Tend Counseling and Consulting LLC

It was wonderful to join .courageous
and the Disability/Chronic Illness Special Interest Group this evening to talk about "Setting Your Own Speed Limit: Seeking Values-Driven and Self-Compassionate Healing"!

In case you missed it, here's an overview of tonight's topic. 😀

I'm so curious-- How do you know when to speed up your healing and do more? And how do you know when to slow down and take it easy?

Comment below and share your own experiences and insights! 👇👇👇

•

•

•

You say you can't find your real self?

Good news: your real self is already here, and it's the opposite of what OCD says you could be.

In I-CBT, recognizing one's real self and trusting that self is an important part of recovery. You don't have to accept the possibility of being horrible, harmful, careless, or whatever else OCD throws your way!

You can accept what's real, and what's real is already here.

•

•

•

•

anxiety

Happy Easter! Or not. Finding help for OCD symptoms shouldn't be like an Easter egg hunt.

For more information about OCD, including a provider directory, check out the website.

Providers trained in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) and Inference-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (I-CBT) for OCD can help you start down the path (or bunny trail 🐰) to recovery.

•

•

•

Having to do something quickly or under a deadline doesn't automatically mean we're in an emergency situation. The annoying thing is that our bodies don't automatically know the difference!

If you're experiencing physiological symptoms of stress (eg--fast heartbeat, muscle tension, GI discomfort), don't let your brain trick you into thinking that you need to be in emergency mode. Slow down, and reframe your situation.

What really needs to be done?

How can you move forward efficiently, but without unnecessary haste?

How can you notice changes in your body without viewing them as signs that something is really wrong?

•

•

•

Have you ever tasted two chicken noodle soups that were exactly the same? I'm not talking about the stuff that comes out of a can. I'm talking about homemade chicken noodle soup. The ingredients and flavors vary depending on who makes it, but it's still chicken noodle soup--as long as there's some chicken in there!

OCD treatment varies too. Some people do ERP. Some do I-CBT. Some use medication. Some people find help from all three, and many supplement their treatment with other support (such as meeting with a faith leader or group), additional therapies (such as trauma therapy), and various kinds of self-care practices. As long as evidence-based treatments for OCD are part of the ingredients, it's still OCD treatment.

Take out the evidence-based treatments, and it's just noodle soup. It might taste good, but it probably won't help your OCD.

•

•

•

Need a break? Breathe in the fresh air of the Pacific Northwest and enjoy some scenes from a recent road trip I took with my
friends.

1️⃣ Scenes from a beach. Where do you find your balance?

2️⃣ This friend is a banana slug stuffed animal named Quinnie, in honor of the Quinault Rainforest in Washington. Did you know that banana slug slime has anesthetic properties? Human friends don't have this same superpower, but they, too, can make painful things less painful.

3️⃣ When there's a gap between where we are now and where we'd like to be, sometimes we need to take a leap of faith. What current uncertainty in your life is worth leaning into so that you can get where you'd like to be?

4️⃣ If you heard there was a troll in the woods, you might assume that's a very bad thing. You might stay away from those woods. But look at this troll. It's meditating. It's peaceful. It wants you to trust that all will be well.

5️⃣ I guess making a call from a phone booth doesn't count as unplugging, but it almost does. If you need to find your center again, try cutting back on screen time.

6️⃣ Even if you don't find graffiti on a guardrail saying that you are sacred, you matter. Your life matters, and that's true regardless of what you are thinking and feeling, or what you're struggling with right now.

•

•

•

If your faith has been taken over by religious scrupulosity, remember that anxiety, urgency, and a drive to be certain are all saboteurs and masqueraders.

Those feelings will never move you toward better understanding of your faith, deeper peace, or spiritual connection.

Our role is to be open and to trust that we are loved as we humanly and imperfectly search for God.

•

•

•

So. Many. Resolutions. And so many that are food and eating-related!

If you're thinking about making changes to your relationship with food or your eating habits, keep an eye out for the things that try to sabotage your search for wholeness and wellness.

•

•

•

Novel experiences stimulate the memory and pleasure centers of our brains, and researchers say that humans are hard-wired to be attracted to new experiences. If you're feeling stuck in a fog of grief this holiday season, try bringing novelty back into your life.

