Tim Wang, Legal Document Assistant

Am supposed to be working hard on my weekly chores, but I thought of this cooking analogy and I have to share before I forget:

Forms are like the ingredients, everyone can use them. However, with these same ingredients... some cook like PF Chang, and some are just "Chang"s.

Speaking of cooking, and while on that subject... a little side story here, I miss my mom so much, so I would try to cook the food she used to cook. I clearly used the same ingredients just as she did, but... the food I cooked, while it looked like (-ish) hers (mainly because of the same ingredients...), but sure as heck didn't taste like the food she used to make... :( :( :(

So, not all the attorneys or legal professionals are the same, and NO, it is not just filling out some forms. There is an art to it. And a good "art" entails so so SO much: psychology, strategy, presentation, offensive and defensive awareness, and timing just to name a few important factors.

最近被幾個人案子說做不做放我鴿子。

我這個人的個性就是會追根究底，有問題直接拿出來講，不要躲躲藏藏的。

所以主要的問題如下：

1. 沒錢。沒錢沒有關係，我自己常常也是手頭非常緊。我照樣會回答你的問題。可是如果你沒有這個錢、沒有辦法請我⋯就拜託請你不要空口說白話，說要聘用我。然後藉此讓我多花時間來回答你的問題，這不是一種正確的待人接物的處事方法。我個人從小就注重誠信，你既然說了確定要聘請我，我就會在某個程度上依賴你這筆收入。你臨時打退堂鼓，就會影響到我時間上和經濟上的安排。我也是普通人，我也有經濟上的責任，我也要過日子，我也有家要養⋯請大家互相體諒，好嗎？

2. 我不去法庭送文件。你即將要打官司了，你連去法庭交個文件都不敢、不願意、沒時間⋯那你以後出庭打官司是預備怎樣？讓法官去你家嗎？我全加州都在收案子，如果每個都去幫忙遞件的話，那我豈不是大部分時間都必須花在在路上？那還處理什麼案子？最重要一點，你即將要進入官司階段，你去法庭了解一下情況，有空的話去看看法官怎麼審理案子，對你是不是以後出庭可能會有一些幫助？ 「交文件」就是很簡單直接的交文件。不用見法官。每一個步驟我都會寫出來給你。真的不懂有什麼好怕的？

3. 嫌我的費用高。我的費用的確會比普通的文書處理高。我在這一行已經做了27年。我在美國的法庭教美國的律師做美國的家庭法。光是這一點我的費用就不應該跟那些普通的文書處理公司相等。這些除外，最主要的原因是：我最大的功能是策劃整個案子，設計謀略。不是「填表」！不是做那些不用腦就可以做的事！更不是幫人跑腿。我幫你策劃案子主要的宗旨就是盡量讓你少花錢、少出庭。我不是律師，所以我不以小時收費。對我來講，你的案子拖再久，對我也沒有任何經濟上的好處。我這個人比較喜歡爽快處理事情，快刀斬亂麻，所以以我的個性就是希望能夠盡快把你的案子處理好，布局讓對方盡快妥協。請仔細想想⋯你去找律師，他們是以小時會收費的。你的案子拖越久，搞到越麻煩、越複雜，需要出庭的次數越多⋯他們是不是錢就賺得比較多？所以一分錢一分貨的道理請牢記。再者，我的費用雖然比普通的文書公司高，可是比起律師來還是低的。

目前為止就這三個主要的理由，我希望在這裡把話講清楚了，至少可以減低放我鴿子的人。非誠勿擾。

每個人都有日子要過，有經濟上的負擔。我願意免費回答問題，但是希望不要有人濫用我的時間。問問題之前先規劃好自己想要知道些什麼，盡量一次過來問。更不要假裝要聘請我做案子然後不停的問我問題，當你以為自己的問題都問完了，要知道的都知道了⋯就言而無信，翻臉不認人。非常不成熟的處理事情方法。

法律這門學問非常的深奧。你以為你該懂得都懂了，其實連皮毛都不知道，所以奉勸各位不要有過河拆橋的心態。

我被兩個放鴿子。問了原因，說是因為我不去法庭幫他們交件。

我啼笑皆非⋯

1. 你他媽即將要打官司了，你連去法庭交個文件都不敢、懶⋯那你以後出庭打官司是預備怎樣？讓法官去你家嗎？

2. 老子我全加州都在收案子，如果每個都去幫忙遞件的話，那我乾脆不用回家了⋯ 住在車子裡好了。

3. 最白痴的是：請了解！我最大的功能是策劃整個案子，設計謀略。不是「填表」！不是做那些不用腦就可以做的事！更不是幫人跑腿。所以你為了「省事」，少跑一趟腿⋯隨便去找個人隨便幫你填填表⋯那我包準你以後出庭的機會多著了！

4. 我幫你策劃案子主要的宗旨就是盡量讓你少花錢、少出庭。你居然會因為懶得或不敢去法庭交件，隨便去找一個人？因小失大！以後出庭就讓那些律師慢慢榨乾你。狗咬呂洞賓⋯活該。

現代人的腦子是都廢了嗎！？可憐人必有可惡之處。你們儘管去貪便宜因小失大。到時候出了更大的問題是你們自找倒楣。如果還敢厚著臉皮再回來找我，我一定收你數倍的錢！要不然就叫你自己去死。

The Great Irony

Ever noticed that the more we care and love about something/someone (an item, a job, a situation, and most importantly, a person) the more we tend to become very possessive of them?

