A Change of Being

To those still listening....

In December, I launched into a year of intentional healing, BE-ing, reflecting. At that time, I decided to share it - here - with you.

Well - that did not work. (smile)

The year-of-being part? That part is real.
Let's just say - I'm on my second therapist since January, and life-questions continue presenting themselves in almost every area and relationship in my life.

The sharing? That turned out to be more complex than I imagined, and ultimately not what I felt called to do.

A scheduled, branded (what was I thinking?) sharing of my personal journey wasn't happening, and part of the BE-ing was trusting myself about that, too.
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A few true things to share.

** I desire a clarification of my purpose and professional offerings.

** Surrendering to listening & any resulting call-to-action requires adaptation.

** I didn't know how to share about personal healing in a world that feels on fire - I felt the culpability of trying to do that and wasn't sure I had the skill at that time.

** I am clear, however, that personal & collective healing are deeply related for all of us.

That last one - that is so real - and it changes my hopes for my own life and my desires for this beloved community we all share - a world that is not always easy to love or to understand.
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It's Holy Saturday in my tradition. An in-between time of waiting - a time of practicing Hope before it makes sense. I FEEL the promise of transformation, the unexpected Gladness of Spring.

Today is another day to BE.
A day to choose (again) to begin.
To begin believing, choosing, acting, responding, forgiving, repenting, learning, feeling, and BE-ing part of the Promise of tomorrow that lives in today.

Forgiveness: not yet. So, now what?
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A few weeks ago I began an intentional year of self-awareness, growth, and healing in the hope of clarifying my discernment, (re)opening my heart, and learning to more fully BE - to BE my gifts, to BE my particularities, to BE my way of bringing love and presence to the world.
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My first word was BEGIN.
Then - it was FORGIVENESS.
Or at least I thought it was.

I knew I was carrying things that were getting in my way. Wounds, mistakes, betrayals, disappointments, losses. These had accumulated like wet leaves - limiting my flow, receptiveness, creativity, and generosity.

So.
It seemed obvious that I needed to “forgive”- to do the work necessary to let these things go, to leave them behind.

Yet.
This did not end up being the work of this time.

INSTEAD:

I felt the deep call and invitation to RELEASE.
To accept the permission to set aside those things that were not ready for healing or forgiveness quite yet - or at least not quite fully.

In my mind, I’ve been carrying around a large box of “work.” Inside the box are all of the small boxes and they are heavy from these past years of grief, loss, painful transitions and confusion.
Each of them weighted by the context of Covid.

Here is what is feeling liberating to me right now.
I don’t have to hold all of these pains (him, her, them, me) with some arm-shaking willpower until I can forgive them.

I. Can. Release.

I can set them aside without denying them.
I can put them down until I or they or we are ready for that labor.
I can move and breathe and dance and grow and sing BEFORE I am fully healed.

I do not have to wait to BEGIN.

Monday’s word is late.
Maybe because I’m not ready for it.

REFLECTION:

What am I prepared (preparing) to release?
(Or beginning to want to want to prepare?)

I’m finding that so much of mine is internal.

Monday's word was BEGIN.
I'm reflecting on the idea that beginning is always an option.
Even choosing to pause or end is its own beginning.
I can get caught up in the romance of beginnings - New Year's, birthdays, the first of the month or week or year.
Caught up in inaugural experiences, anniversaries, never-lit candles, new journals, and complete makeovers.
While not bad - and even often helpful - attachment to these kinds of beginnings will keep me trapped in 'preparation' and a desire to begin 'perfectly.'

Some days, beginning is our toe in the water.
Some days beginning is standing near the water and wanting.
Some days, beginning is strolling in up to my shoulders and then emerging my body under the waves.

Some days, beginning is completing my morning rituals with ease and intention.
Some days, beginning is making lists, taping post-its on my bathroom mirror that I will ignore for another week (ok or month or year).

Some days, beginning is wanting to want to begin.

Some days, beginning is bravely choosing in the face of discomforting others.
Some days, beginning is discovering I have courted my mind into circumventing a long-held bias.

Some days. Beginning is a prayer. A breath in. An Exhale.

- Marilyn 12/2/2023



Marilyn Nash

Each day.
Imperfectly and with hope.

- BEGIN -

Dear Spiritual Companions - Thank you.
To each person with whom I've had the honor of conversing or retreating with this year:

Thank you for the honor of accompanying you.
This spiritual journey is not meant to be traveled alone.

