so long and fast
That I took the wrong path
Gathering sticks in the wilderness
To burn out my wrath

Fire meant for cleansing
And starting things again
Finding out who my friends are
Finding out just who I am

It’s just past midnight
Time for the witching hour
Time to take back my energy
And come into my power

And of course I make a wish
Right on the shiniest star
This path took me in a circle
I didn’t wander very far

I emerge from the woods
I’m tripping over daisies
I find it’s all so clear now
And no longer quite so hazy

I’m glad I tied that knot
At the end of my rope
I was holding on forever
But landed right in hope

Better days are ahead
This I can plainly see
My midnight December wish?
For a better, brighter me. - Eliza Clark ©

The Burning

It takes one night
One sentence
One word
And I’m an arsonist again

I should have learned
That fire is in my blood
Courses through my veins
Turns me from princess to witch
And all hell reigns down around me
I should let it all burn
Burn out the hole in my heart
That I wear on my sleeve

Smoke fills my eyes with tears
And somehow still the blue stays in
Slipping back into that cobalt night is
Easy
Familiar
Comfortable
While I try to dehydrate my brain
Dry up the tears
Soak up the sorrow
And wait for tomorrow

I played my cards well
And built my house out of them
Cozy, safe and warm
And one burst of winter wind
Knocked them all down
Scattered on the ground
Among the leaves that have died
And my heart is crushed
In the fall

I’ve been searching for a soul
To match my magic
Help me see my universe differently
And I thought it was you
But that was all a mirage
Actors on a screen
And I got played out
I’ll exit stage left

I know this story
And how it ends
I wrote it myself after all
I add the script to the fire
And watch the pages burn
Crisp and white paper
Turns to smoke and ash

No one destroys me deeper
Than myself
And I hate this part
The great leaving
While I’m sorting out the pieces of me left behind
It f*cks with my mind
And shatters my entire soul

I’m just a ghost
Of who I was
Haunting the memories we made
Yesterday I had love on the brain
But I missed the train
Caught up in a whirlwind
Of devastation
And frustration
And there went my inspiration
All because I got lost in temptation
And pretty little lies
That I told myself
That I was safe with you

Goodnight sweet Prince
Sweet dreams
Is what I said to you
But I think what I really meant was
Goodbye

I’ll set you on a shelf with the rest
A pretty jar of stones and salt
Herbs and intention
I’ll seal it with wax
Drip it from my candle
And lock it away forever

I called in Kronos
He rewound time just for me
And I take back
My energy
My power
My heart and my soul
From the moment we met

There’s no moon tonight
And that’s fitting
So I’m sitting
And light a smoke
And watch the fire burn
I admit it
I did it
I burned down the world
That burned down mine
And I’m not sorry at all - Eliza Clark ©

Soul bonded

Cards laid out before me
Energy flowing through my hands
The universe is speaking
And making its demands

I read everyone’s future
Everyone’s but mine
The cards speak Their beauty
But the words are simply divine

We’re in a sacred circle
A sanctioned holy space
It’s no wonder I could feel
Every godly embrace

In reading the fates for others
I get a message as well
I must take back my energy
It’s time to cast a spell

I know deep inside
What I need to do
Two candles and a rope
To untie my soul from you

Maybe it will bring peace
Or maybe my heart will die
I’m surfing in melancholy waters
After you hung me out to dry

I take a deep breath
As I breathe fire into my soul
I’m manifesting the fates
To again make me whole

It’s all about intention
My predetermined wicked ways
And now I know within
It’s why you always stayed

I’ll find a brand new hat
One not tarnished by your magic
It could have been nirvana
But our destiny seems tragic

I line out all my cards
And flip them over in time
Wondering what future
Will soon be mine

I tripped and fell so hard
I didn’t see my mistake
I bonded your soul with mine
I guess it’s a chance we all take

I’m pulling down the moon
It fits perfectly by my side
While we sort this out together
It’s been much too wild a ride

Like a kid with cotton candy
I wanted more than just a taste
And now it’s your kisses
That’s my mind cannot erase

So I’ll just wait on infinity
Like from the days of Eve
I’m always loving them softly
And then…. They always leave - Eliza Clark©

Stardust and Dandelions

In the silence
Of 3 am
I look out at the stars
That I wish on sometimes

And suddenly realize
That these stars have long fallen
Their glow faded out
And then they were gone

I wonder why we
We are always
Wishing on stardust
It would be like wishing
On dirt from a grown over gravesite

