Jack Stoltzfus, Ph.D.

Getting your young adults ready for their new chapter

The Pre-College Summer of Anticipation Getting ready for the next chapter of your young adult's college life? Here's what you need to know.

5 Top Parenting Tips for Letting Go with Dr. Jack Stoltzfus

5 Top Parenting Tips for Letting Go with Dr. Jack Stoltzfus 5 Top Parenting Tips: Express love regularly; shift to coaching role; forgive mistakes; take responsibility for life tasks; let go without losing the bond.

People Who Were 'Spoiled' as Children Usually Develop These 16 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say

16 Common Traits of People Who Were 'Spoiled' as Children Psychologists share how this can manifest as traits in adulthood.

Parenting Later and Longer Impacts Parents 50-Plus

Parenting Later and Longer Impacts Parents 50-Plus Older parents are happy they have the resources to support their adult children, but some worry about having enough left over for retirement.

4 Ways to Get Your Adult Child to Stop Lying to You

4 Ways to Get Your Adult Child to Stop Lying to You Four powerful techniques to help your adult child embrace honesty and strengthen your relationship.

4 Tips to Help Your Young Adult “Get Out”

Most parents who have young adults languishing at home with little motivation have no doubt thought, if not threatened, to kick them out. Often when I tell people what I do, I hear a statement like – “just give them the boot.” But I am not talking about that type of “get out” message. Such threats or actual expulsions from the home do not constitute a successful launch because they often damage the relationship between the parents and the young adult at a minimum but can lead to estrangement. A successful launch, and my goal as a launch coach, is to facilitate the transition to greater independence and self-sufficiency of the young adult while maintaining a positive parent-adult-child relationship. My message to “get out” is different.

4 Tips to Help Your Young Adult "Get Out" - Parents Letting Go - Dr. Jack Stoltzfus Most parents who have young adults languishing at home with little motivation have no doubt thought, if not threatened, to kick them out. Often when I tell people what I do, I hear a statement like – “just give them the boot.” But I am not talking about that type of “get out” message. Such...

Parents, it’s OK to stop trying to solve your adult children’s problems. Really.

Parents, it’s OK to stop trying to solve your adult children’s problems. Really. - The Boston Globe Feeling conflicted over issues in their lives? Set your boundaries and stick to them, Miss Conduct says.

The Challenge of Parenting Kids in Their 20s

The Challenge of Parenting Kids in Their 20s Personal Perspective: Emerging adults are navigating problems like housing shortages and fewer opportunities, with parents feeling pressure to help.

Parental burnout occurs when parents experience overwhelming work and family demands, while efforts to cope are not enough. Most research has distinguished parental burnout from job burnout and depression, although there are indications that burnout and depression share some common characteristics. So how do we differentiate between burnout and depression?

Parental Burnout with Young Adults is Real - Parents Letting Go - Dr. Jack Stoltzfus “When children are young, they step on your toes. When children are older, they step on your heart. “ We tend to associate parent burnout with parents with young children, and the research says that this is one of the most stressful times in the family lifecycle. They step on our toes and everyt...

6 Of The Most Common Arguments Adult Children Have With Their Parents

6 Of The Most Common Arguments Adult Children Have With Their Parents Therapists explain some of the most common sources of conflict and offer advice on how to handle them.

The New Age of Endless Parenting

The New Age of Endless Parenting More grown kids are in near-constant contact with their family. Some call this a failure to launch—but there’s another way to look at it.

It was great to join Paul Banas on the Great Dad Talks Podcast to talk about practical advice on setting healthy boundaries and expectations for young adults.

Watch / listen below!

Parenting and Letting Go with Dr. Jack Stoltzfus In this episode of Great Dad Talks, I chat with Dr. Jack Stoltzfus, a psychologist specializing in young adult parenting. With his expertise in guiding paren...

Parenting Adult Children Struggling with Alcohol or Drug Addiction

Parenting Adult Children Struggling with Alcohol or Drug Addiction - GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog It's often difficult for parents to determine what kind of support to offer their adult children who struggle with alcohol or drugs. Tough love? Or full acceptance?

3 Truths to Help Parents Foster their Children into Adulthood

3 Truths to Help Parents Foster their Children into Adulthood - Parents Letting Go - Dr. Jack Stoltzfus In the book I have written, The Launch Code: Loving and Letting Go of Our Adult Children (out later this year), I describe three truths that form the foundation of the work I do with parents and young adults to ensure a positive transition to adulthood. Love Goes Both Ways First, parents love their....

Some parents struggle to stop tracking their kids' every move — even in college

Some parents struggle to stop tracking their kids' every move — even in college There comes a time to turn off location sharing.

With the recent advent of Father’s Day, I started to reflect on how well I raised my kids to be kind, self-sufficient, and independent young adults. I loved my father (he was a good provider and modeled integrity), but he was part of the silent generation. He learned little from his father about showing affection, or even about spending time with kids. So, there are some things I think I did and continue to do right, as well as some things I could have done better. My guess is that most of us fathers can look back with the same view of our actions. I write this to offer some thoughts about how we can do better as imperfect fathers.