Each hour with you holds conversations, stories, metaphors, and moments of deep presence that remind and inspire me to imagine a world rooted in Love, Joy, Healing, Justice, and Truth.

A change of being.

I’ve been thinking about change. Sometimes, it feels more difficult as I get older, though I’m not convinced this is in inherently true.

I am aware, however, that my mind and heart - like my body - need more consistent practices of stretching in order to continue moving, to continue responding.

I have no desire to be something or someone else. The type of change I’m wondering about is growth and emergence…the capacity to continue becoming my fullest self.

I read an article recently that contained the phrase…give yourself a year. It sounded like the most abundant invitation.

What if I took the year to pay attention to the ways that I am and am not unfolding?

Perhaps like me, you experienced Covid as a time of losing some of your healthiest habits, while falling into other routines without much intention or at least without many options.

I don’t begrudge this shift in patterns in my life. In the midst of personal and global grief and isolation, we all made do.

If it was a season of exposure, even clarity, it was also a season of restriction, a season of loss.

And now. While I believe this to be a season of expanding, extending, and deepening, I find the restrictions remain, or at least they feel very challenging to unbind.

I struggle with chronic pain that has worsened over these last few years. The pain exhausts me. Unsurprisingly, my inclination is often to curl up, conserve movement, and if I manage to remain very still - I can almost trick myself into being pain free.

Yet, when I want or need to shift positions, my muscles and fascia resist with even more stubbornness and pain.

And. Yet. Still. There is a pulling forward. A desire to participate, co-create, engage.

There is a season for everything…
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I’m not sure what is next or how long it will take. I do know that it will require more of my attention, intention, tending.

And you? Does any of this resonate with you?

There are gaps between my intentions and my daily choices.

There is more for me to learn. My heart is desiring growth.

Some of the habits that saved me are the exact ones I now need to change.

I want to be anti-racist. Wanting is not enough. This must be a daily decision and choice.

If I want to move, I’m going to need to stretch.
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If you don’t already follow Morgan Harper Nichols, I suggest it.

She - with her colorful art and words - encourages her followers, when we are searching for reasons and permission to BE.

Recently she wrote, “it is not too late to discover bold new ways to bloom.”

I want to take a journey.
I want to invite you along.
As witnesses. As accountability. As companions.

I’m not entirely sure what it will look like, but I’m committing to sharing it. Reflecting on questions, challenges, and graces through my social accounts.

There was a moment or two, when I wondered if tending to my Self was selfish or opportunistic, or even inappropriate in a world where so much else is happening.

Then I remembered that it is only my own heart and choices, my own life - over which I have possession.

I remembered that I believe it is each of our own personal discerning that we owe and offer to the world.

I remembered that any kind of healing, wisdom, or presence I might offer here, should be rooted in an honest, vulnerable modeling of my own searching.

If any of that sounds appealing - I’d be grateful for your company along the way.

Sunday, 11/26/2023

www.achangeofbeing.com/essays/a-change-of-being

A change of being...give yourself a year — A Change of Being A change of being. I’ve been thinking about change. Sometimes, it feels more difficult as I get older, though I’m not convinced this is in inherently true. I am aware, however, that my mind and heart - like my body - need more consistent practices of stretching in order to continue moving, to co

Whew.
The complexity of today.
The complexity of gratitude in the midst of grief and longing.

I feel it all in my body this morning - fighting for space in my cells.

I am full of complicity.
A legacy of the country and the religion I was born into. Generations of harm and the attempted ruin of Indigenous culture, language, lands, children…

I am full of heartbreak.
A witnessing of this world’s wars, greed, oppression, and corruption.
Our affair with violence as response.

I am full of confusion
A despair about our collective inability - no unwillingness - to recognize a shared humanity. How did we become so adept at dehumanizing?

I am full of grief.
My own. Still. And yours. And ours.
Personal. Familial. Regional. Global.

With each of these admissions - not despite them - but somehow because of allowing them room - I find space for one more thing.

I am full of gratitude.
A resistance. A radical refusal to ignore the (sometimes) frighteningly small moments of Hope, Truth, Healing, Emergence.

In the traditions handed down to me,
November is a season of both grief and gratitude.
Instead of strange bedfellows,
they arrive as intimate partners.

Remember to Breathe. (I remind myself)
Inhale. Exhale.

