Wer'e Making a Difference Foundation (People in recovery)

Reflection for the Day

I admitted that I couldn't win the battle against substance abuse and compulsions on my own. So I finally began to accept the critically important fact that dependence on a Higher Power could help me achieve what had always seemed impossible. I stopped running. I stopped fighting. For the first time, I began accepting. And for the first time, I began to be really free. Do I realize that it doesn't matter what kind of shoes I'm wearing when I'm running away?

Today I Pray
May I know the freedom that comes with surrender to a Higher Power - that most important kind of surrender that means neither "giving in" nor "giving up" but rather "giving over." Like a weary fugitive from spiritual order, may I stop hiding, dodging, running. May I find peace in surrender, in the knowledge that my Higher Power wants me to be whole and healthy. My Higher Power will show me the way.

Today I Will Remember
First surrender, then serenity.

Slowly Ease the Pain

Each and every day I ask, What do I have? What have I been left with? What can I do with what I have? Who was I then? Who am I now? What can I do with who I am now? Where did I end up? What can I do with where I ended up? How can I accomplish success in small increments? How can I do more in life? What more can I do in life?

I can keep asking questions. Look for answers. Make plans with the answers. Pray a lot. Try to keep calm and clear. Learn meditation. Learn how to react to the people around me with smoother responses. Remind myself that I am eternally sanding down the rough edges. Be thankful I got to see and live through another day.

My disability limits me. My disability creates a new life that I can explore. I can have full life. Life, liberty, and the pursuits of happiness are possible. My job is to understand my past and keep on the path of life. My life is like an ongoing patrol. My never-ending mission. I accept this.

Today I will learn to love and appreciate those around me and what we can do together.

Practicing what we know

Our Higher Power does not expect us to live what we do not know or do not yet understand. But we can gain understanding by applying what we know day by day. (When we turn our backs on what we already know, then we stumble.)

We already know that drinking and using only block our way. When should we begin applying what we already know? Today. For today is the only day we have.

Do I practice what I know?

Higher Power, help me apply what I know and not turn my back on my program of recovery.

I will practice what I know today by...

Disappointing Others

Learning the art of saying no to other people wasn't easy. I used to always come up with extravagant stories, excuses, or narratives for why I couldn't do something. Nobody ever taught me that I could just simply say no. I grew up believing that somehow saying no to others would do them harm. I didn't understand that saying yes sometimes causes myself harm. Like my friend Holly Whitaker says, "Disappoint other people with your no; don't disappoint yourself with a yes you'll later resent." Isn't that the truth?

There's such freedom in saying no. Perhaps you know this. I'm a recovering people pleaser, so it took me a little longer than most to figure this out. I'm really good at it now. When we say no to other people, we don't need to overexplain, lie, manipulate, justify, or make excuses. We can decline graciously, confidently, firmly. We don't need to justify our decisions. We can respond with a simple "Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm going to pass" or "Sorry, I'm unavailable for that" or even better, "No, thank you." If you don't already do this, try it out.

I'd rather disappoint others than disappoint myself.

When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick.

Being overcritical and irritable has been common to most of us. Some of us go around with controlled smiles while underneath we are grumbling. Others blast everyone around them. Some of us save our most critical reactions for those we love while staying sweet and friendly with the outside world. In any case, we are caught in a blinding trap. We may know we feel trapped but do not see that our problem is mainly with ourselves.

We need to look at our relationships. Have we been falling into a pattern where no one seems to measure up? Are we also being too critical or demanding of ourselves? Perhaps we don't need to lower our standards so much as to hold them less tightly. If we can be friends to ourselves and give ourselves a little more leeway, we can be more easygoing with others.

I cannot force myself to be less critical, but I can let go of my willfulness so my more easygoing side comes forward. I can be less judgmental of myself and others.

Go often to the house of your friend: for weeds soon choke up the unused path.

Our program has two parts: the Steps and the fellowship. Both keep us sober. We can't stay sober if we go it alone. We need to work the Steps. We also need people - the help of our friends daily.

Recovery is about relationships. We get new friends. We get involved. We give. We get. In times of need, we may not want to ask our new friends for help. Maybe we don't want to "burden them." Maybe we're afraid to ask for help. Well, go ahead. Make that call. Ask your new friend to spend time with you. You deserve and need it. They deserve it; they need it.

