Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D., Los Angeles Health Psychologist

Getting unstuck from the pain - we want to work on moving you through that pain. That does involve talking about it, maybe not to somebody else right now, but to yourself.

There are a bunch of exercises in the book where I have broken down specific processes that are aligned with goals that are designed to move you forward. Some of them are more difficult than others. Some of them are pretty quick to do and will be easy to do. Others you're really going to have to think about.

Regardless, it will help move you through your grief. It will help you develop a better life.

The net result of all of this is that you will have a richer, more fulfilling life. One that really is full of things that make you happy.

To purchase or review "Moving Through Grief: Proven Techniques for Finding Your Way After Any Loss" now, check it out here: https://amzn.to/33Y5CRl

This book will show you how to get you back to living the full, rich life that you deserve.

You'll learn to develop psychological flexibility—a different way of thinking about who or what you've lost and about what is possible in the future.

Once you learn it, you will become better able to adapt to difficult and painful situations.

There's an old saying that "Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional."

It's true: You can't erase pain, but you can change how you relate to it.

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Reconnecting with what matters - defining your values, the things that are important to you and your life.

Following your inner compass - not listening to what other people say you should do, where you should be in the process of grieving, what you should be doing afterwards, or what you should be looking forward to. It's purely about what you think and want.

Coming to terms with your pain - we do that through something called acceptance. And acceptance doesn't mean that you say, okay, fine, I got it, it's good, I'm going on, but then you're really secretly miserable and hating life.

What it means is that you are accepting the duality of life and of death and of loss and of grief and of gain.

Everything has a flip side and you can switch your perspective on it from the negative to the positive by simply saying, "I may not like this and I'm going to accept it."

For additional support, check out more about the services I provide regarding grief and loss at www.drgretchenkubacky.com/services/grief-loss/

Life is really hard. Yeah, we all know that, right? And that life is full of ups and downs and that we have the ability to both focus on the negative and focus on the positive.

Naturally what our mind does, especially when there's sadness or grief involved, is we tend to amplify what is more difficult, more negative. We see the world in dark terms, we think of ourselves in dark terms, we think that there's no hope for the future, and that we will never be able to get on with our lives.

This book is totally about doing the exact opposite thing.

Click the link below to connect directly with Dr. Gretchen Kubacky:

www.drgretchenkubacky.com/contact/

Whether acute or prolonged, both chronic and terminal illnesses can result in innumerable losses.

You lose not only your health, but also your sense of safety, peace, and happiness.

In a way, you lose the ability to relax—to not think about your body.

You may lose friends who can't handle your illness or face your death.

You may lose your financial security or your ability to live independently.

You may lose toes to amputation, hair to chemotherapy, or breasts to surgery.

A serious mental health diagnosis may leave you feeling like you've "lost your mind."

I want to walk you through the process of creating a list of your personal values, not anybody else's values.

So not the church, not your parents, not your spouse, not your kids, not your friends, not your neighbors - your values. And from there. I also want to walk you through preparing some goals that we can break down into really simple steps that you can do.

You keep repeating them and you keep repeating them and you know they're valuable because they're tied to your values, not somebody else's values.

To purchase or review "Moving Through Grief: Proven Techniques for Finding Your Way After Any Loss" now, check it out here: https://amzn.to/33Y5CRl

You might find that your values change because you have...
..Found a romantic partner
..Gotten married
..Started a family and all of a sudden that becomes much more important
..Something happened with your health where you had a miraculous healing and all of a sudden your spirituality feels like something that is more important to you than what it used to be.

So identifying your values is important to getting through your grief and working with your grief because if you don't have some guideposts, you're just going to be flailing around.

For additional support, check out more about the services I provide regarding grief and loss at www.drgretchenkubacky.com/services/grief-loss/

Disability or loss of ability can be visible or invisible, physical or psychological.

Chronic illness can be depleting, leaving you with little energy or interest to engage with friends.

Anxiety may make you scared to leave the house, particularly if you have balance and stability problems or need to take medication before you eat.

We're going to start by reconnecting you with your personal goals and values—the things that you were committed to before your loss.

Once you have an idea of what you want, you can begin focusing on the people and activities that bring you happiness.

Eventually, these "joy points" diminish the pain.

