Squeals On Wheels

Live free or die! How better to celebrate your independence than by purchasing some dead rats? This Sunday, July 7th, Squeals On Wheels will be at the Manchester, New Hampshire Reptile expo with the largest selection of frozen feeders in the known and unknown universe.

https://reptileexpo.com/new-england/newhampshire/

Side note: I now offer ice packs for those who are concerned about getting home with their vittles still cold. Just ask at the show.

Don’t wait until our freezers get picked through - pre-ordering is open and waiting to guarantee you get exactly what you need. Risk and hassle free, I always employ the honor system, meaning you don’t pay anything until you actually pick your order up. Just reach out & tell me what you need put aside for you. Done!

You can get hold of me via a message right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thank you, and see you super soon!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

This Sunday, June 23rd, Squeals On Wheels will enhance, enrich, and enthrall all those who attend the Massachusetts Reptile expo in Hanover MA. You heard that correctly. When’s the last time you were enthralled?

https://www.facebook.com/massreptileexpo

Side note: I now offer ice packs for those who are concerned about getting home with their vittles still cold. Just ask at the show.

As always, I’ll be there with the largest selection of shapes and sizes in the northeast. Don’t wait until our freezers get picked through - pre-ordering is open and waiting to guarantee you get exactly what you need. Risk and hassle free, I always employ the honor system, meaning you don’t pay anything until you actually pick your order up. Just reach out and tell me what you want me to put aside for you. And thus it will be done.

Look forward to seeing everyone.

You can get hold of me via a message right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thank you, and see you super soon!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Squeals On Wheels, the self-proclaimed gold standard when it comes to frozen feeders, will OF COURSE be at Hamburg - ahem - Morgantown, for the - ahem - Hamburg Reptile Expo this Saturday, June 8th.

https://www.facebook.com/hamburgreptileshow

And yes, of course risk-free preordering is open and encouraged. Remember, you don’t pay a dime until you actually pick up. All you need to do is reach out and tell me what you’d like to reserve.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.
Thank you thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Double header this weekend for Squeals On Wheels!

Saturday, May 18th I’ll be peddling my frozen wares at the Nassau Reptile Expo in Garden City NY.

https://www.nassaureptileexpo.com/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTAAAR0CAVYRQV_01KvmLGSgu75JAA5aPXKZt9e9QVxDdyGyxxEgjmdVR9U0SWc_aem_AV9EUTkYk_Dg4GNJamsncrocWLch21R5D10WfLCeESOxD_lo_jhP0RPEmwkgv2Bps9AZRuzHFnyD5-CEl1p-koNa

And then just one day later (Sunday May 19th) a repeat performance at one of the finest shows along my circuit, the Capital District Reptile Expo in Albany NY.

https://www.facebook.com/CapitalDistrictReptileExpo

Be there or be square. Or any other shape that suits you.

Risk-free preordering is open and always recommended. All you need to do is reach out and tell me what you’d like to reserve. Pay only when you pick up.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.

Thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Squeals On Wheels most recent reviews are in:

"Proof the customer is never, ever right." - Washington Post

"when an ill-conceived premise leads to even more jaw-droppingly misguided ex*****on." - Nathan Rabin

"I actually watched him sell cheese to a dead rat." - Siskel

I'll be continuing to amaze and enthrall this weekend at the New England Reptile expo in Manchester New Hampshire this Sunday, May 5th.

https://www.facebook.com/events/1098496774903044/?acontext=%7B%22event_action_history%22%3A[%7B%22surface%22%3A%22home%22%7D%2C%7B%22mechanism%22%3A%22search_results%22%2C%22surface%22%3A%22search%22%7D]%2C%22ref_notif_type%22%3Anull%7D

Risk-free preordering is open and highly recommended given how busy this show tends to be. All you need to do is reach out and tell me what you’d like to reserve.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.
Thank you thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

I had a rough childhood. Everyone made fun of my bike. Kids can be cruel. Come to Rhode Island this weekend for the Show Me Reptiles expo on Sunday, April 28th so I can make fun of your kids bike too. You can pick up feeders while you're there.

https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=show%20me%20reptiles%20rhode%20island

Feel free to preorder to guarantee you get what you need. Remember, you don’t pay a dime until you actually pick up.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.
Thank you thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Don't gamble when it comes to your pet's nutrition! Squeals on Wheels continues to march through April (see what I just did there???).