Prayer for the Day
Higher Power, help me to get help from my friends as if my life depends on it.

Action for the Day
Today I'll see or call two program friends and let them know how I’m doing.

Real men don't vacuum.

Once, not so long ago, there was a family who tried to divide up housework equally. The father signed up for vacuuming, but he never got around to doing it.

One morning he told everyone about his dream the night before. He was lined up in the dining room with an entire football team, and they all ran in a line through the house, pushing the clutter and dirt up against the walls and out of the way. They came to a finish at the picture window, where the father turned and raised his arms in victory. Then he saw his wife watching him, so he explained, "Heroes don't vacuum."

Perhaps each of us is a hero at one time or another. In that case, we might take turns at different chores, rewarding the day's hero with a day off from vacuuming or dishwashing. When we work together to get the chores done, we become a family of heroes, and can feel a healthy pride in our warm, loving, and clean home.

How can we share housework more equally?

AA Thought for the Day

Have I admitted I am an alcoholic? Have I swallowed my pride and admitted I was different from ordinary drinkers? Have I accepted the fact that I must spend the rest of my life without liquor? Have I any more reservations, any idea in the back of my mind that someday I'll be able to drink safely? Am I absolutely honest with myself and with other people? Have I taken an inventory of myself and admitted the wrong I have done? Have I come clean with my friends? Have I tried to make it up to them for the way I have treated them?

Meditation for the Day
I will believe that fundamentally all is well. Good things will happen to me. I believe that God cares for me and will provide for me. I will not try to plan ahead. I know that the way will unfold, step by step. I will leave tomorrow's burden to God, because He is the great burden-bearer. He only expects me to carry my one day's share.

Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may not try to carry the burden of the universe on my shoulders. I pray that I may be satisfied to do my share each day.

You alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone.

A guy likes to feel independent and self-sufficient. We all naturally want to feel competent and on top of our game. As we live our lives, we gain some savvy about this drive to be our own master. The young boy has a simple idea: the less he needs others, the stronger and better he will be. But the wiser, experienced man knows that a man is stronger and wiser if he is willing to accept the help that is available.

We alone can turn toward the help. We alone can decide to accept what we cannot change. We alone can open ourselves to spiritual grace and stop getting in the way of our Higher Power. The smarter man accepts the paradox that when we take our self-sufficiency too far, we become weaker. We are in the driver's seat when we decide to receive the help of others and our Higher Power.

Today, I will open myself to the help that surrounds me.

Blaming someone or something else doesn't help me to grow as an individual.

It is not unusual to meet women in recovery who have survived harrowing childhoods or brutal marriages. Many of us have lived troubled lives and felt powerless to change the circumstances. If we continue to focus on those times, however, we will grow far less than we deserve.

What has happened has happened. We can't redo the past. Hanging on to it in order to blame other people for our failures and shortcomings builds a barrier to growth. With our minds on the past, we are not actively and consciously involved in the present, and this moment is all we have.

We are not responsible for the abuses others perpetrated against us. We are responsible for what we choose to do next. Being fully responsible, we will quit blaming others and make the amends we need to make. We will learn to pause before acting or responding to others.

I will feel empowered today if I accept responsibility for my every thought and act.

There is a need to discover that we are capable of solitary joy and having experienced it, know that we have touched the core of self.

To be alone with ourselves, undistracted by a friend's voice or TV or a good book, is not all that easy. We discover the joy of being and not always doing, when we make a commitment to go within and seek the support of our Higher Power.

We are nurtured in times of quiet solitude as, little by little, we come to know and love ourselves more. We find lasting joy deep within ourselves rather than in outward success, other people’s approval, or mood-altering drugs.

Deciding to leave our distractions for even a few moments will take courage; we may fear the unknown, certain that if we really get to know ourselves, we’ll discover we’re unlovable. Fear of the unknown is natural, but it lessens as we mature in our spiritual life. We are meant to know and love ourselves as we’re known and loved by God.

Today I will quietly go within and I will seek the self-assurance and joy that come from God.

Kindness
Little deeds of kindness, little words of love, help to make earth happy.

No act of kindness is ever too small to serve a good purpose. Oceans are made possible by little drops of water. Beaches are formed by tiny grains of sand. Slowly but surely, small efforts combine to help, encourage, and lead others to an ocean of success.

