Spark Kids

From Parent Cue: Parenting Triggers - Pre-kids, you were likely different from the person you are today—you were able to take things in stride, let the stresses fall away quickly, and easily pivot when plans changed. If calm, cool, and collected was a person, it would be you standing there rested and worry-free.

Then you had kids.

Now, loud noises may upset you, whining and meltdowns feel like a personal assault on your parenting efforts, and endless piles of clutter might have you transforming into The Incredible Hulk. On any given day, you may experience rage, exhaustion, and despair bubbling under the surface, and any one of those feelings can be unleashed based on your kid’s behavior.

The National Alliance on Mental Health defines an emotional trigger as “an action or situation that can lead to an adverse emotional reaction.” Triggers are often influenced by past experiences, activating childhood wounds or the stories we’ve always told ourselves—they’re a stress response. And these old feelings show up when we’re uncomfortable, leading us to experience anger, fear, and resentment toward those around us.

Some of the most common triggers in parenting include:
Our kid’s big emotions
Our kid not listening to our instructions
Our kid talking back
Lack of personal space
Messes
Loud noises
If you find yourself losing your cool, you are not alone. Here are some tips to navigate your triggers:
Identify your triggers and what activates them.

Take some time to think about the things you react negatively to throughout the day—when do you find yourself overwhelmed, annoyed, or angry most? Write those down. When you have a list, you can anticipate your stressors and start regulating yourself before you blow up.

Get some distance and head space.
Sometimes, you just need to walk away, especially when you’re feeling some strong emotions. Take a few minutes to yourself in another room to regulate yourself by breathing slowly and deeply, focusing not on what triggered you, but on something else entirely, like the sensations in your fingers, toes, or another part of your body. If you have more time, spend it doing something calming you enjoy before stepping back into the parenting ring.

Replace limiting beliefs with what is true.
Remind yourself your kid’s behavior has nothing at all to do with your ability as a parent. Tell yourself that what your kid does or doesn’t do, what they say or don’t say, has nothing to do with your worth as a parent. You are exactly the parent your kid needs and you are equipped with everything you need to parent them.

Remember, while our kids are learning and growing, we are, too. Learning about ourselves while learning how to parent well is hard, yet important work. Acknowledging the effort it takes to raise the next generation with intention while extending yourself grace through the process is no small feat.

Get ready for our Christmas Service and our Fusion Sunday on Jan. 1st, 2023. Have a very Merry Christmas!!!

Royal Ranger Pow Wow 2022 at Waianae. 19 boys and 9 dads/grandpas from our outpost attended.

Here are some conversation topics to help you connect with your kid at the start of this new school year:

Prepare your kids to expect not to know every answer. Remind them that they won’t be good at everything right away—they’re meant to be challenged and learn something new.

Help your kid navigate their desire to fit in by reinforcing their identity—remind them they are wonderful the way they are and that they already have a place where they belong, and that’s right at home. Encourage them to be hopeful they’ll find people they can be themselves with at school.

There will be many things your kid will face at school that they have no influence over, but what they can control is their effort and how they treat other people. Remind your kid about what true kindness is—respect for themselves and others—and what to do when someone isn’t showing kindness to them.

Kids, especially the younger ones, might find themselves missing home way more than they normally would once they go back to school this fall. This conversation is an opportunity for you to build trust by reminding your kid that you will always come back for them and that there are other caring adults they are safe.

Hopefully, your kid won’t find themselves in a position where they don’t feel safe. But if they do, you want to have built a foundation with them before this point, reminding them they can come to talk to you or another caring adult in your circle about anything, no matter what. Remind your kids that families may have surprises for each other, but they don’t keep secrets from each other, especially harmful ones.

Remind your kid that change isn’t always a bad thing—we can miss what used to be, but be excited for what’s to come. Reassure your kid that humans are capable of feeling different feelings all at once and that’s okay.

From: Parent Cue