White Plains this Sunday, April 21st.

https://www.facebook.com/reptileexposition/

This is typically a busy show. Risk-free preordering is open and highly recommended to ensure you get what you need. Remember, you don’t pay a dime until you actually pick up. All you need to do is reach out and tell me what you’d like to reserve.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.
Thank you thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Feels like we were JUST at the Hamburg show, in Morgantown. But according to Einstein's theory of hypersensitivity, time speeds up if tickled with a feather. Thus here we go again. This Saturday, April 13th. Squealin' and Wheelin' I shall be.

Risk-free preordering is open and highly recommended to ensure you get what you need. Remember, you don’t pay a dime until you actually pick up. All you need to do is reach out and tell me what you’d like to reserve.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.

Thank you thank you!
https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

A little slow to post, but what do ‘they’ say? Better late than never. Or something like that.

Yes of COURSE I’ll be at the Show Me Reptiles expo this weekend in Derry New Hampshire (Saturday, April 6th). I’ll be climbing into the ratmobile soon. Come stock up!

https://www.facebook.com/events/344420765136384/344420775136383/

If you’ve got any questions, I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.

And as always, a heartfelt thank you.

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

This weekend marks the start of busy season, and we’ll be kicking things off up in Rochester NY for REXPO on Saturday, March 30th.

https://www.facebook.com/events/257567216715767/?active_tab=discussion

Risk-free preordering is open and highly recommended to ensure you get what you need. Remember, you don’t pay a dime until you actually pick up. All you need to do is reach out and tell me what you’d like to reserve.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.
Thank you thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Send a message to learn more

https://www.facebook.com/events/724494689645644/724494699645643/

Squeals On Wheels screeches into Springfield MA this Sunday, March 3rd! Show Me Reptiles has put together a superb event in a great location, so scrap any other plans you may have had and come play.

Risk-free preordering is open and highly recommended to ensure you get what you need. Remember, you don’t pay a dime until you actually pick up. All you need to do is reach out and tell me what you’d like to reserve.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.

Thank you thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Dawn of the new era!

This Saturday, 2/24, Squeals On Wheels is coming to…the Hamburg show? The Morgantown show? The ‘Formerly known as Hamburg show in Morgantown’? The Morganburg Expo in Hamtown? This should be an interesting weekend. For all of those who actually make it to the correct location, I’ll be there swinging a dead rat overhead like panties at an Aerosmith concert.

https://www.facebook.com/events/861382351976609/?acontext=%7B%22event_action_history%22%3A[]%7D

Risk-free preordering is open and highly recommended to ensure you get what you need. Remember, you don’t pay a dime until you actually pick up. All you need to do is reach out and tell me what you’d like to reserve.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thank you thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

As always, my formula is simple. I present to you a squeal. On some kind of wheel.

Speaking of, Squeals On Wheels is Manchester NH bound this Sunday, February 4th! Please come so I'm not lonely.

https://reptileexpo.com/new-england/newhampshire/

Risk-free preordering is open and highly recommended to ensure you get what you need. Remember, you don’t pay a dime until you actually pick up. All you need to do is reach out and tell me what you’d like to reserve.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thank you thank you!

Happy New Year to all! Yes, I've been a lazy b*****d and have been slow to post. For those asking, of course I will be at the White Plains show this weekend. Slinging frozen rats while hollering 'Herc-a-lees...herc-a-lees!!!'

https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=712300737774808&set=a.422123426792542

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WR1UiNdQnDw&t=2s

Preordering is available and recommended to guarantee you get what you need.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.
Thank you thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

End of an era.

One of the longest running reptile expos, the Hamburg Reptile show, wraps up on Saturday after 35 years. Of course Squeals on Wheels will be there to mark the end of an era.

Speaking of eras, below is Pappy Squeals (photo taken in 1894). Founder of Squeals on Wheels. Within the rodent community he is considered the most heinous serial killer in history. He would rise each and every morning to ruthlessly kill scores of rats and mice, all of whom were blood relatives. The numbers of victims were so great he needed his trusty, rusty John Deere tractor just to move the corpses.

Pappy was ruled incompetent to stand trial due to insanity and never served a day in prison. He escaped the psychiatric ward where he was being held in 1917, and has never been seen since. Many believe he might still be alive…

And that is your history lesson of the day.

https://www.facebook.com/events/534220835441332

Preordering for this weekend is available.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thank you thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Squeals On Wheels would like to wish everyone an extra Happy Thanksgiving for the upcoming holiday, while reminding people the best way to burn those extra calories would be to attend the Nassau Reptile Expo this Saturday, November 25th. You'll all be sick of turkey by then, so come buy a dead rat. And then eat it.

