The St. Thomas Pumpkin Patch

Everything must go! Come help yourself to free pumpkins; we estimate there's about a hundred left in various shapes, sizes, and colors.

Remember, our pumpkins are guaranteed organic and food-grade, however, some of them may be a bit "further along" than others... Thanks, mother nature!

All of these pumpkins will be thrown away tomorrow, saturday, November 4th, so come take what you'd like now. You're more than welcome to make a donation, but we're not expecting it. We'll see you next year, when we're bigger and better!

Good evening, Pumpkin Patch families and fans!

Our season is now "officially" over, but that doesn't mean you don't need a pumpkin! Remember: Thanksgiving comes between now and Christmas, no matter what those big box stores want you to believe.

Currently, and until Saturday, 4 November, our pumpkins will be on a "take what you want, leave what you can" basis. Load your truck or trailer with pumpkins and drop by the front door, use our "pumpkin money envelopes" and leave the envelope in the lockable box. Or you can always use the QR codes for Venmo, PayPal, or Zelle on the signs in the yard, or in this post if you'd like to make a donation or pre-pay for some pumpkins.

We have 100-200 left, and they're on a first-come, first served basis and I can't guarantee or hold pumpkins. These beauties look great on front porches, hearths, as centerpieces, or, *gasp* try your luck at an authentic pumpkin pie! (Spoiler alert: it's not going to taste like an HEB pumpkin pie!) Wildlife also love them! (Pumpkins and your silly attempts at pumpkin pies!🤣) These pumpkins will be disposed the afternoon of 4 November, so make some time to get a couple. Or 50.

Thank you for your support this season! We will see you next year - we will be back bigger and better and we're taking applications for a DIRECTOR OF PUMPKIN MEMES to help up our pumpkin game! Bring on the turkey!

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE FOR PUMPKINS!

And remember: pumpkins aren't just for October. Our pumpkin patch will run on the same schedule tomorrow and Tuesday (October 30th and 31st) as it has on other weekdays this month.

Here's how it works:

1. Grab a handy wagon,
2. Fill with pumpkins,
3. Compare your pumpkins to our suggested prices, and
4.a. Use your smartphone to scan QR codes on the signs for Venmo, Zelle, or PayPal, or
4.b. If you need change or prefer to pay with cash or a card, go to the church entrance and ring the bell - an enthusiastic pumpkin salesperson will be happy to help you!

We have extended our BOGO promotion on both these days, too, so pay for the larger one and get another free!

WHERE MY LAST MINUTE SHOPPERS AT??!

Yeah, I'm talking about you. You're the person rolling up to Target on Christmas Eve at about 8pm hoping they have that Barbie Dreamhouse the kids have been asking for and then staying up until 3 in the morning putting it together. I know you... because I used to be you... and then I changed.

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO! Be as last-minute as you want, fam, because we're here for you. Here's what's happening this weekend:

Saturday: we're selling pumpkins.
Sunday: also selling pumpkins.

And because we're a pumpkin patch, we'll be doing the same thing Monday and Tuesday too, while the big guy (I'm looking at you, Great Pumpkin) flies around scoffing at lesser pumpkin patches (I'm looking at you, Methodists! Just kidding, y'all are cool.)

But this weekend, because a guy named Crazy Larry gave me a good idea and I never argue with guys named Crazy Larry until I'm safely in my car with the windows up and doors locked, we're running a promotion!

BUY ONE PUMPKIN, GET ONE FREE!

That's right, folks, you read that correctly. Buy one pumpkin at regular price and get another pumpkin of equal or lesser value free! For the first time in our little patch's six-year history, we're pulling out all the stops, metaphorically speaking, and (hopefully) watching these pumpkins roll right off the lot. Come see us this weekend and let us fulfill your pumpkin needs! We've upgraded our photo spot a bit - please come take those fall pictures with your kiddos and pets (but clean up after your pets... we don't want that kind of fertilizer).

We'll still be here for a few days next week on a donation basis: more information coming soon.

< Sarah McLachlan's "In the Arms Of an Angel" plays in background >

DISCLAIMER: THIS PARODY CONTAINS GRAPHIC IMAGES OF SUFFERING PUMPKINS.

In a world where pumpkins wait in silence, longing for their moment to shine. These innocent gourds sit, their vibrant potential untapped.

[Images of forlorn pumpkins in a dimly lit patch]

But there is hope. A place where these neglected pumpkins find refuge, where their beauty can finally be appreciated.

[Images of a vibrant, inviting pumpkin patch]

Won't you be the one to make a difference? To offer these pumpkins a chance to be chosen, to light up someone's autumn with their warm glow?

[Close-ups of people happily selecting pumpkins]

For just a visit to our pumpkin patch, you can bring joy and warmth to your home. These pumpkins deserve to be cherished and celebrated.

[Images of pumpkins being loaded into car trunks and families smiling]

Your visit means more than you know. It's a chance for these pumpkins to be loved, to find their forever home in your heart.

[Slow fade-out]

Felt cute, might delete later...

