Wacky Life, Thoughts or Advice

Things have been chaotic around here, the last few days. My husband had to have knee surgery and while we were at the hospital, one of the kids broke their ankle! The chaos and change in routines and attention, has my spectrum daughter off kilter so there's been some bad behavior and a few meltdowns to deal with. Alrighty life, let's calm things back down please. I just wanted to let my followers know I'm a little busy, at the moment. I'll be back with all my words of wisdom and healing, as soon as I can!

Attachment disorder and how it effects:

Your Home: You have a hard time letting go of things. Your home life is cluttered and messy but you rarely are part of the process of decluttering and organizing. You often put the responsibility off on others and even blame others for the entirety of the mess but have done little, to nothing, to help get things where they need to be or toss your unneeded items, to make more room. You're often gone from home.

Your Life: Your life is busy chaos. You keep yourself busy in an attempt to avoid all the situations you've put yourself in. You've spread yourself thin, trying to maintain your busy schedule, with all your attachments. You go to everybody rather than having them come to you. During holidays, it's possible you will find yourself making the rounds and visiting several homes. Your attachment disorder makes you feel obligated to spend time in homes where you don't really belong or with people you don't really like.

The People: You can't let go of anybody. Your life and social media are full of people you don't like and some you don't even know. It's just as cluttered as your life and home. You most likely maintain a connection with every ex. Those you aren't connected with, most likely unfriended you and not the other way around. Your attachment disorder can often give you imagined feelings, for a person of your past, during times of high stress and/or confusion. Do not succumb to these "feelings". Those situations never end well. Your attachment disorder is a contributing factor to a few, or many other things, that prevent you from seeing a true reality. Even when you know somebody isn't good for you, you stay attached. The attachment disorder and other contributing factors, prevent you from recognizing or accepting toxic dangers, involved with these people, from your past. This delusionary field can also prevent you from recognizing when others are trying to help you from yourself.

Let's stop normalizing the acceptance of flaws! Flaws are not what make us who we are. They are the not so good parts of us, that need fixed. Stop telling people to accept you as you are. Stop telling people that you'll never change for anyone. That's toxic. Nobody is trying to get you to change YOU! Learn to take constructive criticism; to not get defensive when your loved one is trying to point out something they would like you to work on. Stop being so lazy. You should always work on bettering yourself, as nobody is perfect and we all need work. Self awareness is not something you see, often, anymore. We NEED people who are willing to give us some tough love and help guide us to a better existence for ourselves and our loved ones.

Today is the day you open your eyes to the realization that you are worthy. All life takes is effort and the determination to not give up when your efforts fail. If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. If something isn't working, take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Take another approach. Life is full of mistakes and failures but those mistakes and failures are full of lessons. Learn and grow.

I will not tolerate people laughing at anything I post. This page is for understanding and healing. Not hurting.

You Never Look Good Trying To Make Someone Else Look Bad “You never look good trying to make someone else look bad.”

Narcissism: how to tell if you're with a narcissist. You should be able to know a narcissist, from the beginning of the relationship. It's a term referred to as "love bombing". They are attentive, give you lots of attention and can't wait to tell you how much they love you. Essentially, they spoil you with their love and that's how they lure you in. After awhile, they start blaming you for everything. They break your boundaries yet accuse you of breaking theirs. They mentally abuse you yet accuse you of mentally abusing them. Painfully, a narcissist isn't always aware of their narcissism and some may even have short periods of time, where they try to act better because they need you. When they no longer need you, usually because they've found other options or you have nothing left for them, then they will move on to their next victim.

People often ask themselves, "Am I with a narcissist?" How was that person, in the beginning of your relationship? Did they shower you with love bombing, like a narcissist? Or, were they slightly guarded and standoffish? Did they go out with friends, without you? Spend time with family, where you would sometimes go a couple hours without hearing from them? Did they want to move things slowly? Now ask yourself this, which one were you, in the beginning of your relationship? Are you in the middle or end of a relationship and find yourself trying to blame the other for how you act and treat them? Are you accusing them of breaking your boundaries or mentally abusing you? Are you regularly seeing them in a negative way? Ask yourself this, as well. Which one of you has been fighting to work out issues and save the relationship? That is not the action of a narcissist.