Small acts make large contributions to our spiritual growth. Newcomers to our program are advised that they can rid themselves of hatred, envy, resentments, and dislikes by using little acts and words to create a great turnaround in behavior. For instance, we are told, "Start forgiveness by praying for those you think have harmed you." This small act of prayer removes powerful negative emotions and replaces them with the wonder of serenity.

I shall try to be a little kinder and a little blinder to the faults of those around me.

There are no elements so diverse that they cannot be joined in the heart of an individual.

We sometimes look too hard, perhaps, for unity and coherence. If we are uncertain, we get upset; if we are inconsistent, we are criticized. So we try to always be constant and predictable.

But we are made up from disparate genes and conflicting humors. We may always want to do good, but we all have slips. Our hearts say one thing, our heads another. We change our minds and stop and start. We get confused and battles flare up inside us.

That's called being human. Many forces converge on us, many thoughts arise, many emotions rage. It takes courage to accept our contradictions, our struggles, but we will be stronger if we do.

I recognize that I am often divided in myself. I accept that this is part of being human.

The more we give of anything, the more we shall get back.

When we first hear this advice, it doesn’t seem to make sense. How can we get more of something by giving it away? Yet we hear the same advice in Step Twelve of our recovery program: we must "Give it away" in order to keep it.

What does this mean? Maybe it means that when we pay attention to living in this way, we change our whole value system and our behavior. For example, we can choose to lay our anger and whining on others, but that doesn't really get rid of it. In fact, we find that people tend to join in our negative behavior and feed it. We end up with more.

But if we give to others the feelings we really want to keep - understanding, honesty, kindness, patience, and humor - they will share their good stuff with us, too. And that helps us stay sober.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me share the important things today - the things I want more of.

Today's Action
Today I will be aware of what I am giving others with my behavior. If I need to share negative comments or ideas, I will balance each one with five positives. I'm making life better for others and for myself, too.

People are always blaming their circumstances for being what they are. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them.

If only the weather were better, people were friendlier, there were more job opportunities, less traffic, the family lived nearer, the taxes were lower, and the morning sun didn't shine on the wrong side of the house we'd probably be happy right where we are. The problem is there’s too much pressure here, too many frustrations and irritations. The answer seems simple enough - move to another house or city, or even another country.

The problem is that when we move, we take ourselves along. Where we are is where we have chosen to be. If we don’t "fix our chooser," we'll choose the same people and predicaments again and again.

There is enormous freedom in accepting this truth. When we do, we claim the power to control the quality of our own lives and to create our own destiny.

Today, I will investigate how my choices have shaped my life.

Stopping Victimization

Before recovery, many of us lacked a frame of reference with which to name the victimization and abuse in our life. We may have thought it was normal that people mistreated us. We may have believed we deserved mistreatment; we may have been attracted to people who mistreated us.

We need to let go, on a deep level, of our need to be victimized and to be victims. We need to let go of our need to be in dysfunctional relationships and systems at work, in love, in family relationships, in friendships. We deserve better. We deserve much better. It is our right. When we believe in our right to happiness, we will have happiness.

We will fight for that right, and the fight will emerge from our souls. Break free from oppression and victimization.

Today, I will liberate myself by letting go of my need to be a victim. and I’ll explore my freedom to take care of myself. That liberation will not take me further away from people I love. It will bring me closer to people and more in harmony with God’s plan for my life.

Get a small notebook
write down in it what you want

We sometimes postpone things we want to do, waiting for ideal circumstances or more comfortable means. Often, all we need to make a start is the willingness to begin. Writing is an example; many of us say, "I'd like to write, but I don't have the time." We can take a few moments to write today - right now - without committing ourselves to keeping a journal for the rest of our lives. We don't need a computer, a writer's studio, or a grant; any pad or notebook will do.

Instead of living with the frustration of grandiose schemes, we can cultivate small habits that move us gradually in the direction of fulfilling our desires.

Today, I take one small action that furthers the fulfillment of a desire.

Guidance comes from many sources.

What do we think of when we hear the word guidance? Perhaps we recall a guidance counselor in school who told us what courses to take. Now that we are in the program we receive guidance in quite informal ways: At a meeting an old-timer will share a story that helps us make a decision. A reading in a meditation book will seem to have been written specifically for us. Or a friend will call at just the moment we are feeling fear and confusion.