This doesn't have to be an around-the-world trip to 20 countries you've never been to. A novel experience could be as simple as visiting a new museum, trying a new restaurant, or going to a paint-and-sip night.

People who appreciate doing things in sequential order may find this a little stressful! It might feel weird to venture out of the grief fog into a new experience, only to step back into the grief fog when the new experience is over. Why not just grieve, grieve, grieve, and then emerge from the grief fog once and for all?

Because grief doesn't work like that. As said so well during her IG Live today, our lives expand around our grief. By bringing some novelty into your life, you help life expand around your grief, and you'll probably make your brain a little happier.

•

•

•

Can you imagine life after being in the throes of grief?

It's okay if you can't. There was a time when I couldn't, and I know many people who seriously question whether the pain of grief will ever lift.

But if, from time to time, you have a vision of what life could be like on the other side of all this heaviness, take a moment to sit with what comes to mind. Savor that vision. Let it sink in.

Life will not feel heavy in this specific way forever. You don't have to wait until the feelings of grief are gone to start making new friends, reconnecting with old friends, volunteering, redecorating a room, or whatever it is that comes to mind when you daydream about life in the future.

•

•

•

Just ten minutes of deep breathing or mindfulness can be enough to activate the body's relaxation response, which helps your nervous system calm down after a period of stress.

The relaxation response is the opposite of the fight or flight response, which keeps you in a state of stress and heightened awareness so that you can respond to threats and stay safe.

If your loss was traumatic or unexpected, or if your loss was preceded by health scares, you might still be living in a fight or flight state. Although your body may have temporarily forgotten what it's like to be truly relaxed, your body hasn't lost its capacity to relax.

You can help your body remember by spending a few minutes a day practicing deep breathing or mindfulness.

Don't overthink it! Use your favorite meditation app, listen to soothing music, or simply sit in silence and breathe. That's all you need to start shifting away from fight or flight mode and into a more sustainable rhythm of stress and relaxation.

Complete avoidance of memories can make grieving harder. Eventually, memories *will* be triggered by someone or something in our environment, but we might feel a little less triggered if we get used to remembering.

Take some time this season to intentionally walk down memory lane. Give yourself space to feel the bittersweetness of having shared special moments with the person you're missing now.

Then, stop when you're tired and come back to the present. The trip down memory doesn't have to be a marathon or a long hike! Remember a little while staying grounded in the here and now.

We grieve because we have loved. Grief is normal, not pathological. Still, it can feel dark and ugly.

You don't have to decorate your house with a crazy light show if that doesn't feel good or match your mood, but seeking out light and beauty can make today just a little easier. Go to an art museum, watch a beautiful nature documentary, visit a neighborhood with stunning lights.

There is beauty around us even when we don't feel it inside.

The needs you had before your loss probably won't go away while you're grieving. Grieving for sure takes up a lot of time and energy and can make you feel like that's the only thing going on, but it's important to check in with yourself and tend to other needs like...

--Exercise
--Non grief-related mental health challenges
--Sleep
--Nutrition
--Time with friends
--Fun
--Working toward personal and professional goals

If you like to read, you might refocus your attention on other needs by picking up a self-help book about a topic unrelated to grief. Your grieving process will go smoother if you nurture other parts of yourself alongside grief.

I'm slowly easing back into work after several delightful days of feasting and adventuring.

I've been through difficult holidays in the past, and I know that the twists and turns of life will undoubtedly bring more difficult holidays in the future. But I'm grateful that I've also had plenty of holidays like this one, when the noise of all that is challenging--inside me, in relationships, in the world--is softened, and I can truly savor friendship and love, as well as moments of joy and rest.

The best summary of this Thanksgiving is short and sweet: We gave thanks and had fun!
•
•
•
•

It happens, and it doesn't mean you've done something wrong or that therapy isn't helping. OCD has a nasty habit of attacking everything that matters most to a person, including any efforts to kick OCD to the curb. When its control over you is threatened, OCD may try to hang on for dear life, and it's not uncommon for OCD to attack the therapy process itself.

If your therapist is using an evidence-based treatment for OCD and they have experience using that treatment with clients, that's a good starting point for healing. But it's also true that not every therapist is a good fit for every client, and vice versa.

