Hayah Consulting

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Amber and I first met at BBBSA’s National Conference in Dallas when she won Hayah’s Leadership Prize Pack! We talked briefly and clicked immediately. Then, we ran into each other again in Nashville when I was invited to present on “Life-Giving Leadership” to a cohort of CEO’s she had just joined.

Something in that presentation captured her imagination, specifically that there is no universal norm - no universal trait or skill - that makes someone a great leader EXCEPT a commitment to being true to who YOU are and building a team around you that compliments and supplements YOUR style and YOUR life-giving talents.

Amber’s first response was relief. Like most leaders, she often compares herself to other leaders and feels like an “impostor” because her skills don’t match theirs…completely overlooking the fact that their skills don’t match HERS either! So, as she sat in a room full of CEO’s nodding along and admitting their own exhaustion at trying to fit some imaginary mold of leadership, Amber began to believe she belonged.

Then, she did what a true leader would do - she sought help identifying her “leadership sweet spot” - the place where she experiences her greatest joy personally while making her greatest contribution organizationally. And she was so determined to make these discoveries that she immediately adjusted her very full schedule and made a trip to Louisville.

What did we discover?

We discovered that AMBER EXISTS TO ENCOURAGE CONFIDENT AUTHENTICITY THROUGH HONEST, HELPFUL POSITIVITY AND HEALTHY CURIOSITY!

We discovered that she brings life and gains life as a relatable CONNECTOR, a positivity-focused CHALLENGER, an understanding-growing ADVOCATE, and a loving ENCOURAGER.

We discovered that she is motivated…driven…compelled to make a difference in the world, specifically in ways that result in people feeling safe and being valued for who they are.

I could go on and on, sharing discovery after discovery about WHO AMBER IS and the VALUE she brings to the world, but you get the idea - AMBER BEING AMBER means that her organization and the teams she leads are going to thrive under the guidance and direction of a PHENOMENAL LEADER!

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Stacy is in a job she loves working with people she loves. She has a husband she calls “my sweets” who she’s laughed with and connected deeply with for more than 22 years. On top of that, she has two boys who she’s crazy about and who constantly crack her up as they embrace their own inner “weirdo.” And then, in addition to all the amazing things she has going on in her life, she’s got her dog Brynn who she’s convinced is her in canine form.

Life for Stacy is so good! So why was she so exhausted when she arrived last week?

The answer is simple. In fact, it’s at the heart of her life purpose: Stacy lives to FUEL stable, responsive growth through thoughtful, positive solutions and loyal connections. Stacy lives to F-U-E-L others. She lives to fuel her family. She lives to fuel her staff. She lives to fuel those who partner with her organization and those for whom her organization exists to serve.

And when your whole life is about fueling others,
if you’re not extremely intentional
about refilling your own tank,
it eventually sputters, spits,
turns to fumes,
and then
runs
dry.

And that’s where Stacy was when she arrived in my Collaboration Space. She wasn’t in need of an overhaul - just a tune up. We just needed to discover what fuels her…what energizes her…what causes her to overflow with life, then develop a plan for her to stay plugged into those sources of life…those fuel deposits. Because a Stacy whose tank is filled to the brim is a Stacy whose world reaps massive benefits!!!

After all, as Stacy discovered in our two days together, she lives to fuel stable, responsive growth through thoughtful, positive solutions and loyal connections…not just for others, but also FOR HERSELF!

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I recently started working with an executive coach.  His name is Jay Parsons.  He does a deep dive to get way into your unique talents, your core values, your passions.  He is a phenomenal listener, amazingly insightful, and extremely patient. 

If you are a leader or consultant/coach and you do not have a coach yourself, you are leaving insights and opportunities on the table.  We all need this type of wisdom, guidance and support.  I highly recommend it!

Matt Scott
Strategic Operations
San Antonio, TX

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So humbled and grateful for the privilege of sharing a few thoughts on life-giving leadership with this incredible group of leaders!

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So many leaders are great at giving life to others. A member of their team is struggling in their role, and the leader gives time and energy to developing them. Another team member is struggling in their personal life, and the leader helps them, consoles them, and/or gives them time off to navigate their struggles…and personally picks up the slack without saying a word to anyone else.