Be careful with the man who's damaged from past relationships. He went too long never feeling appreciated, valued, respected or loved. He was constantly torn apart and brought down by the women he loved and gave his all to. Chances are, he won't give you his best but he'll feel like he is. He might not even realize he's so guarded or hurting you as he's been hurt. Be cautious when approaching him with your boundaries or relationship concerns. He will see this as an attack. He will feel like you're emasculating him. He'll feel like you don't think he's good enough. He may even accuse you of mental abuse because he's so use to this being the kind of treatment he receives. He will not be able to see that you're not attacking him and just trying to work out a healthy relationship. He will hurt you because he believes you are hurting him. You both need to figure out a way to communicate, which works for both of you. If you can do this, most likely with the help of couples counseling, it'll most likely be the best relationship for both of you.

When you are calling somebody out, be mindful of the term "you're going to believe what you want to believe". This is a gaslighting, manipulative, reverse psychology way of getting you to think maybe they're telling the truth. This isn't to be confused with "believe what you want" as that term generally comes from somebody who's tired of trying to prove themself.

On the opposite side of things, when approached with somebody who is calling somebody else out, be open to the one who is relentless with it. If you find yourself dealing with somebody who doesn't give up and is continuously trying to get you to see something, they are genuinely trying to point you in the right direction. They are adamantly trying to get you to see the real truth. If you're trying to align stories, between two different parties, watch their behaviors. The one in the wrong might say things like "I've thought that but didn't say it" and"I want to but haven't done it". The most important term would be, "I'll just start doing whatever I'm being accused of". That is a sure fire way to know, without a doubt, that person is already doing what they're being accused of. They know they might not be able to keep it contained, for long, so they want you to believe it'll be the accusers fault, even though they've already been doing what they're accused of. If the accused has ever, at any time, told you that the accuser is "crazy", or a synonym, they are gaslighting you. They are manipulating you into believing there's something wrong with the accuser. In an attempt to discredit the accuser and prove their claims of "craziness", they may also antagonize the accuser, in order to make their behavior seem erratic or "crazy". I know many of you deal with these kinds of situations because, unfortunately, that's just what you attract. That's why I wanted to give you some psychology on the subject.

Do you remember all the cheaters, abusers, liars and manipulators that you attracted, in the past? Now you're finding yourself being attracted to them and purposely turn a blind eye to the red flags being screamed at you! Why is that? Studies show with victims of previous mental abuse, when they finally have a real shot at something good, are 78% more likely to mess it up. Having done so, rather than trying to rectify the situation, they will see themselves as undeserving and go digging through the past in an attempt to move forward. Typically with somebody they've continued a connection with because of their mental trauma and that person's manipulative abilities and charm. Possibly with more than 1 person, from their past. You do deserve better and it's time to cut ties because you're on a dangerous path. Never turn to the past while trying to move forward. Always try to correct your present mistakes. Leave the past where it lies because the past lies. The past is cheating you, mentally abusing you, lying to you and manipulating you. If you must move forward, from your present, then do so alone, with no attachments and connections, from your past.

Loyalty and honesty go hand in hand. If you know somebody is being dishonest, then you know they won't be loyal. If you know somebody is very loyal, then you can rest assured that they are also honest. For deceitful people, their loyalty will only go as far as what they say to your face or to others they know you might speak with. Many will seek to destroy your other relationships because their loyalty only goes as far as your attention, to them.

She looked around. She remembered what his life was like before he brought her into it. She looked at all she had done, to make his life better, easier, cleaner and less stressful. She was satisfied in knowing the truth, herself and knowing that a few, sound minded witnesses, knew it as well. She was never the problem but opening his eyes to the real problem, meant he would have to accept that he had failed, in so many ways and he just couldn't let himself address that If he wanted to make her out to be the bad guy, act like she had never done a thing for him and only added to his stress, that was on him. He was toxic and as soon as he'd used her all up, he dropped her and searched for his next victim who bought all his lines and spoils him, just the same as she who came before her.