I believe this alchemy - of complicity, heartbreak, confusion, despair, grief, and gratitude -
becomes the context for how I might practice justice and love.

Maybe it even IS love.
Maybe that is why I feel so full.

11/23/2023
M

It can be helpful to have particular, explicit support when we're trying to shift habits, create new ones, or make specific choices.

Spiritual Conversation can be a slow conversation over time.
Spiritual Coaching can offer something more intentional and encouraging.

Reach out to learn more about a 4 or 6-session series, or to co-create something more personalized for you and your hopes, needs, resources.

RETREAT:
There are a couple of spots left for this retreat.
At least two Saturday Day spots, and possibly 1-2 reduced overnight options.

If you’re interested- reach out and I can tell you more! It’s shaping up to be a lovely, thoughtful group of folks.

October 14 - Saturday on Vashon Island.

- optional cold plunging
- hot tub
- beautiful views
- reflective practices

Marilyn Nash

This series continues to unfold in beautiful ways. I encourage you to consider registering for this offering if you are in any way interested in Ignatian Spirituality - especially if you are someone who companions or works inspired by this charism.
Even late registrations give you access to recordings of all 12 sessions. I also believe the remaining live sessions would be worth the fee or SDI membership.

- TONIGHT 8/15
My colleague Clarissa Aljentera from Ignatian Solidarity Network
is presenting.
Engaging in Cura Personalis, an Opportunity for Heart Work and Hard Work

- NEXT WEEK 8/22
I'm honored to be presenting myself & would love to be in conversation with you! Marilyn Nash
Comfort or Consolation? Ignatian Discernment & Direction in the Context & Culture of AntiRacism

- FOLLOWING WEEK - Aug 29
My good friend Gower Contemplative Leaders in Action - CLA and SDI's Larry Morris III will be co-presenting.
A Conversation on the Q***r Experience and Ignatian Spirituality
SDI - Home of Spiritual Companionship

https://www.sdicompanions.org/product/new-perspectives-on-ignatian-spiritual-direction

Comfort or Consolation?
Ignatian Discernment in the Culture and Context of Our Times *
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“One of our misunderstandings about personal spiritual discernment is that it is all about individual desire. This can be harmful when folks with power or privilege speak & act out of a ‘spiritual call’ that does not take into account the community, culture, dynamics, or relationships that make up the context of our choices.

Discernment may be personal -
yet it is never individual.

I would go as far to say - that a discernment unwilling to proceed to an election that includes contemplation of dominant cultural power, a preferential option for the most marginalized, or most simply - a communal lens - is a discernment that is not complete.”
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* This series begins this week (TOMORROW 7/16)
- I’m privileged to be facilitating August 22 - night 6 of the series - this is the title of that session.
I hope you’ll join me.
—-
Ignatian Solidarity Network
Ignatian Spirituality Center
Bee at Peace
Contemplative Leaders in Action - CLA
St. Leo Parish
Loyola Institute for Spirituality

I got to reflect on one of my most favorite discernment readings from this weekend’s scriptures.
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The link will take you to my article and a recording if you prefer.

Here is the Isaiah reading it references..
Is 55:10-11

“Thus says our God:
Just as from the heavens
the rain and snow come down
and do not return there
till they have watered the earth,
making it fertile and fruitful,
giving seed to the one who sows
and bread to the one who eats,
so shall my word be
that goes forth from my mouth;
my word shall not return to me void,
but shall do my will,
achieving the end for which I sent it.”

Ignatian Solidarity Network
Marilyn Nash

Living Waters - Ignatian Solidarity Network What are you doing to participate in God’s unfolding story, to tend to your own heart and to the common good?

Fall Retreat for PNW Womxn

BEING IN WATER

Reach out with questions or interest!

BEING IN WATER: A Retreat for PNW Womxn
Contemplating relationship to self. spirit. water.
October 14 (15th optional)
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I want to host a fall contemplative retreat for womxn* in the Pacific Northwest
- one that would include plunging!
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The retreat will take place in a waterfront home in Spanaway - photos, details, menu, and carpool options with registration.
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Primarily - for now - it’s a Saturday DAY-retreat, - with a few overnight options to remain Saturday night.
(Queen bedrooms - open for single, shared)
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Saturday 10-6pm (day-only option)
- lite breakfast/lunch provided
Saturday dinner 6/7pm (day option with dinner)
- stay for dinner!
Sunday morning - overnight option also includes light breakfast, morning session, departing 10/11am
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Cost breakdown is on the attached photos.

