Love 101

Looking back, I am witnessing my own interrogation of my context. As I re-read the justifications for evading the truth, I am reminded that much of what we call love isn’t! Our minds may tell us that facing the truth will lead to a disastrous end, but gently remind yourself of this truth, truth is the pathway to freedom.

Love Letter #11: Love Speaks Truth

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John‬ ‭8:32‬)

“I am the way and the truth and the life.”
‭‭(John‬ ‭14:6‬)

Today’s Love Note: Love Speaks Truth

Why do we fear truth when it makes us free? Why do we lie? We lie because we don’t want to hurt others, for self preservation or to protect our own interests, to manipulate and control others, to project a desired image of ourselves, for fear of shame, rejection, being judged or that we won’t be accepted. We lie because we fear we aren’t enough.

While we believe speaking the truth would be too painful, hiding the truth is even more painful because it violates our beloved’s freedom to make their own choices. Lying destroys what we want most in relationships: trust and “an authentic connection and bond with another human being.” (Jennice Vilhauer Ph.D.)

Secrets are destructive. “When we find the courage to confess our secrets, there is nothing to hinder our lives or our love. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. When a problem is hidden, there’s nothing you can do to fix it. Once it’s out in the open, the healing process can finally begin.” (Dave Willis)

Scripture urges us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians‬ ‭4:15) because “love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” (1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:6‬) As it says in the Gnostic gospel of Thomas, “If you do not bring forth the truth of your heart, how can you give the gifts you were born to give?”

Telling the truth, just like Love, is a practice. Dr. Vilhauer offers this advice. “Next time you are tempted to lie, instead tell the truth about why you want to lie: “I’m really afraid you will be upset with me, but here is what happened... Telling the truth can have the opposite effect of lying. Instead of creating distance and inauthenticity, it creates trust and bonding,”.

Father, sanctify our relationships by the truth; Your Word is truth. (John 17:17).

Love Letter #10: Love is Miraculous

I'm looking for a miracle,
expect the impossible,
feel the intangible, see the invisible.
The Clark Sisters

Signs, wonders, works supernatural power, miracles. Chronicled throughout the New Testament, the miracles of Jesus demonstrate the power of God working through him. From turning water into wine at Cana to multiplying a little boys lunch to feed the multitudes, Jesus demonstrates God’s concern and involvement with God’s people.

“The real miracle is the love that inspires them” says A Course in Miracles. God’s love is working through us even today. We are God’s hands and feet in the earth realm. A miracle is “the maximal service you can render to another. It is a way of loving your neighbor as yourself. “ (ACIM)

I pray you submit yourself to God’s use. You might be the vessel for someone’s miracle. 🙏🏽

Love > Shame

“Feel felt, not shamed.”

Love is greater than shame…
Sit with that. What shame do you need to be liberated from? What shame can your love liberate someone else from?
May we possess the courage to allow ourselves to be felt, seen and known in community.

🫶🏽

Donny and I alluded to this quote during Remembering Dr. Howard Thurman on The Call to Love Experience but his actual articulation is worthy of its own post! 🫶🏽

“What had I learned about love? One of the central things was that the experience of being understood by another was a primary importance. Somewhere deep within was a “place” beyond all faults and virtues that had to be confirmed before I could run the risk of opening my life to another. To find ultimate security in an ultimate vulnerability, this is to be loved.”

Howard Thurman

Three decade old love expansive enough to envelop me and my daughter is especially life giving. Grateful for the love of sisterhood 🙏🏽💕💚

A Dedication To Love, A Dedication To Sisterhood

Love is proud, not bashful
Sisterhood is uplifting, not tearing down

Love is expressive, not quiet
Sisterhood is constructive, not critical

Love is a feeling, a glorious feeling that should be shared by all
But when that love is shared with Sisters, it takes on a different meaning

It's happier and its sadness makes you cry
It makes you laugh louder than ever before
A Sister's love is genuine

They look at God's Earth and I respect their eyes
I see what my Sisters see

They stand on God's ground and I respect their being
They stand tall and walk proud with heads held high

Nothing can compare to a Sister's love
It should always be treasured

God granted me one natural sister
And guided me into a sisterhood of many

With such dedication to love and such dedication to sisterhood
I give my all and get my strength from my Sisters

To this Sisterhood, I dedicate my love.