How to tell the difference between the healthy mind and the toxic mind; the difference between the victim of gaslighting and the one doing the gaslighting:

The toxic one will be the one who wants to make sure that very certain people, are told about how "bad" things were and how "mentally abusive" their former partner was. Usually with their family, as well as a new or old love interest. Whereas, the healthy one is the one who is left questioning themselves. They are questioning their sanity, their actions, their memories and even seeking out witnesses, to see if their memory of certain events, align. They have difficulty concentrating on anything other than trying to figure everything out. They are the ones who might seek out help, through counseling. Chances are, their behavior may even seem erratic and obsessive, making them appear crazy. The mental abuse they've endured, through gaslighting, has them feeling like they're going crazy. Those close to them, need to know, they aren't crazy and have a firm grasp on reality. Unfortunately, this person will now need to work on healing themselves, hopefully through counseling, in order to carry on, in a healthy way. Leaving things as they are, will leave them vulnerable to more, even worse, abuse, taking to the first person who treats them with kindness and value. All the while, the toxic one has continued on with their life. Keeping busy, trying to enjoy life and time with their family and maybe even already working on building connections with their next victim. How else can you see them? As their subconscious mind knows the truth and eats away at them, they will tend to keep themselves very busy, in an attempt to keep from having the opportunity for reflection. They often turn to drugs or alcohol; the only way they can live with themselves and the toxic things they've done.

Hey all! Can you please share my posts and invite your friends? I would love to be able to reach new people! Thanks in advance.

Be wary of that filtered life. I don't just mean the person who never posts pics where they aren't filtered and wearing gobs of makeup. What I mean is, you can know somebody for 5, 10, 20+ years but never really know them. Until you've lived with somebody, all you'll know is the filtered version they want you to believe. You will not know the true mess of them and who they are. If they have a desire for you, they will always put their best foot forward. To be perfectly frank, when it comes to relationships, the best way to know a person you're dating, is when you date somebody who wasn't attracted to you, didn't desire you and wasn't sure if they even liked you. That is the person who is showing the true side of themselves because they don't care what you think of them and aren't trying to gain your interest. They are just being themselves.

He said he was done and forced her out of his life. More than that, he made her feel worthless; feel like she was nothing but a waste of time and space. He crushed her heart and destroyed her confidence; destroyed her mind. He screamed and cussed, saying anything and everything in order to push her away.

So why does he still care even when he thinks he doesn't? Oh but does he care. He cares if and where she sleeps. He cares who she talks to. He cares if she dates. He cares what she's doing and where she goes. He cares who she's going with. He cares what she posts on social media and cares about the comments. He quietly watches because he doesn't want her or anyone else to know that he cares. He tells himself he doesn't care and even makes himself believe the lie. He's told so many lies, he's starting to believe them all.

Why does he care but tries not to? Because he still loves her and always will. But why did he ruin it? Because something triggered him to believe he wasn't good enough and couldn't make her happy. Most likely, somebody had once made him feel like he was never good enough. Unable to deal with this feeling of inadequacy, he started to allow himself to believe there was a problem, with her. Slowly, the negative feelings poisoned his mind and heart. But still be cares because, deep down, he will always love her. She will be the one who always haunts him. She will be the one he looks for in every future relationship; the one who keeps him from ever finding happiness with anyone else. She will be the cause of his loneliness, even in a full house. When he pushed her away, his heart left with her and she will never come back.

Why do we make simple things so difficult? Are you having problems in a relationship, been looking for answers? The answer is right there, inside you. When you wake up, who is your first thought, aside from your kids, work, other family, what is the name or who is the imagine that comes to mind? Who is your last thought, before you fall asleep? It doesn't matter if it's stressful, if you're angry at them, if you're having all these negative feelings toward them. The reason they're on your mind, so much, is because that's where your truest feelings rest. All the negative can be made positive again if you only make the effort. Maybe things have been difficult and I get that but you know what? Anything worth having, doesn't come easy and the best prize usually comes in the most difficult package. If you can put in the effort to get through the difficult times and find common ground, again, it'll be your greatest life choice. Shhhh, just close your eyes and see.