How to Be More Than a B+ Father - Parents Letting Go - Dr. Jack Stoltzfus With the recent advent of Father’s Day, I started to reflect on how well I raised my kids to be kind, self-sufficient, and independent young adults. I loved my father (he was a good provider and modeled integrity), but he was part of the silent generation. He learned little from his father about s...

Aging Well: Parenting evolves as we age

Aging Well: Parenting evolves as we age As parents age, more issues arise — creating a bumpy road that many families find difficult to navigate.

Both parents and young adults envision a future characterized by mutual friendship and respect, but there are times when this seems far off – if not impossible. Repeated conflicts, challenges to authority, stretching the boundaries, questioning the values, and exploring lifestyles that may seem alien blur the future vision. How do you get from the “here” of a strained relationship between a parent and young adult to the “there” of a friendship based on respect? The short answer is that it isn’t always easy and the road can be bumpy. It’s important to be patient and stay the course. Parents can influence the course of this journey by building the following bridges to that future state.

3 Tips for Building Bridges to Adult Friendships with Your Young Adult - Parents Letting Go - Dr. Jack Stoltzfus Both parents and young adults envision a future characterized by mutual friendship and respect, but there are times when this seems far off – if not impossible. Repeated conflicts, challenges to authority, stretching the boundaries, questioning the values, and exploring lifestyles that may seem al...

Is 18 Considered An Adult? What Parents Need To Know

4 Legal Responsibilities Teens Should Really Know When They Turn 18 18-year-olds are considered adults and have important legal responsibilities parents should be aware of. Here are the biggest changes to their legal rights as they pass this milestone.

The Parents are Alright… Or are They? Exploring Well-Being of Parents Living with Adult Children

The Parents are Alright… Or are They? Exploring Well-Being of Parents Living with Adult Children The topic of parenting adult children is gaining increasing public attention, and for good reason.

Empathetic Parenting Benefits Teens into Adulthood

How to Parent Teens with Empathy A 25-year study shows that teens who receive empathy from their parents give more empathy to their peers and, later, their own children

We all had the experience of being coached in our childhood years. Young adults, who often know more than us about specific challenges such as those in the digital and social media world, need coaching that helps them make decisions and come up with solutions to the challenges they face.

Tips for Coaching Your Young Adult - Parents Letting Go - Dr. Jack Stoltzfus We all have had the experience of being coached in our childhood years. Typically, this coaching was very hands-on and likely involved a good bit of teaching. As we grew older and mastered the basics, we usually needed a different type of coaching. Young adults, who often know more than us about spe...

How Parents Can Heal Rifts with Their Adult Children

How Parents Can Heal Rifts with Their Adult Children Repairing a broken parent-adult child relationship is possible if both sides approach it earnestly and honestly

6 Phrases Adult Children Want To Hear From Their Parents

6 Phrases Adult Children Want To Hear From Their Parents These simple but powerful statements could pave the way for a stronger, healthier relationship.

Why Parents of Young Adults Suffer

Parents of Young Adults: Why We Suffer - Parents Letting Go - Dr. Jack Stoltzfus “Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” ― Elizabeth Stone The mother of a nineteen-year-old sits in my office sobbing and wondering how her Eagle Scout son has ended up with a warrant for his ar...

How to Parent an Adult Child With Bipolar Disorder

How to Parent an Adult Child With Bipolar Disorder Here, bipolar disorder experts answer parents’ top questions about how to navigate such tricky legal—and loving—concerns parenting grown children with Bipolar Disorder.

Failure to launch has become a buzzword to describe stereotypical young adults stuck in the basement of their parent’s home and making no progress toward accepting adult responsibilities. It’s not a formal diagnosis but is referred to as a syndrome characterized by a young adult being unable or unwilling to leave home and support themselves. I’d like to challenge some assumptions and perspectives, and redefine the stage of development where this so-called “syndrome” typically occurs.

Do We Really Have a “Failure to Launch” Problem? - Parents Letting Go - Dr. Jack Stoltzfus Failure to launch has become a buzzword to describe stereotypical young adults stuck in the basement of their parent’s home and making no progress toward accepting adult responsibilities. It was popularized by the movie Failure to Launch, starring Matthew McConaughey. Google the phrase, and you wi...

Study: Empathy Travels Across Generations and Empathetic Young Adults Become Good Parents

Study: Empathy Travels Across Generations and Empathetic Teens Become Good Parents UVA psychologists followed 184 teens into adulthood and found that if their moms were warm and loving, the behavior trickled down.

A Parent’s Critical Role in Young Adult Identity Formation

A Parent's Critical Role in Young Adult Identity Formation - Parents Letting Go - Dr. Jack Stoltzfus Quite a few young adults feel comfortable living at home, taking advantage of room and board, if not other services, and playing video games late into the night. Such an identity will not naturally lead to leaving home, getting a job, finding an apartment, etc. Japan has a severe problem in this reg...

You Never Stop Being a Parent; Transitioning to Raising Adult Children

You Never Stop Being a Parent; Transitioning to Raising Adult Children When asked how they keep tabs on the mental health of all of their children who span across the state of Pennsylvania Jayne replied; "I make