Santa Rosa Grief and Loss, Trauma Counseling, by Frieda L. Ferrick, MFT

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

To Your Own Self Be True.

Being Authentic in a busy world is challenging. Some days all we can do is get up, and get out of the door to go off to school, work, being at home with children or whatever else we may do in the mornings. So why is being authentic so significant, and what does that actually mean?

Being authentic means knowing who you are and what you want. What do you want to do with your life, your heart, your resources. There are plenty of people out there willing to tell you what you should do and why its important to do it in the way they think is right for you. I am here to tell you, that one path, one way does not fit everyone.

Being true to yourself is so important because, if you are going to be content, accepting and have some happiness in your life, you must listen to your own inner wise person.

There really is enough to go around, even though we are told that this is not true. We are set up to be competitive, independent and self serving. I believe that you can take care of yourself first and have the time and energy then to be helpful and kind.

There may be many bumps on the road, there may be detours, closed doors, but if you do the best you can, and pay attention to who you are and what you need, you will find a way to make a life that is meaningful and rich for you.

One other thought is to unplug every day for awhile, let the sorrow and the news of the world go for awhile while you recharge your own batteries, listen to your own voice and come around full circle to being true to yourself.

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

BEAUTY LIVES

Beauty lives,
in the small cracks
of our lives
and if we are
too busy to notice
we lose these
precious moments

It is a child's hug,
a friend's encouragement
the hand that helps
us up
when we fall

There are reminders
during difficult times
that the bird's song
the fluttering of butterfly wings
is there for us

The music that is in our hearts
helps us
to hang on

But it is kindness,
that keeps us going

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

LIFE JUST IS!

We start off
our lives,
as newborns,
we learn
how to breathe
as we enter the world
and at the end
of our lifetime,
we just let go

And so in between,
the questions are,
have we loved, cared,
shown up
in our own lives?

And, at the end of the day,
do we accept ourselves
and feel content?

Let us hope,
we can learn
to honor who we are

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

BROKEN PIECES OF ART

Kintsuigi is a Japanese process
where the take gold and repair
broken pieces of art
the finished product is stronger
than the original vase, bowl,
plate or cup

That feels like people
who have been hurt,
and start in their own way,
to heal,
they take steps
to mend
and end up being stronger
and truer than they
were originally

We are all
beautiful pieces
of art.

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

I saw a sign today at the YMCA
and it said:
“ without change
there would be no butterflies.”

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

TENDING YOUR INNER GARDEN

You can chose
to tend to your
garden of your inner life.

Or you can neglect
this precious source
of self

Hoping you can learn
that by working
on the internal part
of you,
you can bring
inspiration, joy and peace
into your life.

And really,
can anything
be better
than that?

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

I have shared this before, but Viktor Frankl's message is timeless.

One message that I have kept inside of me is that when we have a sense of purpose, we do better as humans.

Man’s Search for Meaning Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl's memoir has riveted generat…

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

HOLDING ON TO HOPE.

Hold on to hope,
through the dark
of the night

Hold on to hope,
even though your mind,
says there is none,
open the curtain,
put your face toward the sun,
let it shine on you

Hold onto hope,
through the newspapers
are filled with despair,
hold onto hope,
even though you may feel
alone and bitter

Hold on to you and know,
that everything changes
the rain that falls,
so hard and steady
will stop
the sun will come out

Over time,
you will come back
to life,
so, hold onto hope

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

BROKEN PIECES OF ART.
Kintsuigi is a Japanese process
where they take gold,
and repair broken pieces
of pottery
The finished product is stronger
than the original vase,
bowl, plate or cup
That feel like people,
who have been hurt,
and start
to heal, in their own way
they take steps to mend
and end up being stronger
and truer
than they were originally
Kintsuigi
we are all beautiful pieces
of art
The cracks
show that we have lived
and are coming home,
to ourselves

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

HEALTHY ATTACHMENT VS. UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENT

We can misunderstand the Buddhist view of non-
attachment. As if all attachment is to be feared.

This is far from the truth. We have to understand
that unhealthy attachment
is where someone is using, abusing or suffocating you
not allowing you to be you and to be free to make
your own choices.

Healthy attachment is important. It is how we survive as a
species. When we are babies we need to be taken care of
and so we attach to our moms or whoever is the
primary caregiver.