We tend to hold on so tightly because they are so important to us, to the point that we don't realize that we are really "suffocating" them and ourselves. We may become so obsessed with it, that we become more focused on fearing of losing them, then actually enjoying the time with them...

Soon, that becomes more of a burden to them and to us. And we are actually setting the situation up to drive them away, again, without us even realizing it.

This happened to my job before. I needed it so much, that the mere thought of losing it, became so terrifying for me, that I did everything I could to "prove my worth", and what happened was I became a "threat" for others, and I ended up losing the very thing I tried so hard to hold on to.

This also happens with people... most commonly with romantic partners and especially common with your kids. The more you cherish them -> the more you need them -> the more you become so "needy" towards them, that you grab on to them tighter and tighter -> you suffocate them -> them fed up with your neediness, and they leave you physically, emotionally, spiritually.

We need to learn to let things and people just “be”. Train ourselves to not have to depend on anything or anyone to survive, once we established our own grounds, then we can help others, and enjoy other’s company without getting disappointed (because we don’t need them for things, so our expectation of them becomes lower or non-existent. No expectation from others = little to no “conflict of interest”), or suffocating them (if we don’t need them, we don’t become “needy” with them, and they can come and go in our lives as they please, because it doesn’t affect us all that much, and they don’t feel we are tying them down, so they don’t need to try to break free from us).

The best way to hold onto something… ironically… is to learn to let go... give them space, give them freedom, give them free will.

What belongs to you, will stick with you. What doesn’t, no matter how hard to try to hold on to them, you’ll lose them.

When you procrastinate and wait for the other party to file for divorce, you are generally giving the control of the situation to someone that you are already having problems with… problems that are very personal… involving your children and assets.

You are also giving them time and incentive to plan things out… things that are/can be very damaging to you… such as moving money around, taking children away from you without notice.

If they have an attorney, and the attorney plays dirty tricks, you would be put in a very desperate situation, and people tend to take advantage of people in desperate situations instead of genuinely helping them.

So, when you go find an attorney in such a desperate situation, depending on your luck… you might very well be opening yourself up to be put in an even worse situation than you are already in. Except… 1. You’ll probably wouldn’t know because you’re not “legal savvy”; 2. You probably don’t have time to think about it because you’re in a desperate situation; 3. You probably don’t have a choice, even if you know because the other party might have taken all your money away; 4. You probably don’t have time to think about it because your response is about to be due… etc.

This is the society we live in now. This is the reality of this world.

Waiting for the other party to pull that trigger… is possibly the WORST “strategy” or lack thereof… you can use against yourself.

So, don’t procrastinate! Take care of things before they turn for the worse. Take control while you still have the opportunity of control.

Jeet Kune Do and Water: keys to solving problems in life

“The idea of intercepting is key to JKD, whether it be the interception of your opponent’s technique or his intent. The basic guiding principles are: Simplicity, Directness and Freedom (the form of no form).”

Bruce Lee was not only a great actor, a superior martial artist, but most importantly, an amazing philosopher.

In life, we are bound to run into people that would intend to do harm to us, whether physically, emotionally, financially, legally. It is part of reality, and we can’t really stop it from happening.

The philosophy behind Jeet Kune Do however, is when an attack against us happens, we anticipate the point and the path of the attack, then we use quick, simple, direct way to intercept the attack and minimize or prevent the potential damage.

In order to anticipate an attack, a thorough understanding of psychology is necessary. If you understand how a person think, then you can find a reason to their behavior and the purpose they’re trying to accomplish with their behavior. This works for physical attacks as well as attacks in life, whether it is legal, reputational, or people just being as****es.

If, and when you can see the purpose of somebody’s intended action against you, then you can figure out the path or the way they are likely to use for their attack.

If you can figure out the path of their attack then you can “cut them off” in the middle of their path.

Figuring out how they are going to attack is not enough. It is only half of the equation. The other half of the equation is how do you intercept them.

This goes to Bruce Lee’s other brilliant philosophical teaching: Be like water.

Water is shapeless and can turn into different forms. It has the power to support, but at the same time, destroy. It can give life, it can also take life. It is by its nature: limitless.

Knowledge is also limitless. It has the same exact qualities of water.

Therefore, it is important for us to learn and acquire as much knowledge as possible.