Who am I kidding? I'm not deleting this! Our picture spot got a touch up this afternoon thanks to a couple of talented and dedicated ladies (Debbie Porter Saultz + friend!). Thank you, ladies!

Now I'm not trying to pressure you, friends, but this is the last weekend before the last weekend before Halloween. Come on over and enjoy the weather and buy some pumpkins!

BONUS: tomorrow, Saturday, 21 October, our host Saint Thomas the Apostle Episcopal Church of Nassau Bay is having its Fall Fest!

Thanks to a generous underwriter, games are free for everyone! Kids eat free too! The beer is free too, BUT you must buy a cup first. See what I did there?

Come say hi tomorrow. We'll be there all day, and we have beautiful string lights in the yard if you decide to come after hours!

Good morning everyone! It's one of those rare weekends where it actually feels like fall! Go grab some sort of pumpkin drink and come out and see us! We've got plenty of pumpkins, gourds, and some other weird stuff your kids are probably like. 😂

We will be staffing the sales table between 8:00 and 6:00 today, but you can shop anytime if you're antisocial, a night owl, or are bored after a late night Taco Bell run. We have signs in the yard with QR codes for Venmo, pa6ypal, and Zelle.

Our hard-working Scout families from Cub Scout Pack 1965 - Clear Lake/Nassau Bay are on duty today. Come say hi!

Don't turn into a pumpkin! Cinderella and her fairy friends are here now and until 6:30!

Mini meme dump while my youngest pumpkin is at jiu jitsu

Heyy pumpkin fam: as a consumer of wooden pallets, I always need more. FEED ME!

Seriously, if you have a few you won't miss, or know where we could land some, OR EVEN BETTER, you can hook your patch up by dropping some off, please let us know! You don't even have to let us know if you don't want to: just drop them off in the grass in the pumpkin patch - we'll find them and put them to good use! Our pumpkins love to sit on pallets.

Boom. Just like that, your St. Thomas Pumpkin Patch is fully stocked and ready for your business!

A big thanks to all our volunteers from Cub Scout Pack 1965 - Clear Lake/Nassau Bay, Scouts BSA Troop 1965 for Girls, Saint Thomas the Apostle Episcopal Church of Nassau Bay, and the kind residents of Nassau Bay and others for helping make this day a success!

We're open 24/7 and there are instructions on signs in the yard, but here they go in case you can't be bothered:

1. Grab a wagon,
2. Put kids in the wagon,
3. Put pumpkins on top of the kids and laugh maniacally as you take photos,
4.Step three is optional but we don't judge,
5. Once you've selected your pumpkins, compare them to the ones on our pricing table.
6. Pay by following the below directions:

You can pay any time by Venmo, PayPal, or Zelle (QR codes are on the signs in the yard and below, if you feel the need to support the most sincere pumpkin patch ever).

If you'd like to pay with cash, cards, or Apple/Google/Samsung Pay between the hours of 9a-330p Mon-Thu, go to the main entrance of the church and ring the bell. We'll be there soon! Sorry, fam, but we don't pumpkin on Friday, so either pay via QR code or wait until Saturday. We'll be out after our second cup of coffee.

We're looking forward to providing you with all your pumpkin needs, Nassau Bay. Come support your local patch!

We receive our pumpkins tomorrow!

Students - I'll sign service hour forms if needed. We start at 12pm. Bring a friend, some work gloves, and a desire to get a decent cardio/resistance workout and a great night's sleep Sunday night!

If you can't make it at 12, feel free to come any time after. You could come at 12:01, or even 12:13 if you're feeling like a rebel! Seriously, though, every bit helps and we expect to be working until at least 3pm. We'll have over 2000 pumpkins to unload/stage!

Please let me know if you have any questions, or you can call/text me at 832.385.0328. Thank you!

Ode to the Pumpkins, On Their Last Night on the Vine

Oh, pumpkins ripe and oh so fine,
Tonight's your last upon the vine.
Tomorrow brings a brand new fate,
To a patch where pumpkins celebrate.

Rest well, dear pumpkins, dream with glee,
Of lanterns bright and pies to be.
Your vine-bound days are nearly done,
In the patch, you'll bask in autumn's sun.

Thank you, ChatGPT, for that fine ode to a pumpkin whose life is going to end tomorrow! 🎃💀

Tonight is the last night our pumpkins will sleep on the vine. Early tomorrow morning, 40' trailers will begin a slow crawl through the farm in northern New Mexico, where Native American farmers will cut them from the vine and carefully load them onto the truck. After that, our truck will be topped off with specialty pumpkins and gourds.

Our driver will leave the farm first thing Saturday morning and with any luck will be at our patch around lunch time Sunday. There, he'll be met by an enthusiastic team of volunteers from St. Thomas the Apostle Episcopal Church, St. Thomas Scouting (Cub Scout Pack 1965 and Scouts BSA Troop 1965 and 1966), and members of the community. We'll get those pumpkins (there will be well over 2000) unloaded and staged as quickly as possible for your viewing, photographing, and purchasing pleasure.