And I’m instantly
Perfectly still in my thoughts
Unmoving, an epiphany
A reckoning that
I need to make a change

I gather up
My broken once hopeful
Wishes
And bury them in a heap
At my feet

My eyes are dry
As I erect a cross
And stake it in the ground
A memorial for shattered dreams

In burying my wishes
I feel at peace
I’m all cried out and I take my heart
And I board it up in a secret room

I paint a sign outside
“Condemned”
Conditions are not fit for the living
And it’ll be a warning for safety
Mostly for me
Because no one destroys me better than myself

I’m just a little bit stardust
A dandelion caught in the rain
And I’ll never be the same
Washing all my feelings
Right down the drain - Eliza Clark ©

Romancing Hades

Sitting here listening to
The Highway traffic
And wishing it were
Tree frogs instead

I love the marsh
And the estuaries
That lead straight
To the ocean

I wish i had
My toes in sand
Even if it’s cold tonight
That would be a comfort

I miss the waves
And the certainty
That they’ll come again
And again

Unlike the rest of my life
Uncertainty and ambivalence
Chaotic, stormy and dark
Are my waters

I didn’t drown yet
But the night is young
And I can hear the casino bells
Ringing in my ears

I could just motor out
To that underworld ship
Pirate flag flying
A single pitchfork symbol

Hades wants to play a game
With his goddess
I’m pretty sure this time
It’s me he’s calling to

I walk to his table
Cards all laid out
Like my heart
Always is

He looks comfortable
In the starry night
And it’s not so dark
That I can’t see that crescent moon
Shining on us

I pick up my cards
Royal flush
My poker face needs to be strong
To win this hand

I place my bet
And meet his eyes
Oh, I’m going to win
But so is he

Tonight I embody Persephone
And all her wishes
To come true
At last

He’s poured some wine
Like he read my mind
As all true gods do
They know s**t but so do I

I take a sip
And watch him play his hand
He takes a gulp from his challis
as he goes all in

He should have folded
This I know
And I can’t help the smile
That forms on my lips

I play my hand now
His smile is dangerously endearing
I’ve just bested
The god of the undead as he laughs

The daughter of spring in me
Laughs too
And together we drink our wine
As I gather in my coins and his

The money doesn’t matter
Nothing else matters
But how he’s looking
Straight at my soul

Like I have one
Like it was never ripped
From my body
In this world above

His lips meet mine
I taste the wine
And the ichor
In his veins

I’m surprised to hear his
Heartbeat, steady and strong
Thrumming against mine
As we kiss

Am I romancing death?
Or did it already claim me?
All at once I’m drowning
But not in the way I feared

I won this hand
But Hades wins the game
And it’s such a shame
We can’t stay here in this parsec of time

Kronos called
Times up and it’s last call
For alcohol
And all bets have been placed

I gambled with the fates
And won my biggest hand
And it’s just my brand
Of fun

I kiss Hades one more time
Before I slip back into the night
For luck or freedom
I don’t know

He asks if I need anything
And damn I need it all
His darkness and the light
He hides from everyone but me

Instead I say no
It’s a lie and he knows it
I wonder if there’s a penalty
For lying to this dark lord

I find I don’t care
I’ll take the punishment
With the pleasure
And it’ll be my greatest flaw

I played a game with chance
I won
So why do I feel so lost
when he leaves?

I listen to the freeway sounds
Roaring bikes and cars
And wonder if those roads
Will lead me to him

Only one way to know
I jump on my broom
And follow the path
the moon set tonight

I guess I’ll follow him
To what’s below
This time we’ll play the slots
Maybe I’ll win

Maybe I’ll lose
What’s left of my soul
But on this ride I feel whole
The whole world can bet on that

I make my own luck
And my own fate
And not even Hades himself
Can take that away

I’m Persephone personified
And this time I’m taking It all
That’s how I play the game
What about you? - Eliza Clark©

A little something I wrote a while back to try to heal my heart ❤️

Arsonist

I enter the park
It’s empty except for
a few echoes of laughter
And a faint smell of pine sap
Evidence that
You existed here once
And I frequented the pleasure

Too many times
Too many chances
And took the risk with the ride
Forgetting to keep my hands inside
At all times

I walk to the center
And our coaster stands tall
White skeleton boards
Like lattice work
Against a dusky sky
A few stars blinking back
And I wish on one out of habit
Who knows if it will come true