-Natalie Valentine Adams

“Some people don’t understand or know how to receive good relationships.”

Whew! This has been a major love lesson. When I figured this out I embraced the power of letting go. It is the most liberating gift for me and for them. 🙏🏽

Love Letter #7: Love Receives, Gives & Receives Again and Again

“Why are you bothering the woman? She has done a good thing to Me.”
‭‭MATTHEW‬ ‭26:10‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Love humbly receives love. Matthew 26:7-13 tells the story of the woman with the alabaster box who anoints Jesus with expensive perfume. While she couldn’t have known the significance of her act, it was an outward expression of love and devotion that Jesus graciously received. He accepted it without objection.
His response caused me examine how I love. Do I accept others love however they can give it without objection? Can I embrace it, allowing myself to receive it?
Here’s what I know about receiving love.
“Some people don't understand or know how to receive good relationships.” (Dr.Van Moody)
“With biblical love, others are the recipients as we receive and then share the selfless love that God has given us.”(Dr.Michael Youssef)
We give love because it feels authentic to us. And we can receive it because somebody simply wants to give it. Giving without expectation and receiving love, an infinite cycle.
Dear God let me know Your Love
Abide in Your love
Live Your Love
Give Your Love

I just listened to last night’s Season 2 Finale on my walk, and it was incredible! In this episode, I share the origin story of The Call to Love Experience, and the conversation truly highlights why it was created. The inspiration and invitations for spiritual growth in my discussions with brilliant friends are beautifully powerful gifts that needed to be shared and accessible to everyone.

ENJOY this journey into the wisdom of Dr. Howard Thurman through the reflections of and Dr. Donny Bryant!

Love Letter #6: Love Empathizes

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:15‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Do you ever get intimated by the fact that you serve a God who is perfect? Does it make you feel like it’s hard to measure up to God’s standard, your own or others? Thankfully having walked on this planet, Jesus knows exactly what it is to be human. He empathizes with our struggles, emotions, temptations and challenges. He experienced it all, navigated it successfully without sin and therefore His life is the perfect example of how to live. It is because of this that we can come to Him with everything in confidence and without fear to receive mercy for our failures and His amazing grace in our time of need. (HEBREWS‬ ‭4:16‬).
And so it is with Love. Love empathizes. Love understands without judgement. You are never alone.

THIS is how I endeavor to love which has led to some prickly conversations since I wrote it in 2019. I am learning that when we have a posture of growth that is personal/private instead of operating within the trusted intimacy and interdependence of relationships it creates tension and resistance.

In each of the encounters I could have chosen to quit and abandon the relationship because of the harsh, unloving response and pushback I received. Instead I chose to hold myself accountable by examining my approach, taking ownership, repairing, and recovering as needed, and establishing boundaries. I chose to love them with discernment and grace.

I have experienced how difficult it is to love like THIS in practice. Nevertheless, I commit to my practice. It is honest and sacred. (Sims)

May we grow to trust, love, and learn in the presence of another 🙏🏽

Love Letter #5: Love Teaches

“In a more evolved world, one a little more alive to the Greek ideal of love, we would perhaps know to be a bit less clumsy, scared, and aggressive when wanting to point something out, and rather less combative and sensitive when receiving feedback. The concept of education within a relationship would thus lose some of its unnecessarily eerie and negative connotations. We would accept that in responsible hands, both projects—teaching and being taught, calling attention to another’s faults, and letting ourselves be critiqued—might after all be loyal to the true purpose of love.” Alain de Botton

Covering blind spots, mirrors, accountability partners, iron sharpening iron. These are all the things great relationships are made of IF we are willing to lovingly offer AND receive teaching. Feedback is indeed a gift, providing an opportunity for growth and change. But some lessons are hard to receive. The vulnerability required to be receptive can be discomforting, but if we trust that the motivation is love and the cultivation of our inner being, we will benefit from the stretching.
While it’s futile to think we can change people, love builds up and friendship itself “is the commitment to help form the character in others. This is not to be feared but embraced, even when it hurts!” (seekthisjesus.com)
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,”‭‭(James‬ ‭1:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬). Let’s lean in to love’s teaching. Our spiritual growth depends on it.