And don’t forget the stuffing. Stuffing is important!

https://www.facebook.com/NassauReptileExpo

Preordering is available.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thank you thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Where art thou be-eth this weekend oh ye Squeals On Wheels? Glad you asked!

To avoid any chance of being late I’ve dusted off my private jet and will be scorching the skies at mach-something or other just to bring Westchester NY a heaping portion of chilled rodents this Sunday, November 19th. Who doesn’t love white planes?

https://www.facebook.com/reptileexposition

Preordering is available and recommended to guarantee you get what you need.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.

Thank you thank you!

A little slow posting this week, but of COURSE Squeals On Wheels will be proudly spinning our disco rat overhead at the Manchester New Hampshire expo this Sunday, November 5th. I’ll also have a few gorgeous retics there to boot.

https://www.facebook.com/reptileexposition

Preordering is available.

I can be reached right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thank you thank you!
https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Squeals on Wheels will be at how many shows this weekend? Three?? 3!!! They said it couldn’t be done! Whomever the hell ‘they’ are or is…it sounds good. Allow me some dramatic license.

The trifecta begins on Saturday, October 28th in Rochester NY for Rexpo at the Dome.
https://www.facebook.com/REXPOevents

The rodent rally continues as I travel heroically through the treacherous night in a gluttonous display of omnipresence.

Sunday, October 29th Squeals On Wheels will be at the civic center in Poughkeepsie NY
https://www.facebook.com/reptileexposition

AND

In Hanover Massachusetts, at the Starland Sportsplex.
https://www.facebook.com/massreptileexpo

Preordering will guarantee you get what you need. No need to pay a dime until you actually pick up.

I can be reached via a message right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thanks, and see you this weekend!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Squeals On Wheels is in Hamburg Pennsylvania this Saturday, October 21st. This is amongst the last two of these shows before their big move come 2024. Now that this historically long running expo is changing locations, I can only pray my booth will no longer be directly next to the men’s bathroom. Is it considered irony when the dead rat guy is complaining about the smell?

Feel free to preorder to guarantee you get what you need.

I can be reached via a message right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thanks, and see you this weekend!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Squeals On Wheels will be slaying in Rhode Island this weekend (both Saturday & Sunday, Oct. 14th & 15th) for the latest Show Me Reptiles party. Come and stock up!

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100069749080115

Common questions (real) and answers received at my booth.

Q: Do you sell live?
A: Sorry, only frozen.

Q: Are they dead?
A: No, they’re sleeping. And you’re dumb.

Q: How do you euthanize? I hope it’s humane.
A: Hammer. Dynamite occasionally, when I’m bored.

Q: Do I need to defrost them before I feed them to my ball python?
A: No. As predators from the African continent, they are accustomed to hunting and then gnawing on rock solid, frozen rodents.

Remember, there is no such thing as a stupid question! :P

I can be reached via a message right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thanks, and see you this weekend!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

The fun just never stops.

Squeals On Wheels will be peddling cold, dead things this Sunday, October 1st, while perfecting my Long Island accent. Where you might ask? If you guessed Long Island, you’re getting warmer. And you’re a genius.

https://www.facebook.com/reptileexposition

Please come make my freezers a little easier to push.

Preordering is available. Thanks everyone!

I can be reached via a message right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.

Show Me Reptiles strikes again!

https://www.facebook.com/events/3391175717832060/3391175721165393/

The Squeals On Wheels rig is being dragged to Derry, New Hampshire this Sunday, September 24th. What makes us so special? Unlike some others, my rodents are made using only rodent meat. No artificial colors, imitation fillers, or other animal parts haphazardly glued together. Ever! So you can relax knowing when you purchase a rat, it’s 100% rat. Now THAT’S what I call peace of mind.

Preordering is available.

You can get hold of me via a message right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thank you thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

THIS SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 17TH, SQUEALS ON WHEELS ROLLS INTO ALBANY AS A PROUD SPONSOR OF THE CAPITAL DISTRICT REPTILE EXPO! AS THE EXPO NAME SUGGESTS, I HAVE SMASHED THE CAPITALS KEY, GIVING THE IMPRESSION I AM SHOUTING. WHICH I AM, ONLY VERY QUIETLY, WITH A LISP, AND IN SIGN LANGUAGE. FOR MORE NONSENSE, AND TO STOCK UP ON FROZEN DEAD THINGS, YOU KNOW WHERE TO BE.

https://www.facebook.com/CapitalDistrictReptileExpo

PREORDERING IS AVAILABLE.