I could go on and on with scenario after scenario where a great leader pours into the various members of their team…a little energy here, a little time there, a little to this person and a little to that one…never realizing how depleted they themselves are becoming because the tank they’re pouring from isn’t bottomless.

Their tank - their well of energy - might be greater than that of anyone else on their team, but even a 20-gallon tank runs dry when it pours out half a gallon here and half a gallon there if it doesn’t make time to refill and replenish itself.

So, I learned many years ago to work my replenishment cycle religiously. I have certain practices that I do at consistent intervals that energize me physically, others that energize and stimulate me mentally, others that bring calm and peace to my emotions, and still others that ground and center me at a soul level.

Each of these things increases my well of energy, allowing me to give to and do for others without ever feeling depleted or overwhelmed myself. As I prioritize my own energy, I have a seemingly endless supply to share with others.

Find the things that energize you and do them intentionally and consistent intervals and just see how much better you lead and care for others!

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Within our 1st hour together, Ron used a phrase that got my attention. He said, “They’re standing on my air hose; I need to find a new way to breathe.” The statement was alarming, but the casual acceptance with which he said it - the internalized belief that it was normal for people to rest the weight of their needs and expectations on him while he gasped for air - was something I couldn’t ignore. It was a false narrative we had to address.

Ron was so practiced at rescuing others while holding his breath that he’d learned to function at an exceptionally high level for fairly long stretches on the emotional, mental, and physical equivalent of 10% oxygen 90% carbon dioxide. And as we discovered who Ron is designed to be, it became apparent why so many people have felt so comfortable standing with their full weight on his air hose.

Ron is a FLOW FIXER who corrects systems and processes to create the greatest output with the least amount of effort. He’s an UNDERSTANDING HELPER who perceives a need and steps in to meet it. He’s a STRATEGIC INNOVATOR who sees what’s impeding flow and hacks the system to make it simpler. And he’s a STORYTELLING TEACHER who shares narratives that bring concepts to life.

Ron’s life-giving talents are a breath of fresh air to anyone who works with him, lives with him, or shares space with him! Who wouldn’t want to get as close as possible to him? And because he’s wired for service, he never says, “No;” instead, he takes a tiny sip of air and dives back into solving their problem or healing their hurt. This is very noble, but it’s not sustainable.

Ron and his wife, Barb, knew this, but they didn’t know what to do about it; so when a coworker who’d recently done an iLEAD with me told Barb that I might be able to help, she immediately reached out.

“How did I help,” you ask? I simply reminded him of the words we hear when we get on a plane - put your own oxygen mask on before you try to help others with theirs. Then, I painted a picture of all the people a fully oxygenated, fully energized Ron could help. That brought a hopeful smile to his face, and for the first time, I saw him take a deep, deep breath!

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Sometimes the most meaningful compliments come in the most unexpected moments, packaged and delivered in the most uniquely beautiful ways.

In August, towards the end of our first day together, Merridith unintentionally gave me one of the best compliments I’ve received in 2024. It came when her mind was tired and her emotions raw…it came as she was leaving at the end of an 11-hr day. I asked what she was going to tell her partner about the guy she’d spent the day with. Her answer, “You’re like my big brother…an older, male version of me.”

Moments later, she walked out the door, presumably thinking nothing of the impact her words had made. But as I cleaned up, I did so with tears in my eyes and a heart swollen to 3x its normal size. I’d not yet held the mirror up and shown Merridith just how incredible…just how amazing…just how intellectually stimulating she is - that’s something that happens on Day 2, but it’s what I’d experienced as we shared space all day. So, hearing her say that I was like her big brother…hearing that I was an older, grayer version of this uniquely beautiful human…was a soul-filling compliment.

I already knew what we were going to discover on Day 2, because it’s what had been filling me with life all day. I knew that Merridith - without even trying - helps people overcome limits and embrace agency. I could see as clear as day that she intuitively and creatively helps people birth strategies for healthy, new realities. She is so naturally curious and has such intrinsic understanding that she can’t help but build plans for people and organizations to succeed. And what excites me most for those lucky enough to encounter her is that through whatever means necessary - directness, humor, softness, inquiry, you name it - she instigates…she catalyzes…she stimulates freedom for anyone and everyone in her orbit!

And the idea that she saw even a glimpse of that in me, well, that’s why my heart was so full of life and my eyes were so full of tears as she walked out the door of my Collaboration Space. I can only hope she was right about me, because I know I was right about what I saw in her.