Ultimately though… knowledge is “useless” if you don’t have the creativity to use them wisely.

You can have the best set of tools and knowledge… but if you don’t know how to use them effectively, they are just there for “show”.

Therefore, allow yourself to be creative; think outside the box; to be limitless in your creative soul.

If you are willing to allow yourself to get on the path of becoming limitless, you will find that the problems that you encounter in life becomes a lot less burdensome. In fact, it can help you grow and learn more, and ultimately, help you improve yourself.

“Research your own experience. Absorb what is useful. Reject what is useless. Add what is essentially your own. “ – Bruce Lee

- It is scary and a great honor to figure out how much my own philosophy is similar to master Bruce Lee’s and how well they merge with each other.

穩

小的時候，外公教我練功夫。

跟很多電影裡面一樣的情節，外公猛叫我練馬步。告訴我馬步很重要，「樁」要打穩。

小的時候不懂，反正外公怎麼教我就怎麼練。

經過了幾十年的人生歷練，終於深深體會到腳步站得穩⋯在做人處事之中有多麼重要。

面對大風大浪，如果你的腳步不穩，風一吹你就倒。所以面對任何的挑戰⋯不要慌、不要亂。先要穩住陣腳，確認自己腳踏實地，你才能夠紮實的去面對之後接踵而來的挑戰。

碰到打官司的時候更是需要如此。你要確認自己的立場站得穩，「打勝仗」的機率才會高。

風水

現在人許多都認為風水屬於「迷信」。

風水本身的運作和箇中的奧秘的確是博大精深！不用盡心力去研究是絕對不可能懂的。有些人⋯就算耗盡畢生的心力去研究，也不一定能夠參透。

可是「風水」本身的「道理」其實非常簡單，而且是有絕對科學根據的。

在古代較為純樸的社會中，沒有這麼多的消費品時，一個普通的家庭居住的地方需要講究的是：通不通風？附近靠不靠水？水是不是活流？

風和水開始運作就會產生電流。

電流會影響到磁場。

所以我們住的地方風和水的流程怎麼安排、佈置就會影響到這個地方的磁場。而這個地方的磁場如何自然而然的也會影響到我們人本身的磁場。

我們人的磁場如果被負面的能量影響到，就會開始吸引、吸收更多的負能量。

現在家庭來講的話，消費品成為生活中的必需品。消費品本身是「死物」，通常不太會有能量和磁場。

可是如果你消費品的擺設影響到了風和水的流程，當然也就會影響到整個地方的磁場。

這就是「風水」最基本、最直接的道理。

這也就是為什麼風一開始刮起來就會影響到敝人我的磁場。

每個人八字不一樣，身體內的五行成分和結構也不一樣，所以磁場的能量也就不一樣。

有些風水和擺設對一些人好並不代表對每個人都好。

就像做法律一樣，某一個人的案子裡面適用的方式，並不代表每一個人的案子都適用。

為了「人」設計出來的任何學問，必須要深入研究才能夠為了不同的人來調整、運用。

風水如此，法律也如此。

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這是一支需要反覆觀看的影片 | 老高與小茉 Mr & Mrs Gao 【加入會員按鈕】https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMUnInmOkrWN4gof9KlhNmQ/join【訂閱頻道按鈕】https://goo.gl/VhzZeS------------------------------------------------相關鏈接：超出你想象的...

I woke up to a horrible looking popped blood vessel in my eye.

I did not sneeze, lift heavy stuff, or anything that may have physically cause it.

What I do have are stuffiness in my head, bad headache, and severe neck and shoulder pain for days.

So, I have to believe this was caused by stress.

I am going to have take a day off from the net and my computer after I send out a few emails to my current customers, so I can rest and calm my nerves before it gets worse.

I shall see you all online, I hope... tomorrow.

The Importance of the “why”

How many of you have been told or have told your kids or someone “just do it because I said so” or similar s**t like that?

How did you truly feel when someone tells you that?

Do you whole heartedly just do it willingly? OR… Do you go “F you, as soon as I don’t have to take your s**t, I will never do this s**t ever again!” ?

Humans, by nature, are rebellious. We crave freedom, we crave autonomy. We do not like to be told what to do by anyone… UNLESS, we can be convinced that doing such things are actually to our benefit.

That is where the “why” comes in.

As kids, we always ask “why”. S**t load of “whys”… which is probably a major reason why eventually, we were just told to “do it because I said so”.

But asking the “why” is our natural instinct to protect our own interest, and our innate urge to learn.

If we were brushed off and discouraged to learn, and just do what we are told, then we become thoughtless “robots”, “yes man”, unmotivated, sheep and cattle for people who can think to use and consume. We see a lot of those kind of people nowadays.

When I suggest someone to do something, especially in terms of legal matters, I always explain the “why”. It is important and respectful to help the person understand the logic, reason, benefit, and the necessity of doing such things, so it means something to them; so they can learn for themselves in the future.