I used to sit on the railing
White paint dust clinging to my jeans
But now I don’t climb up
I only watch the ghost
Of the train we used to ride
Pass by in a loop

I take my matches from my pocket
I should burn it down, I think
I take my jar of moonshine
Walk to the planks
That used to take us
High into the sky
And pour out a healthy dose
At the base of
The nest we built together

I take a swig for good measure
Guess moonshine didn’t make me blind
But you did
Time and time again
Until even Kronos got angry

I splatter the shine
And the moon glows with it
down where it lands
Like the man in the moon
Is giving me permission

I take a match
Like a flicker to flame
To light the torch
Like you once lit mine

I flick the fire
From my very hand
And toss it to the shine
And unlike the fire in me
That smolders on low
This fire catches, crosses, cascades
Down then up and across

I watch it all go up in flames
Our ride is finally over
And I take my ticket
From my pocket
And add it to the burning coaster
My ticket is all punched out
Much like my heart feels

The bonfire of our memories
Burn higher and higher
Into the night
And no one is witness to this
Epic event but me

I’m the arsonist
That came to claim what’s mine
My soul
My energy
My spirit
My mind
I take them all back
Like pulling smoke into my lungs
Breathing back in
What I gave away so freely
I do that sometimes
Against my better judgment
Ignoring the red flags
And turn them green instead

The entire world around me
Burns bright
And I’m instantly and infinitely
Changed
A reborn goddess
From the Phoenix pyre
I’ve made of what we were
And what we’ll never be again

I turn my back on the fire
The smoke, the ashes
And walk back to the park entrance
The sign says
“Thank you for coming
To Heartbreak Ridge Rides.
We hope you’ll visit again soon “

I smile to myself
Flip my middle finger at the sign
And think
“I don’t effing think so”
I walk out of the park
And I don’t look back - Eliza Clark©

Something I wrote this week 💕❤️💔❤️

A Brand New Me

Walking on gravel
Stumbling over hot coals
Trying to figure out
How to let all the pain go

I somehow lost the beat
To the song I wrote myself
I think I’ll just take it
Put my heart upon a shelf

I’ll hide it between the stories
I’ve come to know by heart
Just happy ever afters
Their words will make me smart

I can’t handle the hurt
That’s been thrown across my path
I can’t live with my regret
Here in the aftermath

I looked at the world through glasses
That weren’t mine to wear
Perhaps that’s why I got lost
And now it isn’t fair

I give my heart so freely
That something just slips away
And even when it’s over
Still I’m longing to stay

I wonder what I’m running from
As midnight tumbles down
And all I’m left with is tears
As I’m driving through downtown

I play that song on repeat
The one that breaks my soul
I’m just another cowgirl
Trying to find her way home

I’m spun out into ether
I think I’ve lost my mind
I’ll just slip into nothingness
There’s no one there to find

I’ll lose myself in sleep
And wait for another dawn
And try to find a way
To just keep keeping on

The only thing left to do
Is hide the parts I give so free
And maybe then with every prayer
I’ll find a brand new me - Eliza Clark©

A Brand New Me

Walking on gravel
Stumbling over hot coals
Trying to figure out
How to let all the pain go

I somehow lost the beat
To the song I wrote myself
I think I’ll just take it
Put my heart upon a shelf

I’ll hide it between the stories
I’ve come to know by heart
Just happy ever afters
Their words will make me smart

I can’t handle the hurt
That’s been thrown across my path
I can’t live with my regret
Here in the aftermath

I looked at the world through glasses
That weren’t mine to wear
Perhaps that’s why I got lost
And now it isn’t fair

I give my heart so freely
That something just slips away
And even when it’s over
Still I’m longing to stay

I wonder what I’m running from
As midnight tumbles down
And all I’m left with is tears
As I’m driving through downtown

I play that song on repeat
The one that breaks my soul
I’m just another cowgirl
Trying to find her way home

I’m spun out into ether
I think I’ve lost my mind
I’ll just slip into nothingness
There’s no one there to find

I’ll lose myself in sleep
And wait for another dawn
And try to find a way
To just keep keeping on

The only thing left to do
Is hide the parts I give so free
And maybe then with every prayer
I’ll find a brand new me - Eliza Clark©

The Storm

Fog over silver moon
Shimmering January sand
Beach in the winter
And foam gliding on land

Wind picks up swiftly
Blowing at my hair
Patchy clouds creeping
Like hypnotic air