After we start to grow up, it becomes important to
have clear boundaries of what is ok and not ok for us.

As parents it is our job to have healthy attachments
to our children. And to know when to let them
fly on their own, to love them from a distance.

Remember, these are my opinions!

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

JUST ORDINARY

Some stories
have no villains,
no heroes,
just ordinary people
with pieces
of their hearts breaking

Some stories are about
those pieces of the heart
that are broken, crushed,
so small
that there is no putting
these pieces back together

And yet, life teaches us
that we can come back
and re-create ourselves
and grow
a new heart

Some stories
have no villains,
no heroes
and are just stories
of ordinary people
coming back to life.

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

TEARS AND MEMORIES

Grief brings us
sadness, longing
and memories
of those we love

When someone we love,
dies, it is hard
to breathe
and move
through life

And yet we do,
I know this to be true,
as a witness, to my
clients, family and friends.

Here is to life and love,
tears and joy,
silliness and strength

Tears and memories
are what we
are left with

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

BEAUTIFUL REMINDER BY KURT VONNEGUT!

Make Your Soul Grow: 84-Year-Old Kurt Vonnegut's Wonderful Letter to a Group of High School Students "Practice any art... not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming , to find out what's inside you, to make your soul grow."

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

Today is Father's Day.
Some of us had good enough dads,
some of us are good enough dads

Some of us had dads that were absentee
or mean

So if this is a good day for you, celebrate,
if it isn't a good day for you,
celebrate that you survived and are doing
the best you can to be a good person.

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

HEALING GRIEF

Time is one of the healers
of our heart's wounds

As we move through
stormy days, weeks
and months
the repairs begin.

Through our pain
nature moves in
stitching our hearts
back together

We start to see color
around us
and we wonder,
is it ok
for us to work and play?

Sometimes, it feels scary
being pulled back,
into life,
without the person
we loved so much

As we move,
taking baby steps,
one minute at a time
one hour at a time
we come back
to our lives
with the understanding
that we have changed

No matter how different
we feel
just know that this love
we had
still lives within us

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

OUR JOURNEY/OUR JOB

We sometimes wish,
we could save others,
people we love,
from their mistakes,
from their pain
we want to ease
their way

What can we do?
love, support them,
have conversations,
and sometimes,
that is all we can do
and sometimes,
yes, sometimes,
even that is not enough

So, we may have to let
go of the feelings
of being responsible,
for it is not
our job
to save others
or to make their lives easier
and sometimes,
even though we may know
that inside, it may be
painful to recognize
that reality

And that my friends,
is the truth

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

SATURDAY THOUGHTS

Today, be the
best version of yourself

Appreciate life,
around you
open up your mind,
and heart
smell the coffee
and the roses

Today be mindful
as you take a walk,
visit a Farm Market,
if you have one

Today, listen
to the sounds
of the birds,
feel the breeze
rushing through
the branches
of the majestic trees

Be aware of the
tremendous
life forces around
and how beautiful
this time of year is

Today, be the best
version of you

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

A THERAPIST'S HOPE FOR HER CLIENTS

I hope that you start
your healing journey
and start to untangle
the webs
that are not yours

I hope that you become
the best version
of yourself
that got buried,
by your parents,
our world and perhaps
in order to survive, you

I hope that you begin,
to gain and understand
who you are
and never lose
that person again.

So, I hope and pray
that you start healing
and that you keep looking forward

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

WHO KNOWS HOW LONG OUR LIVES WILL LAST?

I read something today that touched my heart.
It was an article by a therapist who had received
the diagnosis of cancer.

The article was about her journey of how to take
care of herself and yet, not drop her clients,
whom it seemed clear to me, were important to her.

What this article reminded me, is that we don't know
how long our time on the earth is and not to neglect
ourselves.

To take care of ourselves and replenish
from the well so we don't burn out.

To be around people who are loving and caring
and also to be aware
we are all human beings and the clock is ticking.

How do you want to be remembered?

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

Today I came upon a new word to me, meliorism.

https://themindsjournal.com/quotes/meliorism-a-belief-that-the-world-can-be-improved/

I thought I would share it here.
Sometimes the outer world and our own
inner world feels sad, hopeless or in pain.