Do better. Be better.

Why will our whole world fall apart? It is in how we raise our children. By handing out 'participation trophies', we teach our children that they will still succeed, even if they don't put in their best efforts. By not enforcing responsibility such as household chores, we teach our children that they don't have to be part of the process but will reap the benefits of the progress. Again, teaching them that they don't have to work hard, in order to succeed. By allowing our children to make their own decisions, being in charge of themselves, as well as being in charge of their parents, we are actually destroying their ability to learn how to make good choices by seeing how we make choices and learning from our mistakes and successes. They can't learn by their own, if they aren't held accountable for their mistakes; if they are rewarded and encouraged for their bad choices. By not holding our children accountable, we are teaching them that they do no wrong, essentially creating narcissism in our children. As parents, we often give rewards where no rewards have been earned by regularly catering to our children's wants of material objects or freedoms, basically trying to 'buy' the love of our children, in an effort to make up for our own feelings of inadequacy, as parents, rather than just actually parenting. By allowing them to enjoy extracurricular activities, while not contributing to the household and family, we are teaching them that their life's importance is actually outside of their home and family, rather than teaching them that home and family comes first. Their own future home and children, will suffer for our failure to properly raise our children.

We live in a society that condemns narcissism while raising narcissists. We live in a society that is, more and more, having to bring awareness to mental disorders such as anxiety, depression, mood disorders, etc, because we are raising our children to have mental disorders or raising them to appear as though they do, in an attempt to get out of doing what they don't want to do or in an effort to excuse their bad behaviors or bad treatment towards others. We allow it to continue because we don't hold them accountable and we don't enforce rules and responsibilities. We often speak ill of our much younger coworkers who complain about whatever small amount of work they do, have no work ethic, run to HR every time they're reprimanded on the job, etc, when WE ARE raising our own children to be exactly like that. We sit on our phones, watching videos and laying judgement towards parents who do exactly as we do. We share posts or news reel videos, speaking out against all this, while simultaneously continuing to parent our children exactly the way we say we don't want, exactly the way we judge others for doing. The worst yet: when our children have an attitude, bully others, are disrespectful, lazy, claiming mental illness, etc…..we blame lack of support, our ex's, society, the media…we blame everybody but ourselves and that's where the lack of accountability starts! Sometimes, we even claim responsibility but do absolutely nothing to make changes in how we parent. In fact, most of the time, we even put more effort into making things even worse, by catering to them even more.

The art of civilization was once a beautiful thing but now? Now, we are raising our devolution. It's time to stop caring about if your children "like" you. A parents job is not to be liked. It's not being their friend or being the "cool parent". A parents job is to bring their child up to be a successful, responsible, respectable member of society and to be able to survive without the benefit of a parent doing it all or cleaning up their messes. It's time to stand up and be parents. It's damn well time to stop judging or trying to chastise the parents who actually do try to parent their children.

MIDLIFE CRISIS!!!! Have you found yourself acting completely out of character? Doing things you would never do? Treating people in a way you would never treat someone? Are you between the ages of 35 and 55? Then believe it or not, you are going through a midlife crisis and contrary to popular belief, you can actually deal with midlife crisis, multiple times. A few giddiness you want to make sure to follow:

1. Do not buy anything extravagant!

2. Do not make big decisions such as buying a house!

3. Do not end your marriage/relationship!!!

4. Do not create new relationships/friendships!

5. Do not seek out old relationships/friendships. Leave the past in the past!

6. Always think before you speak. Your words can cause serious harm!

7. Do not speak ill of others, to others. It's important to understand that your thoughts are not currently your thoughts and your words about others, can have a very negative impact on their life and yours!