We are supposed to help each other get better. As parents, as friends, as teachers, as a HUMAN BEING. We should see ourselves not as individuals, but as a collective group, and if the group is doing good, then we all doing good.

The “why” is an important factor to achieve that goal. People need to know why they are doing what they are asked/suggested to do, so they understand the concept behind it, and therefore, the value and necessity of what they are doing. That way, they can pass on that knowledge to others. The more we as humans are given that kind of positive knowledge, the less mistakes people as a whole make. The less mistake people make, the better the world we live in.

So, please, as frustrating as it can be… always try to have the wisdom and the patience to explain the “whys”. ESPECIALLY if you are a parent.

Just like kids are suppose to play, humans are suppose to make mistakes.

We are here to be tested, therefore, mistakes are necessary part of the learning course.

It is so we know where we need to improve.

As such... acknowledge and accept your mistakes. They are not there to “shame” you. They are made to help you better yourself.

Refusing to admit fault, refusing to acknowledge that you... just like anyone else, make mistakes, is to deny yourself the improvements you needed.

The Psychological States of a Minor Child in a Family with Strained Relationship

Any living being with a basic ability to process thoughts would not like to be living in a restrictive condition, where they don’t have autonomy, or may even be feeling… helpless.

In the US, until a child reached the age of 18, this is the condition they are in… or at least, they “feel” they are in.

Even in the most harmonious family, a child would always crave for “autonomy”, let alone a family with strained relationships.

In a family where one party (usually the male) is very controlling, if not, abusive in terms of mental, emotional, financial, and even physical abuse, and the other party (usually female, particularly Asians) reacts by keeping a low profile, if not, in a timid, and submissive manner… what a child in this type of family sees is: a violent, abusive, overpowering father; and a defenseless, inefficient, untrustworthy mother.

Children can process some complicated and emotional thoughts, but since they are still young and inexperienced in the world, their thoughts may be askew. This type of situation can easily trigger their “fight or flight” response.

FIGHT – Usually happens with an older child, one with more self-confidence, and strong personality. They would start going up against their father (or the abusive parent) and protect the weaker parent. But at the same time, if the weaker parent remains timid and submissive, the child could and most likely would start building some resentment and disrespect towards the weaker parent for not standing up for themselves. The child would feel a lot of stress and pressure, he/she would feel insecure in this type of condition, and cannot relax. He/she is supposed to be the “protected” but instead, feels an obligation to be the “protector” having to protect someone that is supposed to protect him against the other person who is also suppose to be a protector. A child under this kind of situation can’t wait to get out of the family and go on his/her own. Most likely would keep a very loose relationship with his/her parents, if any at all.

FLIGHT – Usually happens with children of younger age, or lacking self-confidence, with a shy, reclusive personality, and/or someone that has already emotional issues causing their thought process to be skewed.

1. The child is intimidated by the abusive father. They are seriously in need of the mother to protect them and provide some sense of security. BUT, if the mother herself is behaving like a powerless “victim”, then the child will become totally insecure. With this type of insecurity, there is great amount of pressure; and for a child with this type of personality, they start to become reclusive and holds everything in, because they can’t trust their abusive father; can’t trust their timid and defenseless mother who can’t even protect herself; too timid, shy, and untrusting towards anyone else to talk and release some of these pressure, so the pressure and stress builds up and they resort to very negative means to release their pressure, such as abuse small animals, bullying weaker kids, and if things gets serious enough, they form homicidal and suicidal thoughts.

2. The child is intimidated by the abusive father. However, in order to deal with this fear, they start to sympathize with the “strong and powerful”, and triggers the “Might is Right” justification. They start to abuse the weaker parent with the stronger parent. Not because they are on the stronger parent’s side, but to use the weaker parent as a “test subject” to test out their own power. By this point, they have lost their sympathy for the weaker parent, as well as any respect and trust for both parents. The only thing they respect is “power”, so eventually, they would do anything to have more power, money, authority, and have no respect for humanity. Eventually, they will lose their own humanity and become the worst type of abuser themselves.

I understand totally, the tremendous amount of pressures that we have to deal with as “adults”, especially when you have to fight and defend against someone that you supposedly can depend on. However, children are our responsibility. The highest priority level of responsibility. Since we decided to give birth to them, then we must handle the responsibility. We need to carefully monitor what they are thinking and make sure their thought process and development is on the right track.

We all watch the news and hear and read reports of how much crime and despicable human beings out there, making this world a freaking hell. Of course, these people have to be held responsible on their own for their decisions and stop blaming others, especially their parents for what they did… however, before they make these types of decisions, wouldn’t it still be their parents’ responsibility to make sure when they are still young that the type of horrible thoughts never should of cross their minds to begin with?