Love Letter #3: Love Resurrects

“Your daughter is dead...Then Jesus took her by the hand and said in a loud voice, “My child, get up!” And at that moment her life returned.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭8:49‬,54-55 NLT‬‬

In Luke 8 we meet Jarus, who’s daughter has just died. A powerful pattern is revealed here. First, Jarus went to Jesus with an intention; healing for his daughter. Then Jesus gave him two important pieces of instruction: don’t be afraid (1 John 4:18) and have faith (Hebrews 11:1). The last critical element was His Word. Jesus took her hand, spoke and she awoke.
What dead things in your life do you need the Savior to restore? Is it a struggling marriage, a broken relationship with a loved one, a hardened heart or a soul in desperate need of renewal or awakening?
May Jarus’ example inspire you. Come to Jesus with intention, release your fear, believe and let Him speak life into your dead situation through His Word and be REVIVED. I know this to be true, because He resurrected me.
,

This conversation with Amy Lynn Durham ✨ is delightful!! 🎙️I LOVE being in conversation with other change makers! It’s comforting knowing that you aren’t alone on this culture transformation journey! We learn from each other and find inspiration to keep going!

Raise your hand 🙋🏽 in the chat if you’re a change agent! Check out the podcast and drop your question in the chat for me about leading with love at work!

How to practice love NOW: Be light in the darkness

“For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ. We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:6-10‬ ‭

We’ve reached the FINALE of Season 2: The Love Practitioner Series! This time, we honor one of my greatest spiritual teachers, Dr. Howard Thurman. As a spiritual advisor to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and former dean of chapels at Howard University and Boston University, he’s one of the most influential theologians and contemplatives you might not know about!

I’m excited to be joined by two incredible scholars who have guided me in understanding Dr. Thurman’s work:
of , and Rev. Dr. Donny Bryant of The Cosmic We.

Join us for The Call to Love Experience LIVE on Thursday, June 20th at 7pm ET. Tune in to on Facebook, YouTube, or Instagram (Links in bio). Looking forward to seeing you there!

“Use your freedom to serve one another in love.”
How was that scripture showing up in your life?

“A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others.”
Brene Brown

We are called to love. While it is a basic need, we often fail to love well. As Thich Nhat Hanh says, “To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love. “ Thankfully Love is a practice. Let us be mindful to take good care of each other and ourselves in the process, being courteously reverent to one another.” (Ephesians‬ ‭5:21‬ ‭MSG‬‬)

Last Year’s Reflection 6/14/23
I saw this scripture with a new heart today. Deep gratitude for the love of friendship even in the presence of its death and the acceptance that we might never experience something that special again. It is a gift to be cherished. Amen 🙏🏽

Today’s Reflection 6/14/24
I couldn’t know then that 1 month and 2 days later this would be my story. I can see now that reflection set the tone and established my posture for the greatest loss of my life. I am in awe of God being so attentive to me and preparing for the grief that was coming.

“O my dear brother Jonathan, I’m crushed by your death. Your friendship was a miracle-wonder, love far exceeding anything I’ve known— or ever hope to know.”
‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭1:26‬ ‭MSG‬‬

What do we learn about love and friendship when we examine the biblical example of Jonathan and David? True friendship is: loyalty, commitment, a spiritual bond, mutual affection, willing submission, self sacrifice, fiercely protective, unwaveringly supportive through difficulty, transparent and emotionally honest to say the least.
May they serve as a blueprint of true friendship inspiring us to love others as we love ourselves.

“Sweet friendships refresh the soul and awaken our hearts with joy, for good friends are like the anointing oil that yields the fragrant incense of God’s presence.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27:9‬ ‭TPT‬‬

The POWER of good friends🙌🏽. Grateful that through our sweet friendships our souls are renewed and it’s like experiencing the very presence of God! Just like in the early days of the church (Acts 4), as we mindfully cultivate more sweet friendships, may we create a web of love that brings joy and the anointing of the Holy Spirit everywhere we go🙏🏽

“The heart is that place in us where our heart and God's heart is one heart. See, the realm of the heart is this unitive love, of non-distinction between ourself and God in love.”
James Finley

The most beautifulest thing I’ve heard today 🫶🏽

A pilgrim exploring The Way of the Pilgrim with James Finley.