YOU CAN GET HOLD OF ME VIA MESSAGE RIGHT HERE ON THIS PAGE, BY EMAILING [email protected], OR BY TEXTING/CALLING908 420 4085. THANK YOU EVERYONE.

Full weekend approaching for Squeals on Wheels. Preordering is highly suggested to guarantee your vittles!

I do have all sizes of guinea pigs in stock, as well as button quail.

Coming up on Saturday, September 9th - The first foray into Massachusetts by the Show Me Reptiles peeps. Looking very forward to this one!

https://www.facebook.com/events/721967142726108?active_tab=about

Immediately following, on Sunday (Sept. 10th) we have Metro New York Reptile Expo, which is so much of a mouthful nobody actually calls it that. Keeping it simple. White Plains!

https://www.facebook.com/events/1331861387735365

You can get hold of me via a message right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thank you thank you!

https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

Squeals On Wheels' next stop is in just over a week…Sunday, August 27th. Very excited to be heading to the Maine Reptile Expo!

https://www.facebook.com/events/6001394883275604?ref=newsfeed

We all know fresh lobster is an inextricable part of Maine’s identity. My ambitious goal - hybridize rodents with this famous crustacean. Imagine the possibilities if successful. No more separation of ‘human food’ from your pet food. Early tests are promising (just have to iron out a few kinks) and I hope to have the first prototypes available for sale at the expo next week.

For now, preordering for all sizes of rats, mice, chicks, quail, guinea pigs, etc. is open and available. Time to stock up.

Why preorder?

1 - Risk free. You do not pay a dime until you actually pick up your order.

2 - You are guaranteed to get what you ask for as long as it is in stock at the time of your order. No concerns about arriving to the show late only to discover we've sold out on the size you need.

3 - Super simple. Basically just tell me what you want, and I'll have it waiting with your name on the bags.

4 - Avoid long wait times when we're busy.

5 - If you are unhappy with any sizes we chose for your preorder, you can simply swap for something more suitable right there at the show.

You can get hold of me via a message right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thank you, and see you super soon!
https://www.facebook.com/squealsonwheelsfrozenfeeders

In lieu of the recent extreme weather and flooding, Squeals On Wheels wishes everyone a safe and DRY weekend. I’ll prove I can walk on water, as long as its frozen, this Sunday, July 16th at the White Plains expo.

https://reptileexpo.com/white-plains/white-plains-expo/

Preordering is available. Thanks everyone!

I can be reached via a message right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.

Few people know the horrific but necessarily violent history behind Squeals On Wheels. Needless to say, the company was instrumental in the fight for independence. Countless frozen rats were thawed on that fateful July 4th morning so that you and I could enjoy the freedoms we too often take for granted. To commemorate, we will be staging an enormous battle reenactment at the reptile expo in Manchester, New Hampshire this Sunday, July 9th.

https://www.facebook.com/reptileexposition

Note…if you found a link stating the event is on Saturday, July 8th, disregard! That is a Google error. The correct date is the 9th.

Preordering is available. Thanks everyone!

I can be reached via a message right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085.

Squeals On Wheels has another dual show weekend rapidly approaching. Saturday, 6/24 we’ll be launching frozen rodents out of a potato gun at the brand new Nassau Reptile Expo in Garden City, NY. We expect this to be a great event, so please join us.

https://www.facebook.com/events/243427301454445/?acontext=%7B%22event_action_history%22%3A[%7B%22surface%22%3A%22home%22%7D%2C%7B%22mechanism%22%3A%22search_results%22%2C%22surface%22%3A%22search%22%7D]%2C%22ref_notif_type%22%3Anull%7D

Then on Sunday we’re supporting one of our fav organizations, the New England Herpetological Society as it hosts the Massachusetts Reptile Expo in Hanover. Come get yer vittles!

https://www.facebook.com/massreptileexpo

I can be reached via a message right here on this page, by emailing [email protected], or by texting/calling 908 420 4085. Thank you all!

P.S. I lost my pet rabbit. Easy to recognize (missing one arm).
Reward offered for safe return.

P.S.S. Despite looking cuddly, terrible around children. Keep them very far away.