A child needs at least one person (preferably a parent) that can be a good role model for them. To show them what it means to be strong, courageous, righteous, ethical, and responsible; give them a sense of security. Let them know what is right and what is wrong, and WHY certain things are considered right and others wrong. So, in a family where the father failed or chooses not to be that person, then the mother should step up and be that person.

We should all remember that when we are kids, we actually know a lot more than what our adults thinks we do. We observe and we process things a lot more complex than what we were given credit for. The bad part about that is: we need proper guidance. I’ve recently wrote an article about how knowledge is like a weapon. It can be used to protect as well to hurt people, depending on how the person chooses to use the knowledge. Things that we learned when we were kids can be very harmful and damaging without proper guidance.

As adults, we need to stop telling ourselves that kids only think about having fun. Kids are very sensitive and alert, and they tend to learn by how they “feel”. So, we need to always take time to focus on their thought process, NO MATTER what we are going through.
For a parent that is dealing with abuse from the other parent. You need to start standing up not only for yourself, but for your child. Be that role model; give your child that sense of security.

小孩的心態

任何一個有基本思考能力的生命體，都不會喜歡處於一個受到限制，不能自主⋯「無助」的環境之中。

在美國，小孩子18歲之前，基本上就是處在這種環境之中。至少⋯在他們的「感覺」上，是處在這種環境之中。

就算是再和諧的家庭，小孩子也會渴望著「自主權」。更何況是一個「關係緊張」的家庭之中。

通常在亞洲人夫妻當中，關係緊張的家庭男方會比較「強勢」。通常是有精神、情緒、經濟，甚至肢體上的暴力。而亞洲女性通常都是以低姿態、逆來順受、能忍則忍的方式處理。

在這種模式的家庭之中原本已經覺得沒有自主權的小孩所看到的是「蠻橫殘暴」的老爸跟一個「懦弱無能」的母親。

小孩子開始懂思想可是心智並還沒成熟。看到這種狀況就自然而然會啟動所謂的「fight or flight」意識。

Fight - 通常年紀比較大一點，比較有個性、有自信心的小孩會選擇走這一條路。會開始頂撞父親，保護母親。但同時⋯心裡面也會不滿意母親的軟弱。時間久了這樣的小孩會想盡快地離開這個家。對母親如果還沒有失望到底的話，離開家以後會跟母親保持一個「關心」的關係。如果對母親的軟弱已經失望透頂的話，那就是跟父母雙方保持最基本、最輕、甚至沒有聯繫。

Flight - 通常年紀比較小，或者是心理成長已經有偏差，缺乏自信心，個性比較軟弱的小孩會走這條比較危險的路。以下幾種狀況：
1. 小孩面對父親的蠻橫會被嚇到。極度渴望和需要母親保護。可是如果母親也是以軟弱的態度面對的話⋯那小孩子會完全缺乏安全感。在缺乏這種安全感的時候壓力會倍增，所以小孩子通常會開始自閉。因為他覺得父親可怕、母親又沒有能力保護他，他也沒有自信心找別人去紓解這個壓力⋯他只能夠把所有的壓力困在自己的心中。這種壓力堆積久了⋯他需要紓解，就會開始凌虐小動物或比他弱的人。更嚴重一點的，會有想要殺人或自殺的傾向。

2. 小孩因為心裡極度的軟弱跟恐懼會開始用納粹黨的「might is right」心態來調節和平衡這種壓力。也就是「有能力者做的一切都是對的」。他們會開始跟著父親一起欺凌母親。他們會開始渴望「能力」，失去對弱小的同情心，失去親情，慢慢地⋯失去人性。他們從小耳濡目染加上心智還沒成熟導致對分析事情的曲解，會讓他們長成一個只渴望金錢和能力的心態。慢慢地會成為社會中的敗類。

大人們在處理成年人的事情，尤其是碰到家庭破碎的時候⋯的確是已經心力交瘁、夠煩了。可是小孩子是一種「責任」，既然生了就必須要好好教養。要隨時注意到他們心態的成長和變化。現在社會上一大堆敗類、人渣⋯雖然不能完全說是父母的過錯，可是在他們還小的時候心態開始偏差、走歪的時候⋯是不是應該由父母來注意到，加以調整呢？

一個小孩需要至少一位勇敢、堅強、有擔當，正面的教材、典範。給他們安全感，讓他們看到什麼是「對的」，以及「為什麼」是「對的」，而且不是只是嘴巴上講一講，而是真正的以身作則。

所以⋯ 在一個關係緊張的家庭中，如果父親做不了或選擇不做這個「典範」的話，那母親就必須要站起來為了小孩做這個典範。

我們都記得自己小的時候其實思考能力往往會超過自己年紀。看得、想得、懂得，都比大人以為我們的底線要高。可惜更可怕的就是，當時心智還沒成熟（之前我有寫過一篇「知識是一種武器」，可以幫人，也可以傷人）所以我們這些學到的東西，如果用錯了方向，很可能會對我們的心態和成長造成傷害。

做大人的不要以為小孩子什麼都不懂，只想吃喝玩樂。小孩子特別容易憑「感覺」來學事情。所以隨時要注意到他們的感覺，確保沒有任何偏差。

碰到家暴或者是冷暴力的母親，要懂得站起來！為了自己⋯更是為了小孩！

Less is More

“Quality over quantity”. Everyone’s heard of that idea. But how to put it into practice?