But together we can rise.

Meliorism: A Belief That The World Can Be Improved Meliorism(n.) a belief that the world can be improved through human effort; when human beings interfere and put effort to better a natural process

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

ACCEPTING WHO YOU ARE.

One day, I hope,
you will realize,
who you are,
and what you give
to the world,
just by your existence.

If you compare yourself,
to others, you will always
fall short,
if you challenge yourself
to grow and change,
you will become
the best version
of yourself.

Here is to love,
acceptance and kindness
to others, but
first to yourself.

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

We all have feelings that was not given
a voice.
Mr. Rogers says it so well.

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

TO ALL SURVIVORS OF TRAUMA.

You might be little,
you might be big,
but you survived
and retained your humanity,
your wisdom and courage

Don't let anyone
strip you of your medals
you have earned them,
now, please go out and live
your life.

Enjoy the gentle rains,
the new blossoms of spring,
enjoy jokes and laughter,
music, art and nature
books and conversations

Enjoy each day
and know
that you are here
for a reason
and that you are unique
and a gift to us all.

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

HAPPINESS

Happiness does not just appear
ready for you to feel
continuous joy
it does not appear
like a butterfly on a blossom

No, it is more elusive
so running after it
does not help

Acceptance of self
is key,
when there is contentment
that lodges
in the heart
then moments of joy
will dance in your body
and take up
a new room
inside of you

Happiness comes
from loving ourselves
and others
as we grow, stretch,
and change

Happiness may
come and go
but love and connections
remain

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

RESILIENCY

I believe in the resiliency,
of humans,
their spirit and heart
rebound even after
incredible adversity

People's ability
to endure and thrive,
to grow and be present,
in their own lives
is a miracle of its own

Time passes,
joy comes slowly
arriving with the morning sun
no stopping Joy,
as she survives and flourishes
within our hearts
beyond our expectations.

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

GRIEVING

As you travel down,
this road of grief,
take your water bottle
with you,
for you will not know
how long this journey
will take

As you travel down,
the road of grief,
nothing will make sense,
the days will be long,
the nights longer,
carry a soft blanket
with you

You will hear,
the voices
of your family and friends
from afar
it will be a distant whisper
as you travel down,
this road of grief.

As much as you
desperately hope,
that there will be shortcuts,
you will find none
nor any detours
to be found

Sorrow wells up,
and tears will come
until you feel
that your heart
has cracked open

One day, you will wake up,
and even though,
your journey is not over
you will realize,
that you are slowly
but surely,
returning to life.

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE.

THE ROLLER COASTER RIDE OF GRIEF.

Riding the unexpected
waves of grief,
that feeling hits you
in the heart
and gut
never knowing
when you will be
slammed hard
falling to the ground,
your tears
hitting
on innocent pillows

And you wonder,
will I ever feel
normal again?
and what is that
anyway?

So you know,
you are riding
the roller coaster,
of grief.

Time is relentless
yet, you ache
waiting for it
to keep moving you away
from this time,
when you were
left behind

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

I wrote this poem a number
of years ago and shared it before.
I think it is an important message.

THE ART OF SAYING NO

A great poet,
Naomi Shihab Nye,
wrote about the art
of disappearing
and though I can
understand that very real
need, of not being there,
for others to find,
I would rather learn
the art of saying NO.

No, I don't want to go there,
no, I don't have time,
to work on that project,
no, I am not available
for what I am really
thinking, is this,
that I want more
alone time

I don't want to disappear
as I did when I was younger,
Now I want to be present,
I want to be authentic,
I want to be able
to say no, and stick
with it

As the years tick on by
I am beginning
to be a better student
of this art, of saying no
and I must say,
I like it

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

GRIEF TIPTOES THROUGH US

Grief tiptoes
through the house
and then lands,
like an elephant
on our hearts.

WISDOM FROM THE SLOW LANE

WHAT IS LEFT BEHIND?

When someone you love dies,
what is left behind?

A fragment,
a picture,
a memory,
a sound,
and a heartache

When someone you love dies,
what is it that keeps
that person alive
inside of you?

It is love, that keeps
that person alive in you
never to leave,
and just know
you are not alone

And so, I will tell you this,
you will survive,
and you you will never
be quite the same