Listen to Understand Family Mediation

Was at gasworks park with John Sullivan yesterday for a three mile walk. Three miles in the world is a lot harder than three miles doing laps around the Auburn super mall, but we did it!

Listen to Understand Family Mediation updated their website address.

This article represents an internal dialogue I've been having as I consider tackling marital mediation.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201307/marriage-arguments-can-all-conflicts-be-resolved #:~:text=Most%20therapists%20agree%20that%20fixing,without%20criticism%2C%20anger%20or%20fighting.&text=Marriage%20researcher%20John%20Gottman%20says,all%20conflicts%20cannot%20be%20resolved.%22

This is a great book - and it's just common sense. The first three principles are (paraphrased) know each other, like each other, turn towards each other.

https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0553447718

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

A guest post I authored and edited back in 2017.

I was thinking about marriage mediation and recalled reading 'most marital disputes can't be resolved' in Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (John Gottman).

I think it's important to understand that agreeing to disagree can be a form of resolution. When we respect and accept that we do things differently we can move through conflict even though we may still disagree.

https://morethanamom.ca/differing-parenting-styles/

Is There Value in Exposing Children to Differing Parenting Styles? | More Than A Mom Rather than being a point of conflict in our marriage, our very different parenting styles and approach with our children more realistically prepare them.

𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧?

• The parents have a shared interest in the well-being of their child(ren)
• You’re modifying an existing plan – they may know what works and doesn't
• Something has changed and helps with setting the agenda

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭?

• There are strong emotions involved
• There are often significant differences in opinions, values, and parenting styles
• The issues are often entangled

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐠𝐨 𝐬𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐥𝐲?

• Understand what matters to them and why? How does this affect their child(ren)
• Learn what matters to their co-parent and why? Can these needs be met without hurting the child(ren)
• Think about the future more than the past

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬?

• Have the flexibility to make the process fit the parents
• Be able to synthesize and find common ground
• Have a calming aura

𝐁𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 https://yaytext.com/bold-italic/