When I started to write a three-page article about how I play with my pups in excruciating detail… How many of y’all would read it… read it clearly… finishing reading it?

Judges are the same. While everything happened to you that led up to you filing this paperwork is very important to you (and justifiably so), to the judges (just an employee of the court… doing his/her same old boring job every freaking day for God knows how many hours…), it is just reading a bunch of stuff that happened to someone else that he/she really has no interest in. He reads it because he have to, definitely not because he “wants to”, and if you have ten pages of excruciating details, guess what, it’s not getting read carefully, if at all.

Keep it short, concise, to the point, and don’t involve anything else that does not have a direct/immediate impact to the “what and why” you are asking for.

If you feel like you need all that details to write your “masterpiece”… guess what… no one would know it is a “masterpiece” or not, if no one has the patience to read it.

We all do this. It’s just that we don’t think the same rule applies to us when we are the one that needs someone else’s attention and patience.

How many of y’all sit there, listening to some random woman you just met go on and on and on about how cute and smart her kid is, and you just wish you can slap her across the face and tell her: I DON”T GIVE A S**T!!

I don’t read any long messages. So, you write a long ass message, you don’t get my input. Same goes with other old farts that are impatient like me.

So… less is more. The less (concise and to the point) you write, the more information you get to really tell your reader. Because chances are, you haven’t lost their attention and patience yet.

(I will talk about this more later on)

Good morning to all. I am planning to be off from 12/26/22 - 01/02/23. Wish all a merry Christmas and a very happy, safe, and prosperous 2023.

A Sushi Chef started to chit chat with a customer sitting at the bar who happens to be an attorney.

Chef: So, what law do you practice?

Atty: I do family law.

Chef: Oh ok. Can I ask you a question about my contract dispute with the landlord?

Atty: Sure, as soon as you make me a Taco.

Chef: …

「兵在精不在多」的生活哲學

我在我的法律生涯中學到相當寶貴的一課就是：文件內容寫得多並不代表好。你要抓住重點一針見血。

法官看你寫一大堆東西，很快就會失去耐心。有的就乾脆直接不看。就像我個人一樣，一看到有人寫長篇大論⋯我連看都懶得看。不看⋯就不知道內容寫得好與不好。

但是你東西寫太少，沒有抓到重點也不行。法官看你就寫了這麼兩句⋯什麼重點都沒抓到，就會覺得你這個人做事不好好做、不用心。既然你連這重要的「第一印象」都不用心的話⋯那觀人於微，你基本上做人、帶小孩、處理事情的整體態度⋯很可能也都不用心。那法官憑什麼要聽你的？

我們做人不也是？

什麼都想要「多一點」。

錢多一點；好吃的東西吃多一點；人際關係多一點；活著的日子多一點⋯

你錢賺這麼多，有的人根本不用！然後繼續拼命賺，賺到自己的自由都沒有，從各方面、各角度都成為錢的奴隸。死了留給孩子。孩子要不就亂花，要不就不懂得賺錢的辛苦學到他們自己該學的寶貴人生課程⋯何苦？

有些人為了錢⋯喪盡天良，壞事做盡，靈魂負面點數爆滿！何苦？

錢⋯夠用就好了。不用拼死拼活的做它的奴隸。更不應該為了錢去害人又傷害了自己的德行。

好吃的東西吃這麼多⋯要知道東西越「好吃」，裡面的調味、醬料就越多。這些東西對身體都是不好的。你吃這麼多，有沒有想過身體正在受傷害？

你可能不怕生病，或者連想都沒想過這樣亂吃會導致自己生病。我曾經也是這樣子。暴飲暴食、什麼東西都亂吃；都要「吃多一點」⋯到最後緊急送進醫院的時候：錢，賺不了；自己受苦、受怕、受痛、受屈辱已經很不好挨了，最可惡的就是：還要連累我的家人。當時我一線間連命都可能沒有了！主要原因就是因為吃。

亂吃、貪吃、多吃直接的跟你想要「錢多一點」和「想要活久一點」的目標對沖。

吃⋯足夠營養、足夠熱量，就夠了。吃對身體有益的食物，少量。食物在精不在多。

人際關係⋯建立這麼多？是想要利用別人嗎？如果這些人真的傻到輕易就被你利用的話⋯你要他們有什麼用？

如果他們不傻⋯那到底是你在利用他們？還是他們在利用你？還是互相利用？

這種有「利益代價」的「交情」⋯往往都是最脆弱的。我是過來人。年輕的時候總想要人幫我，最後被人當傻子一樣，最後還覺得迷失自我。自己看著鏡子裡的我⋯都覺得討厭、噁心。

