Restoration Counseling Center

Forgiving What You Can't Forget - Free Bible Study Discover how to let go of bound-up resentment and overcome the resistance to forgiving people who aren’t willing to make things right.

During times of trauma, individuals often develop innate coping mechanisms to navigate through threatening or painful situations while still functioning. However, as one transitions from mere survival to thriving during the healing process, these same coping mechanisms may evolve into detrimental factors that actually hinder progress.

Some examples of this may include people-pleasing, avoidance, hyper-vigilance, control, aggression, isolation, daydreaming, distraction, shutting down, perpetual optimism, minimizing pain, keeping busy, or workaholism.

Have you noticed any coping skills in your life that were once beneficial but now may be holding you back?

Phrases that can build insecure relationships:

• “Your feelings aren’t my responsibility.”
• “Why do you keep bringing up the past? It’s time you got over that.”
• “You’re too sensitive.”
• “You’re just like your mother/father/family member.” (said with contempt or judgment)
• “I’ll work on that.”(said to appease, then making no behavior change)
• “This is just how I am.” (demonstrating a general unwillingness to make changes or grow)

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. I don’t specialize in abusive relationships, so this doesn’t speak to those circumstances.

Have you ever found yourself making sweeping statements about yourself or others based on a single experience? This cognitive distortion, known as overgeneralization, can impact our mental health and relationships.

🚫 Overgeneralization involves drawing broad conclusions from limited evidence, leading to distorted beliefs about ourselves or the world around us.

✅ Challenge overgeneralization by:
- Examining Evidence: Consider if your beliefs are based on concrete evidence or isolated incidents.
- Questioning Assumptions: Challenge the validity of your generalizations by seeking alternative perspectives.
- Asking Input from Others: Hearing another perspective can help challenge our own beliefs and perspectives.

👥 Remember, seeking support from a counselor or trusted loved one can help you identify and address overgeneralization patterns, leading to healthier thought patterns and improved well-being.

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Appetite suppressants may kill your hunger cues, but they do NOT eliminate your body’s need for fuel.
Think of it this way— just because you silence the alarm doesn’t mean there isn’t a fire.
I’ve been having this conversation A LOT in relation to weight loss drugs and folks who are under the impression that if they “don’t feel hungry, they don’t need to eat.”
And this couldn’t be further from the truth.
If anything, when taking a drug that acts as an appetite suppressant it’s important to be MORE intentional about eating, simply because your brain won’t be receiving those signals as clearly from your body.
Killing the hunger signal may mute the “food noise,” but it doesn’t eliminate your body’s need for consistent, adequate, balanced nutrition.
Remember, your hunger is not the enemy.

Never underestimate the power of a conversation!

This is a great article that gets into the neuroscience behind how conversations contribute to our health and wellbeing or detract from it.

This helps explain part of why talking with someone safe is, in and of itself, therapeutic.

The Neuroscience of Conversations A deep dive into the fascinating world of conversations.

Part of learning to see beautiful again is recognizing that a hard season doesn’t mean that every day has to be hard.

Sorrow and celebration can coexist. As a matter of fact, I think they should coexist. There’s still beauty to be found in the ashes (Isaiah 61:3). Joy can be found in the midst of hardship, and peace can exist in the middle of unresolved conflict.

And there are still so many reasons to celebrate and thank God.

God has beauty in store for us today. We just need to be intentional about looking for it. Let’s ask God to show it to us. Let’s believe it’s already there for us to find.

And when you’re not feeling brave, say this: “I’m so much stronger than I ever dreamed possible. And when I’m not, God still is. Thank You, God. Help me, God. Show me, God.”

Find the beauty today. I just know it’s waiting to be found by you.

So many times we think that a sign of strength is the ability to manage things on our own, to figure it out, to handle it, to need others less. But this is not the way God designed us. He designed us to find connection and support as we reach to others and to Him. Without it, our struggles increase and multiply.

It takes a lot of humble strength to ask for help, whether it is practical assistance, emotional support, or something else.

If asking for help is hard to you, I hope you'll begin to break that isolating habit by reaching out to someone and letting them know you could use their help. This will add both value to others, and strength to you.

You don't have to do this all on your own.
You were never meant to.