Love bloomed here
From promises spoken
We swore on golden
Bonds to be unbroken

Carried away swiftly
On tattered broken wings
Landing softly here
On twenty minute dreams

Buried in the dunes
Like the bird we saw fly
You made the tiniest cross
As I stood by and cried

Fairy tale castle
Washed out by waves
Sometimes the dunes
Aren't strong enough to save

The storm was too rough
The waves were too high
The wind tore our sails
But oh how we tried

A January beach
Is too cold to stand
It isn't the same
As August’s sultry sands

The tide came in
The hurricanes blew through
The gale was too strong
For me or you

It shattered our hearts
And ripped us to shreds
Our fairy tale is over
All stories must end

Now begins the shattering
Of my crystal sapphire heart
Tossed out like sea glass
Worn down in parts

I don't think I'll make it dear
Our story is too tragic
Some beastly storm came
And ripped away the magic

Im left with the wreckage
While you carry out the treasure
Left with a heartbreak
Of unending measure

Fog over silver moon
Softly calling waves
Drowned like a siren
Because there's nothing left to save - Eliza Clark©

Once upon a time
I wore a crown
A fairy tale princess
Just dancing around

But now Crickets chirp
their nightly song
My heart beats fast
As if singing along

All these conversations
Play in my mind
Warp on repeat
Every time I rewind

It’s a loop on starlight
The universe shakes
An earthquake of emotion
It’s too much to take

It’s a long ride home
Hair whipping in the wind
Wondering when
This spiral will end

I safely arrive
Put my car in park
Big kids aren’t supposed to be
Afraid of the dark

But it’s this time of night
My thoughts start to unravel
My eyes start to burn
And my throat feels like gravel

The tears slip out
It’s an ocean of sadness
From keeping things at bay
To prevent all the madness

What’s funny to me
As I sit here and cry
Is how I’m breathing
And living a lie

I look put together
But I’m falling apart
I can’t ever seem
To reel in my heart

In my pretty blue room
There’s no crickets to sing
I take off my clothes
Where I took off my ring

It’s really unfair
And I’m finding it hard
To have a world worn mind
With a fairy tale heart.

I whisper to no one
Does true love exist?
Some voice calls back
It’s gone in the mist

Where crickets chirp
And birdsong plays
And princes and castles
And butterfly sunny days

But here where I am
It’s dark as night
I’ve lost my wings but
keep trying to taking flight

I only know one thing
And it’s sure in my mind
My heart was torn in pieces
Once upon a time - Eliza Clark©

Because you were born in July
A daughter of summer
Because you are my soul sister, my family,
My friend.
Because life isn't fair
Because only you will understand our crazy bathroom stories.

Because you were there through it all. The good, the bad, the worst of the worst.

Because we nearly froze on that mountain that one weekend.
But we lived. And laughed.
Eating crunchy eggs we pretended to like.
And burning our boots in the fire with the marshmallows.
Like the pillowy white days that those were before our paths diverged.

Because you pushed me to be better
Do better. Want better.
And we took the school by storm. And made friends and colleagues.
We took classes and tests and
a million rides with our hair flying in the wind.

Because somehow we got in different cars
And took separate rides
And separate highways into the unknown
And I missed you.
And I'll miss you.
Forever.
I'll miss everything about you.
Your smile, so radiant.
Your laugh, so contagious.

Baby, your light was a glow on this earth.
And it's never gonna go out.
Because I gotta carry your torch
From one goddess to another
I take it from you and
I'll burn the world down
That burned down yours
In your honor.
And
Because you couldn't, my darling, I will live. Eliza Clark©️

Rebirth

Standing at the edge
Looking at the ruin below
What was my life
I realize that the blazing fire I see
Was the spark that lit up my world
One midsummer night
My kerosene dreams set my soul
Ablaze with one lie
And my heart’s been unlacing itself ever since

Like a ball of twine unraveled
I’m tripping on the aftermath of destruction
And the chords of my heart
Got shredded in the fall

All my life spent terrified of fire
Now I’m standing on the flames
And I actually like the burning
Spark of tinder from my fingers
And suddenly I’m alive
Where before I walked on my own grave
Hoping to raise myself from the dead

Fear to yearning
Despair to rage
Abstinence to frenzy
It’s like Persephone lit her torch
And the whole world unfroze into flames
Goddesses make their own fate;
I, too, lit my torch
Set it to the dirt at my feet and watched myself burn
How is it that fire that’s meant to destroy can make me feel so alive?