Most people come into this program searching for something. We may not know just what we are missing, but we recognize a painful void. Learning that we have not only a Higher Power as a constant companion but also many new and trusted friends, we gain a fresh appreciation for guidance - what it means and how it helps. It's really everywhere, and we are learning how to tap into it, thanks to the program.

Every situation I meet today will be affected by my presence. I have something to give that only I can give.

Reflection for the Day

It's time for me to start being responsible for my own actions. It's time for me to be willing to take some chances. If my new life in the program is valid and right, as I truly believe, then surely it can stand the test of exposure to real-life situations and problems. So I won’t be afraid to be human and, if necessary, to sometimes fall on my face in the process of living. Living is what the program is all about. And living entails sharing, accepting, giving - interacting with other people. Now is the time for me to put my faith into action. Have I begun to practice what I preach by putting my new thoughts and ideas into action?

Today I Pray
May the program, with my Higher Power's help, give me a chance to live a steady, creative, outreaching life, so that I may share with others what has been given to me. May I realize on this Independence Day that I, too, have a celebration of freedom - freedom from my addiction.

Today I Will Remember
To celebrate my personal freedom.

Changing our attitudes

Our prayer is, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." We say this prayer at least once a day because although we must accept the things we cannot change today, they may, in fact, change tomorrow.

This seems to be a paradox, yet once we truly and completely accept something, it begins to change. While the objective fact remains unchanged, our attitude toward it and our relationship to it has changed. It is with our attitudes toward people and things that we must learn to live.

Am I changing my attitudes?

Higher Power, help me live fully today, neither forward nor backward, but here and now.

The attitude I will work on today is...

Right Now

Time for a check-in. What do you need to do for yourself right now, today? Do you have a full day planned? Can you build in something you can do just for yourself? Something nurturing or stress-reducing if you are feeling overwhelmed or something inspiring or exciting if you are feeling bored? Do you need to take a walk or a nap? Have a snack?

The likelihood that anybody else is going to figure out what you need and then make sure you get it is, I’m sorry to say, very slim. But I bet if you close your eyes and ask yourself the question "What do I need today?" that something will come to you. It can't hurt to try.

Let your intuition tell you what you need and your sense of worthiness ensure that you get it.

Man can live his truth, his deepest truth, but cannot speak it.

For many men, being addicts meant living double lives. There were public selves whom others knew, and private selves whom no one met. It was a compulsive world, and both sides were false. Many of us grew up in addicted families and learned this double life early by hiding from outsiders what life was really like at home.

In this program, we learn to live our truth before we can speak it. It is more in our actions than in what we say. We may never know the words for this truth because we do not consciously invent it. It comes to us quietly over time and slowly merges all our parts. Gradually we begin to feel whole again as we surrender our double lives for single, truthful ones.

Let me have the trust to give myself to the work of recovery and follow it where it takes me.

I believe that every single event in life happens as an opportunity to choose love over fear.

When our past is strewn with tragic and abusive experiences, it's not easy to recall events as opportunities to love. Yet today we are safe, and we have come to believe a Higher Power has been watching over us every moment. Through the principles of this program, we are learning to forgive and to trust that we will always be cared for.

We cannot change the past. What happened and how we responded helped carry us to this point in our journey. We can cultivate love, now, for the present. The people who care for us will support us. The experiences designed for our progress will come to us. Our Higher Power will never leave our side. We can be free of fear today, if that’s our wish.

I will not fear the events in my life today. I am ready for them. They need my involvement.

Solitude is not something you must hope for in the future. Rather, it is a deepening of the present.

We can take a few moments, right now, to really quiet ourselves, and not think of anything. We can give our mind an unexpected rest, and let the peace of God's care envelop us like a soft blanket.

In these moments of quiet, we discover solitude. We realize that solitude is available to us in a moment's decision. Within solitude we find God's promise of serenity, and we're renewed once again. And we can find this renewal again and again in the serenity that awaits us each moment we choose solitude.

The pace at which most of us live is so tiring, and our busyness depletes our physical, emotional, and spiritual energy hour by hour, day by day. The renewal we long for is ours; we just need to make the decision.

I'll be quiet, now, and feel renewed and in touch with God.

The Third Promise
We will comprehend the word serenity and know peace.

~Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

When we read this promise, we nod our heads eagerly. When we first decided to shake the bo***ge of addiction through the love, encouragement, deep concern, and help from newfound friends, we knew what serenity felt like. A life of serenity and security comes naturally when we realize that all those who preceded us in our fellowship have not only had the same problems, but have found solutions that they willingly pass on to us.

Peace of mind is new to us. Serenity becomes refreshing and comfortable as we realize we are free men and women, and come to admit to ourselves that we have experienced a miracle.

With that awareness, we find true belief. With abstinence comes mental clarity. Serenity gives us a perfect climate in which spiritual progress can grow.

I am free to seek that precious peace of mind that can mature within me. I live daily with the familiar Serenity Prayer.

Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.

Do we speak the truth when we are angry? We are always quick to say, "I really didn't mean it," and we may even try to make amends for our thoughtlessness. But people, especially children, rarely forget what was said to them in anger.

Angry words hurt and mark people. Even if our parents didn't really mean it, those angry voices and words are still with us. We often come to believe that our parents didn't love us or respect us; otherwise, how could they have said those angry things that still hurt?

We will always have moments of anger. But we can think twice before letting anger dictate our speech. Words can hurt and people remember.

I know I will sometimes feel angry. But if I speak in anger, I want to be sure that what I say is honest, because people may take me at my word.

I am grateful for this minute.
My eternity may be in it.

The present moment is our link to the divine. How we conduct ourselves in the present moment is how we come to know what we believe in. We must never forget that moments are tied together, one moment leading into the next. Thus, by acting from our values in this moment, we increase our chances of acting from our values in the next moment. If we stay tied to the divine in this moment, we increase our chances of being tied to the divine in the next moment.

Recovery allows us to choose what we do with our moments and what we choose to be tied to. Dependence, on the other hand, is the loss of choice. Are we grateful for having choices again? Are we grateful to be able to connect with the divine this very moment?

Prayer for the Day
I am grateful to have this moment. Higher Power, help me to use it to help others and to do what you want me to do. In reality, it is your moment. Thank you.

Today's Action
I will work to live today in the moment. I will work to see and find my Higher Power in the moment. If I can do this, I will stay connected to eternity.

Love bade me welcome: yet my soul drew back.

A loving invitation is far more powerful than a sales pitch. When we welcome newcomers to the program, it is always appropriate to assure them that things can get better, that they can make them better. We must never give the impression that the task of recovering is easy if you just do it.

The demons behind some of our locked doors have been there for many years. These demons may conceal the death of another, a life spent on drugs, a corner in which to hide because the alternative was just too ugly to face. It is true that we have to face our demons in order to heal. But it is equally true that insensitivity can scare newcomers into backing off. A heartfelt "We’re glad you’re here" is a powerful message of hope.

Today, I will remember how it feels to look, for the first time, at the long path winding over the mountain.

Honesty

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Talking openly and honestly to another person about ourselves, in an attitude that reflects self-responsibility, is critical to recovery.

It's important to admit what we have done wrong to others and to ourselves. Verbalize our beliefs and our behaviors. Get our resentments and fears out in the open.

That's how we release our pain. That's how we release old beliefs and feelings. That's how we are set free. The more clear and specific we can be with our Higher Power, ourselves, and another person, the more quickly we will experience that freedom.

Step Five is an important part of the recovery process. For those of us who have learned to keep secrets from ourselves and others, it is not just a step - it is a leap toward becoming healthy.

Today I will remember that it's okay to talk about the issues that bother me. It is by sharing my issues that I will grow beyond them.

One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.

When we've let go of our old certainties but aren't yet established securely in the new, we may be afraid we’ll flounder forever. During periods of indecision or risk - when we've let go of an unfulfilling job or relationship, for example, or when we've admitted powerlessness over an addiction - we don't have to retreat into doubt or fear. Now is the time to let go of our reservations even more completely.

We're not reckless; we've made the decision to enter unmapped territory because of a deep need for change. Our inner wisdom is with us; we can take a deep breath and listen. We can remember that others have made changes like ours and are fulfilled and happy. We can have faith that our Higher Power has not brought us this far only to abandon us. We can feel exhilaration, surrendering the need to control our process of change. We can open to surprise, inspiration, and success beyond our expectations.

Today, I'm patient with the process as I continue on my chosen path.