We all have hopes and expectations about how things will go. And I would dare say that for everyone, something in life has not gone quite as they expected. When this happens, it's important to acknowledge the disappointment, frustration, and loss. It is also important to move toward embracing our reality as it is here and now. By accepting the current reality, we can choose the best way to move forward with what we do have.

Dwelling too long in how how you hoped it would be can cause you to stagnate in negative emotions and miss out on making the best of things possible right now. This may look different from season to season, but you will not regret trying to find and make best of things, even if it doesn't fit your first ideal.

How’s your energy level these days? Have you been feeling tired or worn-out?

If so, it’s important to pay attention to what things are draining your energy. If you wait too long to give attention to your depleted soul you’ll burn out.

Jesus warned us that if we’re not careful we can lose our soul (Matt. 16:26). He wasn’t talking about going to hell—he was talking about living on earth today without a vibrant soul.

Sadly, it’s easy to lose our souls by getting pulled down into the swirl of our soul-less society.

But if we ignore our soul then our life will stop working.

Think of it like the check engine light on the dashboard of your car: you pay attention to that indicator light because you don’t want to damage your engine and have your car stop running.

The same is true for your soul. The longer you go without looking under the hood of your soul, the worse the damage will be. If you wait too long, you’ll burn out.

So friends, I have a little soul-care practice for you to try today to help you with this:

1️⃣ Make a list of the things in your life that are stealing your energy.
2️⃣ Make a list of the things that give you energy and rest.
3️⃣ Consider how you can set aside more time for your energy-givers and less time for your energy-drainers.
4️⃣ Pray and invite Jesus to guide you in this. You may also want to talk to a friend for empathy and support.

PS. If you need someone safe and supportive to talk to, we have a team of spiritual directors and coaches who are available. Visit soulshepherding.org to learn more.

Behavior modification is like pulling out weeds, without ever addressing the root system underneath. It may temporarily appear that things have changed, but then the same root (thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, motivations, emotions, and experiences causing the behavior), will simply appear in another form on the surface again. Addressing behaviors apart from a transformation of the heart/mind can begin to feel like an impossible, endless game of whack-a-mole.

You have to address to what is underneath for lasting change to occur.

So what about you? In your own life and relationships, have you been attempting to pluck out behaviors over and over again or are you addressing the root underneath?

It's a process, but well worth it!

TAKES work. It's been an ongoing learning experience....

Oooo. Ouch.

Instead of telling your loved one to “calm down” (which I don’t recommend), you could try...

• “I’m listening.”
• “How can I help right now?”
• “How can I support you in this moment?”
• “Should we take a break for a bit?”
• “Do you want togetherness or alone time right now?”
• “Would it be okay to hug you/hold you?”

You can also ask your loved ones, during a moment of calm, what works best for them when they feel upset or dysregulated.

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit for all individuals or situations.

It’s easy to skip from practicing gratitude into hustle and holiday stress, but I challenge and encourage you to stay PRESENT for this season.
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Stay PRESENT by being grateful for the anticipation of Jesus eventual return.
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Stay PRESENT by being grateful for the hope of Christ in the world.
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Stay PRESENT by being grateful for knowing a Hod who seeks after us.
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Stay PRESENT by being grateful for a God who came and dwelt amoung us because He is in the business of restoration now and forevermore.
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Speaking about the things that we think, feel, and have experienced is a part of the healing process.

This is one of the values that therapy, or friendship even, offers.

Talking and sharing deeply with others, not only helps heal our souls, but also our brains -- literally the organ itself.

Sometimes we need additional tools and support, but never underestimate the power of simply sharing with someone else.
If there's something you haven't shared or spoken about yet, that's a great first place to start.

Do some writing about this. Use this as a first sentence:
“The way to be kind to myself this holiday season is…”
And then complete the sentence ten or twenty times. Be tender with yourself. -Geneen Roth

Traditions often serve as a way to honor the past, create a sense of belong, reinforce values, celebrate, and foster unity within families, communities, or cultures. Whether daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly, traditions affords us something important -- an opportunity to reflect, connect, express, and build.

At different times in our lives, we may need to create a new one continue a beloved tradition, or discard one that no longer fits.

Reflect and share below some special traditions that you have woven into your own life.

With the holidays coming, it's an especially good time to remember what is in our control and what is not.