All options include meals per your stay, reflective & creative practices, retreat materials, personal & group plunge time, access to both hot tub and shower, social & personal time.
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Since this is a new idea - I need to know if it’s appealing before fully securing the location.
Comment below or message me with questions.
I might have missed something in this preemptive post!
Or - let me know if you’re interested in registering and I’ll send you an email.
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*All womxn, cis, trans, and non-binary folks welcome

** First time plungers welcome!

Puget Sound Plungers & Jack Hyde community especially welcome!!
Marilyn Nash

One of the gifts of summertime is the opportunity to offer personal retreats. Discovered during Covid - virtual offerings mean that you can be at home, at the beach, at your favorite spot in the garden, or even on the road.
Together, we create the theme that appeals to you.
Then I offer you options for off & online activities and practices.

This could include...guided meditations, journaling prompts, music, poetry, movement/art/ mindfulness practices, and spiritual conversation.

Potential themes...discernment, self-awareness, personal anti-racism work in the context of spirituality, grief, or something even more personal & specific to you.

Weekday & weekend availability.
Sliding scale fees.
Inclusive, affirming, rooted in Love.

Marilyn Nash

Two more days to register for this Tacoma-based Discernment Series that I'll be facilitating - hosted by the Ignatian Spirituality Center.

I spent this weekend at St. Leo Parish signing up some beautiful, thoughtful folks. I'm excited about the possibilities.

We begin this Thursday - running for 6 weeks, 6-8:30pm
Feel free to message or follow the link if you have questions or for more details.
The cost is $170 with a $110 young adult rate - there are also scholarships available if that is prohibitive.

Ignatian Discernment: An Unfolding Story of Love — Ignatian Spirituality Center In this experiential discernment series, we will explore various ways to listen to the Spirit’s movement in our lives, choices, and communities. Through prayer, reimagined presentations, meaningful, creative reflection, and conversation in community, we will consider Ignatian discernment and discu...

Spiritual Consulting -
Ignatian inspired offerings for groups, teams, boards, and non-profits.

Jesuit works & schools, Catholic/Christian small groups & nonprofits, Spiritual communities, mission-based non-profits.

Inclusive. Affirming. Translatable.
IMAGINE MORE.
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PURPOSE / ASPIRATIONS

- Encouraging myself & others in our Being & Becoming
- Removing barriers & nourishing desires that cultivate our Freedom & Imagination for Love
- Dismantling systems & culture for the purpose of Racial Justice
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PRACTICES:

- Learning & growing through conversation & shared stories
- Attending to silence & our interior movements through embodied reflection
- Discerning in our social context & unveiling the distortions to our ability to listen - to ourselves, one another, to Spirit
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OFFERINGS:
- spiritual coaching/companioning
- personal 1:1 retreats
- facilitation for teams, boards, & nonprofits
- consultation for values-based decision making & mission deepening
——-
Online and in-person opportunities
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www.achangeofbeing.com/be-in-touch

Are you a young adult in the Seattle area?
Interested in the intersections of story, spirituality, and race?
Would you consider sharing this with someone you know?
I'm excited to be co-facilitating this conversation & retreat with Brandi Miller and Queen Anne Baptist Church

The Grounded in Story Young Adults Retreat, is a weekend, overnight retreat for young adults where we will explore the intersections of story, race, and faith in Christian community at a peaceful and natural environment. The registration fee is $30 per person and includes lodging, all meals and snacks, and retreat materials. Financial aid is available.
Email Caitlin Thomas at [email protected] for consideration.
You can find more information about the retreat and register here at the registration form here: https://forms.gle/3gpoYBkekRdyvXko6
The host church, Queen Anne Baptist Church, is committed to diversity, equity, inclusion, and justice and is an LGBTQIA+ welcoming and affirming community. We invite you to honor these commitments as we host young adults from various churches in the area.

Registration Form Thank you for your interest in the Grounded in Story Young Adults Retreat, a weekend, overnight retreat for young adults where we will explore the intersections of story, race, and faith in Christian community at a peaceful and natural environment. The registration fee is $30 per participant and inc...

Website link in bio

A consoling day last week, facilitating conversation among Ignatian colleagues.

Bellarmine Preparatory School
Spring All Employee Retreat