Feel like helping? We'd love you to join us! Watch this space for updates on unloading time (because if anything, history has taught us the pumpkins will definitely NOT arrive at 12pm🤣). Teens can get volunteer hours at this event. See you soon, and good night, pumpkins!

The St. Thomas Pumpkin Patch: supporting the fine arts in the Bay Area!

Come see the cast of the Bay Area Houston Ballet and Theatre's production of Cinderella! Visit and take photos with the characters!

I'm not throwing shade or identifying this big box store, but somebody's selling pumpkins in early September.

Imagine what they'll be like by Halloween! 🤢🤮

Good afternoon, Pumpkin Patch families and fans!

Our season is now "officially" over, but that doesn't mean you don't need a pumpkin (it's still Fall, after all, regardless of what the big box stores want you to believe.

Currently, and until Monday, 7 November, our pumpkins will be on a "take what you want, leave what you can" basis. Load your truck or trailer with pumpkins and drop by the front office and leave us a donation. We have a few left, and they're on a first-come, first served basis and I can't guarantee or hold pumpkins. These beauties look great on front porches, hearths, or as centerpieces. Wildlife also love them!

Thank you for your support this season! We will see you next year - we're taking applications for a DIRECTOR OF PUMPKIN MEMES to help up our pumpkin game. 🤣

Our fat, beautiful, still-fresher-than-those-"things they call pumpkins in big box stores" pumpkins are absolutely loving the cool weather this morning.

We're right in the middle of "False Fall" but before "Second Summer" - so act quickly! Skip ballet, jiu jitsu, baseball, basket weaving, or whatever interpretive dance class your kids have convinced you to enroll them in and come see us! Our pumpkins love to take pictures with you and if you're not careful, will stowaway in your vehicle and you won't know they're there until it's too late (I can confirm this has happened on at least 2 occasions).

While you're in the neighborhood, drop by everyone's favorite local coffee shop Java Owl Coffee House and grab a PSL (better get one for everyone in the car... you know how kids are 🙄), toss kids in wagon, toss pumpkins on top of kids, and then quickly take photos of the hilarity that ensues, lol!

Seriously: don't crush your children under the weight of our pumpkins (some of them are upwards of 70lbs.!). That would just be bad parenting. I mean, here at The St. Thomas Pumpkin Patch we're not here to judge your parenting style, but that might be frowned upon by members of the law enforcement community. 🤷‍♂️

We'll see you soon, and remember, our patch is open 24/7 on the Pumpkin Honor System®.

It takes a village to run a fall festival! Huge thanks to our sponsors:
Gay Family Auto In Dickenson for sponsoring Axe Throwing
Crowder Family Funeral homes for sponsoring our climbing wall
Maintenance of Houston for sponsoring our Sumo Suits
Running Alliance Sport for sponsoring our inflatable obstacle course

Did you know that the Saint Thomas the Apostle Episcopal Church of Nassau Bay is having its 2022 Fall Family Festival on October 22nd from 9:00-2:00? If you're local, I don't know how you couldn't know, as much spamming as I do! 🤣

Seriously tho, come by Saturday the 22nd and watch Cirque La Vie at 10:30, then stroll out to the sound of live music while our BBQ group serves brisket or pulled pork sandwiches to eat here or take home! Our amazing Scouts BSA Troop 1966 - Clear Lake/Nassau Bay is providing fruit cobblers for dessert.

Adults, we haven't forgotten about you! Our homebrew guild is selling their famous cups! And if you buy a cup from the guild, they'll probably fill it at no cost with a delicious malted beverage of your choice. You can always bring home an empty cup if you'd like. 🤷‍♂️

And premiering this year is the AXE THROWING TRAILER! For adults only - come out and have some fun! If you haven't thrown an axe before, channel your inner Viking and give it a go! I'm not saying you should visit our homebrew guild immediately before throwing axes, but if you do, make sure you have some BBQ in your tummy!

And of course, what fall festival would be complete without pumpkins? Grab a few before you leave (please don't throw axes at the pumpkins)!

GUESS WHO GOT STOCKED FULL OF FAT, JUICY, FRESH PUMPKINS TODAY?

c'est moi. 😁

To the over 60 volunteers who came today to help unload over 2500 pumpkins: thank you. Without your help, we would still be unloading. We finished in a record two and a half hours today.

Our patch is open 24 hours a day all month long - come get you some pumpkins!

We accept cash and cards during "business hours and weekend business hours," but we're on the honor system "after hours" And we accept PayPal, Venmo, and Zelle!

Can I just say something?

FALL WEATHER. COMING. THIS WEEKEND.

Know what else is coming this weekend? PUMPKINS.

Everyone's favorite pumpkin patch will be open shortly after lunch (or maybe before, depending on what my back tells me to do after unloading 2000+ pumpkins) this Saturday!
..that's five days for you Aggies. 🤣🥰

The pumpkins will be here Saturday morning! Got plans? No? Come help us unload! 😁

The St. Thomas Pumpkin Patch updated their business hours.