8. Mercury is in retrograde! This process will only enhance your middle crisis issues, considerably and it is of the upmost importance that you follow these guidelines!

9. If you read this and realize you have already done some, many or all of these things, you really need to undo what you've done! Your thoughts and feelings are not your thoughts and feelings and you may have made some of the biggest mistakes of your life!!!

10. Counteract your thoughts and feelings by forcing yourself to start thinking and feeling exactly as you did, before this change in you, occurred. If you consciously concentrate on this, for 2 weeks, it WILL cancel out the effects of your midlife crisis, as well as Mercury in retrograde.

*Side note* If you find yourself needing to repair a relationship ended, during this midlife crisis period: talk to your partner. Explain these issues. Be very open and up front about everything you've done, as well as what you're wanting to try now. It is very important that during the 2 week period, neither of you bring up anything from the past or anything during your crisis period. Any reminder or stresser, can interrupt the entire process. If they truly love you, they will be understanding and supportive.

The curse of the LIAR:

It starts out as a little lie but then you're questioned so you have to start adding more and more and then you have to remember the whole story and who knows that story. The lies create stress and anxiety. You become more irritable, constantly on your toes for those questions you might have to lie about because you just can't seem to make yourself tell the truth.

It gets worse. Those lies leave a guilty feeling. Whether you want to believe it or not, it's true, no matter if you're an occasional, habitual or pathological liar. That guilt starts to eat away at you. Added with the stress and anxiety, it causes a reactive switch, in your brain. Somewhere in your subconscious, your mind tells you that you don't deserve honesty so your brain starts telling you that everybody is lying to you. You can no longer believe the truth because your subconscious mind tells you that you don't deserve the truth.

It gets even worse! By continuing to add on lies, in your life, to your loved ones, your friends, your enemies and even yourself, your brain will completely malfunction. You will no longer be able to recognize truth and see every lie as truth. You will disbelieve those who are honest and believe in those who fill you with lies. Your lies have now caused your brain to lie to you (this is also what can create the problem with those who believe their own lies). Your gut instincts are no longer accurate. Your mind is playing tricks on you, you're very easily manipulated by others and you are unable to recognize any of it.

Now for the scariest part. If allowed to continue, your brain will start lying to your body about its functioning needs. Organs will start to malfunction, blood and oxygen won't flow as they're meant to and your body will start to deteriorate. You may actually even know a liar who is constantly "sick", has a hard time getting out of bed, has a hard time keeping up with responsibilities and they are most likely regular drinkers or abuse drugs. If you can find it in yourself to recognize that you're a liar and your lies are destroying your life or other people, in your life, you have to change things around. You have to start being honest with others and yourself. You have to switch your brain around.

This was from a research project I did, for my Psych class, from a study done in 2008. They actually took decent, honest people and had them condition themselves into liars. Those people kept a journal of their day to day life and lies, while their closest family member also kept a journal of that person's day to day life and the truth. These test subjects had a health exam and brain scan, every 3 months and the changes, in them, were actually terrifying.

Negativity breeds negativity and positivity breeds positivity. We can all use more positive vibes, including me so how's about everybody shares some positive things? And GO!

You're pathologically pathetic and weak. Remember when you and your girlfriend first started dating? Remember all the things you found attractive about her? Remember how much you loved how straight forward she was and not afraid to speak her mind? But then those very things that first attracted you, then started to annoy you.....only for you to be attracted to those same exact qualities, in somebody else. Don't you realize, you'll also end up feeling the same as that new person you're attracted to? Don't you realize the problem lies within you? Don't you realize you should be working out those problems, with the woman who already loves you, rather than creating the same problems with and damaging somebody else?

Where did she stand? At your side, where she belonged, with both sets of children standing just ahead? Or was she always placed in the back? Did she always come after everybody else, every other relationship you had? Did she come after your friends? After your ex's? Did she even come after your past relationships that you had already rejected? I bet you kept her towards the front until you owned her and then only brought her towards the front when you needed something from her. I bet, even now, you treat her like she's important, make her believe there's still hope, only when you need her help.