“We don’t grow in isolation; we grow in community.” A. R. Bernard

Paraphrasing Jungian scholar, J. Pittman McGehee from, The Paradox of Love, friendship is a long conversation about getting to know one another. It requires INTIMACY, self-disclosure in the face of one whose love and relationship you value, VULNERABILITY, sharing feelings, fears, failures, hopes and dreams, and a WILLINGNESS to know and be known. Friends are those who can be guides, mentors, companions or mirrors drawing us out to become the person we were called to be; a process of individuation that cannot be done in isolation.

Friendship is a sacred thing 🙏🏽

Friendship may be the most undervalued kind of love in our culture. Friends are our family of choice. We’re not talking casual Facebook friends; but those relationships we develop over time. Companions with whom we share our thoughts and words; somebody who knows and cares about you. Friendship is a sacred thing.

“Genuine, healthy, deep, meaningful relationships are based on honesty ... All of us have blind spots. Do you have anybody in your life who loves you enough to point them out? Do you have anybody in your life who loves you enough to hold you accountable and makes you grow?”
Rick Warren

“Recognizing the light and dark in our shared humanity, we commit to practicing loving kindness with ourselves and others in the face of suffering.” Brene Brown

The theme of my morning meditation was Metta: loving kindness extended first to ourselves then outward to others. That led me to reflect on the 25+ times loving kindness appears in scripture as a characteristic of God’s love towards God’s children. If God extended loving kindness to us, shouldn’t we do the same for ourselves and our neighbor? So let’s add Metta to our love practice:

May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe. May I be at peace.
May you be happy. May you be well. May you be safe. May you be at peace.

Thank you 🙏🏽

“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.”

“Watch the way you talk... Say only what helps, each word a gift.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭MSG‬‬
Words have the power to create or destroy, heal or hurt, build up or tear down. Consider the impact of the words spoken to you and those you’ve said. Are there some left unspoken that you wish you said and others you regret?
As we cultivate our love practice may we be ever mindful of how we speak to one another. Speak LOVE. Speak LIFE.

And women too.

Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing.
-Jesus

offers these profound words that serve as a gut check and benchmark for inner healing and growth:
“Forgiveness is not complete if you are still looking at them as if they were the same person from long ago.”

May our hearts be filled with compassionate grace, our minds illuminated with wisdom and discernment and our will strengthened to love, even if safest from a distance.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:31-32‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Love is kind, compassionate, gentle, tenderhearted and forgiving. The scripture instructs that is how to love one another. We are warned against bitterness, anger, fault finding, animosity, slander, spitefulness and strife. But how often do we succumb to those behaviors? How quickly do we malign people with our words or judge them harshly to elevate ourselves and eliminate them as competition? Are we harboring resentment toward others from the past, holding grudges or refusing to forgive?

Contrary to popular belief, kindness is not a sign of weakness, it actually requires great strength. Being kind in the midst of difficulty also requires discipline and composure to return to center and come back to oneself when we could more easily react, lose control and become undone. To be kind requires empathy and is a sign of emotional intelligence.

After all isn’t that what we all want; someone to be kind to us? Be that kindness. As we cultivate our love practice today let us soften our approach with our neighbor aiming to be a little kinder than necessary.

What wondrous harmony and tone does the musician of love possess; The spirit of whatever song he creates traces a path to an abode of refuge. May the world be never empty of the lamentation of lovers, For how melodious and exhilarating a sound it does possess.
HAFIZ

Love is a practice of beginning again and again.

Scripture provides instruction on how we are to love one another. In Philippians 2, Paul sets the bar really high challenging us to “have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had”(verse 5). We are to be humble, not conceited or selfish. We are to agree wholeheartedly, working with one mind and purpose and look out for each other’s interests as we love.
How do your interactions with others measure up? Who fails miserably? I do🙋🏽‍♂️. Remember God’s power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). We don’t have to be perfect. I pray you as you meditate on these words and endeavor to put them into practice that you find the inner strength to make a little adjustment each day.