Some losses don't just end sharply and quickly, sometimes they go on for a long time.

For example, like when you're losing someone to Alzheimer's or when there is another sort of illness that's involved. Or, maybe it's something where your company is shrinking and downsizing and you see a lay off ahead - there's many, many series and steps to the loss.

You might notice that during this time your values might be changing as you go through your grief.

Click the link below to connect directly with Dr. Gretchen Kubacky:

www.drgretchenkubacky.com/contact/

When most people think of grief, they think of deep sorrow over the death of a loved one.

But you might experience grief from the loss of a job or a home or from cumulative losses like the loss of health through chronic illness or the loss of your time and youth.

Sometimes, we grieve our hopes or fantasies—a friendship that never developed, a romance that never went past the third date, or a project that never came to fruition.

Loss comes in many forms, impacting all of us to one degree or another.

What are some ways that have helped you cope with grief in your life?

We tend to make bad decisions or no decisions when we're feeling overwhelmed by our feelings. When you have grief, you probably have got a lot of feelings all the time and most of them don't feel very manageable.

But, when you step back, get a little bit curious about them, and then start to work with them, just as a little bits of information, just data points, right?

For example, what if you weighed yourself and didn't have an emotional reaction to the number on the scale, but just looked at it, put it on a graph and say, "Oh, that's interesting. I gained three quarters of a pound today. Oh, that's interesting. I lost two pounds." Imagine how different that would feel!

Well, this is the same thing. This is what we do with diffusion when we're working on our grief issues through the lens of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

To purchase or review "Moving Through Grief: Proven Techniques for Finding Your Way After Any Loss" now, check it out here: https://amzn.to/33Y5CRl

This book is not a miracle cure for grief; nothing is.

Rather, it contains an actionable and effective step-by-step plan for relieving grief and sadness, regardless of the cause.

This plan is based on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and it will help you both accept the reality of post–loss life and develop a healthier context for it.

Your loss will become a part of your life, not something that takes all of your energy.

www.drgretchenkubacky.com

So, diffusion is a fancy term for watching your thinking. What that means is that you step back a little bit from what you're thinking.

So imagine all your thoughts are happening up way up and away from you, like up in the sky...that 360 degrees sort of moving around, sort of considering looking as if you're observing someone else.

Not that you're in your head. Why?

Because inside your head is probably a jumbled mess right now. If you're dealing with grieving...
..you've been feeling overwhelmed,
..you've been confused,
..you've been incredibly sad, and
..perhaps hopeless and struggling to take action.

You don't know which way is up and you don't want to do anything and that's not working.

Diffusion is simply stepping back and looking at things from the outside, which is to say, you stop believing that all of your thoughts are true.

For additional support, check out more about the services I provide regarding grief and loss at www.drgretchenkubacky.com/services/grief-loss/

Diffusion is stepping back and looking at things from the outside, which is to say:

You stop believing that all of your thoughts are true.

You stop accepting everything everyone else tells you as true.

Click the link below to connect directly with Dr. Gretchen Kubacky:

www.drgretchenkubacky.com/contact/

The death of (or estrangement from) your spouse or partner, a family member, or a dear friend or colleague is probably one of the hardest types of loss to deal with because our relationships define our lives.

Loss of a close friend can feel just as painful as the loss of a family member.

Loss of a colleague who was a mentor can leave us feeling rudderless.

For many, the death of a beloved pet is even more profound than the loss of a human companion.

So your values might include things like family and good mental health. By going to a family gathering, say you have dinner once a week together on Sunday nights, you will be furthering the goals of good mental health as well as social connection and family time.

That means that even when you don't feel like doing it, you're doing something good for yourself.

What you're noticing mind may do or say is something to simply be curious about.

Your mind may be saying all sorts of terrible things like: "This is going to be a mess. It's going to be horrible. You're going to be sad. You're going to cry. It's going to be awful. You're going to hate it. You're going to regret going."

Notice how your brain is getting really, really worked up over what might actually prove to be nothing or what might prove to be good, but in any case is moving you toward your valued quality of life?

To purchase or review "Moving Through Grief: Proven Techniques for Finding Your Way After Any Loss" now, check it out here: https://amzn.to/33Y5CRl