Dr. Shannon Clark-Sienkiewicz

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How Psychologists Can Help Treat Chronic Pain As doctors and patients worry about the effects of painkillers, therapists are finding they can be a powerful salve for suffering.

We live in a culture that says if you are unhappy, YOU must fix it. While I see no problem handling what you do have control over, I often find that by the time people reach out to me, they have tried everything they can. What happens next is usually the hard conversation about addressing the social and environmental context of our suffering. How does your world around you make it harder to take care of yourself?

A lifetime of people pleasing can leave us unsure of what we like or who we even are. This is very unsettling and takes time to reintroduce yourself to yourself. Take the time you need, without judgement or expectations.

There are limits of course. We can’t be caught repeating ourselves nor should we subject ourselves to any continued verbal or emotional abuse. However, in other contexts, many of our arguments and conflicts could be avoided by simply understanding each other’s unmet needs. Sometimes we will act. Sometimes we will need to explain how the other’s unmet need would infringe on our needs. We cannot control their disappointment when this happens. Put your mask on first so that you might have the capacity to listen, validate, and act in service of others when you can.

Although we, as individuals, are responsible for learning and practicing more adaptive coping and healing from trauma, that work cannot be done without understanding the source of our problems and appreciating our best efforts at surviving. I don’t deny the existence of mental disorders. But it’s clear that we don’t fully understand them nor see the many facets that complicate the lived experience of those suffering from mental illness. Further, we must question our current understanding of a “disorder,” that deviates from a social norm, when we live in a world where it’s become normal to suffer. Is it always our genetic predisposition? And when it is, do outside forces increase suffering and make the management of mental illness more difficult?

The initiation of the conversation rarely includes the real thoughts or feelings that one desires to express. Ask more. Be curious. Don’t try to save or placate. Sometimes it’s more about the expression than the solution.

If you have to ask, you already know.

Prolonged sadness, or depression, is unbearable suffering. But being sad when something upsets you (which you don’t get to rationalize, because feelings occur with or without your consent), is the human experience. Feel your feelings now so they don’t consume you later.

Feel your feelings.

Dr. Shannon Clark-Sienkiewicz, PhD, Psychologist, Draper, UT, 84020 | Psychology Today Dr. Shannon Clark-Sienkiewicz, PhD, Psychologist, Draper, UT, 84020, (385) 263-7167, What's already failed you when you tried to improve your health? Have medications and lifestyle coaching left you exhausted? Do you suffer from pain and can't get a clear answer why? Do you find the motivation to st...

Opinion | TED Talks Won’t Treat Your Depression A myopic but seductive worldview has caught on among many influential people — and it might be hindering our ability to solve real-world problems.