最慘的是⋯當你對別人的利用價值失去的時候，那些人的嘴臉和會做出來的絕情事情，說出來那種絕情的話⋯ 可以自己回想一下，應該都有些經驗的。

人越早了解到什麼事情最終都是要靠自己的，你往後的日子就越輕鬆、越好過。心理債、人情債就越輕，甚至沒有。

真正交心的朋友，非常難找。能找到幾個，就是上天的恩惠，也就夠了。

喜歡廣結善緣是好事，幫助人是好事。只不過要記得：做好事不要一心只想著「回報」。手心要向下，不要向上。

最後⋯也是最重要的。每個人都會怕死，都想要活久一點。

活這麼久⋯看到自己各方面的體能不斷地在下降然後死壞；能做的事情越來越少；什麼事情最後變得都需要人來幫忙、處理，最後演變成清理⋯真的這麼好嗎？

我個人經過這些年來的磨練和思考，真的覺得活得長、短不重要。最重要的是活得有沒有意義。

意義不代表你是慈善家，或「拯救了全世界」⋯而是你的心靈成長最後是不是正面的。

每一件事情發生，不管它實質的效果是好、是壞，最終都是你在面對這些人事物的時候你最後得到的靈性成長是正面還是負面的才最重要。

就像之前寫的「生命學校論」，你碰到不會做的習題，作弊、自暴自棄、撒手放棄，不去面對⋯那你就沒學到該學的。那這個經驗對你來講完全是負面的。

在過程中學經驗，而「經驗」，你是要學到正面的！對靈性有「榮神益人」增長的一面。而不是處處往壞處出想，鑽牛角尖。

如果什麼事情你碰到都是以負面的角度去思考，專門吸收負面能量的話⋯那活得越久不是越辛苦？

如果碰到事情你都能夠正面思考，然後得到正面能量的話⋯ 那在適當時候，該走的時候就走。豈不也沒浪費這一生？

有些得到的高僧，自己知道何時應該坐化，因為他們知道在這一個「學習階層」，他們已經學到自己該學的。沒有必要繼續多留。

結論：多⋯不一定好。我們真正該注意的是「質」而不是「量」。

我們人天生的本性就是善惡並存。這是宇宙間的定律和道理。有神就有魔，有黑就有白，有晝就有夜，有好就有壞。

宇宙間的終極定律就是一切都要平衡。一旦失去平衡就會大亂，甚至毁滅。

我們人也是如此。

善惡都要去面對，更是要懂得隨時隨地調整，保持住平衡。

不能一天到晚只把善良的一面炫耀出來，然後硬性壓制惡的一面⋯要知道，壓得越久⋯它反彈的就越嚴重。

當然我們也不能夠放縱自己惡的那一面，不做任何管束。放縱越久，尺度越大⋯尺度越大，就越難收拾、節制。到最後就迷失本性成為一個極惡的禍害。

現在這個社會假冒偽善的雙面人和窮凶極惡的禍害越來越多。為什麼？就是因為不懂、不願意、甚至從來沒想過自己要去維持內心的平衡和調整。

出了什麼問題⋯怪父母，怪社會，怪朋友，怪別人，怪命運，怪老天爺⋯反正都不是自己的錯！

如果自己什麼都沒錯⋯那是否代表這個人應該是「完美」的？一個「完美」的人事物就不會有空間進步⋯ 沒有進步的空間和需要的話⋯ 那為什麼這些自以為完美的人還是這麼的不完美？

知道錯了，就要找到錯的根源在哪裡。找到根源在哪裡，才可以慢慢做調整、修復。做法律是如此，為人處事也是如此。

值得思考一下。

We are born with both good and evil side within. This is the law of the Universe. God/Devil, Black/White, Day/Night, Good/Evil.

The absolute law of the Universe is everything must be BALANCED. Because anything out of balance, problem arises, some… would have catastrophic consequences.

Humans play by the same rule.

We have to acknowledge both the good, and the evil within us, and we have to learn how to control and adjust, and keep it balanced.

As much as most people like to present themselves as kind, nice, full of moral and ethics… the bottom line is we cannot be “all good all the time”, because it is exhausting… it is fake; and the more and the harder we suppress our evil side, the higher it rebounds WHEN (not IF, because it will bust and rebound)we reach that breaking point and all hell breaks loose.

OF COURSE, we also cannot be “All evil all the time”. The longer we leave our evil side (mainly our weakness to the Seven Deadly Sins – they are very VERY VERY real and VERY VERY VERY powerful) uncontrolled, the more we are numb to it. The more we are numb to it, then it becomes “us”. We become “evil” itself, and we don’t even realize it… Or by that point, even if we realize it, we don’t care, some would even welcome it. Then, we become a threat to humanity.

