CHAZ FIRE & EMS

Man it’s been two years since CHAZ.

I miss it, I miss the feeling of purpose. I miss looting s**t and like yelling at fascist. I miss being triggered and most importantly crying.

Who’s hiring they/them’s? Also I won’t take a test or any physical test as I’m pansexual, so yeah.

- Chief Chub 

My mom just woke me up from my nap, said something about people all pi**ed off over some white kid. We uh doing this s**t or nah?

Now it's easier to send CHAZ FIRE & EMS a message.

Good times may be coming! With the removal of about 150 Seattle Fire Fighters due to not being vaccinated, we may have a chance at getting hired!

The city is spending over $100,000 per day (that’s $3 million per month) in overtime to fill the spots! That’s a helluva deal instead of just allowing the members to wear masks that Dept policies already say they “work.” If we get in now, that cash could be in our pockets! I may finally be able to move out of Mom’s basement!

Our comrades at CHAZ Fire Department are suspending operations.

We have added additional staff to assist if needed. Once we clear the local feminist rally.

Now that the Democrats are officially recognizing Juneteenth, we will be SUSPENDING OPERATIONS until June 29, 2021 so our crews can properly celebrate. If you have an emergency, CHAZ Police Department might have a fire extinguisher or something.

Greetings comrades. I’m fresh out of Facebook jail. Those dirty fascists reported me for hate speech and bullying some snowflake and have been banned but I’m finally free from my oppressors. 🤜🏻

Yoooooo CHAZ EMS y’all still like want to come over to my moms house and plan the next resistance? xoxo

Ayyyye when did the PD start hiring PRETTY?

Congratulations to these graduates of our first police academy! 15 new officers coming from 1 walk of life, the walk of justice & stuff. They’re class motto was: “We pretend to hunt the evil that exists.” So super duper proud 🤗.

Happy Day that the Whities stole land and brought disease! Remember, the leading cause of homeless tent fires is cooking (or your neighbor buring you out to steal your site). Be careful with your festivities!

Yoooo CHAZ EMS you guys trying to come over to our place, we just found a s**t ton of repurposed “supplies” 😎

WE’RE HEADING EAST BOUND AND DOWN

Looks like we’ll be heading to Lafayette Louisiana soon! The protesting has started!

Ayyyee CHAZ EMS LETS FU***NG GO!

I smell a fu**in come back boys!!!

Police: Protesters start fire at Capitol Hill business Police and firefighters are responding to a late Wednesday night fire allegedly caused by protesters in the Capitol Hill area. The Seattle Police Department said they received reports of a fire started by protesters at a business in the 1400 block of East Olive Way. Tensions between protesters and p...

We still out here!

Large group of demonstrators gather in downtown Seattle SEATTLE - A large group of demonstrators gathered in downtown Seattle Sunday afternoon. The group gathered at West Lake Center for an Abolish ICE rally and then starting marching around downtown. Seattle Police say they have received reports of property damage and looting. The windows of Victrola Co...

Well son of a bitch boys! Grab the essential... oils.

Seattle clearing ‘occupied’ area amid protester resistance Seattle police converged on the city’s “occupied” protest zone early Wednesday after Mayor Jenny Durkan issued an executive order for protesters to vacate the area.

Firefighter Marcus “Axe” Hindenburg out here in the CHAZ just SLAYIN the dragon! Or at least that’s what the acid is telling him, regardless he’s making cover of the calendar!

CHAZ F&E responding!

CHAZ F&E firefighter making a grab!

We would like to congratulate Derek “Tank” Bernard on his successful rescue during a multi dumpster/trash ripper!

Firefighter Tank was asked to provide a statement and he did just that!

“I’m only doing my job, I was able to make the grab while those fascist bastards watched, I also repurposed the victims wallet. Boy was that trash fire fu**ing rockin!”

If you would like more information about Tanks grab you can search CHAZ Police Department assault report number 20-562785

- Chief Chub

Some may think that one of our Chaz comrades is performing the same disruptive maneuver that he learned as a toddler; the slug technique. I’m thinking he may need urgent medical care! Bring me a therapy puppy STAT!

Where the hell is everyone going! Hey CHAZ Travel Agency what the s**t!?

https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/24/us/seattle-autonomous-zone-protesters-leaving/index.html

Leader of Seattle's 'autonomous zone' says many protesters are leaving The de facto leader of the autonomous protest zone in Seattle, known as CHAZ and CHOP, said Wednesday "a lot of people have already" left the area, days after the city's mayor said she was going to persuade people to leave.

Hey CHAZ EMS can you send one of your medics over to our station 1? I ate one of those brownies from the CHAZ gardens and I am TRIPPING right now! My mom said I need my blood pressure checked. Thanks 😘

- Chief Chub

I just wanted to clear up a few rumors about the Station 2 B Shift guys. They have been tested for Covid-19 and are all negative! See the results below.

We would like to congratulate Christopher “Blaze” Woodson on his promotion to Safety Officer!

We appreciate your hard work and dedication to CF&E!

A few things about Blaze.

Christopher is a life long native of CHAZ and has been excellent at repurposing food goods for the department. He enjoys yelling and the tingling in his feet. He currently lives at home with his roommate, his mother. His life goal was actually to work for CHAZ EMS but had decided to be a firefighter as well.

Christopher has completed his YouTube training during the early formation of CHAZ and has been with us since the start.

To point out the obvious, yes that is blood in the front of his uniform pants. More than likely his own as he has chronic kidney stones.

Again congratulations!

Chaz Medic Steve doing what he does best. Rapid response. Medic bag ready to go!

Son of a bitch! This ain’t funny. Our Dept is threatened by this future move by the lame duck mayor. We will be holding a candlelight prayer vigil tonight at dark. Be advised the prayer won’t be to God, cause no one up here believes in that. In the mean time, we’ll keep fighting fire and saving lives!

Seattle will move to dismantle ‘CHOP’ protest zone, Mayor Durkan says Faced with growing pressure to crack down on an “occupied” protest zone following two weekend shootings, Seattle’s mayor said Monday that officials will move to wind down the blocks-long span of city streets taken over two weeks ago that President Donald Trump asserted is run by “anarchists....

CHAZ Police Department doing solid investigative work. If you have a good tip, let them know. Let’s get behind every Chaz Officer!

***CRIME BRIEF***

Police investigating its second shooting, this time in downtown CHAZ. Detectives with the FNU (Fake News Unit) arrived on scene where witnesses said they witnessed nothing.

Witnesses further advised the victim was minding his own business, when he was suddenly assaulted by an assault rifle. The assault rifle is described as a thin build Black Arma Light with a tattoo on the clip saying “Come & Take It.” The victim was said to be a good kid always wearing a graduation gown & never did nuffin to anyone.

The assault rifle is considered armed & dangerous. The victim was taken by ambalamb to a local makeshift M.A.S.H. hospital, & released a short time later after it was learned he just needed sum milk.

The FNU is also investigating reports that CHAZ police officers never showed up. This is not accurate as we were there in spirit. We have full faith in the Seattle Police Department & updates will follow. As with any crime, remember to use our *screen shot a tip* on your mobile phone, just the tip. Thank you.