Maybe I’m the Phoenix
Maybe I’m the fire
But either way, I burn
Either way, I yearn

One lie was the spark
And I’ve been spinning out in silence ever since
A thousand prisms ignite from the sun
And I’m ablaze with the knowledge
That I’m not my past
I’m not my pain
I see the world through different eyes and the cataclysmic veil I summoned here is this ledge

You can’t burn alive
When you tied yourself to the stake
A goddess on fire is a Phoenix of her own making
And maybe something can be carved from the ashes of this chaos;
some charcoal soul with fiery feet
And a bronzed heart
Eyes that don’t bleed blue for all the world to see
I’ll wear this new armor and know
That it’s okay to burn
when it feels like rebirth Eliza Clark©️

De-evolution of a Fairy Tale

I always did beguile myself with magic tricks. He flew in on a magic carpet 40,000 moons ago. Just whisked in on a sandy beach like out of some midsummer dream, lock of dark hair hiding one glimmering hazel eye, charming me with his smile.

He seduced me in that first sentence, speaking a language only my heart knew, transporting me to some foreign land my feet had never trod. His touch made me feel all the things I'd read about in all those books. This was IT.

This was the magical fairy tale. He built me a castle in the sand that not even the ocean could tear down. His kiss awakened the sleeping princess in me and I blossomed. The thorns fell away and the blooms flourished, bright red emblazoned on my cheeks, flushed from the heat branded there by his touch.

The glass slippers fit and I cast aside my clunky, muddy shoes that had held my feet fast to the miry earth. I clicked along a golden path, up crystal stairs across velvet carpet to meet my perfect love in secret.

This was the thing all great novelists wrote about. Champagne popped and families and friends toasted. You're so lucky, they said.

I got the fairy tale. It's what I wanted, right? Right? Right? It is. It was. It was, until it wasn't.

Until the pages got ripped away. Until he walked into my beautiful library that he gifted me on our first anniversary, because that's the one that's paper, he said. He said I should have all the books my heart desired.

It wasn't even a month later, maybe two. It's hard to keep count of days when your life is a living nightmare. It's no longer a fairy tale, but some ripped up dream.

As I sat and read from my favourite novel, he stalked in and tore the book from my hands and that's when I noticed, his magic carpet was gone. He now walked with steel toe boots, footsteps heavy like the breath in my chest. Heavy like the tears that started to fall from my eyes, faster and faster.

He took the leather bound book in his rough hands and asked me what I was doing. When I told him I was reading, he looked anywhere but in my eyes as he opened the pages with scorn.

I had just gotten to the good part, where the prince comes to save the princess. I shouldn't be surprised that this is the page he ripped from that delicate spine first.

I gasped, my heart dropping to my feet and my own spine crumpling under the weight of my sorrow. What have you done, I cried?

You made me do this, he sneered back.

I looked at him, confused. What did I do that warranted the destruction of such a beautiful story, crafted on paper, and delicately bound within a leather cover, to protect for all the ages?

When all I'd done was care for it. I'd never left it out in recklessness. I'd always put it back on the shelf, careful to dust it when needed and gingerly turn the pages so they didn't rip and now he was tearing them to shreds and I cried as each landed on the floor at my feet.

My beloved novel lay in tatters and my tears fell upon the newly shredded pages, as if to drown the memory of their beauty; as if such a thing were possible.

What kind of monster destroyed fairy tales? What kind of beast would do such terrible things to me and the things I held so dear?

This was not the same person I had come to love and as I looked into the cheval mirror behind us both, I saw the truth.

The prince had not turned from his beastly form after all. I saw the horns in his back. I saw the devilish glint in his eyes. I saw him for what he really was:

A monster in disguise.

The mirror allowed me a glimpse of what I couldn't see before. His magic did not exist inside that mirror, if it ever existed at all. He was a beast and nothing more. I wondered if I walked through that mirror if I would cease to be or if it would be he who disappeared.

Knowing what I know of magic and mirrors and beasts and the like, I gathered up my skirts and my courage and I took one last glance at my lover and the wake of destruction, because by now he's ripped apart half the library of its beautiful stories and now they are no more.

Once upon a time has become never in a million years and my heart weeps for what could have been; for what should have been mine to claim.

I take a deep shuddering breath, slide off my glass slippers, leaving them on the velvet carpet beside the nearest shredded page. How fitting that I can see the words on it staring back -The End. I step into the mirror and I don't look back. Eliza Clark ©️