The world as is right now is full of fake two-face people, and threats to humanity. Turn on the new… pay attention at work and look at some of the people you work with… they are all around us. WHY? Because people don’t want to; don’t know how: or some… the thought never even crossed their mind… to maintain a balance between the good and evil within themselves.

If anything goes wrong, it is always “someone else’s fault”; society has taught us to always be proud of ourselves no matter what kind of failure we really are. Taught us to always be ourselves and stick to what we believe, no matter how wrong, immoral, senseless our “belief” could be… When something goes wrong, people blame their parents, the society, friend, others, circumstances, luck, even God… it is never their fault, because they can NEVER be wrong. If you can “NEVER” be wrong, then… that means you are “perfect”. If you are “perfect”, then that means you have no need nor room for any improvements. So… why are you still so flawed?

It is important… if not, essential to our survival, to acknowledge that we are not perfect, and we make mistakes. Because only when you acknowledge that you make mistakes, THEN can you try to find the source of the mistake, and fix it, and improve yourself. This is how it works in doing legal work; this is how it works in life… or at least, it should be.

Something worth thinking about…

Things have been happening and now I have to handle some personal/family matter on Monday. Therefore, I will be unavailable until Tuesday. However, I have decided to reinstate Thursdays to my contact days starting next week, and I will update that when I am back to work.

I apologize in advance for any inconvenience.

I am going off grid until Monday, November 28, 2022. I will not be available for any and all communication until then. Wish you all a happy Thanksgiving in advance.

正式開始休假直到下星期一，11月28號2022。在下星期一之前我不會查看任何訊息、簡訊、電郵。預祝各位有一個愉快的感恩節。

訓練自己寫詩的好處

五言絕句和七言絕句，在短短4句，20到28個字內要鍛鍊自己把一個主題的精髓給敘述出來。

就像寫書法一樣，筆劃越少⋯字越難寫得好。

同樣的道理⋯字、句越少，越難詳盡敘述出一個理念，而且還要顧及到押韻。

我常常強調，做法律文件給法官看的時候要抓重點，不要寫一大堆有的沒的。

寫詩⋯就是這個概念的最佳鍛鍊方式。

我想大家應該都還記得我們以前上學的時候，同一個老師同一個課程內容教出來的學生卻有好有壞。

道理很簡單。我們每一個人都不一樣，所以不能夠依靠同樣的方法來指望解決所有人「類似的問題」。

這些問題⋯表面上儘管再「相似」⋯實質上還是存在著無數的變數。

做法律也是相同的道理。每一個人需要辦離婚的時候，表面上的問題不就是離婚、分資產、爭小孩、撫養費、贍養費？可是會因為每一個人本身的性格、所做過的事情、處理事情的方法、法官、和實際上的狀況⋯種種因素而產生不同需要面對的細節問題和不同的效果。

所以我一再強調處理案件時，心理學、戰略、謀略的重要性。如果很多律師都只靠他們懂的一套法律來處理每一個客人表面相似而細節卻截然不同的案件的話⋯那就會像我們小時候上課一樣，有些時候矇中了就僥倖處理得好，有些⋯你就會失敗，而且失敗的不明不白！這⋯似乎一切都是在靠「運氣」⋯？

無疑，做人處事⋯「運氣」是很重要的！可是一個負責任的人、輸不起的人，必須要把被「運氣」掌控的成分減到最低，而自己能夠掌控的成分增值到最高。

這就是懂得應用心理學來設計謀略和策略的重要性。

I think we can all remember back when we were in school, the same teacher teaching the same exact course material to a group of students, some students would get good grades, some would struggle, and some would fail.

The reason is actually quite simple. We are all different. One set of method does not and cannot work with everyone. Just because we may have similar problems on the surface, there are actually countless underlying variables.

The same principle works with legal matters. On the surface, a marriage dissolution case all has the same issues: Divorce, custody, support issues, property and debt vision... etc. However, even though all cases are dealing with these issues, does not mean all situations are the same. Our personalities, how we handle things, what did us or the other party do, what actually happened, the person we hired to handle our cases, the judge, and the actual situations we are in are all variables that can yield very different results from case to case.

This is why I kept emphasizing the importance of psychology and strategies. If an attorney always uses the same set of rules that he/she has become so comfortable with to argue every case, then... just like the school situation I talked about at the beginning... some are going to be successful, and some are bound to fail. It kind of feels like a lot of this is left to... "Luck"?

It is no doubt that "luck" is a very important element in dealing with matters. BUT, a responsible person, a person who does not like to lose, HAVE TO keep the proportion depending on "luck" to the minimum and raise as much proportion that we can actually control to the maximum.

This is why psychology and strategies are so important; it increases the proportion that we can control.