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As you celebrate the new “you” or the “you” you’re emerging into, be sure to thank the version of you that took all the lumps and made all the mistakes that allowed this “you” to be so much freer, wiser, and healthier. You couldn’t have gotten here without first being there.

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This is my morning view as I scratch out plans for an upcoming presentation to 40 CEO’s investing themselves in securing a better future for their teams, clients, and communities.

My topic: Life-Giving Leadership!

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Matt’s ability to see a system, process, or organization front to back, top to bottom, start to finish, all at once allows him to efficiently and effectively point out gaps that need to be filled, pieces that need to be aligned, and the proper order and timing in which each move should be made. He sees all of that intuitively, effortlessly, with clarity.

So, it was very exciting for him to launch his own Strategic Consulting business. It was a no-brainer to him and everyone who knew him. It was obvious that he’d bring unprecedented value to dozens and dozens of organizations. And. He. Did!

But internally, Matt was struggling. He was doing work he loved. He was bringing great value to his clients. So, why did he feel off? The answer we arrived at during Matt’s iLEAD was more nuanced than what I have space to share here, but, in many ways, it boiled down to 2 core values.

#1 - Matt is energized by what he calls “KNOWN CONNECTION” - a deep personal relationship where all parties are known, loved, and valued. He loves witty banter mixed with deep conversation mixed with funny stories, and he especially loves the kind of inside jokes and personal insights that are built by journeying with the same group of people over a long period of time. At his core, Matt’s a team player, and by definition, a team player needs to be on a team…not just around it.

#2 - Matt values “HUMBLE EXPERTISE” - lifelong learners who share their wisdom with others. It’s what he does, and it’s what he needs. Matt is off-the-charts smart, and he wants to keep learning and growing from the wisdom of others, specifically the wisdom of experts and leaders.

To be successful, all Matt needs are clients and problems to solve. But to be HAPPY - to have fun and feel whole - Matt needs a TEAM to JOURNEY with and a LEADER to LEARN from over an extended period of time.

Like Matt, we can all be successful at many things in many environments, BUT we find happiness and fulfillment in very specific, very unique situations, systems, and scenarios that align with our own unique values and design.

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Find the things that fill you with life; then make a plan to do them consistently.

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Last week, I had the privilege of spending 2 days with Kyle, a CEO motivated by 4 core values that I believe we’d all want our friends and community leaders to be motivated by:

“Purposeful Exploration” - deliberately seeking opportunities for people to enjoy meaning and fulfillment. “Authentic Connection” - people experiencing true belonging as their full, authentic selves. “Growing Flow” - the drive for change leading to individual freedom. “Supportive Presence” - the illumination of others to foster a growing sense of security.

I think you’d agree that Kyle’s spending his life in a meaningful, consequential way…that he cares about things that matter! So why was he feeling so depleted? Why was joy so elusive? What had stolen his flow, causing him to fly across the country to spend 2 days with me?

Like most who enter my Collaboration Space, the answers Kyle discovered were both highly nuanced and profoundly simple. And like most, those answers could only be exposed by digging through piles and piles of false narratives that had been heaped upon him throughout life.

In Kyle’s case, the most heinous, harmful lie was that it wasn’t okay for him to treat himself the way he treats others…that he shouldn’t do for himself what he naturally does for others…that his values only apply in an outward, others-focused direction.

We all know that’s a lie, but most of us struggle with the same thing…most of us are good at extending grace to others, but not ourselves; so you’ll understand when I say that “exposing the lie” and “living into the truth” aren’t the same thing. So, at the end of Day 2, Kyle and I didn’t flip a switch; we began a process.

Kyle came into his iLEAD weighed down and depleted; he left buoyed and energized by what’s possible. Kyle came in knowing how to make life better for others; he left knowing he deserves to feel free and fulfilled himself. So, we’ve committed to an ongoing partnership focused on Kyle swimming in the flow of his values and inviting others to join him in a river of meaning, fulfillment, and belonging. I can’t wait to see where the current takes us!

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So honored to be present for Colonel Ronnie “Zogg” Hawkins’ Retirement Ceremony today after 25 years of distinguished service in the USAF.

Even more honored to call him “friend.”
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