If you have concerns about the therapy process or wonder if another therapist might be a better fit, talk with your current therapist. It's not weird to pause therapy and talk about how therapy is going. In fact, it's encouraged!

Treatment isn't easy. There will be hard days, and some of those may be the same days you have a therapy session.

Just don't let OCD hijack the process. 😉 You can have a bad day and still be making progress.

•
•
•
•
•
•

Tend. Such a wonderful word! It not only reflects what I do as a counselor, but also what I strive to do in my personal life.

I imagine life as a garden that I walk through. 🌼🌷🌻 I notice which plants need extra care and which plants are flourishing. I notice when to put down seeds and when to prune. Sometimes, I sit down and let the garden nourish me with its beauty.

Life is better when we sustainably tend to our needs, our relationships, and the needs of our communities.

Follow for more uplifting content about therapy and living fully alive.

The "what" matters when you're picking a therapist, but so does the "how." Helping people live fully alive is what I do, and how I do it is through evidence-based treatment tailored to the needs of each client.

We know that some therapies work better than others and that some mental health challenges only improve with certain therapies. A caring therapist isn't the one who listens to your struggles. A caring therapist is the one who listens and responds, guiding the conversation with tools that clinical research and clinical experience have demonstrated to be helpful.

I'm passionate about being an excellent listener and guide.

That's why I treat OCD with Inference-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (I-CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), rather than standard talk therapy.

That's why I regularly attend consultation groups and conferences rather than practice in isolation.

That's why I give assessments to clients and educate them about their results and diagnoses.

Compassionate therapy and evidence-based treatment aren't mutually exclusive. They work together to help a person live fully alive.

DM me to learn more about counseling with my practice.

Whether or not you have a diagnosis or have been to therapy before, if you'd like some extra support living authentically and connecting in meaningful ways with others, I'm here to listen. We can explore together whether counseling with my practice would be helpful.

The clients I accompany have unique stories and unique reasons for seeking counseling, but anxiety, OCD symptoms, and perfectionism are common reasons people find their way to my practice.

In addition, I have a special interest in the integration of faith and mental health, and I offer spiritually-integrated counseling when requested by clients. Recognizing that faith communities can be sources of pain and abuse, I also support clients seeking healing from religious trauma.

To connect, you can:

🌼 Comment below or DM me
🌼 Email [email protected]
🌼 Visit the link in bio

Tend. I love this word. It not only reflects what I do as a counselor, but also how I strive to live.

I imagine life as a garden that I walk through. I notice which plants need extra care and which plants are flourishing. I notice when to put down seeds and when to prune. Sometimes, I sit down and let the garden nourish me with its beauty.

Life is better when we sustainably tend to our needs, our relationships, and the needs of our communities.

Follow for more uplifting content about

This beautiful fall day in DC has me pondering this question. The change of seasons can be a great time to reflect on the past few months and decide what to hold onto and what to release.

What do you need to clear away to find more joy? Comment 👇

I had such a great time at the last weekend! "How do you get back to being creative?" was one of the questions that came up during "Being Creative with OCD," the community discussion I co-led with Prades. Everyone has their own path to, through, and back to creativity, but the image of a wide swim lane is a helpful one for me.

If creative expression looked one way in the past, it doesn't have to look that way now. It's okay to splash around in a wide swim lane and redefine what creativity means to you.

It's going to be a great weekend at the sponsored by the and . And it's not too late to sign up!

"No person is born an expert at anything that isn't instinctive. We grow when we get good a being beginners." ✨

This blog is from the heart! As I encourage my client to be comfortable being beginners, this is also a reminder to practice self-compassion as I "get good" at being a new business owner.

What have you learned from being in the beginning stages of something new? What's so great about being a beginner?

Getting Good at Being a Beginner - Tend Counseling and Consulting Aren't we supposed to challenge ourselves in order to grow? Yes! But first we have to get good a being beginners.

Finally! The foundation is laid and Tend Counseling has officially opened its telehealth office doors. Visit tend-counseling.com for more information or reach out directly at [email protected]. Whether you're seeking counseling or looking for a referral for a loved one or client, I'd love to schedule an informational call and answer your questions.